Wednesday, May 21

Just Cause for a Shy Streak and Some Fun

Last night Alexis and I were flying solo as Mr. Husband had to attend an alleged work event until way late in the evening. Of course, we did what any intelligent women would do--we went out to dinner and then did some shopping. It was the first time we've done that in quite a while, so it was startling to realize it's actually, dare I say, enjoyable to have a girls' night out with the kid.

I figured I would make it all about the Toddler, so I asked her what she wanted for dinner. Always one to dream big, she said peanut butter and jelly. So, off we headed to the nearest Panera for a pair of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But when I got there, I realized that there was a new Mexican joint in the same little complex. I have never met a burrito I didn't want to inhale, so I overrode the Toddler's choice, knowing that she has never met rice and beans that she didn't want to shovel at top speed.

I was very right on that account. The Toddler shoveled that rice and those beans so fast and so furiously that it looked like a herd of wedding guests throwing Mexican rice at a bride and groom. I was actually feeling bad about the disaster zone until the server made a face when she saw it, then I started helping Alexis throw more food to the invisible dogs on the floor. I seriously would have cleaned up what I could if she hadn't gone all sourpuss on me. Now I figure that's what they get for only having forks bigger than my head. It would take a brain surgeon's precision and a crane to lift one of those forks full of beans neatly to a little pie hole.

Midway through the floor re-texturizing project, the REALLY drunk lady at the next table over suddenly took an interest in my little interior decorator. She came stumbling over, slathered herself across the table, and LOUDLY asked the Toddler about the Minnie Mouse on her shirt. I don't know what scared the Toddler worse--the giant uncovered boobs that were right smack in the middle of our table, the smell of half a box of wine radiating from the lady's pores, or the WICKED LOUD VOLUME OF HER RANTS. The Toddler leaped from her chair, landing right smack in my lap. She buried her face in my neck and didn't come out for a good ten minutes after the drunken whore finally stumbled back to her dinner with clients (no lie, she was trying to sell them something or other).

The Toddler has always had a Michigan J. Frog sort of quality about her. She loves to make people laugh and lives to entertain, just so long as nobody makes eye contact with her. Seriously, she will be laughing and jabbering and generally being a little clown, but if somebody so much as says "BOO" to her, she goes running to her mommy or daddy and hides for ten minutes. I've noticed that her shy streak is getting worse as she now won't say "please" or "thank you" or "bye bye" to strangers (she consistently did just two months ago). I'm thinking drunken whores have scared her shy.

Once we escaped the drunken whore, we managed to hit quite a few stores. I must have missed the memo, but apparently kids actually outgrow that whole "I'm going to run around like an idiot, bouncing like a ping pong ball off the walls, and I really don't care what you do. BYE!" phase. Six months ago I would have been lucky to make it through one store with the Toddler in tow. Now that she SUDDENLY is willing to hold my hand? We hit like ten. It was weird, and yet, delightful.

As we wrapped up the shopping spree, the Toddler turned to me and said, "This is fun." I think that means we need Daddy to have more alleged work things so we can enjoy more girls' nights out.

Make it happen, Mr. Husband.





(Just in case you thought I was the only cruel one in the house, here's proof that the Toddler enjoys inflicting pain on Baby Shell.)

51 comments:

  1. You're brave going out to eat ALONE without BACKUP with SMALL child!

    Sounds like a blast, I hope one day, Ella and I can decorate a Mexican restaurant!

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  2. Sounds like you had a great time! How nice that she was so well behaved.

    Stupid drunken whores. Personally, I just hate it when ANY stranger tries to interact with me or my son, but add to that drunkenness and whoreishness and there is no way I would want to deal with that.

    What is she doing to Baby Shell?! Maybe she wants Baby Shell to experience being stuck in a small item, too. At least we know we adults are not the only sadistic ones!

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  3. Oh you've got a little shopper on your hands. Lucky you!!

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  4. Ahh, so glad you've discovered the joys of shopping with a daughter. You'll go in and out of having fun with it. Right now my 14 year old and I wear the same size, so shopping is fun! Thanks for noticing I was taking a blog break...full plate and lots of writing going on.

    Kathy - Lessons from the Laundry

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  5. I always took my one and only out on "dates" with me and it was great for the 4.5 years of which he was an one and only child. Those dates were always a BLAST! Then I banged out two more FAST... and my life was over.

    lmao... Beth

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  6. She does sporting events. She does Mexican cuisine. She shops. Can I be her Godmother, pa-leaze?

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  7. I would love it if shopping with Evan were to become enjoyable...does that ever really happen with boys? He humors me for a while, though.

    Holding my hand has become a huge ordeal lately - I'll be glad when that's over!

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  8. I love to shop. The toddler...not so much. And, I'm glad she's scared of whores. It's like DON'T DO DRUGS but from a whore perspective. Don't sell yourself for anything less than a night at the Ritz and $500. Right?

    Poor Shell.

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  9. Don't you hate it when weirdos come up and expect your kid to talk to them? Kids know what's weird and what's not, too. Hence the hiding. Good one, Alexis!
    Oh, and aren't those rare girls' nights the best? We have been getting our fair share around here, but it's been really not too shabby. :-)

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  10. Drunken whore? I'd have hid too.

    As for the doll punishing...at least it's not one of the dogs.

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  11. Some kids are like cats -- they withdraw if the OTHER person shows too much interest.

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  12. Dude. Life is just beginning. My daughter is my most fun shopping cohort ever. And she feels the same about me. It's sweet.

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  13. Poor baby Shell! Maybe next time you can take baby Shell shopping to make up for her abuse at the toddler's hands.

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  14. you've only just begun...

    there is nothing better than a shopping expedition with my teenage daughter.

    except possibly having bamboo shoots hammered under my fingernails.

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  15. Oh boy . . . what a hoot! Gotta love a drunken whore story . . .

    "I have never met a burrito I didn't want to inhale"--hee hee. Me, neither.

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  16. ok, wait... they outgrow that phase?
    After 9, right? That's what you meant, isn't it? That 9 year olds will act this way...

    It's got to be...

    Well, and drunken whores.

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  17. Sorry I got my boobs on your table.

    ;-)

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  18. I'm surprised the waitress acted like that. My experience in Mexican restaurants (and I eat at them a lot) is they love kids and don't care about messes. Peanut is our social committee. She has to say hi to everyone and we normally look at the back of her head all through a meal because she is too busy talking to everyone else in the restaurant.

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  19. She said it was fun? Aww, that's just the sweetest thing from a little one! I feel like her sometimes. Oh if only I could keep it real and not make nice sometimes.

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  20. So glad you both had a good time! Yeah for that! I am also glad to see Alexis is being trained well as a mommy- Baby Shell probably never saw it coming ;)

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  21. Poor Baby Shell--she's probably all "Huh?! What?! I thought you LIKED me, kid!"

    Morgan, knock on wood, is great in restaurants and stores. Even boring stores like grocery shopping.

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  22. In contrast, my kid is afraid of no one and nothing. This is his thought process:

    Huge ass noisy train? SWEET!

    Big tranny headed mother? SWEET!

    Annoying old person that smells like mothballs? SWEET!

    Nuclear explosion? SWEET!

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  23. I love Mexican food. My son never met a refried bean he didn't like. Or a taco. Yay for girls night out! This is why I need a daughter.

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  24. I'm looking forward to the day I can just walk around with my toddler. We are currently in the run-like-a-wild-boar phase and a big 8-month pregnant mommy has a hard time keeping up.

    Charlotte does the "shy" thing with weird strangers. She has good weirdo-dar.

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  25. You know, my youngest is exactly the same! She was a nightmare to shop with at 1 and early 2's, but now at almost 3 she is incredibly easy to shop with! It truly is stress free and enjoyable! It is amazing how much kids change. Seriously, they can do complete 180's in behavior at a drop of a hat. You never know...

    And sorry about the drunk lady! I would probably be hiding my face too!

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  26. Aurora was about 2 when we first started having mommy/daughter outings. I love them and now at 14 the only problem with taking her out now is trying to convince her to share the clothes she buys with me. ;o)

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  27. Okay, exactly how old is she, because I am really looking forward to an enjoyable shopping trip! He does okay in the grocery store if I keep it quick, but otherwise, it is impossible. Which would explain why I haven't bought a new item of clothing in about, oh, 18 months?!

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  28. The first time Evie got attacked by a scary drunk whore she was about 4 months old. I think she ruined the kid in public.

    I'm with Just Jamie. At the very least can Alexis be my BFF?

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  29. Druken whores make me shy too. No worries.

    Also, tacos/mexican food is the one thing BOTH of my little tater tots will inhale w/out question.

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  30. When do they outgrow that "I'm going to run around like an idiot, bouncing like a ping pong ball off the walls, and I really don't care what you do. BYE!"?

    Cause mine have not....and it's getting old. I have even tried to cram them into a dog stroller that zips up so they can't escape...but somehow they do and ruin my shopping.

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  31. Is Shell being stuffed in a toddler garbage disposal? Because that's freaking awesome!

    Little Man and I have been going out on dates just the two of us since he was pretty little, like from the time he could eat solids. I don't know if it's because I've taken him out so much that he just knows how to behave, but I've always enjoyed our time together alone, just the two of us and I always look forward to Sweetie Pie leaving town so I can take my Little Man out on the town.
    He particularly loves to go clubbing, as long as they have top shelf tequila by the bottle, of course.

    I just wonder if my next one will be as good, or if I was just stupidly lucky with Little Man.

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  33. What a fun night! You should definitely try to do that once in a while... I bet she'll remember it forever!

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  34. Punkin does the SAME THING about not saying please or hello or thank you to other people. She won't even say goodbye to her teachers -- the people she's been with ALL DAY. Weird.

    Sounds like a fun night! Minus the drunken whore of course.

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  35. Gavin's the same way...and I was as well: painfully shy but willing to perform if no one paid me any particular attention. I turned out okay, so there's some hope for Alexis.

    stop laughing!

    really, you can stop laughing

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  36. That sounds like such a fun outing! And being shy around drunken whores is probably a good thing.

    I can't wait until we are at that stage, cause we are just entering the bounce of the walls and run around the store stage. No. Fun.

    Lame about the server at the restaurant. When I used to work in one, I just knew kids would through food and I planned to use the sweeper thing after they left. No big deal, really. Just expect it and get over it, stupid server.

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  37. Awwwww.... what a cute post. I love girls nights.

    You are such a great writer. Love your stories.

    "Inhaling that burrito" I love to do that often.

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  38. Poor baby Shell! Sounds like you girls had a great time!

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  39. To shop with just one kid, is a dream of mine...

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  40. What a fun evening. I love doing the one-on-one things with the boys. I can even sneak in a little shopping with JUST one kid in tow.

    I am worried that you can identify BOXED wine from a pore sniff test.

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  41. Sounds awesome!

    I can't wait till we get to the phase where shopping isn't a total pain in the a**. I'm making a list now of things I want...

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  42. Okay suggestion. Do not reproduce soon. I am scared of what she is doing to Baby Shell! LOL

    And yeah tell her the drunken whore is something to never aspire too. If you are going to whore around do it Pretty Women style.

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  43. They get to the point where you can take them to the store with you for shopping trips? Cooool....

    I was so baffled by those last photos...very funny.

    As for the drunken woman - had she done that to me I would have run to my mommy too -- even though my mommy is currently driving back from North Carolina.

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  44. Hello my honey
    Hello my baby
    Hello my rag-time gal...


    sorry. couldn't help it.

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  45. It doesn't surprise me at all that she would be a fun shopping companion, even if not so up with the drunken whores. Maybe just a little bit of mammary envy? HA!

    I'm just a wee bit concerned for Baby Shell, though. Seems to me the road rash hasn't even had a chance to heal yet.

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  46. Oh, makes me want to have a girl! I suspect that the only shopping Chicken will ever do with me will be toy shopping!

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  47. You totally give me hope that I can leave the house with my son. I am in the "ping pong" stage. However, it does get me backstage tours of places like the post office when I have to run after him.

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  48. How cool! I can finally go eat at the mall and shop with my daughter too, now that she's 16. :)

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  49. At least it wasn't a live animal of some sort. Man that face of hers is so stinking cute. What I wouldn't give for a little girl shopping partner! Color me green.

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  50. Yeah, I'll bet that drunken whore was selling them something alright.

    I don't know what Alexis is doing to Baby Shell but she's doing it wrong.

    :)

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  51. ImpostorMom10:01 PM

    This gives me hope that one day Boog will out grow that crazy wondering stage and actually hold my hand without falling to the floor giving the illusion that I am actually breaking his arm.

    Then maybe I can stop carrying the heavy little monster. :P

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