Saturday, March 1

Crimes Against Humanity

I have bestowed the magic that is a Starbucks hot chocolate upon Alexis exactly twice in her life. The last time, she drank approximately a teaspoon of it then used the rest to make like an erupting volcano. As a result, I have cut her off. So today when we were in the drive-thru at Starbucks and she began to insist that she wanted "choco milk," I ignored her. But as we made our way to the window, she grew more insistent and, more importantly, more polite. I kind of felt bad that we hadn't ordered her something. Not bad enough to ask to change the order, mind you, but bad. As we were about to pull away, she unleashed the most pleasantly polite request of all time, "Mommy, choco milk, please!" so I hurriedly asked the barista for a kids' size cup. No liquid, just the cup. I quickly poured her leftover white milk from lunch into the cup and handed to her. She took a sip and asked, "What dis?" I told her the truth and explained that it was milk then watched as she chugged a big ol' cup of milk so fast, I feared she was going to make herself sick. Obviously, presentation is everything and I need to keep a Starbucks cup handy.

I should have known that there would be a payback for my actions. After all, passing off cruddy 2% milk as Starbucks magic should be a crime punishable by several years in prison. My payback? An even worse crime. Earlier this evening, I watched Alexis commit the worst atrocity that you can possibly imagine. I'm pretty sure there's a law strictly forbidding her actions. If there isn't, there should be.

She insisted that I share my Girl Scout cookies with her then

proceeded to open up that Do-si-do

and lick the peanut butter out of the middle.

She didn't eat the cookie, just the peanut butter.

I can't even look at her. Abusing a Girl Scout cookie? Wrong on so many levels.


  1. Maybe the magic is in the cup...

    You may be on to something there that could potentially save the American people billions of dollars.

    Starbucks would be after you.

    Would hate to be you.

    Hopefully, it is not just the cup.

    Yes, we passed a lady in the mall on Friday who was drinking out of THAT CUP and Rhett screamed, "I want some!" Oooops.

    I can't even make a comment about the cookies...that is so wrong.

  2. My kids don't drink coke. It's not that they aren't allowed, they just don't like it. So often when we go out my husband and I will order cokes for us and water for the girls. I always feel like waitress thinks we are the most evil of parents. As for the cookie thing, I can only agree with you (but I like the thin mints.)

  3. Oh man! Just the peanut butter? Doesn't she know there are PMS-ing moms out there (in Boston) who would kill just to have 1 Do-si-do, but haven't seen any Girls Scouts selling their goodies in weeks??


  4. I love that it's the cup she wants! ha!

    As for the Do-si-do... I'm gonna have to side with Alexis on this one. The only thing good about that cookie is the peanut butter. Yeah, I said it!

    Now, if she were to deface a Tagalong or Samoa, then I'd understand...

  5. First of all, thanks for your sweet comments. It's nice to know that people are thinking of us during this time....thank you!

    Ethan is picky about some beverages. I have a pretty hard time getting him to drink water. But if it comes out of my glass it's all good. I might just have to switch him from the sippy cup soon and just make sure I have a dry change of clothes nearby at all times! He's not so coordinated yet and he likes to make himself into a little toddler fountain.

    I hope Alexis learns to appreciate the Girl Scout'll teach her, right? I should have ordered more boxes this year. I'm out.

  6. Anonymous11:25 PM

    Desecration of a cookie? That is unacceptable. Almost as bad as stealing lip gloss.

    Haven't you learned anything from Martha Stewart? It's all about the presentation. Giving her milk in a cup qualifies as pure genius, my dear. Genius. We see where she's getting it from, right?

    At least she can drink the milk. We're allergic over here.

  7. That face!! OMG! Those eyes. She is just too cute. I'm rolling while reading this. Seriously. Bless your heart.

  8. Lock her up- you just can't do that to my fav girl scout cookies! Just wrong.

    The Starbucks story- too cute! Love that polite goodness!

  9. Okay, now I am mad. The kids in this neighborhood have me marked as an easy target, and I've been sold everything under the sun - except Girl Scout Cookies!

    P.S. Wouldn't it be funny if someday Alexis were a fashion designer?

  10. Now see, Luke would not have hesitated to wait until I stepped away from the opened box of cookies, then lick the pb out and put the remains back. See? It could have been worse.

    But I am WAY impressed that she got more polite as she became more urgent. My kids? Would scream louder.

  11. Anonymous8:19 AM

    Oh Alexis. Sweet, sweet Alexis. Your Mommy is too shocked at this time to explain this to you, but:

    NEVER and we mean NEVER abuse Girl Scout Cookies. It goes against everything we, as females, stand for. Yes, I know you're too freakin' cute and of course no one is really mad, but...still. Cuteness isn't going to let this slip by.


  12. Hmmm...good idea with the Starbucks cup. This could have all KINDS of applications.

    Is that the pull up on her head picture from a couple of days ago that I couldn't see? She looks like she's wearing a bandanna on her head!

  13. This is too cute...If my future child hears me order my tall decaf skim mocha with whip as many times as I order it she'll likely have her own order at Starbucks before long..I'll have to remember the cup trick.

  14. The power of suggestion...good trick. Maybe I can try that on my husband.

    Me: Here's dinner. See that thing next to the A-1 steak sauce, it's *filet mignon*.

    Him: Looks like a bowl of cereal to me.

    Me: Nope, it's steak. See, it's served with A-1.

    Think it'll work?

    And Alexis, with that cute face girl, eat whatever you so fancy.

  15. As long as she doesn't f-up the Thin Mints!!


  16. Your girl is headed in the right direction. She eats the good part of the cookie. :)

    My (ex) sister in law used to lick the coating off of all the Dunkin Donuts minis, then put them back in the box. My husband came along and ate several of the naked minis before they told him what was so funny. Let's hope Alexis graduates to that level. She certainly has the sense of humor for it.

    And I love your cup idea. We used to live in Orlando and I'd take my kids down to Disney Marketplace - the shopping mecca outside the kingdom - and tell them we were at Disney. They loved it. I loved it.

  17. Oh man, Girl Scout cookies...
    Where the heck are mine? I ordered 8 boxes weeks ago and the little girl has not delivered my goods. Not a happy camper, especially after reading about them!

  18. oh. the horror!!!!!!

  19. Ahhh the beauty of packaging! Since Bug was reading at 3, he could tell the difference in Oscar Meyer, REAL Froot Loops, Quaker Oatmeal, etc. I tried, but I couldn't convince him that they'd just changed the packaging because he could really read! We were young and struggling, so I hit upon the idea of keeping the wrappers & boxes. Thankfully his tongue wasn't as well developed as his brain.

    The only trick is to be very, very sneaky and NEVER allow them to go grocery shopping or to help unload when you are stocking up on the fake-outs or your goose is cooked! LOL! A really easy way of doing it is with plastic containers. Cut the front off the package, tape it onto the container and fill. The little darlin's almost never know the difference.

    She's gettin' cuter by the day, Mom. You do realize that she's going to make you pay for your own raising, right? LOL! xoxo

  20. I'm still speechless over the cookie.

    Yesterday at the grocery store, Gavin insisted that "we need to get coffee" as he pointed at the Starbucks located inside the store. If Justin hadn't guilted me into taking my own coffee to the store, I would've totally stopped so that I could try the new Honey Latte and let him have one of those "juiceboxes" of milk.

  21. She is amazing. None of my kids would have stood for the fake. But how can you punish per for the payback with eyes like that?

  22. She did wha??????