Saturday, April 19

I'm Decking the Next Person to Giggle in My Presence

I have never in my life enjoyed going to get my hair did. I never know what I want, and chatting with some stranger who is holding scissors awfully close to my eyeballs just isn't my idea of fun. I managed to avoid the whole dreaded process for years by cutting my own hair, or by only going the absolute minimum number of times per year possible. Then, right before Mr. Husband and I got married, I went and got myself some highlights.

That was the end of the very occasional torture.

Mr. Husband lurves himself the blondy streaks. Since I never actually know what I want, I more or less of go with the status quo on the whole issue, figuring that at least I'm appeasing him. That pretty much means I can blame him for every second of torture I endured today.

I don't have a hair chick or hair guy. I just haven't found someone that strikes me as so wonderful as to want to return to them. So I wander. Today I wandered to an OK hair chick, but OK Hair Chick was a little overbooked and had to elicit help from Really Not OK Hair Chick. I had to deal with Really Not OK Hair Chick during the whole wash cycle. The longest wash cycle of my entire life.

Really Not OK Hair Chick instantly made me want to stab my eardrums with a sharp object. She didn't end sentences with a period like a normal person. Nope. Instead, she ended every.single.sentence with a giggle. Even sentences that weren't funny. Here's a sampling of our conversation. (Side note: I usually would tune out this kind of junk, but because I love YOU, I made my brain stay in the game. You're welcome.)

NROKHC: Is that your natural hair color, giggle giggle?
Me: Uh, which one? (Dudes. Highlights. There are like 50 colors in my hair.)
NROKHC: Oh, it's just such a pretty color, giggle giggle!
Me: Ummm, thanks?
NROKHC: Are you married, giggle giggle?
Me: Yes.
NROKHC: Me, too, giggle giggle! I was all anti-marriage and stuff, giggle giggle. But then I met my prince, giggle giggle.
Me: ?
NROKHC: I just told him he saved me from being that old cat lady with like, giggle giggle, 50 cats, giggle giggle.
Me: ?
NROKHC: I tell people all the time, just wait, giggle giggle, because your prince is out there somewhere, just like you thought when you were a little girl, giggle giggle.
Me: ? (Too busy wondering who the h#ll married Giggles to respond. She didn't notice.)
NROKHC: Do you have any kids, giggle giggle?
Me: Yeah, a two-year old.
NROKHC: Oh, that must be so fun, giggle giggle.
Me: Um, yeah.
NROKHC: (Suddenly clutching my skull in her hands) OH, giggle giggle! You are so stressed, giggle giggle!
Me: ? (Frankly, I was trying very hard to block out the boobs and armpits that were invading my space, so yeah, maybe a bit stressed. I don't really aspire to be blinded by some giggly chick's boob and I have no interest in checking to see if her deodorant is working. Over and over.)
NROKHC: I guess two is a really hard age, giggle giggle. Isn't it, giggle giggle?
Me: Actually, my kid is pretty good. (Seriously, we hit the jackpot with this one.)
NROKHC: Oh, giggle giggle. You are just SO stressed, giggle giggle. (STILL clutching my skull, tighter than Britney is clutching her sanity, by the way.
Me: Not really.
NROKHC: Wow, giggle giggle! Your hair color is just so pretty, giggle giggle!

And then my head exploded. Or she finished. Whatever.

The Toddler did, however, help me to reassemble my grey matter. The second we were reunited, she was kind enough to tell me that I was pretty over and over and over. I told you we hit the jackpot with that one.

37 comments:

  1. If you need a 'burgh recommendation, I can provide one. The same woman has cut my hair (highlights too!) for 10 years. She has not giggled once!

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  2. My best friend cuts my hair and I love it. She has her own shop, and it's only her and the shampoo lady. It's my favorite getaway - it's a small but very pretty salon (not the big, stinky, formica-ridden type), there are usually only a couple people there at a time and we all drink wine and have a ball. Plus, she's really good.

    I don't know what part of the burgh you're in, but I'm a bit of a haul, so depnding on where you are, it might be a bit too far for you.

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  3. I think she's smelled a little too much hair dye?! I bet you look stinkin' cute.

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  4. oh, i totally want to pop her head off. egad.

    giggle giggle.

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  5. Wow I don't know how you got through that! I also hate the boob and armpit thing.

    I went with my friend to an awesome salon in Louisville and they actually had the shampoo bowls out from the wall so the shampoo'er can stand behind you not over you!

    DUH why didnt someone else think of that soone?

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  6. Sheesh sounds like the mom from Supernanny a couple weeks ago. I just want to smack them! I hope you find a good hair chick soon!

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  7. My SIL's step dad has a nervous laugh that he uses to end every phrase/sentence/word he utters. It's somewhere between a guffaw and a "yuk-yuk" and drives. me. crazy.

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  8. Well... we used to live in Cranberry. **giggle, giggle**

    And **giggle, giggle** I still go down there once a month to get my hair done by the same lady who has done my hair for years! **giggle, giggle**

    Okay, sorry! Laughing OUT Loud! I just could not resist doing that! ;-)

    That would have COMPLETELY driven me nuts. I don't even like to talk in the grocery store/ect. lines to the clerks.

    Yes, sometimes you do hit the jackpot with those toddlers! I had two dream toddlers and one who was completely normal!

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  9. I have a decent hair chick. I like the conversation and the price isn't bad. She does my hair pretty good, but, I'm not thrilled when I have her do MA's hair. The conversation isn't bad, though, so it's worth staying with her so I don't have to try to find someone new. Yuck.

    I got highlights, but I'm too cheap to keep them up so now I have aobut 3 inches of roots. Oh well. I hope you find someone you like so you can avoid future giggles! That sounded like torchure!

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  10. oh my good grief... that sounds like a SUPER not okay hair chick and BAD hair time.

    ACK!!!

    but, it's funny what we continue to endure all for the sake of a blog *giggle giggle*.

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  11. I like the actual act of getting my hair done, but hate having to make idle chit chat. Small talk is one of my least favorite things! Luckily, I found a hair chick that doesn't like to talk much. We just sit in silence most of time - it' nice.

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  12. I've had the same problem finding someone I really like. I hit the jackpot a few weeks ago, though, when a friend told me about this place that does cuts for $14. YEP That's right- GOOD CUTS for $14. I was afraid, but broke, so I tried it and the guy - yes GUY, young Vietamese GUY - did a great job!

    My FAVORITE part of it is the wash and that man has magic fingers. O.M.G.! YOu can't believe how relaxed I am when he gets done. It costs me an extra $2 for the wash and blowdry, but I'd pay 50x that much just to have him do me! ahhhhh.. Even though I don't need another haircut yet, I may just have to go over there again this week just for a smooth wet head job. ;o)

    OH - How about some pics of Alexis' pretty mommy's new do?

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  13. That was hilarious to me because I am thinking the exact same stuff when I go to the hairdressers. I can't find someone worth going to twice either, and I never like what they do. I'm getting a fairly drastic cut/highlights next weekend and I'm scared. Let me know of any burgh recommendations you get.

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  14. But what about YOUR hair? Picture, please? And I love the way you told that story.

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  15. I don't know what I will do if my stylist ever stops doing hair. She's ridiculously expensive, but I will never leave her. (And I second Rebecca - pictures?)

    Glad your little girl made you feel better. I'm going to miss it when my kids no long think I'm the loveliest woman alive.

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  16. Oh man! That is a bad hair experience.....sorry to hear that you probably would have rather pulled all your hair instead of continue on with that appointment. Good for Alexis....she is a good toddler!

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  17. I thought of you....http://www.theblogisfound.com/index.cfm?postID=348

    Dear lord, what is with the whole armpit/boob in the face thing?!...That is the WORST part of getting your hair did (and I thought noone said that but me).

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  18. Those people just scare me...really!
    How's your hair looking?

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  19. That is my favorite part of getting my hair cut. But I just close my eyes and enjoy the massage so they don't feel the need to talk to me. But, I only get my hair but once in a blue moon, literally maybe once a year.

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  20. Oh man! I hate it when people talk to me at the salon, especially if I'm showing no interest. And the giggling? My GOD that's awful! That may even be worse than the girls who end every sentence increasing the tone of their voice, so that they are essentially making every sentence a question.

    "So, I went to the salon today? And there was the girl? And she kept giggling? Over and over? And I got highlights?" You know the ones I mean? Drive me nuts!

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  21. (((giggle))

    Sorry for your torture, but now you look great.

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  22. That is so funny. I don't go to anyone I don't know to get my hair done. A girl I graduated school with went to vo-tech for Cos. I let her cut and color it. She does amazing. I usually get it cut once a year and get it trimmed about once a month to get rid of split ends. But I don't color it that often. If I do it's usually dark brown. but that's it.

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  23. Any hairdresser that giggles at the end of every sentences can not be a good sign. Where is the picture of your new do?

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  24. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Sorry. I think I your hair lady the other day at Peebles, only she was the working the register. It was a spectacle. I was three people back so I got to hear the entire routine that many times. It was uncanny how much she acted like the princess from Enchanted.
    *giggle, giggle"

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  25. Umm . . . she must be really good in bed to have somebody agree to marry her.

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  26. I would have gone after her with her own scissors.

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  27. Love that adorable picture! That is one very cute kiddo!

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  28. I cannot believe you cut your own hair! Wow. I mess up my bangs.

    I don't have a hair chick either. I lucked into a BFF that has a cosmo license, and thankfully she does a good job. But until then I was a wanderer, too.

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  29. Just reading the giggles made me what to stick hot pokers in my ears.

    I don't have a hair person either. My hair guy moved back into his parents house three hours away when he had a fight with his boyfriend and I haven't found a new one since. That was ten years ago. Sigh...

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  30. OMG! I would have smacked her ass. Bud and I had a roomate like that. Her laugh was expecially annoying. And it floated throughout the house.
    I feel your pain.
    I wonder if she giggles like that when she and her hubby are makin whoopie?

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  31. Ok, "and then my head blew up" very funny giggle, giggle!
    Just blog hoppin a little and thought I would stop by! Your daughter is adorable!

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  32. I've been going to the same salon for about 8 years now and have had the same gal for nearly 4. Too bad you don't live closer...she's great...so great that even as she gets promoted and becomes a little more expensive, my cheap-ass still goes to her because I.Never.Have.to.Worry. Even on appointments where I don't know what to do with my hair, I've never walked away looking like a freak. Although, I'd love to borrow Alexis on my salon days since I come home and no one says "boo" to me, let alone compliment my hair...even after cutting off 6 inches and darkening it. I have to ask, "does this look alright?" or "what do you think?" Pathetic, really.
    And I was really confused by her boobs and armpits being in your face until someone half-explained that the shampoo bowl is probably flush with the wall. That makes a lot more sense. In my head, I was seeing free-standing shampoo-bowls (like what's at my salon), you in the chair, her behind you but hunched over so far that her boobs were in your face. Figured she'd have to be 5'10" minimum to do that... For some reason a really tall nervous giggling idiot seemed much more scary.

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  33. I would've choked the giggles out of her.

    I'm not stressed... I'm not stressed....

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  34. I would've choked the giggles out of her.

    I'm not stressed... I'm not stressed....

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  35. Hi, this is me. In fact in the shower this morning I was deciding that I was going to yet another salon to yet another person because well I have already exhausted the forty stylists at the first 10 salons I have tried. Why can't I find someone that doesn't drive me insane with chatter and cut my hair reasonably well for a decent price. I know that is just plain crazy talk. UGH.

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  36. Oh my gosh, she is a laugh ender!!!

    I hate it when I encounter one of these. I also hate the boob armpit thing. Thank goodness my salon shampoos your hair standing behind you.

    This was my first time here, I think. I will be back. :)

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  37. Wow, That hurt my head just reading about it. No pain, no gain.

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