Wednesday, June 24

The Invisible Minion Army Has Stolen My Sanity

Once upon a time, I was sane. This I know. I could set things down and hours, days, even weeks later, I could remember where they were. It was a simple time, a beautiful time, a time before the hurricane that is Alexis.

And then came that fateful day when Alexis learned to walk, and with it she brought her magical powers. She apparently has an army of Invisible Minions who sweep through our house, quickly hiding every important item. Set down your keys? They walk away. Place a bag of cheese on the kitchen counter? It vanishes. Carefully place a knitting needle in a basket? *POOF!* It's gone.

After two plus years of dealing with the magic feet, I've grown accustomed to not knowing where the heck anything is. When I can't find my sunglasses which I know were in my purse, I know that they have grown legs. If the TV remote isn't on the stand where it belongs, I know that the invisible minions have transferred it to a pile of toys. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to find the Invisible Minion hiding place, and sometimes I lose my mind trying to find something in a rush.

Recently, two grand events have led to the undermining of the Invisible Minion Army. First of all, it seems that when you pack up most of your crap for a move, magical things happen. STUFF APPEARS. Years ago a knitting needle entered the Witness Protection Program, but a few weeks ago? I totally found it under our bed stuffed inside a pillow. Right next to the knitting needle I found the plum that I knew Alexis was eating on our bed one morning, but that just suddenly up and walked away (I wish I had a photo of it because petrified plums are spectacular!). Even the Bed Lady and TV Dude from Mrs. Goodbee have magically reappeared. It's been fantastic!

The other major development is that I finally figured out that if I just ask Alexis if she knows where the object of my affection has gone, sometimes she knows. It seems that her Invisible Minion Army is about 80/20 for remembering to report back to her on the exact location of the treasures that they collect. Just this week she has managed to accurately describe the hiding place for her comb, my black shoes, and the dog bone. It was beautiful.

And then there was the day I couldn't find my car keys. That day? Was not beautiful. I KNEW they were in my camera bag, but yet they weren't. I checked the couch. I checked the floor. I checked the kitchen counter. I checked the laundry. I checked EVERYWHERE. Once it dawned on me that the Invisible Minion Army might have been in on the disappearance, I asked Alexis. She quickly admitted that she had seen my keys, and immediately said, "they're in a box!"

We're moving.

Everything we own is in a box.

So, I tried to get her to narrow down the hunt. She told me the box was in the garage.

All the boxes are in the garage. Literally, hundreds of them. Some are taped shut, some are not. Given that I had no idea when the keys had walked away, they could have been in just about any of those boxes.

I found them, but it took a loooooong time.

I used to be sane.



(Pssst . . . got a second to vote?)

18 comments:

  1. OH man, I hear you, things go missing in my house all the time. My son hid my Tiffany bracelet a while back and that was scary! Now it's our garage opener and keys that my baby loves taking. It's even harder to find objects when the person taking them does not speak yet, so asking is totally futile. I can't imagine, though, being in the midst of packing and losing something. That would drive me insane!

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  2. that only gets worse before it gets better.

    except for it still hasn't gotten better at my house, due to rapidly decreasing brain cells.

    which i TOTALLY blame on my kids.

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  3. Deacon would like Alexis to know that he does not want her to pass the minion army on to him. He values Mommy's sanity far too much.

    Also - mention the Backstreet Boys & Hanson in a tweet, find this: www.twitter.com/jiggle_man. Should I be impressed that his second tweet ever was to correct my boy band knowledge?

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  4. We have two armies of minions at our house. And sometimes the second army will dip into the first army's stash. Then you might as well just go get new stuff because you are never ever going to find it. Ever.

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  5. I hope you didn't have somewhere you needed to be quickly! Luckily(?) for me I am used to this because my mom did it to me while I lived with her. She was constantly moving my stuff. She frequently forgot where she moved it to, also.

    By the way, I swear I left a comment yesterday, but it didn't show up.

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  6. Sometimes the Minion Army at our house will tell Peanut where they put things. It's about 20/80 for us. And his possessives are still in development. "Peanut, where are Mom's shoes?" ::runs:: "Dooos!!"" ::points at his shoes:: Sigh.

    Oh, and the General of the Minion Army? General Oblivious the Husband. He cleaned. I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING! His defense? Next time he won't clean. ::grumble::

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  7. Oh, how I long for that day...

    Right now, I only get answers when the dog hides stuff (from the dog). The kid? Forget it. It's gone forever.

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  8. I am right there with you. I don't know how many times I have to frantically search the entire house for the tv remote.

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  9. If we're missing something around here, chances are it's under a couch. Seriously my 18 month old is obssessed with putting things under the couch. But if my 4yo is responsible, he's pretty good at telling me where things are. I am sometimes baffled at how often I have to turn to a preschooler to keep my head on straight. But he knows stuff that I don't, and it's good to have a backup the reliable, you know?

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  10. When my daughter was 3.5 yrs old at Christmas we got the little wooden - kid safe - nativity out at her grandma's house and baby Jesus was missing. My mom and I were wondering where on earth it could have got to. My daughter said, "Oh, I think I know!" and walked straight to the heating vent in the floor of the living room and pointed and said it was right there. And sure enough, there on the ledge (it miraculously had not fallen all the way in) was baby Jesus. Right where she had put him last Christmas, when she was 2.5 yrs old.

    We were stunned that she remembered where it was.

    But normally, she didn't hide things. And now, she takes things. She thinks my closet is the Boutique of Free Stuff.

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  11. My invisible minion army took my keys once and threw them in the car seat...the old car seat on our back porch. I spent close to half an hour...maybe more....looking for them, only to discover the cat had been sitting on them the entire time. Drives me maaaad!

    On your Flickr account...very jealous. I can never remember my password for it. Or my user name. How sad is that? I see all those Flickr widgets and want one and I can't because I am a moron and can't remember my password.

    So. That's all for today. Enough ranting. :-)

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  12. Well, unlike you I can't ever claim to have been sane. I did, however, have an organized mess...now it's just a mess. *sigh*

    Glad you've been able to find some things! Hubs and I are hoping to do a massive cleanout of at least part of the house soon...declutter and reorganize...bu that's a dream - because we need all three kids out of the house and being babysat for at least 3 days...

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  13. My youngest knew where everything in our house was.
    One time my husbad had a few teeth pulled and needed a partial. It took him a long time to get used to it so he used to take it out all the time. (I know, gross)
    But one time he couldn't find it anywhere. I mean, where could two teeth be?
    We had to wake Devin up from a sound sleep and ask him "where daddy's teeth were"
    He knew right where they were.

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  14. When he WANTS to, Cooper can remember everything - EVERYTHING. When he doesn't WANT to? It is gone forever. The kid has a memory like an elephant, and has already figured out how to use it for his own personal gain. Screwed is now a way of life.

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  15. Here's the worst part - they grow up and move out and you still can't find anything.

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  16. Thanks for the warning to keep the garage door locked for the rest of our moving adventure... : ) Oh and my keys up high!

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  17. I LOVED when we moved because for the first time in too long I knew exactly where everything was in the house. That lasted a good two weeks before things started shifting and moving and walking off. Now? I'm clueless. I couldn't find my kids anymore if they didn't hunt me down and pester me every fifteen seconds.

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  18. The key thing makes me crazed because my kid inevitably hits the "panic" button and I can hear my stupid car going off outside but can't find the keys.

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