Thursday, December 20

There's Always a Story

As part of my quest to brainwash my kid into thinking that she might actually like snow after all, I have taken on the mission of trying to find her suitable snow gear. You know--snow pants, a new coat, gloves, hat, and boots. Peoples, I am in the wrong industry. I most certainly should be selling kids snow gear because DUDE the stuff is expensive. I'm having trouble with this whole thing because A) I am cheap and B) The closest the child has come to walking through snow was last week when she stood shrieking at the back of the garage, pleading with me to let her back in the house (despite the fact that the snow was still 20 feet from her being). I turn very cheap when I suspect that my expenditures will not be appreciated, or for that matter, used. But I can't very well expect the kid to go trouncing through the snow wearing her hooker boots (just to be clear, it wasn't I who deemed them her "hooker boots" and I'm struggling to see how they qualify as stripper boots, what with the cute little bows on them and everything).

So, last Saturday we found ourselves at a mall far, far from our house. Said mall was chosen because we like to mock all the Pittsburghers that never cross a river by purchasing things that they can NEVER have because they won't travel that far, and then flaunting those purchases in their faces. And hey! There is an H&M for kids there! Perfect! Besides, there was one day last week when I was almost able to actually close Alexis' closet door all the way, so obviously she needs some new clothes. H&M clothes are mega-cute (and not available online, which is just wrong!). H&M did nothing to assist me in my quest for boots, snow pants, a coat, gloves, a hat, or anything else quite that useful, but after scoring on some tops and pants there, it did whisper to me to try Payless Shoes for the boots.

In we went, Mr. Husband, Alexis, and myself, in search of some cheap-but-halfway-decent-looking boots. As Daddy and I were evaluating the vast selection (OK, there were two pair to choose from), Alexis sat down on the floor to play with the 12,000 pair of shoes that were not boots. One pair of the boots that we were studying closely were $23, the other $25. I remarked to Daddy that they were some pretty ugly shoes for that kind of money. That led to a deep conversation about how I could spend $5 more and get CUTE boots that she would never actually wear, rather than wasting money on boots that she wouldn't wear AND that would further uglify my front hallway. At that point, nobody was actually watching the Toddler on the floor. I mean, I was using the eyes that I had installed in the back of my head shortly after her birth to keep tabs on her, but I wasn't actually WATCHING her.

Not that it would have mattered.

That is when she discovered the fugliest shoes of all time, the pink lamé Dora strappy sandals. She shoved her little tootsies into those things so fast Dora is currently seeking counseling for her post-traumatic stress syndrome. The look on Alexis' face told the story at that point; she thought she had discovered the most wonderful shoes of all time. As she slowly stood, she stared at her feet and gleefully exclaimed, "PRETTY SHOES!" for all the world to hear. Clearly, this was the highlight of her short life.

As any parent knows, we had two choices at this point. Pry the ugly off of her feet and listen to her scream in horror for the next half hour, or just buy the dang shoes. They were on clearance (gee, I wonder why?) for a whopping $4.00, so you can probably figure out which path we travelled.

Mr. Husband and I then spent the rest of our time in the mall arguing over whose kid she was.

"She's not mine."

"Well, she's not mine either."

"She looks more like you than she does me."

"No child of mine would wear shoes that ugly."

All the while, Alexis lagged ten feet behind us because neither one of us was willing to actually walk beside her and acknowledge that we knew her. Well, that and the fact that she couldn't walk very fast, what with all the mandatory stopping to stare at her shoes and everything.

Fortunately, I found the perfect spot to hide her while we were in Macy's.

40 comments:

  1. I'm laughing with you, really. We've been down that road. Girls are way more fun that way than boys. Oh, the fashion don'ts they try to pawn off on our offspring.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel your pain on the snowsuit! We got Cooper's last year at the OshKosh outlet store, and despite being at the outlet AND on sale, it was still way more than I wanted to pay. Thankfully he does enjoy playing in the snow, so it does get good use. Do you have a Children's Orchard near you? I am normally not a big consignment shopper, but they have some really nice things in the way of snow gear. Hope you get your white Christmas and that the Dora shoes don't meet their demise in some freak accident (*wink, wink*).

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can't believe that there's an H&M in the 'burgh... I had to go to their site actually find out which mall you might be referring to, and THERE ARE FOUR!! Congrats, Pittsburgh, on catching up with the rest of the east coast!

    PS - when you finally locate suitable inexpensive snow gear for the peanut, please let your fellow cheapskate know where to go!

    ReplyDelete
  4. See, I'm a magpie at heart. If it's shiny, I'm headed straight for it. i probably would have spotted them even BEFORE Alexis did. Yet, I love me some football, too. Quite the contradiction, I am!

    I haven't been to an H&M since I visited NY last, and that was pre-kid days. I've heard rumors that Atlanta will be getting one soon. Here's hoping they'll get an H&M kids, too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karen--Just remember, the cute little sundresses aren't so cute when they're 16 but the jeans and t-shirts are a constant.

    Driving w/ Brakes on--I tried a couple of consignment stores and they were MORE EXPENSIVE than Wal-Mart. But then again, Wal-Mart has absolutely no size 2Ts to speak of.

    Hmm . . . freak accident. Must ponder that.

    Luckysevn--Oh yeah, we're moving up in the Burgh. Not only has H&M invaded, we even have Sonic now. Yes, Sonic. AND we have IHOPs opening soon. It's almost like we live in a real city.

    Sadly, only the one H&M has kids stuff. You know, the one that is an hour away from our house. Of course.

    Madame Queen--I hope you do get an H&M soon. I love me some cheap, crappy clothes. But hey, they are cute!

    You know what you have that I covet? All those amazing decor fabric stores up around Norcross. I could spend hours walking the aisles, staring at bolt after bolt of potential projects that I would likely never finish.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want to blow that pic up and frame it - it's just that awesome!!!

    Hallie

    ReplyDelete
  7. If you're not totally turned off by consignment, we've found that Salvation Army is the best place to buy snow gear, hands down. They have nearly everything you need (stay away from boots) at rock bottom prices (we're talking $5 for snow pants) and after a good hot water wash it's snow all the way!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry, but while I was reading this, I was thinking, "Why did she post this in the middle of the day? She always posts at night. Why did I even check in the middle of the day? Am I really psychic like I've always believed?" Then it hit me. "It's Thursday! I knew I put that Steeler jersey on Dylan this morning for a reason. That is why she posted this now. Tonight she will be busy watching the Steelers WIN!" (Sorry Alexis. I'll pay attention next time).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh wait! I guess I sort of paid attention because I just remembered I wanted to say this. Consignment stores are your friend. Try Once Upon A Child - there is one near Robinson - near across from Ikea in that plaza.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Gosh I hope my kids will like snow!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've said it before, but it is worth repeating....your sarcasm warms my icy heart! I love your sense of humor.

    I'm with you on the not spending money on snow boots issue--first of all, you spend hours shoving their darn feet into the boots and then you go out for a whopping 30 seconds before the screams of "I'm cold" started...followed closely by "mommy needs a drink!" and then you have get go back in for the I have to pee dance- strip them down, pee, dress them again and head out...only to realize, yeah, they just don't like the snow.

    Glad Alexis got her prized sandals- even if they are ugly, every girl makes a bad shoe purchase from time to time.

    Okay - so, I'm gearing up for the game and hoping we can pull out a win...my misguided worry about Riley not crawling is not correctly sent to worry about the game tonight...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Okay, let me digest this: you live in the Burgh, home of more snow than I've ever seen in all 30 years, and your adorable girl child is afraid of it? I can so imagine that conversation over who she is more like. The hooker boots? Holy laugh my ass off! (if only it worked that easily!)

    ReplyDelete
  13. You totally had me at hooker boots. And that shot IS the money shot - PERFECT!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't really have those experiences seeing as how I have 3 boys. They really don't care what they wear, so long as it has trucks on it.
    My husband did come home with new shoes for the boys, and let the 2 year old pick out his own. Let's just say they were fugly! Silver, orange, and yes, they had lights. ????
    Hubby is NO LONGER allowed to buy the boys any clothes without me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. shell9:27 PM

    Kayla does that to me all the time with shoes. My husband often asks me where she came from as well.

    O and the Hooker boots kayla has a pair and my husband has labeled them that due to one of our close freinds actually buying his wife a pair like Julia roberts wore in Pretty woman.. Last year for christams. Go steelers!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I. Need. Information. For the next time we grace the Burgh with our presence, I need the locations of H&M and Sonic. Our fave places to shop are Robinson and Waterfront. Any chance they're anywhere near those?

    ReplyDelete
  17. seriously....these announcers tonight are k.i.l.l.i.n.g me. They are terrible! I'm better then they are....blah! Here's hoping we can keep the lead!

    ReplyDelete
  18. All together now: Yay, Steelers!

    Jen--I tried Once Upon a Child in Robinson. They wanted $20 for snow pants when I could theoretically get some for $15 at Wal-mart. You know, if they had the right size. Maybe I hit them on a bad day.

    Karen--Galleria at Pittsburgh Mills has both H&M and Sonic. It might be the same distance for you as the Waterfront; you just take the turnpike across to 28 and it's pretty close to the exit. There's also a Sonic about 5 miles from my house, if you feel like popping in for a visit!

    ReplyDelete
  19. She's really really cute in this picture. I like how you hid the shoes.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thought I'd come by and check out your blog... seems like every one has a link to your blog. I'm glad I did, I'm enjoying it.
    My 3yo has a pair of Dora flip flops that she insists on wearing all of her waking moments. Because of that she rarly goes outside. Don't know why we even take up valuable closet space with her winter gear. Oh well.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I must be missing out on something phenomenal with this whole H&M thing. considering my proximity to DC (what, with all it's fancy shops for those rich congressmen and their trophy wives), I've never heard of H&M. :)

    And since we only get snow that accumulates and STAYS once or twice during winter, I have yet to buy snowpants for Gavin, and he's 3-1/2. I almost did last winter becuase he loves to play in it, but I couldn't spend $20 on something he MIGHT wear once. So instead, when we went out to play in the snow, I just put on a few layers of pajama pants, a few pairs of socks, jeans, and his tennis shoes. We were out for over an hour before I made him come in because I was cold! :) I did buy him boots one year, but he hated them. I might buy them again this year because his tennis shoes are more suede and less vinyl this year. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wonderful World of Weiners--THAT is exactly why I keep my camera in my purse. You just never know when a kodak moment will present itself!

    Karen--I'll have to see if I can convince my princess feet to walk in the door. I get creeped out by the exterior, but if there might be $5 snow pants in there, then I might need to get over it.

    Jen--I've been using lunch to take care of blog stuff so that my evenings are free for Christmas chaos. I'll go back to my after the Toddler goes to bed routine after the holidays.

    Jennifer--I hope so, too. I can tell you having a kid that doesn't like snow is sucky.

    Pam--Thanks! Sarcasm is my coping mechanism for when I want to roll my eyes at the universe.

    AFF--I know! Now only does geography dictate that she should like snow, HER MOTHER LIVED IN NORTH DAKOTA FOR 15 YEARS. How did she not get the tolerance for snow gene?

    Works for Mom--I haven't been able to look at those boots the same ever since my husband starting calling them that. I was so proud of myself for that purchase, too. They were only $7 on clearance.

    Kathryn--Lights? Shoes that already had orange on them had lights? Yikes! Sensory overload right there.

    Shell--After seeing Kayla writhe around on the table showing her goods to the world, I think I know where she came from. ;-)

    Karen--I'm slow and just realized you said Robinson. You MUST tell me the next time you plan to be in the area. I would be all for meeting you at the playground in the mall (conveniently located right outside of H&M, but they don't have kids stuff at that one).

    Pam--The announcers were better than the Monday Night ones though, didn't you think? My cat would do a better job than Kornheiser, so it's not saying much, but I did think they were slightly less annoying.

    Leanne--I'm going to get really good at hiding the shoes and hide them in a trash can if she tries to wear them outside any time soon.

    Lisa--Thanks for visiting!

    Colleen--H&M is like a British Old Navy. It translates to cheap clothes that aren't like anybody else's. Me likes them.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I can't believe how expensive kids clothes can be. It's not like there is a lot of material in it, but it cost just as much as adults clothes.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Tammy--Sometimes more. I saw a pair of Toddler jeans last night for $78. Who the heck is willing to pay that, I don't know.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Absolutely adorable! I have seen those Dora sandals, and managed to avert princess' eyes. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Rachel--You must teach me your wise ways of averting Toddler eyes. I will be your most attentive student of all time.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sparkly Dora sandals.....

    Yet again, someone has provided me with anothe reason to be glad I have only boys. :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Is this H&M something like Steve & Barry's? We've found they rock for incredibly cheap jeans. (In more senses of the word than just one.) We also get the kids down filled winter coats there for $10, but sadly they don't have snow pants.

    And call me stupid, but I'm not sure where the mall is in Robinson. We usually hit Ikea. Is it the strip mall below there or a real-live indoor one somewhere?

    ReplyDelete
  29. I forgot to say this:
    I saw Alexis in that thing and thought, "People in glass houses...shouldn't throw stones..."

    And, I don't know if I neglected this but not only do I have the Steelers Defense, I have Hines Ward. Glad I didn't start either. And, WOOT!! Big Ben is my sex machine today!

    ReplyDelete
  30. AFF--I was thinking that when she was crawling around in the thing. But then I remembered the time I was assembling one of those glass cubes and the whole thing came tumbling down, so I had to make her get out.

    The Steelers D has been good to you for most of the season, but I think it's about to get ugly real quick. Hines is usually a good bet; I don't know what was up with last night. Of course, Miller is usually money as well, and he was good for a big fat goosehead in FFL last night. At least my score doesn't really matter at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I LOVE H&M TOO!!! Such cute stuff. Oh, how wonderful. I wanna go shop now for my daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm glad you found me so that now I've found you. And oh dear God am I jealous. Even PITTSBURGH (no offense) has an H&M, but Dallas, the shopping Meca does not? I'm writing my senator and congressman!

    And dear God, those really are some ugly sandals. Must be a toddler thing. Mine? Only wants to wear this fluorescent green Little Gym t-shirt that we got for free for enrolling. Luckily, he's a boy, so he doesn't care that much, not enough that I can't put good looking clothes on him while distracting him with a cookie, anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Catwoman--No offense taken. I am not a native, so I'm fully aware that the Burgh is the last place to get pretty much everything. H&M is still new as is Sonic, IHOP (not open yet, but I keep checking), and lots of others. We still don't have World Market (that one makes me want to cry a little bit), White Castle (don't actually care about that one, but my husband does), or Target Greatland (that one is worth sobbing about). We're getting there, though. Slowly.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Becky--Then go shop! 'Tis the season, right?

    ReplyDelete
  35. I must find that hiding spot in my Macy's! I share your need to be frugal when it comes to purchases that will NOT be well received...or LAST.

    Love your post as always...I've updated my blogroll and added you :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm like Madame Queen... if it's shiny and sparkly, I've gotta have it. And I love football, beer poker and hanging with the guys.

    It's so nice to find other moms who like football and are funny!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Such a cute story - she is so precious!! Take care. Kellan

    ReplyDelete
  38. i'm cracking up! that is SOOOOOOO something my son would do...er...i, would do to my son!
    happy holidays! hilarious post, btw...i'm sorta giggling and trying to not wake up my lazy a..husband!

    ReplyDelete
  39. yeah for the happy day after the Steelers won!

    If you are into awards, I left you one at my blog...

    ReplyDelete