Thursday, April 24

CRAPTACULAR and Stuff

Ever have one of those days that just screams "I AM CRAPTACULAR--GO BACK TO BED!" so loudly and so consistently that you start to wonder why the heck you are continuing to go through the motions? Of course you have. I had one today.

It started this morning with a glance into everyone's favorite fish tank of horrors. There was a fish missing, specifically Perc, the Nemo fishy (technically called a Percula, but I find Nemo fishy to be much more descriptive and cute). Now, I recently caught the icky brittle starfish pink-headed, confirming my suspicions that I had hit the lottery and managed to get one of the really rare and hardly seen predator starfish. So my first thought was that the starfish was enjoying a $30 dessert to top off the $20 pink-headed meal it enjoyed last week. But no, Perc had managed to get into the filters in the bank of the tank. How? I dunno. He probably had help from the ghost crab or something.

Anyhoo, I grabbed the net and scooped up Perc so that I could put him back in the main part of the tank. That's when the little jerk decided to go all toddler on me by refusing my help. He leaped across the room and landed with a flop on the wood floor. Cue Toddler pointing and yelling "OOK MOMMY, PERC FLYING!" I found that to be really helpful as I tried to find the bright orange blob on the floor. I don't touch slimy things with my bare hands, so I grabbed the rubber gloves (What? You don't keep rubber gloves in your kids' room? You totally should.) I scooped him up only for him to find the energy to flop across the room again. Now go back and read that sentence three more times because that is how many tries it took me to finally pick the stupid thing up and drop it into the fish tank.

Where it promptly dropped to the bottom faster than a brick with a lead weight tied to its not foot.

A very furry, dirty brick.

Um, yeah, the fish at one point flopped under Alexis' bed where we like to keep a few spare pounds of cat fur around just in case one of them suddenly starts experiencing male pattern baldness. We're always thinking of their feelings, you know. Anyway, Perc sat perfectly still on the bottom of the tank. The jerkface starfish apparently smelled blood in the water because he went flying over to the side of the tank where Perc was chilling. Just as I thought I was going to have to intervene unless I wanted to watch some fishy carnage, Perc suddenly sprung to life and started swimming around like his tail fin was on fire.

(For the record, Perc now appears to be fine. He managed to swim off his fur coat and seems absolutely perfect. I expect that I won't be saying the same for the starfish in a day or two. He might be getting to go for a swim in our lovely sewer system just as soon as someone can catch him.)

All the fishy commotion led to a late departure which led to a late arrival at daycare. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when I'm late getting to daycare and one of the teachers finds it appropriate to give me crap. Breakfast ends promptly at 8:00, in case you didn't know. Except that I do know because I have been told that exact same thing at least eleventy bazillion times. It's a lie. I know it's a lie because breakfast starts at 7:45 and there is no way in H E double hockey sticks all those kids manage to get served and eat their breakfast that fast. It's common sense. Oh, and a little birdy told me it's a lie. So shut up and feed my kid, thankyouverymuch.

Off to work I went where my CRAPTACULAR day continued. The most craptacular part of it was when I got to spend my lunch at a barbecue not eating hamburgers and hot dogs because I don't eat dead critters. Meanwhile, I wanted to be spending my lunch in greenhouse bliss. My favorite greenhouse opened for the season today and THAT event is considered a national holiday in my head. This year, I did not celebrate that holiday and I am bummed.

The latest in the CRAPTACULAR was when I was trying to eat my happy little bowl of soup for dinner. The Toddler, who was previously totally content eating at her very own table in a different time zone, came waddling over bearing a mouth full of half-chewed carrots. She decided she HAD to sit in my lap and use her entire body to block my soup. As my yummy soup quietly chanted "eat me," the Toddler tried to say that she wanted some, but all I heard was woooah wooooah woooah because of the half-chewed carrots that were crammed into her piehole and falling out of her face. I figured I should throw a "No" out there to which she responded by shoving her entire chubby little hand into my bowl of soup. And stir. And slosh. And PLOP goes a hunk of half-eaten carrots into my bowl. Such a sweet kid.

I am now going to obey today and GO TO BED like I should have when it told me the first time.

45 comments:

  1. Reading this now? I absolutely need some cheese with my whine. Sorry about that.

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  2. hey- we all deserve to vent and complain...that's what blogs are for!

    That link to the other blog- totally sad and made me cry.

    Thinking of you chasing your nemo fish flopping around the floor and covered in cat hair- hilarious!

    I'm off to bed too- today is kicking my ass as well!

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  3. Ah, but your whining is so damned funny! That flopping furry fish story just made my night!

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  4. "Swim off his fur coat"...so funny! What a scene. So, what's the deal with the tank, was that Alexis' idea?

    I think venting on blog helps...and seriously, what is the deal with toddlers not allowing their parents to eat in peace?!

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  5. What the hell is up with your tank? It's a horror show. Does the predatory starfish at least eat the worms? Hopefully it eats hairballs. I guess this is why you keep that tank in the Toddler's room. I sure as hell wouldn't want it in mine. Maybe you should just buy some pirannas.

    I had a beta fish and when I was cleaning its bowl, I dropped it. It went down the drain in the kitchen. It landed on the garbage disposal (which wasn't turned on) and I fished it out with my bare hand and rescued it. I threw it (and whatever schmutz was down in the garbage disposal) back into the bowl totally grossed out. It was fine. In fact, it lived for 3 more years after that.

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  6. I'm still really stuck on the image of a starfish moving fast - I had no idea. I thought they just sat around and sucked on the tank. I apparently need to bone up on my fish!

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  7. Oh no.

    Yeah, some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield my friend. TODAY - the bug. TOMORROW - definitely the windshield!

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  8. I just kept telling myself all day "The weekend is almost here, the weekend is almost here, the weekend is almost here". It didn't make me feel any better, but it got my mind off my crappy day.

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  9. Whoa! That was some serious Discovery channel action there! I had no idea starfish moved quickly....ever.

    Sorry to hear about the crappy day :(

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  10. I'm sorry you had a crappy day, I really am, but I'm sorry to say I enjoyed a short glimpse of the "not always positive" you. Don't get me wrong, I love that you are a positive person, but we're all human and venting is often funny! Hope tomorrow is better.

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  11. I wish you had a better day, love. Smooches! And, celery with your soup?

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  12. you know I always have plenty of whine at my house (and, coincidentally, cheese...we're cheesy and whiney here). And at least you're still entertaining and funny when you're crabby and annoyed. I just get crabbier and crabbier because I can't seem to tap my inner Rich Vos. You, however, with your fuzzy fish and nuclear diaper gloves (uh, why else would you have rubber gloves in her room?), are very funny.
    And want daycare to quit about the breakfast? Just have Mr. Husband lose his $#!% and you come in later apologizing for him being an ogre and they will be really nice and understanding and accommodating for you having an occassional rough morning. (like I called ahead this morning begging for them to keep some food out for Gavin since we had a late morning and he had soccer before morning snack...they were very nice and accommodating!)

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  13. she looks so stinkin cute, you can't be mad at her... even if she made it impossible to slurp your soup!

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  14. Sleep tight. You need it!

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  15. I think you need to stop Perc watching the Finding Nemo film, he's trying to emulate it too much!

    Also, ever think maybe you ought to just give up on the whole fish tank thing? It's giving you WAAAAAAAAAY too much stress. I thought fish tanks were supposed to be calming :-)

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  16. We all need those wine and cheese vents. Sorry for the crappy day, but things are surely gonna get better.

    It's a shame to flush the carnivore of a starfish. But it's more of a shame to keep losing fish to it's appetite.

    And you've reminded me that this is prime time to get me to a greenhouse. Thanks!

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  17. I'd say "ew", except last night I had graham cracker gooped hannies reach into my plate and eat the guac, pico, and rice.

    All I was left with was my enchiladas. Darn kid ate almost a whole adult platter of food AFTER eating his own AND his desert (the graham crackers).

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  18. Hahaha! Thanks for lettng me get a laugh out of someone else's bad day!

    I can so picture all of this -- Unfortunately!

    Rubber gloves in your kid's room.. Wow! I want to see you on my farm. LOLOL

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  19. OMG - You completely win for craptacular day of the year! I hope you got something to eat before you went to bed!

    Peace - D

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  20. Oh, but it's Friday! That has to be better right?

    I had to quit having fish because my cat would perch on the edge of the tank and kill them all. Of course, that might better explain the food chain that my son is now learning of but still.

    But the goggles make it all better.

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  21. Make Margarita, drink, repeat.

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  22. meagan@meplusthree.us10:13 AM

    Lol @ mamageek! I am so stealing that! ;)

    And yes I do agree with her. I am sorry to hear your day was so crappy though. :( Sorry about the soup. Lol. It is Friday now though! TGiF?

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  23. I hate days like that!

    I seem to be having a "craptacular" week.

    Two days in a row I went to take my daughter out of the car at daycare and realized I never buckled her in!
    On top of that, both days I was brushing her hair in the car!

    Just can't seem to get my sh** together this week!

    Thanks for the laugh though....picturing you chasing a fish all over Toddler's bedroom made me crack up!

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  24. Those are the days that you look back on, and they're cute ~ but when you're experiencing them, they're...not...so much. :-)
    And, you weren't whining. You were just expressing.
    Your frustration. tee hee!
    Hope today is better!

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  25. Ah, so maybe it's not just me. So glad to hear others are feeling whiny lately.

    And the fish story? Priceless.

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  26. Now all you have to do is animate that fish story! Heh. Hmmm...would would play the cat fur?

    blog=best venting medium out there!!!

    Besides, your venting is classic hilarity.

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  27. Ugh. I hate days like that. I have had a lot of them this week. Let's just skip to next week, shall we?

    I have vowed never to own another fish. Mine either die in the first 48 hours or become suicidal, and insist on jumping out of the bowl every 10 minutes.

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  28. If you only knew the number of times the words "get your nasty feet out of Mama's food!" get yelled around here, along with "oh no you di'nt (because I get all ghetto when I'm pissy) just spit out your half-chewed raisin in my bowl of pasta you little f'er."

    And your starfish? Will now be added to the nightmares with my spider. That thing sounds terrifying. I can't believe that you would keep so many deadly creatures in your toddler's room. Why not just dangle her in front of an alligator and name her Benji and get her her own show where she sings about how sharks just need a hug.

    Oh my God. That's totally your plan, isn't it you freak?

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  29. Sorry for the craptacular day! I hope you at least had a good, toddler-helmet-less night!

    Maybe you need some rose colored goggles for today? I'll bet you could borrow them from the toddler!

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  30. I feel like I have those days just about every day. But guess what, today is Friday! It can only get better now that the weekend is here, right?

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  31. Glad to provide you with some ice cream love. Thanks for the comment!! I love me some comments.

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  32. That sounded like a "Finding Nemo 2" adventure! Yeah, we all definitely have those kinds of days. I hope you have a better rest of your day and an awesome weekend to make up for it!

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  33. You're right, you should have stayed in bed!! I hope today is better!

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  34. whining is good for your health, you know. it's not good to keep all that inside.

    and btw, i need to bring to your attention that we have SIX -- yes, count them, SIX -- fish tanks in our pathetic house.

    oh plus the tank that houses the two red-eared sliders (those are TURTLES. ugh).

    and i HATE fish.

    i know you wish you were me.

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  35. Oh yeah, I had a couple of those days this week. And whining is OK. That is what a blog is for! Right?

    But really, how bad can a day be when you have a doll-baby like that? Those glasses are to DIE for!

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  36. This is why alcohol was invented.

    Days like this and because of children that is.

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  37. That truly was a craptacular day and made for a splendid read. Aren't you glad you're good for something?

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  38. I'm thinking the plot to Finding Nemo ii has been found ;)
    Love those shades!
    Hope today is better....

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  39. Love your fish story. Isaac tried feeding our fish Lucky Charms once. Ours didn't survive. Something to remember: Cat hair, livable. Weird styrofoam marshmallows, not so much...

    Your vent is near perfection. Good therapy for you and GREAT reading material for the rest of us.

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  40. That was hilarious!! I love the vision of a grown woman chasing a fish around a room while toddler looks on in excitement. Too good.

    Oh and next time you're running too late for the daycare breakfast just pack one up for your son...make it something like a chocolate donut or cheerios and milk...something that can get really messy. And then sit with your son as you get him all settled in with the breakfast so that they don't take the food away when you turn your back. They'll never deprive your son of breakfast again for fear you will bring a horrible alternative!!

    Believe me. I know. I AM a daycare lady!! ;)

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  41. One more thing...That being said I ALWAYS feed the children, even if it's past the cut off time (9 am). I may be a daycare lady but I'm not THAT kind of daycare lady. :)

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  42. I realize I am late to this particular craptastic-ness, but I have been working up a good anger on your behalf ALL DAY TODAY. The object of my anger, on your behalf? The snotty-assed daycare person who has the nerve to keep on being condescending and rude to you. Does she not freaking realize that YOU are the one that pays HER? Thus, making YOU the one that calls the shots, capice?? That just really irritated me! And then I laughed over Perc doing the crappie-flop across the floor, with you and your gloves in hot pursuit, while the stinkin' cute one was marveling at her good fortune at getting to see a FLYING FISH. Good times at your house...can I come hang out sometime? HAHAHAHA--you are soooo funny. And SHE is soooo stinkin' cute.

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  43. ImpostorMom6:54 AM

    Sounds like a truly craptacular day. Hope you at least got to sleep without a toddler helmet.

    So did you just sort of explain part of the story line to Finding Nemo? Is that fish TRYING to escape? :P

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  44. *laugh* you & that tank....oh the drama. These stories are like fish tank birth control. They remind me why I'm never getting a fish tank.ever.
    Alexis is cutie a bo-tootie in this dress & shades though.
    p.s. If Alexis attended my preschool, she'd have me wrapped in a minute and I'd never tell you she needed to be there on time AND I'd feed her all the live long day if she was late or hungry 'cause I'm awesome like that.

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  45. I loved the visual of the fish with the fur coat.

    I hate when a toddler ruins a perfectly good adult meal...

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