Thursday, June 18

This is Only a Test

If this were an actual test of your sanity, this procedure would be conducted by a trained professional and NOT a three-year old. It might also come with some sort of medication.

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"What's that?" she asks.

"A mosquito," he replies.

"Why is it a mosquito?" she asks.

"Because it's a mosquito," he adds.

"But WHY is it a mosquito?" she continues. For ten minutes.

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"Alexis, stop trying to put a barrette in Meg's fur," I scold.

"I just making her pretty," she replies.

"Stop. it. now." I say.

"But I just make her pretty!" the child counters.

"If you start another sentence with 'I just' you're going to time out," I say. This is a common threat that I'm not afraid to follow-up on because "I just" makes me sporky.

"She likes it!" she replies, simultaneously continuing to argue and yet actually following directions.

"Leave Meg alone, NOOOOW!" I yell.

"She wants me to make her pretty," she replies, right before she begins the trek to time out.

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"Eat your dinner," I tell her.

"I'm not hungry," she says.

"Take a bite of your pizza roll, Alexis," I reply.

"But I'm not hungry!" she says. She continues, "Can I have a popsicle?"

"Absolutely not. Eat your dinner," I say as my eyes roll out of my head.

"But I want a popsicle!" she counters.

"Eat your dinner and you can have a popsicle," I say.

"But I'm not hungry!" she proclaims.

"Alexis," I glare, "Are you hungry enough to eat a popsicle?"

"Yes," she replies, eyes open wide.

"Then you're hungry enough to eat your pizza roll," I say.

"BUT I'M NOT HUNGRY!" she screams.

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"Mommy, I want some water," she says.

"Where is your water?" I ask.

"In the fridge," she says.

"Then go get it," I offer up the simple solution, which also might be the lazy one.

She walks to the fridge, opens it, and finds that her water is not where she expected. She returns to the living room and begins her chant. "My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there. My water wasn't there."

If you think I'm exaggerating about how many times she repeated that statement, you obviously have never met a 3-year old.

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I'd ask when the sanity test will end, but I already know the answer--Ten minutes after my head explodes. In other words, WAY too late.


33 comments:

  1. That takes some dedication to put barrettes on a dog that has short fur to begin with. Where is she actually trying to "make Meg pretty?"

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  2. @Amber--She was trying to snap a barrette on Meg's jowls. I'm sure Meg would have been THRILLED if Alexis had succeeded.

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  3. Oh, oh dear.

    *snicker*

    BUT WHY! I JUST! REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT!

    It makes me glad to know that it's not JUST my kid. At the very least there's another one like him in the state and city I love so dearly, terrorizing the land as I once did.

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  4. I just want to know why "I just" makes you sporky.

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  5. Yet another reason why I'm furiously working on a plan for my kid to pass this stage of life.

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  6. @FireMom--That one line summed it up best. "BUT WHY! I JUST! REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT!" That? Is our life.

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  7. @Karen--Watch it or I'll start arguing with everything you say. ;-)

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  8. @Joey Mac--Can I call you "Joey Mac?" Is that OK? Heh.

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  9. My mother-in-law does that! We were watching LOTR and she kept asking, "Why are they so short?" We told her they are Hobbits. She just kept saying, "No, you're not listening to me. Why are they so short!?"

    She meant, "How did they make her look so short?"

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  10. Dear Lord. I'm going to go find my corner to start rocking in now. Two is looking bad enough . . . and I think you just ruined three for me. I've already lost count at how many times I have to threaten time out in an afternoon . . .

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  11. I think one of the best things about blogging is having all these insanely cute things 3 year olds say documented forever and ever. OMG, though, sometimes they drive you crazy, don't they? The constant WHY WHY WHY WHY... never ending! Haha!

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  12. Anonymous12:24 AM

    and just to think she's just gettin started...
    :)

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  13. haha ... I think it ends when she turns 25.

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  14. Can't wait.
    I love the pictures you take! You have an artistic eye!

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  15. I swear mine already says the same thing 11,000,000 times. And generally I have no idea what he's talking about. You know, it's something like, "Mickey Mao hot and go poop." And when I have no idea wtf that means, he just keeps saying it.

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  16. so this is what it sounds like when the random chattering of vowels and consonants becomes actual words. i'll hang on to random chatter for a while. it's easier to ignore since i don't know what he wants. tho it really makes him mad when i tell him i don't know what he wants :).

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  17. This is why they're cute. Because if they weren't, we'd have gotten rid of them long before now.

    ooooo the incessant chanting drives me bonkers!!!!!!!

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  18. Mmmhmm. That is why I call my blog seeking sanity. They really can drive you nuts, can't they? ;)

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  19. Unfortunately all too familiar, we have that same I'm not hungry, but I want a popsicle conversation several times a week. They must teach that to 3-yr olds in school.

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  20. Joey Mac will do. Until I change it up again.

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  21. It never ends. Ever. (said by the mom of a 19 and 15 yr old)

    Hallie

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  22. Yep...raising the same kiddo...

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  23. There was no need for waterboarding at Gitmo...just make the prisoners have endless conversations with 3 yr olds (or in my case almost 3 yr olds). They would give up their mothers in less than 3 hours.

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  24. She reminds me so much of Gracie at that age (all of...two years ago, uh huh). The good news: in just a little bit the sporkiness will kinda even out and the fun, bright, lovable Alexis you love to spend time with will show up more and more. Unfortunately for me, that was right when Bee turned 2 and I had to rather, rinse, repeat with that entire stage. :)

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  25. OMG. You are absolutely the best internet friend ever. You just made my day. TOTALLY! Thank you. Now I don't feel so alone.

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  26. Yup, three year olds. I hate to tell you this, but teenagers make just as much sense. That is awesome she could follow the instructions on I just but still keep arguing. She has a future in the law business :)

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  27. My oldest is 4 and we have that dinner conversation CONSTANTLY. It's like it's programmed into them.

    And a big fat ditto to Michelle Smiles.

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  28. Heh. I'm so glad mine are past that. And on to something else.

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  29. Conversations with a 3 year old....so fun.
    If I here "I'm not hungry" and then 5 minutes later ask for a snack I will scream. SCREAM!

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  30. I feel ya. Our chant tonight was "no movie, no movie, no movie" after I told the youngest there would be no movie tonight. I almost changed my mind to shut him up! He already has me figured out:)

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  31. she has your number ... which, by the way, is infinity squared.

    :-D

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  32. Oh but she's so cute!

    This is one of those things they don't tell you about in the books on parenthood! HA!

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