Thursday, April 10

All the Kids in the Pool, Please

Dear Alexis,

I was all set to write you a heartfelt letter about how much I have enjoyed that hour after I pick you up from school all this week. The change in the weather has paved the way for sidewalk chalk, peek-a-boo behind the flowers, and endless rides down the slide. It's been amazing spending that time with you. But, then you went and did it again. Or rather, you didn't do it again. So, instead, let's talk about the kids, mmkay?

The kids.

The kids want to swim in the pool.

What kid doesn't want to swim in the pool? Really. The fact that you hang a billboard all over your face when you're about to drop the kids off in that Dora diaper should make it real easy for us to scoop you up and plop you down over the pool, but you refuse.

You vehemently refuse.

Alexis honey, you are denying the kids their right -as kids- to go for a swim. Today's kids could be halfway to the ocean by now, practicing the butterfly and backstroke while bonding with other kids their age. Instead, they are stuck down in the dark, stinky garage with the dogs' kids. Do you know how cruel that is? No one should have to be around the dogs' kids. That's like locking you in a room with the stinky snot-nosed toddler who likes to bite and hit everybody. While your kids are far from sweet bundles of joy dropped from the heavens, they do not deserve to spend their days surrounded by those smelly brats.

While I get a bit of a kick out of you dropping the kids off on Dora's face, it's time to make some dreams come true. All the kids. In the pool. Now.

Thank you.

Love always,
Mommy (who is totally ready to never change another stinky diaper again)

39 comments:

  1. Heh. You could always start dropping the kids off in the aquarium until she gets the hint . . . that would take care of your worm problem, right?

    My kid had FOUR POOPS TODAY. Not gross sick kid poops, but four BIG OLE ADULT SIZED POOPS. I swear I could single handedly keep the baby wipes people in business. I'm scared of potty training - how do you do it when your kid poops ALL the damn time!?!

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  2. Sorry, don't feel sorry for you...my going on 3 yo has absolutely NO desire to try the potty. In fact, if we try to just take off her diaper and let her run around, she goes crazy and cries until she gets her diaper back. Yeah, she is going to be one of those kids in Kindergarten still in diapers....I just hope she can figure it out before college...

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  3. My attitude was always-- If my kids are 30 and still in diapers... then I have a problem!

    Relax, one day it will just happen!

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  4. Ha! you are cracking me up with your analogy! Too funny! Good luck- the poop is always the hardest. Hope she gets there for you soon.

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  5. I don't know . . . I'm still on projectile poop . . . and dodging the stream of pee (I know--I've tried to cover IT--he squirms. A lot. Seriously--an octopus on speed!)

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  6. Potty charts with Dora stickers and Dora rewards worked for us.

    That sounded kind of nanny-nanny-boo-boo, didn't it?

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  7. You realize mine's a solid year older & won't even look at the pool, right? And, not only do I have a sussy for you, now I have one for Alexis.

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  8. oh my i nearly spit out my water when i started reading that, just cuz of the whole kids swimming in the pool thing. My husband says that all the time.

    Good luck with that!!

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  9. Same boat with Miss Peach...same poopy boat!

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  10. Heh! Oh dear. That's disgusting.

    PS: Darren's family is from ND. His parents and the sister who does the garage sale shopping for me live in Jamestown.

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  11. Well, didn't you just crack me up? There's some good advice in your comments about charts, stickers, and rewards. Grey Goose martinis worked for me.

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  12. yeah, we didn't get the poop in the potty for a couple months after we finally figured out how to pee in the potty instead of in our Spiderman and Cars diapers. Which we still have for bedtime, and he's nearly 4. We didn't even pee in the potty until we turned 3, so, uh, well, not a whole lotta sympathy yet. Especially since I still have to wipe his butt. So really no freedom from the poop until they're like 10, or so I hear.

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  13. I must be slow on the uptake tonight. It took me a minute to figure out what kids you were referring, too.

    Sheesh! Good luck with the potty training.

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  14. Alexis reminds me so much of my daughter - whe knows who she is and what she wants and won't be persuaded to be otherwise. Which means you could be changing diapers for another year. And put off the swimming for another year or give up and resort to using plastic pants.

    Now my son - he was FOUR before he was trained.

    Yes, I have only two kids yet I changed stinky diapers for SEVEN YEARS STRAIGHT. Good times.

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  15. Well, we've got the poo covered over here. It is the aiming the weinie in the toliet that has us all in a tizzy. Help!
    Hope your crappy situation clears up soon.

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  16. Amy tells me when she needs to wee or poo. She tells me when she is wet or poopy.

    She will happily sit on her potty for ages (okay, so 10 mins). BUT she won't poop or pee on the potty. She refuses and then gets up and promptly wees on the floor.

    OR she will sit her doll on the potty and 'show' it how to wee.

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  17. you keep all your kids in the basement?
    ew.

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  18. Yeah. Look at that face. Look at that smile. She does not care one bit that you're totally ready to never change another stinky diaper again. I just have a feeling that one is ALWAYS going to do EVERYTHING on her own time :).

    Yeah. I do believe that smile is mocking you. Good thing she is cute!

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  19. Man I'm getting old! I had to read this twice to know what the heck you were talking about. :)

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  20. meagan@meplusthree.us8:41 AM

    Lol! I hear ya! am ready for my girls to potty train, and they aren't even a year old. Of course I will never ever force it upon them. I just really hope that when they are 18 months old, they say, "K mama, potty". Lol! As if that would ever happen! ;)

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  21. Okay, this showed me how NOT ready for potty training I am, because I was totally confused until I reached the very end of this. I was thinking "why is there a pool at Alexis's daycare?"

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  22. P.S. You're not doing the cheer, are you?

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  23. Yeah no sympathy for you! It took us until 3 to be fully potty trained.Oh and I am not weird - I am special.

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  24. Dropping the kids off at the pool is the ONLY time Punkin even wants to visit the pool. Maybe she could give Alexis some pointers.

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  25. Yeah Megan still has issues with the whole pooping in the potty she knows its supposed to go in the potty she just doesnt care and we're working on 4 and with daddy leaving in 2 weeks for 15 months I dont see things getting better in the near future.

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  26. Crossing fingers for you! My son totally potty trained himself when he was 2 years and 7 months old. All I did was put a pair of cool Bob the Builder underwear on him and that was it.
    I LOVE that we have been diaper free for 1 year and 2 months! It is SO much easier. But I have to start all over again in Sept.

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  27. Good luck. I'm hoping ours goes well.

    Sasha always tells me when he's about to...Actually walks over and gives me the "I need to poop" face. Every time.

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  28. Hope she learns to poop in the toilet soon.

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  29. Ah yes, it's a continuous struggle of wills until one day your child decides, "eh, what the heck, I think I'll just start going potty on the toilet now". Honestly, it feels just like that - like a light switch! My 4 YO still likes to hollers "I'm dooo-ooone!" and waits for someone to come help her with the clean up. She knows how to do it herself but if she thinks she can get someone else to do it, she'll try!

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  30. Ugh yeah, good luck with that! I detest potty training. I would seriously pay someone $1,000 to take my kid for a week and send them home fully potty trained. When Kass was a baby, she had Barney diapers... I definitely got a kick of Barney getting "kids" dropped on him too! haha

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  31. Took me forever to understand what you were talking about! I blame my fuzzy, sick brain.

    Good luck with the potty training! I'm not looking forward to it at all.

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  32. I laughed when I saw the title of your blog post because I knew exactly what your post was going to be about! he he he
    I'm so glad I have some time before the potty training starts in my house! Good Luck! Bribe her with more Dora :) he he he

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  33. No longer having to change poop diapers is one of the happier things in my life. Good luck! :)

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  34. I do not miss changing diapers, but I do miss babies...

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  35. omigod. i. can't. breathe.

    from. the. laughing.

    make. it. stop.

    please.

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  36. ROFL at the pool. So sorry to hear. We have the exact opposite problem here. She'll drop the kids off at the pool, but isn't willing to rain a golden shower there :(

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  37. It must be jetlag. I had to read twice to understand exactly what was going on here. Can you say DUH?

    And her time will come. I promise. And it will be before she goes to kindergarten. She's only just turned 2 for heaven's sake. I've been changing diapers every. single. day. for over 13 years. You've got a ways to go. Just puttin' it in perspective for you.

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  38. ImpostorMom2:08 PM

    My husband seems to think we should already be starting potty training. at 15 months. In theory yeah that sounds great but guess who's going to be doing all the work. not him.

    I don't think I'm ready for all the frustrations just yet.

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  39. "All the kids. In the pool. Now." By the time I got to that line I needed a diaper myself! ROFL!!!

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