Monday, September 24

Because I Know You Care (Or Do You?)

I totally choked this week. Just call my Chokey McChokerton because I CHOKED. I had the points to win my Fantasy Football game this week, but I had the players with those points on my bench. On the bench they are about as useful to me as that baby bottle sterilizer I never took out of its box (gift receipts could be your friend, people, I swear). I would like to take 100% of the blame for the error of my ways, but I can't. I have to share the blame with the entire state of New York because apparently you people there don't care about football. What the heck is that?

Burress was "questionable" all week because of an ankle injury. Even though I'm a clueless girl, I know enough to bench a player that isn't going to play. But "questionable" means that it's 50/50 that the player will play (just in case you weren't wise to the lingo). Every team uses the lingo a little bit differently. Back in the day, if Plex was "questionable" under Cowher, I would have bet my favorite New Kids on the Block CD that he was going to play. And if I had any doubt, all I would have had to do is turn on the TV game day. Somebody would have been able to tell me what he ate for dinner the prior night and how many times he had gone to the bathroom so far that morning and they DEFINITELY would have been able to tell me if he was going to play.

I have no clue what "questionable" means in New York, so I asked Dr. Google. He didn't know. Neither did any of the news websites or blogs that I asked. All anybody wanted to talk about was that "baseball" thing. I don't understand that "baseball" thing. At all. In fact, that particular sport is dead to me. I just wanted to know if Plex was walking with a limp or not. And I couldn't find out anything other than "questionable with an ankle injury."

People of New York, that doesn't help me. You must be able to enlighten me with useful details. For example, when he drives his big, ugly pickup truck around town, is he hitting the gas with his left foot or his right foot? When he was chasing the strippers around the bar the prior night, was he using a pimp daddy cane? How about, is he standing on the field in his uniform ten minutes before the game? THAT would be helpful. Plex on the bench is like Plex when he was a Steeler. A complete waste of space.

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