Wednesday, December 5

Yay, Snow! Now Would You Please Move?

I love snow. I really, really do. You would think that after 14+ years of living in North Dakota I would have had enough of the stuff, but no. I heart it so very much that I want to hug it and squeeze and fold it up and stuff it in my pocket. The melting thing wouldn't be so great, but I love snow!

What I don't love is Pittsburgh snow. Really it's not the snow's fault--it's the fine people of Pittsburgh. They seem to forget that it actually does snow here. Every year. I have lived in many places (17 addresses since high school), visited many more, and I have never seen anything like the complete panic that overcomes Pittsburgh the first time it snows. Every year. (Did I mention that it snows here every year? It does!)

The biggest problem? The drivers. Oh, how I hate Pittsburgh drivers when there is snow on the ground. There are two categories of Pittsburgh snow drivers: the Stoppers and the Psycho SUV Speeders. The Stoppers stop. They are physically incapable of putting their foot on the gas when there is snow within a five mile radius. They MUST keep their foot on the brake. Tap-tap-tap. Must. not. move. Snow? Stop! The Psycho SUV Speeders are, of course, those crazy people that think they are invincible because they are driving around in their overpriced 4x4 SUV. To be fair, they don't bother me as much as the Stoppers since they can usually be found in the ditch and out of my way. It's the Stoppers that keep me from getting anywhere. Remember that North Dakota upbringing? It means that I know how to drive in the snow. I swear to it. So everybody needs to just move the heck out of my way and let me go on with my bad self.

Both types of Pittsburgh drivers are guilty of one of my biggest pet peeves. They are convinced that you must lessen the distance between yourself and other cars whenever the weather is less than perfect. Instead of maintaining a two foot gap in between themselves and the car in front of them, they lessen it to two inches. I suppose it's because they think that will help prevent the snow from ever hitting the road. (Note to fellow Pittsburghers: It doesn't work. Back away from that bumper. Increase your following distance in the event of foul weather. I promise it won't hurt.) There's nothing quite like being trapped behind a Stopper and having someone else so close to your booty that you can clearly see their beady little eyes in your rear-view mirror.

There's also nothing quite like beady little Toddler eyes staring you down for expecting her precious feet to touch the ground when there is snow present. Dear lord, my beady-eyed daughter is a Stopper. She takes this whole "born in Pittsburgh" thing entirely too seriously, and clearly got the memo about how to act when it snows. I'm not exaggerating one iota when I say the girl has her foot firmly on that brake. She ain't moving in the snow. Won't walk. Won't move an inch. Stops. Whines. Won't move.

How are we ever going to make pretty little snow angels and construct the ice castle of my our dreams if she just stands there, frozen in place, crying and whining because of a few snowflakes?

22 comments:

  1. Oh I love how you write. You have me giggling at each paragraph. She'll come around, don't worry! And if not, err, maybe you'll have to move for the 18th time, no?

    I used to work in Pittsburgh and totally appreciated your commentary.

    That photo - PERFECT.

    ReplyDelete
  2. red pen mama10:38 PM

    I know! Today was our day at the library for Monkey, and five other moms showed up. I grew up in Erie PA so I am not afraid of snow. Bring it on.

    Monkey had to walk in the snow, so no problem there. Even Bun just held up her hands and tried to catch flakes. Now I just need a shopping trip to outfit myself, and we'll be out there, making a snowperson. Yay snow!

    The girl will come aorund. Just don't let her fall and get it on her face. That's Monkey's story. She's recovered!

    ciao,
    rpm

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so glad there are Pittsburgh-ers who understand how frustrating this is. We got caught in a storm there once and it took us an hour to get out of the city. IDIOTS!

    And don't even get me started on the tunnels. Those stop every. single. day. Hello! The tunnels don't move, People!

    Okay, calm down. Breathe.

    Was Alexis finger painting? What if you would color the snow, would she play then?

    ReplyDelete
  4. She won't move in the snow? Okay, maybe it makes her feet cold? Maybe it is just Toddler independence.

    You know she has the most beautiful eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The South is nothing but Stoppers. If the weatherman even so much as mentions the word snow, or sleet, or even icy rain, everyone goes into full panic mode. If there is even the teeniest amount of frozen precipitation falling they cancel school. We have no idea what to do in the snow, but in our defense we've never had to learn! :)

    Oh, and she'll come around on the snow angel thing as soon as she sees how cool it looks!

    ReplyDelete
  6. wow, that kinda shocks me about the drivers out in Pittsburgh. Not sure our drivers are quite that bad.

    I remember being in South Carolina during college. [I'm from PA] And it flurried. Nothing sticking at all. Just little flakes. And my one friend canceled our plans to go out b/c she didnt want to drive in the snow!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So true! What gets me is the mad rush to the grocery store to get bread and milk because with one inch of snow we'll all be snowed in, you know!
    At the preschool I used to work at, we put water and food coloring in spray bottles, and even the stoppers enjoyed that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. worksformom--If you've worked in Pittsburgh, then you well know just how bad it is. How can a Northern city shut down over a few snow flakes?

    RPM--Will you make a snowperson for me? Thanks!

    Karen--Don't even get me started on the tunnel thing. I could go on for hours about the brake-slamming morons who can't drive more than 10 mph through a tunnel.

    The green stuff is soap. Crayola makes some stuff that looks/acts like mud but is pretty colors. She's all about it but I don't think it would help her snow phobia.

    Veronica--Her feet aren't allowed to touch the stuff, so I can't blame the cold. She spazzes out long before she could get chilly.

    Madame Queen--You're right-all Southerners are Stoppers. It doesn't bother me there, though. It seems appropriate given that it so rarely snows there and most people geniunely don't know what to do. I consider that a valid excuse for putzing along at 10 mph.

    Becky--A person called off from work at my office yesterday because of the snow. There's one, maybe two inches. Certainly nothing monumental. The middle and Eastern PA folks are much tougher than us.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jen--I know! What is that with the grocery run? Are we all dying and I don't know about it? I've been here long enough to know that if we are about to really, truly be snowed in for days, Joe Denardo (or one of the other weather peeps) will tell us. Of course, the weather peeps are a significant part of the hysteria.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree. Southerners are allowed to stop. They've grown up cluelessly. I went to school in SC and let me tell you, the city shuts down in snow. Businesses close, roads close, it's nuts.

    But in PGH?! You'd think it was a city of Southern transplants, with a few speeding idiots thrown in. I'm glad I live in the country. We've only got a few stoppers here and most won't venture out of their homes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You wouldn't think Pit. would shut down over snow...Great photo!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh man! I can totally relate to this post about drivers.....(except, snow is much newer to me).

    I love the photo :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I lived in MD for a few years....they don't get as much snow there typically and when they do, the whole world shuts down. It used to crack me up that an inch of snow canceled school - we don't even get a delay for an inch of snow and they canceled. And the drivers...acted liked snow was a horrible disease that they needed to avoid like the plague...though I will admit, I hate driving in the snow. I am not a stopper, but a slow goer. I feel insanely bad for anyone who ends up following me. I didn't used to be that way, but with the kids I terribly fear slipping or sliding off the road.

    Sorry Alexis doesn't share your joy of snow. Maybe as she gets older. Maybe at 3?

    ReplyDelete
  14. i hate snow. no heart over here...not for snow! i grew up in michigan, come to think of it...i never left michigan...and we have winters here. but, considering we have the greenhouse effect going on...our winters are a little bit milder but...it still snows. and, i hate snow!
    i'm putting you on my roll (not my fat roll...my little linky-do!) because i heart your blog...i do!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't hate the drivers because I hate being the driver. I cannot stand driving in snow and I am kind of a dimtwit when it comes to it. I'm pretty sure you would be cursing me into your rear view mirror...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Howdy from Southeast Texas - the land of, "What thuuuh?? Thar's wite stuff fallin' outta thuh aeir!" Snow here is so rare that there are children who believe that it's a myth! Wanna talk about people getting S.T.U.P.I.D??? Where I live, drivers will actually stop, get out of the car, and try to catch the flakes IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!

    xoxo from an honest, but treasonous, Texan. (I could actually be hanged for speaking such disrespect! LOL!)

    http://damama2all.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous10:29 PM

    This is the fummiest picture! LMAO

    ReplyDelete
  18. So wonderful. We have the same problem here..only it's with our once yearly ice storm. The ENTIRE city shuts down. The number of 50 car pile ups exceeds ten. I SO get it. Even if I don't get the love of snow.

    Picture is bee ewe tea ful!

    ReplyDelete
  19. We had an ice storm last year. It was the most fun I've ever had. I like it when it takes over two hours to drive one mile. It's so fun!

    Seriously, I would die if we had an ice storm every year. Or move. Whichever was less painful.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You would think Pittburghians would be used to snow because it seems unless it is July, there is snow when I drive through there! I don't get it.

    I grew up in Chicago so I am also baffled by folks afraid of snow...and the idiots who have no idea that 4-wheel drive means exactly that...4-wheel DRIVE, not 4-wheel STOP. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I still don't get the love of snow.

    ReplyDelete