Sunday, June 29

The Apple is RIGHT, I Tell You

Whenever we venture into the big bad world as a family, Mr. Husband drives. That is not because I don't like to drive, it is because I don't like to drive when he is in the car. Once upon a time he trained people to get their Class B CDL licenses. Essentially, he was paid to sit in the passenger seat and critique every move somebody made while driving a very large bus. Guess who was really good at critiquing every move somebody made while driving? Why, yes, my husband is a back-seat driving overachiever. Yes, he is.

Since I can't handle being asked when I last checked my blind spot and having somebody count the seconds between my glances in the rear-view mirror, I just force let him drive everywhere. It's FAR less stress for me, and probably for him as well since I would probably bite off his head, chew it until it was super mushy, then spit it into out the window right after he asked me if I was maintaining the proper following distance on the freeway for the eleventy seventh fourteenth time.

The only thing is that I am also a bit of a back-seat driver. I'm nowhere near as bad as him, but I do have a major paranoia about rear-ending a car (been there, done that, it wasn't my fault but my brand new Civic looked an awful lot like a Smart car when it was all over). So, if he maybe waits a millisecond longer than I would before braking, I'm not above, I don't know, shrieking like a teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. I might yell, "LOOK OUT! THAT CAR IS STOPPING!" Or maybe it's, "WE'RE GOING TO DIE. STOOOOOOOOOP!"

Anyway.

The littlest apple in our family fell very near both trees. No doubt about it. Alexis has become quite the little back seat driver. She is always telling me that I've missed my turn if I happen to drive past the playground, she likes to tell me to go faster, and she sometimes gets a little crabby about my inability to park next to yellow cars. It's all good.

This morning, Mr. Husband experienced his own moment of enduring the littlest back-seat driver. Alexis and he were running to the store to get a new propane tank for our grill when Alexis suddenly shrieked and yelled, "WOOK OUT! THERE'S CAR!" She very nearly scared Mr. Husband to death.

That's my girl.

43 comments:

  1. I'm laughing. Good girl though, she and Mommy will get him in line together!

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  2. LOL! You guys sound so much like us!

    And - btw - did you know there is an ACTUAL name for the "lellow car" game? I learned from mine that it is "Juicy Fruit" and, like "slug bugs," one gets to hit someone when she or he sees a bright yellow car. Trust me...I have sore shoulders since that is all they can reach when I drive!

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  3. I do the same thing!

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  4. The hub is also a back seat driver, I think our worst moment was actually when he sat in the back seat (yes, he really really did)!

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  5. HAHA!!! This just happened to us today too. The hubby was parallel parking at church and was less than an inch from touching our side mirror to a parked car's side mirror. I almost screamed (since I was RIGHT NEXT TO THE MIRRORS) but covered my mouth instead.
    The minute Joey spotted Grandma in church he said, "Daddy almost bashed our mirror into another car's!" hehehe

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  6. Oh yeah! The back seat driver. Diva is good at that one. The other day I went through two yellow lights so she started quizzing me about it. She pays way too much attention.

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  7. YAY! I do the same thing. And, mine's always saying, "Daddy, stop speeding - you'll get a ticket."

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  8. HI! I came across your blog on my friend Michelle's blog.
    Nice to know that my 6 yr old is not the only child that does this.She is always yelling at me for stopping when the light is yellow.."that means just slow down mommy".

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  9. I've got a little love bling for you over at my blog.

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  10. Seeing as I'm married to professional driver... I can absolutely relate to the backseat driver thing with the menfolk. Like you, I generously grant him the opportunity to drive every time we need to go somewhere.

    Keeps him quiet, and keeps me from sewing his lips and eyelids shut. :)

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  11. Backseat drivers unsettle me. I feel like I'm always on the verge of getting into a horrible car crash.

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  12. I love that Mr. H, being the professional driving machine that he is, needs nagged too.

    And that picture is priceless.

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  13. You trained that girl right! :-)

    Peace - D

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  14. Ha! Hopefully Evan will do that to Jeff! I don't drive for the same reason (and that Jeff won't let me.) Jeff insists that I'm a bad driver, but I don't agree!

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  15. I am convinced that all men drive too close to the car in front of them, and wait too long to brake. I usually clutch the door or reach for the dash or stamp my foot into the floor as if there is a passenger side brake. All ridiculous. On our way to vacation once, my husband rear ended someone (in MY car of course), so I think I'm entitled to a little yelling.

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  16. Haha! Go Alexis. It sounds like she comes by it honestly!

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  17. I love the "you missed your turn" by the playground. Hilarious.

    ...and your "inability to park next to yellow cars"????

    Driving with you & your husband would make me NUTS!

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  18. Hysterical. I too force my hubby to drive. I am also afraid that he might rear-end the car in front of us at anytime (he's never), but I still worry. I slam my foot on my pretend passenger brake all the time....just so he'll get the message.

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  19. Sounds like me. I am always slamming my foot into the passenger brake (pretend of course). Pisses him off! It's good that you are training Alexis early for being a wife one day!!!

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  20. I quite literally laughed aloud when I read that last paragraph!! How funny!! Good for Alexis :D

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  21. Little Man constantly yells at me while driving.

    This actually started when he was really young and couldn't even talk yet. If I'd brake really, really suddenly, he'd yell "CRASH!"

    No idea where he got that from, I'm thinking his father must have taught him to do that.

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  22. At Christmas time I drove with the kids and my Mom to a holiday party. Apparently when I was backing into the parking spot my mirror MAY have touched the mirror of the car next to us. As we got out I told my daughter not to say anything to Daddy.

    Well, when we got home she whispered to me, loudly, "I won't tell Daddy about your mirror Mommy.", and he was RIGHT THERE!

    UGH...kids.

    Alexis is too cute!

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  23. Well - you can always just bellow out "LELLOW CAR!" to throw her off her game when she tries to tell you that you missed the playground turn . . .

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  24. I always let hubby drive so I can critique him. LOL

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  25. If my husband and I ever get divorced, it will be because of my backseat driving.

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  26. i ALWAYS make him drive. i can't stand the commentary. makes me nuts and i prefer to just NOT DEAL WITH IT.

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  27. LOL, sounds like Bradley!
    I love the photo!

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  28. Too funny!

    Another gorgeous photo.

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  29. I haven't been here in forever. Where have I been? I don't even know. HI!

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  30. Mandy7:04 PM

    Ha ha!
    My husband H.A.T.E.S it when I *GASP!* while he drives. I've got both girls doing it now. Drives. him. crazy. (and makes me laugh)

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  31. Sweet Jeebus, I do believe we have married the same man! I find it easier to let him drive as well. I also do a lot of cringing and stomping hard on the ol' imaginary brakes whilst he is driving.

    But at least he's not bitching at me about my driving!

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  32. Oh, and "wellow cars" are Bumblebee cars in my household...

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  33. Yeah, I'm with the Lellow Car advice.

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  34. You just described my whole marital relationship in one paragraph. :)

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  35. Oh my goodness. That was a hoot.

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  36. Years and years of rush-hour highway driving have turned me into a very close driver...makes my mom nervous...she sits WAAAAAY back in her seat to the point where her chin is pushed into her neck all weird (and not flattering). She grabs onto the chicken handle and gasps pretty often. Justin, on the otherhand, doesn't mind my driving too much unless we're in stop-and-go traffic...but then it's just his motion sickness kicking in because he's not the one stopping and going.
    Me? I will say stuff like "uh, I can't see...can you run the wipers?" and "we're slowing down" because if I'm talking to Justin in the car, he can't drive. It's almost safer to let him text-message while driving than to let him engage with me in a conversation while driving. I'm not allowed to gasp in the car because the last time I did, my seat belt and Gavin's carseat saved the two of us from hitting the windshield. Although yelling in the car seems to be acceptable...

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  37. It cracks me up that kids think they know how to drive. My kids ask me to slow down all the time.

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  38. That made me pee a little! Thank God for Alexis!!!!

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  39. Little Man did the same thing to hubs today. He said Mommy, did we just get in a wreck? No, but almost. LM: Why was daddy so close to that car? hehe

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  40. Good girl!!

    (LMAO, btw.)(Guilty as charged, ma'am.)

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  41. So we have him to thank for those PAT bus drivers who almost run us down daily? Hmmmm....


    I'm a horrible passenger. My husband is a super aggressive driver and I can't stand it. I'm constantly pointing out the car in front of us is stopping or the one next to us is creeping into our lane. His response is invariably "I see him" and mine is "Then why don't you act like it?"

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  42. I love it! Too cute! My boys love to tell me to drive faster or to slow down. They also love to ask "what State are we in" when we drive down the street. It's ridiculous! Gotta love them!

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