Sunday, June 7

Fortunately, She's Cute with Her Mouth Open

Alexis has discovered her super power. It took her three years, four months, and eleven days to do it, but she has most definitely found it.

I probably could have predicted the whole thing. Back when she was nine months old and started saying real words, that was most definitely a sign. When she was speaking in complete sentences at fifteen months, it was more than a clue. I don't remember exactly when I started saying it, but I've pretty much always thought that if Alexis' eyes are open, so is her mouth (unless, of course, a stranger is around--Michigan J. Frog is her hero).

I had no idea, though. No idea.

The kid has discovered that she does not require oxygen to survive. It's true. She can go from early in the morning until late in the evening without taking a single breath. She just talksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalks. And talks.

She kicked it into overdrive last week. Since then, she has mastered the art of irritation through non-stop noise. She has not taken a breath during waking hours all. freakin. week.

Once upon a time I took smug satisfaction in her language skills. There were many people in our lives who were dubious of our decision to teach the kid sign language starting at six months. Some were convinced it would prevent her from learning to talk, so each time Alexis went into a long diatribe, it was like, "Oh, really?" Yeah, I'm over that.

Friday night the three of us were walking through the mall. Alexis was all, "Why is that pink? Is this the mall? Look, there's Mommy's store! Where is the Mickey Store? Can I have Minnie flip-flops? Why is that girl jumping? Where is Cody? There's a yellow shirt over there. Can I watch High School Musical tonight? Coach yelled at Mr. Bolton." and on and on and on. She unleashed a steady stream of conscious, never once pausing to breathe, but freaking out if someone neglected to answer one of her bajillion questions. It's so fun how she doesn't pause for an answer, but if you don't answer, she repeats the same thing over and over and over and over and over, louder and louder and louder and louder until your brain explodes and some gray matter with the answer she wanted splats in her face.

As we passed the food court, I had an idea. I rummaged through my pockets and found the $4 I so desperately needed. I hauled Alexis down to the smoothie store and gave her free reign over whatever she wanted. Mr. Husband looked at me and started laughing, continuing on with some sort of comment about how Super Mom had finally lost her cool. Yes, yes I did. I bought the kid a $4 smoothie for no reason other than I knew I would get 60 seconds of silence while she sucked up that first taste. It was a beautiful 60 seconds. A momentous and wonderful 60 seconds. I liked that 60 seconds.

It took Alexis three years, four months, and eleven days to truly find a way to annoy me. I see a lot of smoothies in our future.

22 comments:

  1. Oh man, this story reminds me of my nephew Sean. Not only was he a chatterbox, but absolutely was conviced, at like 3, that he was an adult.

    It's only now, at the ripe old age of 16, that I don't feel the intrinsic urge to strangle him. Well, that's not entirely true ... but not having to listen to a verbal barrage is a definite improvement.

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  2. I have one of these too. Oh and she's nine and still going/talking non-stop. Sigh. My secret? Tootsie Pops...they last long and they're cheap. To heck with tooth decay, I need a break once in a while too.

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  3. Sounds just like Master J, right down to our smugness at his amazing vocab as a 15 month old. We did the sign language thing too. He's 8 now and the incessant talking never went away. It never stops. Ever. The kid even talks in his sleep. Some days I can tune it out. Some days I'm totally "oh. my. god. make. it. stop. make. it. stop. make. it. stop."

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  4. Almost every night ends with 'no more questions' and I'm not very nice when I say it. Mostly. I like the smoothie idea--we also use the "who can stay quiet the longest?" game. It works great in the car.
    I didn't believe my friends when they told me of this talking phenomenon.I'm starting to look forward to kindergarten. If for no other reason than I don't know why. I just. don't. know.

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  5. @Susie--I tried that game last week. It was a massive failure because Alexis could only last about .0008 seconds after I said "Go!" before she had to start yelling, "You talk! Mommy you talk first!"

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  6. HAHAHAHA! Welcome to my world - make yourself comfortable - you'll be here a while.

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  7. Savvy is almost 9 and she never heard a word she didn't want to repeat a zillion times a day. OMG, if a smoothie would stop it, I'd buy that blender on Youtube that grinds up hockey pucks!

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  8. We can hardly believe there was a time when our son need to be tested for a speech delay. HA! Three months later we experienced a verbal explosion that has yet to end. He even talks in his sleep.

    I blame TV.

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  9. *snicker* that hasn't gotten better around my house either and mine are 10 & 13.

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  10. That is my Gracie to a T. I am 5 years into this "experiment" and I don't know how much longer I can make it. You can't even answer the questions on autopilot because you never know what you're agreeing to. And Gracie's memory? Is as long as her diatribes. Thank god she's cute or I'd have given her away by now!

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  11. My 4yo is the same way. He never, ever, ever stops talking. In fact, in most pictures I have of him, his mouth is open because he's talking through getting his picture taken! The repeating of the question or statement without pausing for a response? Check. Stream of consciousness speaking? Check. He was an early and prolific talker as well, and I, like you, revelled in my awesomeness as a parent that I could have created such a wonder, and patted myself on the back frequently because it must have been something I did to cause such greatness. Now I'd just like to know what exactly I did to deserve the torment most days!! Now my 18 month old is trying to keep up, so I pretty much walk around all day wishing for earplugs. And my mom just sits back and laughs. Sigh...

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  12. Oh dude... I so feel your pain... I remember when I was pregnant with Little Man and my mother-in-law told me about how in a few years, the baby would never stop speaking and how when Sweetie Pie was going through that stage, she'd tell him "let's play a game... Let's see who can be quiet the longest."

    At the time, I thought she was a horrible, horrible person. Now? I think she's a freaking genius.

    After wanting Little Man to speak so much when he was an infant and just screamed/wailed his needs to us. Now, I wish he'd just shut up long enough for me to be able to hear the traffic report on the radio.

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  13. Yep, mine too. Never. Stops. Talking. Even talks in her sleep. For real. Talks to the tv. Talks to herself. Talks to the dogs. Talks to me. Talks to anyone and anything all the ever loving time. And I'm with Cat woman...the quiet game. My favorite game! Who can go the longest without talking. She usually ends up calling time out after a minute or two but it gives a little peace. I also have discovered the magic of the good old fashioned Shhhh. Of course that has backfired and now that she is almost 10, she has started shushing me. Sigh.

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  14. I love so much about this. Most of all that Mr. H called you on an obvious plea for help.

    You know that a sibling would help with this, right? She'd have someone to talk to. For real.

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  15. HAHA, ohhhh so true. SO true. Love it! It's a girl thing, definitely.

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  16. I'm keeping this in my mind for when Jonathan starts talking even more. It may be a girl thing, but we shall see....:-)

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  17. Hahaha! Isn't it funny how you wait impatiently for them to start talking and then when they finally do they just never shut up? Ironic, really. ;)

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  18. Bwahaha!My youngest is the exact same child, but male. Still won't shut it.

    Carry something really gummy and chewy in your purse. Taffy. Or an all-day sucker.

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  19. I'M BAAACCKK! I hate to keep commenting on the pictures, but holy crap, that is a good one! I take it you went to the Arts Festival? How was it? We might go this weekend.

    I have a similar post brewing, so I hear ya sista!

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  20. Hahaha. At least you found something to give you 60 seconds?

    I seriously love that picture. It's one of my all time favorites.

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  21. Welcome to the club! Both of my girls are talkers. they both talked early and haven't shut up since. It is fun to see how it changes as they grow. My oldest spent 30 mins or so during dinner the other night recounting every.single.detail of the movie she had watched the night. Meanwhile my youngest starts talking when we get in the car to drive somewhere and I realize 20 minutes later she's still talking and I have long since tuned her out. : ) Just wait, the questions just get more frequent and more complicated to answer as they grow. Definitely makes for great blog material and some fun memories.

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  22. You know, it's not the kid noise that bothers me. It's not the fact that my kid is like, "Oh MAMA!" and if I fail to respond it gets louder and louder and louder. No, not even the fact that he says, "Mama, come back!" when I walk away. It's the noises my husband makes when he sings with my kid. It's not the off-key kid singing. No, it's the adult singing. Makes me insane.

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