Thursday, July 10

My Alarm Clock Could Kick Your Alarm Clock's Hiney

So, how was your day?

Glad to hear it.

What's that?

Mine?

My day was fantastic! Thank you so much for asking. Well, I should say it was fantastic all except for that little bitty part of the day where my alarm clock seemed to malfunction. That part was NOT so fun, I tell ya'.

It all started around 5:30 when I heard little Toddler footsteps walking down the hall. Now the Toddler? She has actually been sleeping in her own bed all night long for the last week or so. I blame it on vacation and the fact that we didn't HAVE to get up early all those mornings. Of course now that we're back to the grind the kid would decide she needs to become one with my pillow, thereby interrupting my four hours of nightly beauty rest. Whatever.

I heard the footsteps and figured I would just ignore the short person standing next to my side of the bed. It worked, too, because she went around to the other side and used the Bulldog's footstool (don't ask, I don't want to talk about it) to climb up on the bed. She laid down beside me, all snuggly and cozy, and we fell back asleep.

Next thing I know, I started to hear noises. Odd noises. I thought it seemed a little weird that the alarm clock was going off half an hour before it really needed to go off. Then I felt it. Wetness. On my face. Stinky, disgusting, chunky wetness. Just as my brain was processing that an alarm clock can't emit chunky wet stuff, the Toddler whispered, "Mommy, I puke."

Awwww, yeah. My life is now complete. I have had a kid puke on my face while I was sleeping.

(BTW, I am the SUCKTASTIC Parent of the Year and sent her to daycare anyway. I needed to get my laptop so I could work from home and figured either I could drag her to my office, or I could drop her off at school and maybe, just maybe, it would turn out to be a random weird thing and she would be fine. She lasted half an hour, but I did manage to grab my laptop. After that, there was working but no more puking. Not even when she ate a giant gob of canned cranberries at dinner.)

59 comments:

  1. i just died a little inside.
    oh.my.god.

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  2. you know you gotta love them when you can wear their puke and not totally freak out. i would say you deserve some kind of award for that one. definately not one of the fondest memories of waking up next to your little one.

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  3. Oh god...I feel sick just thinking about that. Really sick. Ugh.

    How did you deal with it?! I would have freaked out. Why did she do it on your FACE?! Why didn't she lean over the side of the bed, or just...not on your face? EWE!

    At least she was okay the rest of the day.

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  4. You just haven't earned your badge of Mommy honor unless you've worn kiddie puke. Period.
    You earn a TROPHY, though, for wearing it on your FACE. Ick!

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  5. Okay. This one tops all. I have a feeling that "Mommy, I puke" is going to be reverberating through nightmares for weeks.

    I'm not sure I could bring myself to let her back into bed after that one. Meg might just have to loose the steps ;-)

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  6. Wow. That really, really sucks.

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  7. ICK!

    I once tried to caught it when one of the kids was sick- serously...what was I thinking? Why did I prefer it land in my hands instead of the floor....I've since learned to just buy new carpet ;)

    Of course, that doesn't so much help you - you can't buy a new head!

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  8. Hey - we've got that same alarm clock! Sadly I was sick as well when it happened and I didn't care that someone else puked on me. Sam made me clean it up anyway. The mattress is still stained.

    Hope Alexis is completely healed and doesn't hit the snooze for a repeat tomorrow morning.

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  9. Oh YUCK, she says as she is laughing.

    I have never had anyone puke on my head while I've been sleeping and I thought my kids had done it ALL. That's why I love blogging, it's all about what I learn.

    BUT I have sent a kid some where hoping that they weren't too sick, only to have to turn around twenty minutes later. Yes, I'm bad too.

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  10. Well, that certainly gives you a whole new appreciation for your alarm clock doesn't it? I loved those days of trying to sneak in a semi-sick kid under the daycare radar. At least it gave me a chance to try to get my desk in order and pack up my laptop before I had to go home. I am glad those days are over.

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  11. Totally sorry, but I actually laughed outloud when I read the line that she'd puked on your face!!

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  12. If I ever needed another reason to keep the kids out of my bed, you just gave it to me! I think I would have puked, too.

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  13. Oh, hey, I was holding a "Most Redundant Statement" contest in my head and: Winner Winner Winner.

    "Mommy. I puke."

    Gechh.

    :}

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  14. Poor baby! She's a doll though. Thanks for the comment, btw!

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  15. I think I just threw-up a little in my mouth.

    My finest accomplishment as a parent has been teaching Cooper to actually recognize that he has to puke, telling me he is going to puke, and then getting 95% of said puke in a barf bag . . . though to be fair, he has been getting car sick since 14 months, so we have had LOTS of practice.

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  16. I am SO, SO sorry this happened to you. SO sorry. Did I say I was sorry? I would have puked too if it had been me.

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  17. "Just as my brain was processing that an alarm clock can't emit chunky wet stuff . . ."

    You're a Word Genie!

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  18. oh. Wow. My poor friend. How ever did you recover? I can't even listen to my daughter puke without joining in on the fun, but to be in it- feel it- smell it...
    wow.
    you are like steel.

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  19. oh that is a LOVELY way to start the day! yummy!

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  20. Nice description!
    YUCK! ha ha ha
    That sure is one heck of a way to wake up!
    I hope today is better :)

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  21. At least you could say she's great at sharing.....

    (Blech, nothing is worse than kid puke.)

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  22. Can't...even...comment...trying...to...erase...mental...image...too...gross...erasing....now.

    Where are you guys in that picture?

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  23. Gag!! I have been puked on, just not my face.

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  24. Man, I would have puked right on HER face. Not on purpose, just a natural reaction.

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  25. Brings back a not so fond memory for me. It sucks changing all the sheets at that time of the day.

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  26. I had a dog, that looked at me, burped and then puked in my lap..........while I was sitting on the toilet. I think you got me beat. I am a sympathetic puker, I would have joined her.

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  27. Oh gross. Now that is one that has never happened to me.
    Do you hear me knocking on wood this very moment? Cause I am!

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  28. Oh, I feel for you.... on the face, now who deserves that? My daughter puked all over me once, I thought I got it off, changed my shirt... but when I took my bra off that night there where chunks of mandarin oranges in there. I could puke just thinking about it now.

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  29. Okay I seriously just barfed a little in my mouth. She must be a quiet puker. When Bean does it he STILL projectile vomits and is LOUD. You my dear need a mommy award.

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  30. Welcome to parenthood! You're not a full blown mom till the kid pukes in your bed in the middle of the night. Lucky you. :)

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  31. Ho there, you need to put a warning up "Puke talk ahead". I nearly gagged on my Shredded Wheat.

    BTW, my full sympathies, that sounds unbelievably sucky.

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  32. Ewwww.... I was totally expecting that warmness to be bulldog slobber. Now I don't know what's worse!

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  33. Whenever there's puke in the bed I just want to set the whole thing on fire rather than clean it up.

    I've never had it on my face though. You win!

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  34. I actually saw the puking alarm clock on Amazon.com, but decided that my current model and its music playing tendencies worked just fine for me, thank you very much.

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  35. She puked on your face. I don't even know how I would react if that happened to me.

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  36. That totally sucks.

    I've gotten puked on by the dog while sleeping, so there's something.

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  37. Ewww, glad that wasn't me! LOL!

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  38. I got that the other night... but it was on a much larger scale via the boyfriend. At that point I would've been begging for toddler puke.

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  39. Anonymous4:05 PM

    Gross! And the very best part is you sent her to daycare so she can share her germs with her class mates and now they can go home and puke on their mommies faces! You're sharing the puke-love, aren't you just soooo sweet. lol

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  40. ZOMG.

    That is all.

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  41. Oh...oh, that's just nasty! Poor you!

    Incidentally? My dogs have a little staircase for climbing up on the bed, too. Otherwise, I might actually get to keep some of the bed and the covers to myself. So far, they haven't puked on me.

    Peace - D

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  42. This is the shit they should show films of in high school health class - that would prevent teen pregnancy.

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  43. mommy, i gag.

    seriously, we are the moms that other parents HATE. the ones who take their sick kids to daycare or send them to school. i used to tylenol and dimetapp my kids up to the eyeballs and send them off anyway. mother of the year, that's me.

    but where do you think they got the bug anyway? honestly.

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  44. That would have started a vomit chain reaction here..yucky...but you can tell her this when she's older -see all I do for you and you puked in my face ;)

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  45. Ewww...I've had my kids puke in bed and on me before, but not both at the same time. I hope she's feeling better.

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  46. Haven't had a kid blow chunks in my bed. But this morning I had a wet bed from an overflowing diaper, not mine.

    I have sent many a kid with my fingers crossed. Only to be called 1 minute later.

    Sigh.

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  47. For the love of Jehovah that's rancid. I just hope she just ate something that didn't agree with her and wasn't sick (for your sake) . . becuase I can assure you after the barf has gone all overy our face? You're probably getting it, too.

    I recommend eating bananas and white rice exclusively for the next 3-4 days just to be safe.

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  48. You know...here's to hoping that doesn't happen to me...I. FEAR. IT. WILL.

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  49. Wow! Yuck! There's nothing more to say here except you might want to exchange that for a beeping alarm clock.

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  50. anglophilefootballfanatic.com11:17 PM

    You know how you told me throwing up a little in my mouth was cool? I'm REALLY cool. You DID NOT share that detail with me. I just puked a little in my mouth. There was NOT a Dance of Joy.

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  51. I"m crackin up laughin!!! That pic is the best Daddy pic too.

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  52. Mum of the Year. Totally.
    Yuk.

    Came over from authorblog where riverpoet nominated you for POTD.
    Not sure if I should thank them or slap them.... lol

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  53. Nasty! Talk about your face scrub.

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  54. Um,,yeah,,that may just be the funniest story you have ever written! I can't stop laughing.

    Thanks-you never fail to make me roar-ever. Love you. and that lil' toddler. she's perfect.

    oh, and let us know when you're ready to talk about the footstool.

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  55. ImpostorMom3:40 PM

    that is just gross, god I hate the puke.

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  56. "Awwww, yeah. My life is now complete. I have had a kid puke on my face while I was sleeping.

    (BTW, I am the SUCKTASTIC Parent of the Year and sent her to daycare anyway"

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

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  57. (finally catching up...)

    so the next time you catch Mr. Husband shaking up the Toddler like that, you're gonna make sure she pukes on HIS face, right?

    (and we have steps to our bed for Ginger...otherwise she cries.all.night.)

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