Tuesday, March 31

Parent of the Year Right Here

As Alexis and I sat on the couch pouring through photos from Disney World, the clock struck 8:00. I knew that I needed to change the TV channel, but the remote was waaaaay over there, so instead of finding more mundane (but kid-safe) viewing, I just let it be. I am L-A-Z-Y. Plus, we were pretty focused on our mission of finding our favorite photo of Mickey Party, so I wasn't too terribly worried that some grown-up show was on. The TV was nothing more than a little bit of background noise, the sort of soundtrack to our evening.

It took Alexis and I about 10 minutes to find it, but we finally decided on our favoritest photo of her and Minnie Mouse dancing. As I worked my way over to photo editing software, I heard the word come blaring through the TV speakers.

"Bitch."

An isolated, loud curse.

Well, OK, so I don't particularly find that word to be offensive, but it's not really a word that I need to have in Alexis' vocabulary. She already does a sufficient job of fighting with her daycare best friend (one minute they are hugging, the next they are beating the crap out of each other until they are separated and put in time out), and I can just imagine how well Alexis yelling, "Knock it off, bitch!" would go.

As a litany of four letter words and panic streamed through my head, Alexis pondered the word her alert little ears had heard.

"Bitch?" she said hesitantly.

"Bitch," her confidence increased.

My head exploded. I desperately tried to shove piles of crap out of my way so that I could get to the remote before the language could get any worse.

"Bitch? Bitch. Bitch! BITCH!" Alexis continued to try the word on for size.

"Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch!" apparently she really liked how the word fit.

Finally, I made my way to the power button on the TV, and then carefully adjusted my facial expression as I turned to face Alexis.

She hadn't noticed my freak out.

She was too busy playing with her new word.

*Phew!*

I can only imagine just how fun she would have thought the word was if she had caught the OMG-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-YOU-JUST-CUSSED-I'M-GOING-TO-HELL look that was on my face when she first dropped her little bomb.

Now, let's just hope she FORGETS about her new little word for a very, very, very long time.

29 comments:

  1. Amy was sitting behind me the other day, playing with the broken DVD player (it wasn't plugged in). When she found she couldn't make it work I heard this little voice 'F*ck it!'

    Hey, at least she uses it in context, right? Right?

    Anyway, please, how do you make a tutu?

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  2. ooops... but still cute- in it's own little way. (Alexis is way too cute! i love the tutu)

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  3. It's all fun and games until she calls you one.

    And it's amazing how absolutely hysterical that is when it's someone else's kid.

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  4. Oh, that is one of my nightmares... my daughters sweet voice, cussing.

    I know it will happen someday, but I'm allowed to fret vainly about it until it does, right?

    She's still super sweet... I can't get over that tutu!

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  5. Several years ago my 3 year old (at the time) daughter was asleep in the back of the car during a drive to Maine. We stopped on 95N in New Hampshire to pay the toll and an 18-wheeler pulled up in the line next to us. All the sudden, from the back seat we hear a sweet little voice say "Shit. That's a big truck!" So much for our parenting - it was all my husband and I could do to keep a straight face. I love the tutu!

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  6. When my son first said the word "damn" we told he was saying it wrong and that it was "darn"....hey it worked. LOL

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  7. I remember a time when my youngest son wouldn't say shit if his mouth was full of it. Now he is 19 and I constantly yell, "LANGUAGE!!!" at him. He gets it from his father. heh! Here's hoping she forgets her new word.

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  8. My sister was in town and said bitch in front of our 2.5 year old. She immediately repeated it. My sister in her smart thinking ways said "no, silly, we aren't going to the beach!" I haven't heard it since!

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  9. Gah...they always catch those words!

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  10. Oh, I want that tutu for Miss Peach...

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  11. You know full well that the first time Alexis calls her BFF a bitch, BFF will look her up and down and say "Who you calling a bitch? You're the one who wears an f'ing tutu on top of jeans!"

    So, it's all good.

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  12. That's the best tutu EVER.

    I used to tell my kids what the cuss words meant. Took all the fun out of them. Also meant they used them appropriately if they used them at all. Meaning they weren't so offensive to others. It would be especially good to tell her that bitch means a female dog - less likely to call her friend that.

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  13. They never really forget.

    Words that rhyme with it will be triggers - itch, rich, pitch, stitch.

    I'd bet you'll hear it again at a very inopportune time!

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  14. I need to write a post about the time Nick told me to "shut my ass" while in the grocery store.

    He was two.

    For the record, I have never uttered the words "shut your ass" EVER, so he must have gotten it from his Daddy. ;-)

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  15. You could always just tell her what "bitch" means...then since it's already in her vocab, if she uses it there is no problem.

    And there's nothing exciting about a new word for "girl dog". Or offensive.

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  16. Oh, and btw, Sasha says some doozies...but they are really just terribly mispronounced innocent words: sock, angel, truck....

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  17. Ah yes, anyone with children has gone through this. The more kids you have, the more you will hear it, and the earlier it will start. My 2-yo is already yelling "Dang it!" when something goes wrong. Granted, he's not saying "Dammit!" but with a 6-yo brother, who knows what will come out of his mouth next.

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  18. OOPS! :) Ours was Shit! We were in FL and I was pregnant and I couldn't figure out how to install the carseat. My son was almost two, sitting there whining about the car seat. I said, "SHIT!" He said, "Shit mommy?" Damn. He didn't say it again though...

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  19. Reminds me of the time we were stuck in a traffic jam and my 3 year old says "damn traffic". I was shocked but then realized I must have uttered these words once, figuring she was tuned into her DVD and she was really listening to mommy.

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  20. When sent to time out Mark once said to me, "Mama, you have to let me get off my ass." No idea where he heard. I almost fell down.

    Still wearing the tutu, huh. I think it would be lovely addition to a prom dress. Just saying.

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  21. Is there a little girl somewhere in that tutu?? Ah, I tease...

    Man, she picks up on things quick. We had something on the other day where they said "sex" and my son looked at me and said, "Sex, is close to six but it's not a number, right Mom?" No, not a number...

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  22. HA!
    Sorry, :-) Monkey has picked up Dammit from somewhere and tosses it about randomly. I think mainly to watch me try to not have my head explode.

    ugh

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  23. She won't forget. Maybe suppress, but not forget.
    And it will come out at the worst time....like at Easter dinner when everything is quiet. Or better yet, in front of the most uptight person in your family.
    Believe me.

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  24. are you kidding me? if i had kids i would teach them all the fun words. (good thing i don't have kids, eh?)

    sorry to laugh at your serious drama, but i loved the way you told this story. i can so see it unfolding!

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  25. Haha.... ooops... well, at least she heard it from the TV and not out of your mouth, right?

    I've said f*ck in front of my 3 year old before. And he's said it a few times. And it's horrible to hear! But I think he's forgetten it now... And ass. And he's said that loudly in public, too. Very horrible and make me feel like a very bad parent.

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  26. I have sworn a couple of times (though minor) in front of Jonathan and worried that when the word does come out it will fly out in front of his ultra-conservative grandmother (my mom). Just my luck.

    When my niece was about 3 she looked at my husband and said "Gosh, Uncle W. Don't be such a bitch."

    yeah. that was interesting to say the least.

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  27. I swear like a sailor, and the Howler doesn't pick up on what I say...but let her father mutter in the basement when she's up two flights of stairs, and she's all over it.

    I especially enjoyed having to explain "sunny beach" with no context.

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  28. I accidentally screamed the word fuck in front of my 4 year old. Not a slight yell either, it was a long drawn out, 'fuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!' I thought she had ignored it, but last night when her dad got home from work she ran to him. She was all, "Dad, I heard mommy say a really bad word today!" Then she whispered it to him. I'm going to have to become a mute.

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  29. If you figure out a way to get her to stop saying it, please let me know. Granilla told mine he was "bad" and so now he tells me I'm bad all the time. He also tells other children that they're bad. Niiice.

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