Friday, October 31

A Note to Me in for Next Year

Dear Dorky Self,

Halloween is going to come around and you are going to call Picture People to make an appointment for the traditional costume portrait for Alexis. When you do it, they are going to ask you what day you would like. For the love of your sanity, ask when the Mall is doing trick-or-treating. Then do the portraits ANY day but that day.

Lest you manage to block out the horror that is mall trick-or-treating, let me remind you that you once took Alexis for portraits during the golden hours and thought it would be Great! Fun! to take the kid around for a few minutes.

There is no such thing as a few minutes.

The Mall is not transformed into a haunted house for Halloween. Remember? It turns into a zoo. There will be hundreds of kids running around. Uncontrolled. To make it even more fun, the hooligans will be the rudest bunch of short people you've ever seen.

Don't forget about the kid who literally knocked Alexis over while snatching a Tootsie Roll at light speed. Keep in mind the parents who actually demonstrated to their kids how to just cut in line over and over. Focus on the piece of poo brat that kept cutting in front of people repeatedly so she could have more Rita's Italian Ice. Recall the teenagers that spit out a tirade of curses when they realized that a place was giving out coupons instead of candy.


And don't ever do it again.

The Lady Who Has Not Yet Blocked the Nightmare, but Will Soon

Halloween 2006--The Screamapiller

Halloween 2007--Funshine Bear

(Thanks, Pappaw!)

Halloween 2008--Minnie Mouse

An extra bonus, brought to you by Trannyhead--The MegaDora.

Happy Halloween!


  1. OMG she is a photo ham!!
    Those pictures are absolutely adorable and priceless!!
    I hope you had fun trick or treating:)

  2. uh-oh... :(
    LOVE the pics - great minnie smile but my fav is the caterpillar!!

  3. Bwahaha! Love the Dora-dawg! That's so HAWT! And Minnie's expression is too much.

  4. BOOOHOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAH. You FINALLY posted about your pressy! Trannyhead will rejoice in the Vanilla House tonight! Although Meg is a stunning Dora. I would go postal if kids cussed around Knute. Did you kick them in the gonads?

  5. I love the Minnie Mouse shot. I always wanted one of my daughter's to go out as Minnie but they never would. I guess I should have forced them into the costume before they got big enough to fight back. Live and learn.

  6. Lol, that does sound like a zoo! I was just reminiscing with my mom memories of mall trick-or-treating. We would get so much candy hitting up the mall, and then the neighborhoods.

    Her pictures are so cute! Thanks, for the blog comments.

  7. Alexis is so freaking amazing! I just want to eat her up. Good thing I filled up on the weird Whopper candies that all the trick or treaters rejected.

    MegaDora's a riot!

  8. Great pics and advice to all of us who might think to do this someday!

  9. OMG! I though my kid was the only one in that Halloween costume in 2006! I searched and searched for it!

    Good thing we don't live in the same neighborhood. The kids would have been all like "Hey, bitch stole my costume"

    See the pic!

  10. Is it so wrong of me to think how cute your Meg-ladon is? I just love that face.

    Great pics of Alexis, too, of course!

    Peace - D

  11. Huh. That wig is not nearly as large as I suspected it would be. Pity, that.

    CUTE costumes. But it might be that Alexis can rock anything.

  12. That sounds like a horrific experience (especially since I hate crowds!). The pics are ADORABLE though if ti is any consolation.

  13. I'll be sure to email you this post next time mid-October rolls around. That sounds like my idea of hell. No, wait, I take that back. I experienced my idea of hell last week, when I was strapped to the OR table and the nurse told Sweetie Pie he could take pictures of Tiny Man, and SP took ONE FREAKING PICTURE while I was screaming like a banshee on the OR table at him that this was our new BABY and that I needed hundreds of pictures. His response? "But he's just laying there." GAH!!!

    But back to you... That Minnie Mouse picture is the cutest thing ever.

    And? Meg is actually an improvement on the Latina Whore. Should there be a live action film, I'm rooting for her to get the role.

  14. Looks like somebody needs to climb back aboard the sugar high candy train to help (a) forget about that horrible experience and (b) mellow out a little bit.

    Good luck with that.

  15. You're welcome.


  16. Wow but that Minnie picture is SO WORTH IT. It's perfect!!

  17. She's so cute though--and you will forget the mall insanity soon but never the picture :)

  18. Anonymous12:18 PM

    I'm sorry. I'm not a Mommy yet, but even I know NOT TO DO THAT! lol

  19. Aww how cute is the caterpillar outfit!
    That mall sounds like a nightmare!

  20. Mega DaWhora Bwahahahahahahahah

    That caterpillar is stinking adorable and minnie mouse.. oh my hell woman. The cuteness.

    The mall sounds horrid, but at least you have good pics. We'll not talk about pics, k?

    *stomping off pouting*

  21. So flippin cute!!!!!!

  22. Seriously. She is the. cutest. net. kid.

  23. This may be your best post ever.

    You've got the cute kid, the dog in drag (is it considered drag if the dog is a girl??) conflict at the mall (I surely would have been tripping chilldren - lol!) It's nail-biting...

    Nice work.

    I can't figure which is my fave - Minnie Mouse, I think...

  24. mega-dora .... bwahahahahahahaaa!!

    i love the idea of having the toddler's picture taken (like all professional'ish) for halloween. wish i'd thought of it.

    a loooooooong time ago. ;-)

  25. Best Minnie Mouse I've ever seen! And, yea, that sounds like a nightmare.

  26. Love her expression in the Minnie Mouse picture. She is such a little ham.

  27. I love the caterpillar costume, super cute.
    I got 10 trick or treaters this year :( I was certain that moving to a development with sidewalks and kids would get me loads of trick or treaters. I give up. I guess I will just have to eat all of this candy by myself. Want any? I can send it your way :)

  28. GREAT pics! I love Alexis' smile!!! BTW, the yellow bear is Funshine Bear ;).

  29. I would say something snarky, but those pictures were just too damn cute.

  30. Oh my Gosh She's cute!!! It was worth it, right? ; )

    And as for "Dora", well really, there are no words.... (except Thanks Tranny Head!)

  31. Fantastic photos! (Especially the last one! hehe.) Sounds like the mall was horrible, but the pic was very worth it.

  32. grrr...what a nightmare! Those costume pic are super adorable!!!!

  33. Those pictures are adorable! She clearly loves the camera!!!

    I am so glad that have chosen to not take my kids mall trick-or-treating. You have just justified my decision.

    If I could just figure out a way to not have to see Santa...

  34. Dying at these pictures!!!!!!!!! Esp. Tranny's!

  35. That's the first time in my life (and probably the last) that I've ever seen a sexy-looking bulldog! ROFL! She's got that "Hello, big boy." look down cold! LOLOLOL!