Thursday, April 16

It Would Have Been Cheaper to Just Use a Spork

I screwed up.

Cody should have gone to the vet for a little snippy snippy of his manhood right before we went on vacation. He had by then turned six months old, and since we have never had any intentions of letting him be fruitful and spread his furry genes on to another generation, there was no reason to delay. However, I thought I would be a genius and delay that little snippy snippy project until after we returned. I frankly didn't want to deal with it while I was in the midst of my Disney Anticipation Buzz. Then we got back, and of course a vacation isn't a Real Vacation unless your return from it flat-ass broke. Which we did.

Excuse after excuse, delay after delay, and somehow the furball made it a few months too many with all his berries intact. It wasn't until I started thinking "DAMN, why is this really smart dog still refusing to learn to be housebroken?" that it dawned on me.

Boy dog. Not neutered. Peeing all over our house.

Oh yes, he was.

I immediately called the vet to make an appointment for that little snippy snippy, but OF COURSE there was an additional two-week wait to get his furry little butt in.

Enter the Urine Scene Investigator (credit to plbrickner for that GENIUS title).

Oh yes, Mr. Husband went out and bought a black light so he could find out everywhere that Mr. I Want My Balls Hacked Off with a Spork had peed. Judging by the amount of cussing that went on the first time the Urine Scene Investigator donned his equipment, it was baaaaad. And everywhere.

Yet, I still felt a widdle bit bad for the stupid dog this morning when it was time to load him in the car and take him to the vet for his snippy snippy. I don't know if it's because I'm such a compassionate fool or because I'm just glad *I* will never need snippy snippy, but I looked into his big brown eyes and felt guilty.

Then I saw it.

I had set my camera bag on the floor so I could grab Alexis' lunch bag. Cody apparently mistook Mr. Canon and his wondrous travel accommodations as his territory. Right about then it was probably a REALLY good thing Cody barely even qualifies as a dog. His just-barely-bigger-than-a-football stature meant he didn't quite get enough lift, and ended up just getting the wood floor. BUT HE TRIED TO PEE ON MY BELOVED MR. CANON.

I was so mad I wanted to kick a puppy. And, hey! Look! It's Cody! He's a puppy!

He's damn lucky his only punishment was a little snippy snippy and a little yanky yanky.

24 comments:

  1. How'd the snippy snippy turn out? We had all our animals snipped! Know more little furball things running around our house!

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  2. I have been Urine Scene Investigator myself. When Rocky was a puppy, I would want to put him to bed when i went, but mr b would insist on keeping him in the living room until he came to bed. unfortunately, he (mr b) would fall asleep about 2 seconds afterward and Rocky would pee and mr b wouldn't know and thus wouldn't clean it (I seriously doubt he would clean it properly if he knew anyway).

    So, I would smell pee (which mr b never could, since he has a screwed-up sniffer) and he'd tell me I was crazy. Basically, he didn't want to admit he was falling asleep.

    So black light, on all fours, sniffing the house was how I spent my evenings in those days.

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  3. YIKES! Cody is very lucky his berries and the extra teeth are the only things being removed!

    Snippy, snippy . . . note to self: schedule hubby's vasectomy.

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  4. @Rebecka--Cody survived the snippy snippy. He was a GIANT baby the first few hours he was home (typical male, n'at), but he seems fine now.

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  5. Well, my dang dog has been snipped and he still pees on everything. What gives!? Anyhow...good luck with all that snipping stuff. :-)

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  6. @Jonny's Mommy--GAH! Don't tell me that! If Cody doesn't quit with the endless peeing, I don't know what we'll do!

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  7. I hope the endless peeing is solved with the snip snip.

    It's so easy with dogs. The whole must-mark-territory thing. Cats? Those bastards are a whole nother ball game, what with the vindictive peeing, the hurt feelings peeing, the litter box got moved six inches peeing . . .

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  8. hope that works. i have an aversion to dogs that pee in the house, myself.

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  9. Good luck with the peeing. Hope it stops.

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  10. I never once made the connection. We just don't have boys around here. Here's hoping it solves the problem because I'd sure hate to see Cody be sporked.

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  11. I probably wouldn't need the light. I have a super strong sense of smell, and the scent of pee all over the house would make me crazy! Hope the snippy snippy took care of that! No one messes with Mr. Canon.

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  12. Male dogs (and men for that matter) get off so easy. Snippy snippy?!? Tell him he's lucky he didn't have to have major invasive surgery to have organs removed and 30 some stitches. And I'm sure they think snippy snippy is soooo bad and oh, baby them, please. The girls were spayed at 3 months, and were up running around that same day as soon as the anesthetic wore off. They had things to do. Couldn't mope around in pain!
    /end rant :)

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  13. I'm so lucky Pickles came already fixed and housebroken. However I've had a few litters of kittens born in the house. Not fun...

    That picture of Alexis with this post is priceless!(Hugs)Indigo

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  14. The title of this post is hilarious. And yikes - not the CAMERA!!

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  15. I hope that it helped.

    I think we have the only female dog on earth who lifts her leg and marks on things. Spaying did not help us.

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  16. Both of my dogs were fixed within 2 weeks of coming into our lives. The first one had to go back to the eleventy-billion times because he would a) lick off his dissolvable stiches within 5 minutes of being home b) rip out his SEWN IN stitches within 5 minutes of being home c) chew off his scab within 5 minutes of taking off his cone.
    *sigh* He was in a hard plastic cone for 5 weeks - and my shins did NOT like it one bit (I swear he walked into our legs on purpose).
    Dog #2 was great - go take him to the vet, pick him back up all drunk off of anasthesia, lay him on the couch, and walk away. I only kept him in a cone for a week because I was paranoid about him doing the same thing #1 did - I shouldn't have worried - he's too lazy (and fat) to try to reach where his dangly bits used to be.

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  17. @Amber--I'm going to be laughing all day at "dangly bits." LOVE IT!

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  18. oh my... there are some things that just ARE NOT tolerated. Although peeing in the house could be temporarily borderline, peeing on Canon- NOOOO.

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  19. Taking my dog to get snipped was one of the hardest things ever. I felt like I was betraying a friend. It was terrible but necessary.

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  20. "Mr. I Want My Balls Hacked Off with a Spork" is totally gonna catch on.

    Wives everywhere will be shouting it from the rooftops . . . I can hear it now.

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  21. Denutting is always traumatic.

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  22. I tried that black light trick years ago when I had a cat that liked to use my carpet as her own personal litter box. I never had much luck with it. I had to resort to the sniff test.

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  23. Ugh the black light! When we "clear" military housing they come through with a black light and if there are any urine spots we have to pay for ALL of the carpet. At least that's how it was in Alaska. The inspector set his huge black spotlight over the first area and then let it heat up, then he leaned over to sniff it!! I swear he did, I can't make shit like that up! Then he said "yep that's urine, do you want to smell to make sure?" We simply said "no thanks just charge us". YUCK!

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  24. I bet it took everything you had not to beat that dog for even entertaining the thought of peeing on your beloved camera!!!! Hope he's feeling better and not peeing everywhere!

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