Wednesday, November 12

It's a Monster Mash

Lately Alexis has decided that sleep? Is so not worth her time. For over a week she has been waking up SOBBING five, six, seven, eleventy billion times per night. Needless to say, this has left Mr. Husband and I to function at a wee bit less than our A-Game. I'd say we're hovering somewhere around our D-Game, which is why it didn't occur to me until yesterday to just ask her what the heck is going on.

Her answer? "I scared."

Totally helpful considering even my sleep-deprived brain had long ago figured out that she was probably having bad dreams. Why else wake up sobbing, y'know? So I drilled her some more and eventually it came to light that there is a monster under her bed.

A monster.

That seemed workable.

So when I tucked her in for the night, we did a monster check all around her bedroom. She was confident that everything was OK, so we turned out the lights, played our usual game of Steal a Kiss, and off I went to try and get some work done on my laptop while watching perhaps the greatest comeback in the history of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Just as the Pens managed to close a 5-2 deficit to one goal, Alexis started screaming. Of course neither Mr. Husband nor I was in a big hurry to stop watching the game, so we admittedly let things go on for a minute or two longer than usual in hopes that Alexis would just go back to sleep and leave us out of it.

A few minutes later Mr. Husband caved and went upstairs to console the poor kid. She told him all about the monster under her bed. I'm guessing that would be right around the time he pretended to smash it because I heard a crashing sound loud enough to wake my Freaked-Out Mom Senses. I dashed upstairs to find the two of them talking about monsters.

It was at that moment that I realized just how differently Man Brain works from Woman Brain.

Mr. Husband's answer? He would kill it. Beat it up. Smash it. Punch it. If Alexis got scared, all she had to do was let him know and he would happily blast the monster into a million little pieces.

Of course, my sissy Woman Brain was all, "WOAH! Now, Cowboy, don't be adding violence to the fear!" I suggested we look under the bed again, maybe turn on a night light, and pull out the maracas because OF COURSE monsters are scared of maracas, right?

(You can't blame me for trying.)

I'm thinking that we really need to get a good night's sleep because neither one of us was able to figure out a way to calm her down. Last night was not a good one.

Round Two of Monster Booty Kicking started tonight, but I don't yet know how that's going to turn out. I just know that we sent two monsters swimming in the saltwater tank this evening, helping it to truly cement it's title as the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.

BTW, Alexis described the monster as red and furry, and says it's name is Elmo.

Like I said, that fish tank truly is the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.


  1. My youngest is trying to get me to enter the Guinness Book of World Records as the most sleep deprived mother EVER! Mine wakes up several hundred times a night screaming - although he can't talk yet, I am thinking he is definitely scared of something. He's also going through super sever separation anxiety issues, which doesn't help the problem. Anyhow, I feel your pain, like 100 times over, I think that the last time I slept was well over three years ago when I was 7 months pregnant with my first son... *sigh* I am on my Y-game, as in, Y me? LOL

  2. When our boys were little and going through the monster phase, Coach used to take a spray bottle of whatever was handy and use it as "Monster Spray". He'd spray the heck out of every single inch of that room, and then... no more monsters that night.

    I'm still not sure why he invented a potion that only worked for 24 hours, as opposed to several weeks.....

  3. Sports Momma took the words out of my mouth!
    I used "Monster Spray" when I baby sat.
    Empty spray bottle of hot water with a dash of rubbing alcohol for that mediciny smell and it just spray it everywhere the little ones said there were monsters hiding.
    Worked 97% of the time lol.

  4. I just knew that Elmo was all sorts of trouble.

    Maybe HE is the reason J has been freaking out lately . . .

    Time for an Elmo removal.

  5. We've actually never been through the monster stage here (and me actually saying that means Evie will have one for sure), but we sure went through the night terrors with both Isaac and Gracie. It was hard.

    That said, Sports and Erin are BRILLIANT. I'm totally putting that one in my little kittie bag of things to do if...

    Good luck with Elmo.

  6. i actually like the maracas idea -- that way she can self-soothe by scaring that darned elmo away herself.

    but the monster spray has great possibilities as well.

  7. Red and furry eh? The monster is obviously Marian Hossa!

  8. I was also going to suggest the Monster Spray.

    It worked for my nephew, but we've never had monster issues.

    Instead we freak out if our Dora blanket is on top of our Ariel blanket. Or we drop our cup.

  9. Yup, I agree, MONSTER SPRAY! Decorate a bottle with the words and a picture of the monster with an x over it. Use water and something that smells good (or just febreze). Monsters don't like pretty smells.

    Great picture!

  10. I was going to suggest a night light, because that worked for Monkey, but it sounds like she already has one. For awhile, she was afraid of lions in her room (or tigers), and I did a "magic spell" to banish them.

    But I am picking me up a bottle of that monster spray. Sounds like that stuff rocks!


  11. He smashed ELMO??? Maggie will be so upset.

    It must be something in the air lately. Maggie is on night 5 out of the last 7 of Sleeping Like Crap. I've basically been awake since 4am... and now she's finally sleeping again (it's 8:15) argh. She's not quite to the point yet where she can tell us what's wrong, so I have no idea. I'm guessing dreams or teething, or a bit of both.

    Maybe we should get together for a Nap Party and leave the kids in a room alone so they can Not Sleep together??

  12. Be it known that ONCE AGAIN all I had to do to get the kid to sleep through the night in her own bed is to whine about her inability to sleep in writing. Blogs are magical!

  13. Liam, my 17 month old, HATES Elmo. He says his name so perfectly clear - but when I turn it on TV he comes running to me shaking his head.

    Quinn went through that Scared of Monsters stage. We told him that Maggie (our dog) didn't let any monsters come into our house and that there simply were NO monsters in our house. They weren't allowed. It worked for us.

    Sounds like from your comment she's sleeping again - blogs are magical!

  14. Ok, gotta know where you got that apron/hat get-up? B would LOVE that!

    We went through the monster phase and for over a month my husband had to check the closet (in a VERY silly way, mind you...) for monsters every night as part of the bedtime ritual. And... if he wasn't home, guess who got to do it. So glad that is over.

  15. Bribery. That's what worked for us. I made a little chart and every time she slept through the night, she got a star on her chart (plus tons of praise). If she didn't sleep through the night, she got a little green X (we didn't make a big deal out of it, though).Once she achieved 10 stars in a row, she could pick out a toy at Target.
    Next time though, I'm trying the "Blog About It" method!!

  16. Can't say as I blame her - Elmo has never been my favorite. Do you have an Elmo? What if you would put it in a visible cage so she could see that he's locked up and harmless? Just a thought that you've probably already had.

  17. Okay, I just gave another blogger this idea whose son is having monster trouble. Go buy a colorful water bottle, let Alexis decorate it with stickers or whatever. Put a label on it, "Monster Out or Monster Be Gone Spray". Let her spray that around the room before going to bed. (Not ON the bed or you'll have another problem). If you try it, I want to know how it goes.

  18. I was going to suggest Monster Spray too, but see so many others already have.
    Sasha will be very unhappy if Elmo is murdalated. He loves that annoying little red lint trap.

  19. Wow, I just read back over your comments, and I see the Monster Spray idea is sweeping the nation!

  20. a) Let her sleep imn you bed! She is scared

    B) Burn some sage incense around her room! It will clear he negative energy that is scaring her!

  21. I didn't read all the comments, but when #1 was little, I read a suggestion to buy a stuffed animal. So I bought an alligator and told #1 that the gator's job was to eat anything that scared him.

    A lot of snow plows got eaten that year, but no monsters. Then again, #1 is pretty practical. He's never been the monster type.

  22. Where did you get Alexis's apron and hat? My grandson is a budding chef and he must have these. tx

  23. I haven't read the other comments so forgive me if I am repeating...but I'm all about the fast resolution when it is interfering with my sleep. If the monster lives under the bed, how about removing the bed and putting the mattress directly on the floor?

    Regardless, good luck. Sleep deprivation sucks.

  24. First: She is too cute in that hat and apron!!
    2nd: I know you didn't ask for advice but you know bloggers, we can't keep our mouths shut, esp. when it comes to something we relate to. So there were 2 things that worked for my boys when they had monsters in their room. Flashlight. Monsters are afraid of light. Tell her to shine it at the monsters and they will run away. Show her how. Then tell her to yell at the monsters to GET OUT OF MY ROOM. You are not welcome here. GET OUT! Go away! Again act it out for her.
    Let me tell you, I woke up and about pissed myself when my then 2 year old was screaming at the top of his lungs to tell the monster to GET OUT! GO AWAY! He yelled at the monster for a minute or 2 and then fell back asleep. I know what worked for my boys won't work for all but it sure is worth a try. Those sleepless nights due to monsters SUCK!

  25. just skimmed over the other comments and that monster spray sounds like a great idea as well! Same with the stuffed animal. I added that element with my 3rd son his alligator would eat monsters if the yelling and flashlight failed!

  26. I laughed so hard that it is Elmo. My best friend let her 3 year old watch Monsters, Inc. because she figured it was a cartoon and therefore not scary. OOOOOPS! It took a week or so, but he got over it - I hope Alexis does too!

  27. No monster problems here. That would require they actually sleep in their bed!

    Good luck tonight. How about sunglasses. Try letting her wear them to bed and tell her that the monsters can't see him with them on.

    Don't know. Pulling tricks out of the hat now. Or bribery. That is my ultimate fullback.

  28. Alright. Funny story about monster spray. Someone made up a batch for their son and gave it to him. Worked like a charm for a little while and then the monster came back. Finally the parents said, "Honey, there's no such thing as monsters." The boy replied, "If there's no such thing as monsters, why do they make a spary for them?!?!" I could totally see Alexis saying something like that. She's one smart cookie!

  29. The Kid has started crying in his sleep every few nights. He doesn't wake up or remember what he was dreaming about the next morning. The huge downside is, we are all still in the same bedroom due to the construction upstairs, so we all wake up and just have to listen to him cry. I have tried to wake him and cuddle him and he doesn't wake up or stop until he is ready. Weird.
    Luckily, the Baby sleeps through the Kid's crying and the Kid sleeps through the Baby's crying, so it's not too bad. ;)

  30. I briefly used a bottle of Febreeze as Monster Spray, worked nicely, sprayed the closet and the doorway.

    The thing that really worked, though was telling the boys that Monsters didn't DARE come in our house, because they were too scared of Daddy. Daddy is bigger and tougher than any Monsters, and that was good enough for the boys. We had to remind them a lot at first, but it worked.

  31. that Elmo sure is a meanie. She was probably scarred by the "Chicken Dance Elmo". I have nightmares about that.

  32. Anonymous1:54 PM

    Hubby went one step furthur than the monster spray and declared that our house had been fumigated for monsters, so there was no way there were any monsters in the house. We haven't heard any more about monsters, but Cooper is CONVINCED there is a dinosaur living upstairs that will get him if he goes up there alone. The child is the living definition of 'uphill battle'. Hope you get some sleep soon!

  33. Look at her in her little chef hat and apron!!!

    Ok, I have heard about doing this, but have not had to use it so if it works, Idk. Get a can of like air freshner or something like that and maybe make a cutie patootie label to put on it. Maybe like a monster with a big no on it. Before bed spray it under the bed and in the closest. Like a monster repelent.

  34. anglophilefootballfanatic.com3:32 PM

    OMG I love that shot. I want to pinch her cheeks. And, I think that outfit means she's meant for Knute, right?

    I have two extra sets of those glow-in-the-dark stars you hang on the ceiling for a little extra light if you want them. Knute stopped freaking out after we put them up.

  35. My older son is horrifed of Chicken Dance Elmo :0

    My younger daughter went to bed with lights on for longest time--might help?

  36. ELMO?????? HAHAHA!!!
    I mean. That's not funny. Poor kid.

    Could you maybe leave a little night light on or something? Even put the night light under the bed so that she KNOWS the monster isn't under it? Cuz you know monsters are afraid of lights and all.
    Or maybe leave her bedroom door open just a bit?
    Poor kids.

  37. We read "The Monster at the End of this Book" to get rid of E's monster fears. Granted, the monster at the end of THAT book was Grover, not Elmo, but it might have the desired effect. Plus, it turns out that Grover, who is in fact a monster himself, is ALSO afraid of monsters. It's an awesome book and a fun read.

  38. That apron and chef hat is the cutest thing ever!! Where did you get it???

    K. We had monsters. WE've done monster spray. VAnilla scented water with glitter.

    and every night we use her two biggest and most favorite stuffed animals to cast a spell around her bed and room. she says the magic words and voila' sleeps through the night.

    Good luck love.

  39. She's looking for an excuse to let the puppy stay in her room to protect her. ;-)

  40. OMG! Alyssa would LOVE that apron!! She loves "bunkies". And, when she sees one she says "ee ee ah" kind of shrill like a "bunkie"!

  41. I don't know about monsters, but it can't get much better than a sports jersey & a monkey apron/chef hat triple threat.