Sunday, May 25

Just One of Those Moments I May Never Understand

Mr. Husband has recently acquired the skill set necessary to tuck the Toddler in for the night, so I decided to throw myself a little freedom party by running to the grocery store for some very much so needed milk and veggies. (I'm wild and crazy like that.) As I zipped up and down the aisles, grabbing things left and right without a deranged Toddler nor very many deranged grown-ups to drag me down, I was thinking that I might have to make it a habit to do my grocery shopping late at night on the weekends. The local craptastic supermarket is WAY more tolerable when there's hardly anybody else there.

I changed my mind after what had to be the most confusing five minutes I've ever spent in a grocery store parking lot (considering I worked at a grocery store for a while in college, that sort of is saying something).

I'm one of those polite and not lazy people that put the cart away when they are done with it (we rock). As I was walking across the four spaces between the cart return and my car, some chick thought it would be fun to pull through the spaces in the middle of the lot and park three feet in front of me, directly between me and my car. So, I walked all the way around her car and then stopped to wait by my trunk. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe that the lady was planning to get out of her car and go in the store? Since her driver's side door was right next to my driver's side door, I guess I made the crazy assumption that we would have to take turns opening doors.

So I waited.

And I waited. I just knew that if I tried to get in my car, she would suddenly throw her door open and whack mine. She totally looked like the type that attacks stranger's cars.

Finally, she rolled down her window and asked, "Can I help you with something?"

I'm sure the look on my face was priceless at that very moment. Somehow, I managed to construct a sentence about how I was just waiting to get in my car.

"Oh, am I in your way?"

Ding! We have a winner! Of course, I didn't actually say that, I just displayed my second priceless expression of the night.

Slowly the woman fumbled with her keys, reached over to her glove compartment to fumble some more, and then finally made her way out of her car.

As she walked past me, I realized she had something in her hand. It was a little bitty can. She had it poised perfectly in her palm, with a finger on top, as if she was ready to spray something.

I can't swear to it, but I think the lady was carrying mace. You know, just in case I habitually stalk women late at night in a grocery store parking lot. I do indeed prefer women who don't know how to park, and that need five minutes to get out of their cars.

32 comments:

  1. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who drive through parking spots instead of doing it the expected way. So I probably would have punched her in the face.

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  2. I love you for putting your cart away. You DO rock.

    So that late at night there really should have been more empty spaces than right beside you. Which tells me she chose to park there for safety reasons. And then weilded mace just in case the stranger she chose for protection turned the other way on her.

    Idiots like that shouldn't be allowed out after dark.

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  3. You make my heart flutter by saying you put your cart back.

    I had something to say about the Mace girl, but Karen pretty much summed it all up for me :)

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  4. You should have given her the finger, dinged her door, or mooned her. Or all of the above. Then if she maced you, charge her with assault and battery.

    But then again, that just proves that I'm not a nice person.

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  5. Yeah I hear grocery store parking lots are the best place to stalk women...was she on something or what???

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  6. Aww, you scared the poor confused woman, with your scary self.

    Hey, glad you enjoyed the shindig!

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  7. OMG, could you imagine if she had sprayed you? Bizarre!

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  8. That really is too funny.
    Wow. I had no idea you were so scary.

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  9. You are a pretty scary figure. I wouldn't mess with your ass in a parking lot. I bet you're resistant to Mace like some crazy Super-powered woman.

    And way to go protecting your new car from door dings. Give it a month.

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  10. Come on.. I bet you were standing there holding a bat and wearing a baseball cap backwards... tell us the rest of the story! ;-) **snort!**

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  11. You've gotta love people with no social graces. Honestly!

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  12. You must have looked really scary. Idiot people make me want to scream.

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  13. Remind me to get you a macdaddy size can of pepper spray to accompany the look. Cause that wumman needs some serious spritzing.

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  14. 1st of all, YES we do rock. 2nd, um, "hello???????????????"

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  15. oh dear god, she got her mace before she got out of the car?

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  16. She probably never shops at night. That, or she's a stalker who molests other women at night and was only expecting what she usually gives out. Evil woman. You were lucky to make it out of there alive.

    Cute shot of wet toddler. :)

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  17. I am not into stupid people. She sounds like one of them. Cute picture of the Toddler.

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  18. Love the soggy toddler look.

    Good job taking advantage of Mr. Husband's newfound bedtime skillz...I'm still working on Justin for Cooper. In fact tonight I made the proclamation of "I can't always be the one to put him to sleep. Go back in there and start patting!" In his defense, Coop is WAY overtired from abbreviated naps and tons of fun in the sun & pool.

    As for the freak in the car? I'm the same way...I get stunned speechless when people are that idiotic...I can't even come up with some snotty/witty remark. Although had my blood sugar been low, I would've had an incredibly rude remark, which would've been totally called-for with that lady.

    (and yay us for being all polite with our carts!)

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  19. Gah, I thought you were going to say she maced you. What a paranoid weirdo!

    Love that picture of the toddler!

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  20. Kudos on the putting away of the cart! I get soooo mad when I see people who just leave the cart there in he parking space, grrr.

    I can't believe she thought you were a 'bad guy'. Because you look SO menacing, hehe

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  21. Sounds like you walked into the middle of a David Lynch film.

    I like the grocery store at night too but it definitely brings out the weirdos. And then you start to think, wait am I weird for shopping at night? Way too many deep thoughts for the grocery store.

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  22. Weird-O.

    Maybe putting your cart away doesn't rock so much after all...

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  23. I'm guessing she has issues!
    Thanks for putting that cart away--rock on!

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  24. Well, that is bizarro. Maybe it WASN'T mace in her little can. Maybe it was a tiny vile of crack or something?

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  25. Were you wearing a low-cut top? Because I've been known to scare women late at night when my giant knockers were showing.

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  26. yeah I feel so good about myself too when I put it away until I don't (honestly I do 98% of the time). That's when I just put on my James Dean, "I'm a rebel and I couldn't give a flip if you think I'm no good." face.
    I worry about women out at night alone! What on earth????

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  27. people are sooooooooooo weird.

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  28. All stores are better late at night. It weeds out all but the craziest of crazies...then you KNOW you need to avoid them. I'd have been afraid she was carrying acid or something!

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  29. That's pretty funny but I'm glad you didn't get maced for being polite. That would be horrible but probably the way life would work out. try to be nice and get the short and painful end of that deal. I love the last picture!

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  30. I am so dumb. When I read spray something or other I jumped to spray paint--like she was hiding out til it was a good time to hit the store with graffiti or something. Clearly Karen, I am the one who shouldn't be let out after dark...

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  31. Huh. I've always suspected something was "off" about you. After all, you DO continue to read me....and I think we've established that I'm sorta psycho, what with wishing coaches would get smacked in the shins with stray foul balls and all. :)

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  32. You are totally the type to stalk stupid women at the grocery store. Don't lie!

    Yeah for Mr. Husband learning to put the kiddo to bed! You deserve to do something better on a night off!

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