Thursday, August 14

Zzzzzzzzzzzz . . . .

There are many most excellent ways to start your day: sleeping in, eating breakfast in bed, with a nice long uninterrupted shower. All good.

We were not so fortunate as to have started our day in anything resembling a good way. Rather, we were awakened 30 minutes before the butt crack of dawn by the cutting sound of a toddler saying, "I want Baby Shell." Yeah, OK, that doesn't seem all that bad, but she was in our bed, so the very-much-so out loud words were right in my ear. LOUD. I stumbled down the hall to the Toddler's room to fetch her doll, which was sleeping quite peacefully in the bed that is apparently awful to sleep in past midnight. I guess it turns into a pumpkin or something because the Toddler hasn't managed to stay in it all the way through to single digits for a while.

Back I stumbled with Baby Shell, handing her to the now sitting up toddler. I snuggled back into bed, all warm and cozy, and just as I was about to doze off again, "I want Miffy, please."

AGGLE FLAGGLE KLABABBLE. (That's my new way of swearing without swearing. It makes me laugh, so roll with it, please.)

Miffy is this enormous stuffed animal that I UNFORTUNATELY won from Madame Queen eons ago. Miffy was supposed to go to the local women's shelter and was, in fact, all boxed up and ready to go when Mr. Husband spotted her. And stole her. And wouldn't give her back. Miffy lives by his side of the bed, so he scooped the stupid thing up and gave it to the Toddler.

Just as we were about to return to the land of sweet dreams, the Toddler started talking again. I don't know what she said exactly as my brain was screaming AGGLE FLAGGLE KLABABBLE. SNURP. Little Miss Sunshine was Wide! Awake! and Ready! To! Go!

We ignored her. And ignored her. And ignored her. But then the butt crack of dawn arrived and Mr. Husband had to get up and get ready for work. Of course the Toddler followed him downstairs so she could demand that he turn on whatever nonsense is on Noggin at the butt crack of dawn. And of course she refused to go back upstairs when Mr. Husband had to leave for work. Her little booty was parked on the couch with Baby Shell in one hand and a plate full of waffles in the other.

I let her get babysat by the television. I am not proud.

Just as I was ready to throw some clothes on the kid and dash out the door, her decision to wake up ridiculously early suddenly crashed down on her like a ton of bricks. "I go to sleep," she said.

"If I can't go back to sleep, you most definitely aren't. Let's get your clothes on, please."

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHH." Commence the Sleepy Kid Fit Dance. I love that dance. It's the one where no matter what you do, they want you to do the opposite, even if what you do is exactly what they just told you to do. Next time she's just going to daycare in her pajamas, because the battle was most certainly not worth it. At all.

Somehow the kid managed to be decent, if not actually good, all day at daycare. I'm not real sure how she does that, but I think it's exceptionally unfair that she behaves for the people that are paid to hang with her and then has the audacity to save her grumps for us.

And -OH- how she saved the grumps for us. I spent a very large portion of the evening listening to her scream, "I'M NOT GRUMPY!" at me.

Little hint for the world, if you respond to, "You're grumpy," by screaming and having a hissy fit? YOU ARE GRUMPY. Don't deny it. Just say sorry and move on. (*Ahem*Mr. Husband*Ahem*)

Is it too much to ask that I get to sleep in, eat breakfast in bed, AND get a long uninterrupted shower tomorrow morning?


  1. Crib tent. Just sayin'. We were fortunate enough to have our little one stay in her crib until she learned how to crawl out at 18 months. We then set up a crib tent and she's spent the past year happily in her crib with all her "friends" (at least half-dozen dolls, etc). At night she reminds us if we forget to zip it up. Its moments like this that make you feel brilliant, then you realized you only managed to trick a two year old, but its the little victories.
    She has learned to start hollering down the hall in her sing-song voice "Mommy, I'm ready to get up". We can usually get away with ignoring her for a little bit and she quiet down and play with her "friends" for a bit, usually involving some variety of heavy handed dictatorship in her arrangement ("June YOU sit hear, Bitty YOU sit right HERE, and so on).

  2. Damn. I hate it when they do that. (Love your swearing, btw!)

  3. she so has your number.

    toast. you're toast.

  4. They should fit kids with a clock to regulate their sleeping patterns, preferebaly within the first half hour after birth!

  5. Ugh, we're in that same boat this morning, but with less intelligable toddler-speak shouting.

    Condolences on the loss of your sleep.

  6. I was blessed with children who mostly slept in their own beds, and weren't particularly early risers, so lucky was I.

    HOWEVER, I remember more than one occasion when HeWhoWillNotGetDressed was scooped off to day care in his pj's. The second or third time, his day care provider assisted with some "oh my gosh, let's get you dressed before you get any more embarrassed in front of your friends" talk. Which did the trick. For that one little issue. Sigh.

    You deserve a good night sleep and lots of TLC. Hope you get it!

  7. I'm sure I would have something to console you with if it were for the waking up I received because someone had to go potty and then a few minutes later was certain she saw a bug on her wall and would not go back to bed when I couldn't find this imaginary bug.

    I say- next time, send her to day care in her pj's. I had trouble with A when she was 2 or 3- I can't remember now. I told her next time she won't get dressed she goes in her pj's (and not the pretty princess ones, I was determined to make her wear the ugliest pair every night if I had to). I didn't actually have to follow through because when she heard me warn her sitter of the possible pj arrival, I guess she figured I was serious. Now, Riley, he will push it and make sure I make him go in his pj's and then probably repeat it a few more times just to make sure I didn't give up. I'm not looking forward to that with him.....

    Take the day of work and go to the spa.....or just go home and sleep ;)

  8. I have seen the dance...a lot. I hate it.
    My toddler is the very same way. He will be oh so nice to others. Then I get him home and is horrible. Fun!

  9. I've done that dance myself :-)

    I hope you get to sleep in tomorrow, with no one screaming "Baby SHELL!" or puking on your face.

    Peace - D

  10. Oh man, it's posts like these that make me dread the day he grows out of his crib...I love love love, my ability to sleep!

  11. You have a toddler, yes, it's to much to ask! ;)

  12. Anonymous9:47 AM

    Even when they are that tired, they hold it together for the fun part of the day, then take it out on you when they have the chance.

  13. Oh I effing hate the grumps. They make me want to rip my hair out strand by strand. Add in the whining and I'm toast.

  14. Anonymous10:30 AM

    Oh Momma! Why don't you just go ahead and throw 'win the lottery' in there with the rest of your requests?! You know, because the day all of that happens simultaneously, you will also strike it rich. Could you check your parenting manual for me? Mine is apparently missing the chapter than mentions that I will never get a long shower, never get to sleep in, and never eat a meal without getting up at least a dozen times.

  15. Hey, I don't think it's too much to ask. Of course you can sleep in, have breakfast in bed, and a long, uninterrupted shower.

    That's what retirement is for. Let us know how it goes when you reach 65.

  16. Okay, in review, did that comment sound snarky? I just meant, sucks to be in the parenthood stage becuz all the fun adult stuff takes a back seat till our little ones are out of the nest. But there is so much more that makes parenthood great.... don't need to explain that one.

  17. WHY must they wake up so early? Do they not know we need as much as possible. Every second counts.I think Baby Shell puts her up to it.
    I hope that you got some rest today!

  18. Um. You're just WAY too nice. I would have just ignored the demands or told her to get it herself....

    But I'm the demon mother whose kids will need therapy too. :)

  19. If you do the bed tent thing, see if there are things you can hang on it, key chain fashion, which might make it more appealing. Which you can switch out regularly. Dora type stuff. I have no idea if you can or not, but it's worth a shot.

    Have you done the gate at the door? I'm thinking you have and you've blogged about it. Maybe it's time to try it again? Plaster it with Dora.

  20. Oh yes. I hear ya. We have had many of these days, only with a younger, less intelligible child. Fun fun.

    I hope you got to sleep in this morning!

  21. Girl, you must be asleep and dreaming if you think you're ever gonna get any of those things in the next 18 years!

  22. Mandy1:13 PM

    I love how her face portrays, "Heh. Go ahead and try, lady."
    Gotta love the sleepy kid fit dance. We know it well around these parts.

  23. Anonymous2:27 PM

    yes......yes.......welcome to my world. I know this all too well. I just pretend that I don't hear it.....and pray that the noise goes away soon.

  24. Screw breakfast in bed and the long shower...I would settle for more than 2.5 hours of sleep in a row.

  25. ImpostorMom2:55 PM

    I hate that! That I'm gonna be good to the people all day that HAVE to keep me but then be a little butt to you in the evening. They say it's because they are most comfortable with their parents. Bah, I don't care for it I tell you.

    Oh and Oobi is on at the butt crack of dawn on Noggin. Oh dear lord how I hate that show.

  26. anglophilefootballfanatic.com3:04 PM

    Whoa. When did her hair start bleaching out? It seems much lighter.

    Wumby flappy? Snurp.

    I know your pain. You did fine.

  27. Our routine with The Babe sounds I should just get them all at once.

  28. Yep. Apparently that is too much for any mother to ask. ;)
    Hope you have a long wonderful nights rest tonight!

  29. When you don't want them to get up they get up. When you need them to get up you can't wake them up.

  30. Anonymous9:35 PM

    I'm not sayin' jack about the sleeping thing for fear I will totally jinx myself. Totally. We'll leave it at my kid? Rocks the sleep.

    You totally deserve all you asked for. Unfortunately, it's not looking like you'll get that anytime soon.

    Good thing she's cute, huh? Otherwise SHE might be boxed up for the woman's shelter ;)

  31. I'm totally stealing 'AGGLE FLAGGLE KLABABBLE.' That is super awesome.

    Maggie did this on Wednesday- woke up at FOUR FIFTEEN AM. argh. And it was 'daycare' day so I had to get some sleep, good Lord. Usually when she wakes up like that, she ends up falling asleep in the car on the way to daycare (LITTLE BUTT.) but surprisingly she didn't- and she stayed awake until 1pm apparently. It's amazing how they can run on no sleep. ??

  32. I will just give you my favorite advice for difficult parenting situations...everything is just a phase.

    I try to remember that, although I know some phases are much LONGER than others. But there are many difficult situations that feel like they will never end, that suddenly do.

    Don't worry, when she is 13 she will NOT want to be in your bed and she will NOT want to be up before the crack of dawn. You probably will be lucky if she wants to get up before the crack of noon. But then, you also will get to deal with all the loveliness associated with the preteen years so I am not sure which scenario is more appealing.

    Good luck!

  33. Evie is in a no sleep phase right now. And I am not handling it well. I do a lot of aggle flaggle klababbling in my head at 3 am. And snurping. She has yet to sleep in our bed though. Because she WON'T. Not even for a minute. Our bed is a trampoline no matter what time it is.

    So, Noggin babysits her in the middle of the night while I drool and pretend to be awake.

    I so feel you on this one.

  34. That is sound advice. When my husband says I'm PMSing and I respond by eating his face for dinner, I just accept it and move on.

  35. Quick, what's your phone number? I want to call you in the morning. You know, just to say "hi." And also, "I want Baby Shell."

  36. We try the ignore in the morning and try to continue sleeping thing too. And also the ignore in the evening thing. But you know it doesn't really work- it just gives you shoots of silent pain with every whine and scream.

  37. since Justin conveniently sleeps like a log, I would just bring Gavin back to his bed because I was hugely pregnant and needed some sleep. I would even wait till he dozed off and would carry him back. I didn't care...just get him out so I could sleep.