Wednesday, September 17

The Day Dora Fell from the Sky

I won't tell you why exactly I have been on the mission (that's a story for another day), but lately I've been trying to find an old school Dora doll. It turns out that task is nowhere near as simple as it sounds. Just a short year ago, I know for a fact that Toys 'R Us and Target had dedicated long aisles to the Latina Whore. There were Legos and dolls and carriages and houses and figurines and clothes and every imaginable toy donning her football-shaped head.

Not any more.

I don't know how this miracle has come about, but Dora seems to be losing some of her grip on the retail universe. She has now been relegated to a meager four-foot wide display everywhere you go. That's approximately 58 feet less space than she used to have. Two years too late, if you ask me, but still, reason to celebrate!

Happy Dance! (Quick, somebody tell the Toddler Dora ain't cool anymore. Please?)

Anyway, I had all but given up on my old school Dora hunt. I had already drug Mr. Husband to at least three stores and he was very seriously questioning my sanity. Well, OK, so he's always questioning my sanity, but this time he was eying white coats in my size.

And then we went for a bike ride by The Beach where we happened upon this little scene:



A closer look:



I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING!

I swear on a pile of gummy worms, there was a Dora doll lying on the cement totally unattended. It looked as if she had gone for a swim, nearly drowned, been rescued, then left for dead.

I don't know which one of you made a Dora fall from the heavens right into my lap, but THANK YOU! I shall clean her and clothe her and give her a home. BWAHAHAHAHA!

52 comments:

  1. Did you just post about Dora? Poor girl. Are you sure you don't want her to be dead? Your just opening a can of crazy, you know that, right?

    I clicked on the creativity for kids link. Was anyone else tempted?

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  2. First, I love your new header!!!

    Second, when I went to visit my Mom this week, one of the aides had on scrubs with Dora on them. I thought of you immediately.

    Third, that is just too freaky finding that doll. Ask and you shall receive! (Wonder where I will find the big bag of money I asked for?)

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  3. That is just WAY too weird. Hilarious, but weird. But hey, I would do the same thing! Great find!

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  4. hallelujah!!!! it's a miracle!

    (was there a star in the east? just askin' ...)

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  5. I think you have a blogreader stalker that is leaving love and messages for you. Dontcha think?

    LMAO, that's just too funny and a bit crazy.

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  6. C'mon now...THAT doesn't happen! Yay for you:)

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  7. Lmao that's great! Glad you rescued her and I hope you put some clothes on her before she really does live up to your nickname for her!

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  8. anglophilefootballfanatic.com10:21 PM

    You are too much. Did you douse her in purell? Cause she's just laying there in her skivvies. Who knows where she's been.

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  9. You know what? I'm just looking at this pic and wondering why miss little girl Dora's sporting teeny lady lumps that are well, nearly as big as mine *L* Wha?? Last I checked Dora was about 6 years old. Anyway, well congratulations on your Dora acquisition.

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  10. Thank you for saving Dora. The entire Dora the explorer world would have stopped existing as that is the original and true Dora.

    Yeah.

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  11. Yer losin' it, girl. He's got hte right idea, eying the white coats. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF WOMAN!

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  12. Now that is just a little bit freakin me out.Yay for you though for finding her!Even though it is weird.

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  13. Seriously??? That is beyond crazy! What are you going to wish for next, like 20 million or something? I would if I were you...

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  14. Dora has been replaced by Hannah Montana . . . I cannot tell you how thankful I am that HM will be a washed-up has-been by the time Maren is a 'tween (though I am sure she will be replaced by another [insert your own derogatory statement about mass produced Disney whores here]).

    Money falling from the sky seems just a tad unlikely, so I think your next quest should be for one of the creepy dolls . . . just make sure you poke it with a stick from a safe distance to make sure it is dead, uh, I mean not alive.

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  15. She looks like a trashy, dirty whore lying there all spread out on the sidewalk.

    I could go on and on with that line of thought but will issue self-restraint.

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  16. no, I am not stalking you, just back to let you know I "awarded" you! : )

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  17. You know the stars are aligned when Dora starts falling from the sky . ..

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  18. Um, congratulations? I'm taking Mr. H to look at white suits this weekend. He knows your size better but I need to help with the style.

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  19. LOL!
    Thats awesome!
    BTW I work at a Thrift Store, so if you are looking for Dora stuff I might be able to find some for you.

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  20. Around here it seems the cousin Diego is cutting into her action. And the beached Dora? Too incredible. Are you sure she dropped out of heaven and didn't just get regurgitated from the bowels of Hades?

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  21. hilarious! We have a WAY old school dora bath doll. Want it?

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  22. Ahhh, this brings back memories of the demise of the Spongebob phenomena (holy cow - got that word right on the first try!).

    It was not a sad day in this house when I didn't have to shield my son's eyes every time we walked in to a local retailer to avoid the fight - "No... we don't need another box of Spongebob band aids (or toothbrush, or underwear, or ....)"

    Hurray for Dora the Whora on the sidewalk.

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  23. Wait. If Dora is no longer cool, what is taking her place? I need to be prepared for what i should NOT buy my child in the near future! LOL! Congrats on finding your whore-Dora on the cement.

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  24. So EVERYTHING you touch turns to gold? NICE!

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  25. That is awesome for toddler ;)
    Could Dora be stalking you? And what was she doing out there pretty much n-a-k-e-d---Latin whore ;)

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  26. Seriously?! That is bizarre! Maybe you should look for a million dollars.

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  27. We've got that doll. Long ago before my offspring were aware of the wonder that is licensed characters, well-meaning friends and relatives assumed that Dora was what my daughter craved. She (Dora, not the daughter) sat gathering dust for about a year and a half before a mercifully brief Dora-love period that has rapidly given way to the cartoon du jour.
    They never would have noticed her missing. Honest. In fact, does your new Dora need a twin sister? And about 30lbs of unused stuffed animals?

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  28. Did you check insider her to see if she is filled with white powder????

    Hallie :)

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  29. Awesome discovery! The only thing I ever find abandoned by the road are single red socks. Weird.

    Congrats to u!

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  30. My 2 year old niece loves the Dora with undying passion. She has equal undying passion for Diego. I'm ok with both, but I have always wondered why they have such big heads, but the rest of their family looks normal.

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  31. Had you tried eBay? (yes, it's me! Your favorite Monday morning quarterback!)

    Pointless now, since you've got yourself a slightly used Dora doll. Who knew God answered Dora doll prayers. Don't you wish now that you'd asked for big boobs. Oh wait, you've got that too. Uhm... Maybe you could ask for a leakless fish tank?

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  32. Aww man, I'm tagging along with you. Let's see, my girls need...OMG I can't think of one darn thing I girls need...okay, I'm more than freaking out AND THEY ARE SPOILED!

    It stops now.

    OKAY, I need...a new sliding glass doggie door, a doghouse and/or a doggie sitter. Better yet, a new home for my lovely and talented husky (awww, but we do love her something awful --- most of the time).

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  33. Okay, when it begins to rain Dora dolls I need to get the hell out of here!

    I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!

    What's even better....we have that doll....although ours had a minor altercation with the dog and is now missing a hand. But oh well. Boots will just have to be her service animal. OMG....I just came up with a great Dora cartoon. Boots the service animal. Gotta go....selling this idea to the big guys.

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  34. It's the doll gods looking out for you! ;o)

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  35. Maybe it's like that Chuckie doll from the movies... :O

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  36. I think this just proves that God has a totally bizarre sense of humor.

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  37. Freaking-fracking Dora. Aivlene still loves her. She actually yelled today, "Mommy STOP! It's Swiper! Oh NO!". Dear Dora, please go away.

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  38. I think thats the dress up/bath time Dora? I think? There are outfits (or at least there were) that you can dress her up in different things, like a chef, etc. Not sure if they still offer those. Either way, what a score! Nice freebie. And LOL at how you found her. Apparently, you're not the only one wishing she were gone.

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  39. I think thats the dress up/bath time Dora? I think? There are outfits (or at least there were) that you can dress her up in different things, like a chef, etc. Not sure if they still offer those. Either way, what a score! Nice freebie. And LOL at how you found her. Apparently, you're not the only one wishing she were gone.

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  40. Whoa, dude. Thats kinda spooky. You better make sure that doll isn't cursed or something! Maybe some other desperate mother ditched it there on purpose????

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  41. @nicki--She definitely took a swim at some point because her hair is all goopy with algae. I think maybe some desperate mom threw her overboard while sailing the high seas (aka the Ohio River).

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  42. HA! Just last week my friend Kate and I were in the girls' section of Wal-Mart at midnight giggling about sending you a bunch of totally, horribly awesome Dora crap. Now I REALLY wish I would have done it!!!

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  43. GLad you were there to rescue her!

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  44. Well, this Dora didn't seem to have backpack or her map to get her back over the troll bridge, around chocolate mountain to her old home. You just jumped in there like swiper and took her. Poor Boots is all alone.

    Can you tell I have a toddler that is totally into Dora right now?

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  45. Um, could you pray for something more useful next time? Like money, or Matt Damon?

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  46. Is it just me, or does Dora look like she's also got a tattoo across her right thigh??

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  47. That is just a little to weird. Its like she was looking for you, to just happen to be there where you were. Very Freaky!

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  48. ok...I've been wondering where my Dora is...I'm coming to get her!!!

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  49. omgosh. you aren't kidding me? dora, not so fresh from a swim in the ohio. i grew up in pittsburgh and this one cracked me up!

    i'm glad you found an old school dora.

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  50. A free find is a good find. I got lucky and hit a rummage sale that was getting rid of all their Dora stuff.
    Try Amazon for those dvds that are in the vault sometimes you can find them used.

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  51. this is so ridiculous! nice find:)

    i once needed a pair of brown heels and found them in my size on fifth avenue in nyc a block apart, and like a complete freakshow, brought them home, gave 'em a good scrubbing, and realized that they weren't brown at all--they were pink! i dumped them, but my horrified friends/family still give me a hard time about my mystery heels with the unsavory past...but one man's trash, right?

    i used to live in pgh and miss it. sigh.

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