Monday, May 12

As Lucky as You Can Get

Oh yes, we won the lottery. The Toddler? Despite all the ways she makes me crazy (usually at 2:00 am), she rocks. And hard.

One of Mr. Husband's gas guzzling over-sized vehicles was at the shop over the weekend because we really enjoy throwing money at mechanics and watching them use it to wipe up grease puddles. We needed to pick it up this evening, which essentially meant our whole night would have to be jam-packed if we wanted to fit in a bath, dinner, and all the other important things we do every evening (you know, like obsess over a certain fish tank). We figured we would save a little time by seeking out the most nutritious meal imaginable while running around and, thus, ended up at McDonald's. After all, there is nothing more nutritious than a pile of French fries with a side of ketchup.

The only obstacle in our quest for world domination was the Toddler. Specifically, her inability to eat anything resembling a meal in less than two days time. Seriously, she is the s l o w e s t eater I have ever seen. She's almost always last to finish eating at daycare. It takes her an hour to eat one waffle. It's really a good thing she doesn't eat meat because I'm pretty sure that a dead cow would eventually figure out how to regenerate its legs and walk away while she putzed around.

Normally I don't care if she opts to turn a couple of French fries and a handful of apple slices into an all-night fiesta, but since we were in a hurry tonight, I figured I would try to con her into getting her little piehole into gear. I told her that if she hurried, she could play on the slide at McDonald's. She was pretty enthused by the agreement and actually managed to eat a whole French fry in less than five minutes. It was AMAZING.

So, the kid was gushing about how she was going to play on the slide and was generally nothing but giggles and grins as we started to walk out. I went to push the door to the play area and . . .

. . . It was locked.

I looked down at Alexis, scrunching my face in preparation for the fit of the century. My brain raced through ways I could convince the manager to open the door, most of them involving obscenities about how 50 degrees is not too cold for a kid to be playing outside, you stupid *^*&%*& wimp.

Alexis grinned and said, "I get to pay on side!"

I cautiously replied, "Honey, we can't go play on the slide. The door is closed."

And cringe. I might have even covered my head to protect it from the impending tiny fists of fury.

My attempts at self-preservation were met with silence.

I slowly opened my eyes and Alexis said, "Da door cwosed. No pay." She promptly turned around and walked back into the seating area.

After I regained consciousness, we got in the car and made our way home. Along the way, I rewarded her AWESOME behavior by kicking her butt 8 to 1 in a game of LELLOW CAR!

Of course I keep score. How else will I know what numbers to play in the lottery?

41 comments:

  1. Evan would have lost it!! Maybe that's a sign that Alexis is moving out of the tantrum stage. On the other hand, mine is 18 mos and just moving into it with crazy enthusiasm!

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  2. Oh good for her! I - as the mommy- would have a hard time digesting that mishap....your kick ass kid did better then I would have! Yeah for her and mommy!

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  3. Just when we think we have these darn kids figured out they through a curve ball at us. Glad it worked out in your favor for a change!

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  4. Ugh, I feel your pain. I once knew a girl who ate SO slooooowww. IShe was at my house once and we were trying to get somewhere before it closed and I swear I felt like grabbing her jaw with my hands and chewing for her.

    Totally adorable photo! Gotta know where the outfit came from.

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  5. wow that's impressive! A testament to your good parenting, no doubt ;) (hey if we get blamed for their bad behavior, we should take credit for when they do something good, right?!?)

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  6. Can I have that child?

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  7. yeah, she totally rocks.

    i never had a kid do that -- and i had 4 chances at it!!

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  8. Dude... an hour for a waffle?

    ;) She has the right idea. I should be enjoying my food too. Usually I throw fists of food in my mouth out the door.

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  9. You NEVER know what's going to set them off. The other day, my kid was sitting on his changing table and he totally fell backwards and bashed his head into the wooden bar that keeps him from rolling off the side of it. No response. When he bumped his forehead lightly against a plastic toy this afternoon? Total meltdown. It's very confusing and makes the tranny head hurt.

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  10. Way to go, Alexis!

    And way to go you, kicking your toddlers butt at Lellow car :) !

    That picture is so cute. Seriously, she looks like she's saying, "You want a piece of me? I can take you!"

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  11. Oh, that picture is priceless!

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  12. I love moments like that! Sometimes kids can be so smart, and we just don't give them enough credit!!!

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  13. Just when ou think you know..... you find you don't. Sometimes that's a really good thing.

    Love the picture. So looks so happy, yet contemplating her next move.

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  14. Don't forget to remember today when two returns.

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  15. I love her.

    I played LELLOW CAR this weekend. Jon sucks at it.

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  16. Way to be Zen Alexis!

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  17. What a cute kid!!!

    And we could all use to slow down a little in our eating. She has it right!

    Peace - D

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  18. You probably get a little bit sick of me saying this, but YOU HAVE A VERY COOL KID. You and The Dad are obviously doing something very right. She had better reasoning powers than a lot of adults I know, and I just love the stuff she says. So, DANK YOU ALEXIS, for making me laugh daily :)!

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  19. Aw, that's awesome!
    ..after you regained conciousness....ha ha!
    My youngest is an extremely slow eater too! Ugh, I completely feel your pain.

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  20. What a great child! She is saving it all up for the teen years... ;-)

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  21. I still have to be bribed to east my french fries with the promise of playing on the slide. Of course McDonald's won't let me play since my ass got stuck last time.

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  22. Do you wanna trade?

    GO PENS!

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  23. DUDE! Alexis and Gavin should totally have a slow eat-off!...see who's slower. I was a really slow eater and my mom cursed me by threatening that I would one day have a kid that eats as slow as me. I do believe he's SLOWER, but whatever. It still takes him nearly an hour to eat dinner unless it's pizza or ice cream. Plus, they could share a chicken nugget meal...he'll eat the nuggest, she eats the fries.

    Oh, and she does look a bit threatening in that pic with that look on her face and the golf-club in hands.

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  24. OMG, I can't believe it. I would have just turned and ran if the door was locked since major meltdown would be sure to happen. And god, that's embarrassing.

    Anyway, enjoy the slow eating cause around here the kids eat so fast they are asking for a snack before I'm done my dinner!

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  25. That is awesome. Please send some of that luck my way! And, you did manage to make husband realize an actual yellow car is a bad idea, right?

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  26. Wow that sounds promising, a little easing off the tantrums huh? Sounds wonderful!

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  27. I think I'd take a slow eater over a picky eater any day. My GF's daughter is so picky that when we had her over for a sleepover, she wouldn't eat ANYTHING the whole time she was over. I tried offering everything and the moon, asked her what she wanted ("I don't know?") and finally called her Mom for suggestions. I could not deal with that on a daily basis!

    And that is AWESOME that Alexis took the news of the closed playground so well. =)

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  28. She's amazing! I can see how having a slow eater would be a pain at times(like when you're in a hurry), but it has to be great at times, too (like at a restaurant, when you want to relax and enjoy a leisurely meal). Yep, it sounds downright heavenly to me.

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  29. oh gosh she is sooooo very cute!

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  30. *L* she rocks all the more. Congrats on your winnings btw.

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  31. Oh yeah, she rocks! What a good nature! It's like Two has gone away on vacation for a while and left you with Alexis!!!

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  32. Yeah we would have had full tantrum mode!!! You got lucky on that one. Or maybe Alexis is smarter than you make her out to be and she really didn't want to go out into the cold weather and play.
    Hmmmm. Makes me think. She is already subplotting against you.
    MUHAHAHA!
    Nah probably not. I'm just a wee bit jealous.

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  33. i was wiping the sweat off my brow with that one! amazing! but wait until next time. you'll get it doubly bad! :)

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  34. She is so stinking cute :) Also Ketchup and fries are both part of the food pyramid. Vegetables and Fruit

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  35. Glad she didn't freak out on you. That's never good. You are a pro at Lellow Car!

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  36. I looked for it. I waited for it. SCORE it didn't happen! SO awesome!

    They do so totally surprise us, don't they??!!!

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  37. Oh, I have TOTALLY had that moment. And I remember my heart literally stopping and the only thing reviving me being my child actually reacting like a normal human being.

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  38. WOW! When you least expect it, they totally blow your mind, huh?

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  39. Mark my words, you will never forget this day.

    My oldest was the king of terrible twos, threes and into the fours. And I'll never ever forget that first time I told him to do something and he said "okay, Mommy". Just. like. that. Then a rainbow appeared in the living room.

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  40. Your baby's growing up! How sweet. But you still rock in lellow car.

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  41. Oh, mama, you teach her well . . .

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