Wednesday, November 7

Irritating the Prisoners, One Day at a Time

Alexis and I have adjusted to stay-at-home life quite nicely. We've settled into a routine and while I think she would prefer that I let her watch Signing Time all day every day, she's getting by just fine.

There is, however, a dog that has not adjusted. In fact, I do believe the dog has had it up to here, young lady. To be honest, I sort of expected it with Jasmine. We are, after all, talking about a dog that has previously been known to like kids because they taste really good with a side of ketchup. Meg, on the other hand, has never displayed anything but the utmost of patience with kids. She has spent many a Thanksgiving and Christmas at family gatherings with no less than 10 kids simultaneously chasing her, tackling her, stealing her toys, riding her, pulling her face, poking her in the eye, and otherwise torturing her in ways that only kids can think of. The freaky part is that she has always loved every minute of it.

So it's a little surprising that Jasmine is still clutching her last shred of patience. She has nipped Alexis a few times, but always when Alexis had ripped enough hair out of her to perform a complete hair transplant on her bald Cabbage Patch doll. In other words, the kid deserved it. I really can't fault the dog when I have been known to want to chew a hole in Alexis' belly for ripping out a chunk of my hair. Actually, come to think of it, Jasmine is showing an amazing amount of tolerance.

No, it's Meg that has had it. Anymore, all Alexis has to do is look at her and Meg will snarl. I don't know if it's the competition for space on the couch (it is, after all, Meg's couch, and the rest of us should never forget it), the fact that Alexis never seems to leave, the constant noise, or what, but Meg is so over the Toddler known as Alexis.

Meg tries to hide, but she's just not the sharpest tool in the shed. She can't seem to figure out that as a 50-pound beast, there is nowhere that she can fit that the 30-pound toddler can't follow. Crawling under the table happens to be a Toddler hobby. Waddling around under the chairs is a Toddler specialty. The Toddler is completely capable of walking into the kitchen. And on the rare occasion that it occurs to Meg to "JUST GO UPSTAIRS ALREADY, YOU MORON," she goes and announces her location by snoring so loudly that Alexis mistakes it as a homing beacon.

I've tried to explain to Meg that all this people food she's been gaining access to can be directly attributed to Alexis. She doesn't see the connection. Even when Alexis begs to give the dogs treats and I go along with it, Meg seems to give me the credit. Alexis is the only one that will pet the dogs (nicely, even!), but yet, she gets no love in return. The poor kid devotes so much love and affection to the dogs and cats (aka the Prisoners), but she gets none in return.

I guess Meg will be thrilled to learn the end is near.


  1. Ha! Fortunately our dog is part shepherd, so she just sees the kids as weird looking, hairless sheep. She is constantly trying to herd them, which, let's face it, can come in handy sometimes!

  2. The end is near?! That sounds bad on the dogs' part. You shuffling them out or something?

    I can feel her pain, though. I agree with you that there are days when I wish I could nip a wayward child into line again.

  3. Madame Queen--I wish our dogs would make themselves useful like that--herding really would come in handy from time to time.

    Karen--The dogs and cats are regainins sole custody of the house, most likely next week.

  4. It's a delicate balance. My dog, Boomer, has knocked over the kids once or twice. I always tell him that he should be glad we're not having "Boomer burgers" for dinner. He looks at me like he almost gets it.

  5. This made me giggle!

    Sometimes I wish I had a dog, just to clean up the myriad of food scraps that get dropped through out the day.

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  7. Funny what Madame Queen said (HA) - and your post too. What is it with our stupid dogs? I think they are jealous of being replaced - and they are, aren't they? Cute post and adorable picture of that darling baby of yours. See ya.

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