Friday, July 10

A Word About Rankings, Polls, Contests, and Other Such Nonsense

I'm no social media "expert," but I can absolutely tell you one guaranteed way of driving traffic to your site: hold some sort of ranking contest. It is a sure-fire method for getting some page views. If you want to be extra successful, target Mommybloggers. Say that your list is the "Best Mommybloggers" or "Hottest Mommybloggers" or "Most Influential Mommybloggers." Heck, you could call it "Mommybloggers Who Have Vaginas." It won't matter, someone who you put on that list will pay attention and she will send some web traffic your way.

As for selecting the people to list? Maybe that sounds like a lot of work, but it doesn't need to be. Just randomly pick some people. It really doesn't matter who you select. It's all entirely subjective, and no matter who you put on it, somebody will get her panties in a bunch. (Psst. . . that actually works to your advantage. When Mommybloggers think someone has been left off of a list, they get all riled up and talk about that list even more than they would have if they had agreed with it.)

Once you have your list of contenders, make sure you tell them that they're on it. Make it sound like it's a Extra Special Thing. One or two of them will quickly run to put your badge on their site, and WOOHOO! You just managed to get free advertising! Even better, somebody will write a post all about that contest. In some circles that would be called a "Sponsored Post." You could pay several hundred or even thousands of dollars for that kind of exposure, but you won't have to because those Mommybloggers are a competitive bunch. They'll post your link on twitter, Facebook, email it to everyone they know, and even talk about it. They'll do all kinds of crazy stuff at no charge, all in the name of "winning" your contest.

While you're getting all that free exposure for your site, take a minute and see if you can't sell some advertising on your site. You know, charge other people money to put their crap on your site. While those Mommybloggers will do that kind of stuff for free, you shouldn't. Instead, turn every vote into cash with ads that pay based on impressions. If you want to be extra slick, make the contest real long, like maybe two months. Tell people they can only vote once per day, but then only pretend to really enforce that rule. Somebody will surely figure out how to block the cookie that stops unlimited voting, and they'll sit there for hours and hours, racking up the page views. Each vote is money in your pocket. Ka-ching!

When the contest is all over, make some sort of lame announcement and start letting people make nominations for the next year. Oh yes, you can pull this stunt every year. New Mommybloggers are always coming around, so you'll be able to literally make buckets of cash off their naivety. The best part is that you won't even have to give any sort of prize. Instead, just make up some sort of badge and watch as the winner proudly posts that sucker on her website, giving you yet another magic hit at the free advertising fountain.

Yes, I see right through this crap. And yes, I've been playing right into the game by linking to that site WAY more than I should. Usually I'm good about ignoring this kind of stuff. For example, I never really mentioned the whole thing where Nielsen named me a Top 50 Power Mom (and, yes, that Nielsen). That sort of thing doesn't matter. It doesn't validate what I'm doing in this space, it doesn't make buckets of money magically fall from the sky, and it doesn't make this site any better than any one of the millions of other sites like it. That kind of junk is a big, fat joke.

What does matter is that I know that if I write about something important, y'all will respond. I happen to think you are some of the most amazing people on this planet. You've helped raise money for the Flight 93 Memorial. 20+ of you joined me in the March for Maddie, raising over $5000 for the March of Dimes. Who knows what charity I'll focus on next, but I know you will respond. You are that kind of phenomenal.

Now, if you wouldn't mind continuing with the phenomenal, I could use your vote over here. There is a reason I've given away ad space that I would usually charge over $150 for, and a reason I've linked to that site many times. That reason isn't a good one, but there you go. Vote every day until July 15th, please. I want to win.

I'm no better than any other overly competitive Mommyblogger out there.

27 comments:

  1. rebelliousflaw12:00 AM

    I love the pic. It definitely portrays the aggression of your words. =)

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  2. @rebelliousflaw--That is Alexis' "I Do Not Approve" face. I lurve it!

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  3. SOMEbody's got their panties in a wad.

    heh...

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  4. @Angie--Yeah, me. I promise I will never, ever, ever do it again. :-)

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  5. Great post! Fabulous picture!

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  6. It doesn't show the percentages anymore. Is it still counting my vote? I voted like 3 times today just cuz you said to, and it let me :).

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  7. @Crista--I think it is, but who knows. The site has been pretty flaky this week.

    Hiding the percents was evil genius. Nobody will give up if they don't know where they stand. >:-|

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  8. I think I voted. How do I tell? D'oh!

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  9. I totally LOVE that picture!!! I would poster size that one!

    Even though the boys did not have swim lessons today, I acted like they did. All from the comfort of a lazy boy!! I'm hoping it all helps you to be the winner, winner, chicken dinner!!

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  10. Wow, it took me a couple of paragraphs before I knew what you were talking about... and instead of being all cool about it and seeing through it like you (oh wise one!) I was so happy and honored to be included on the list for Minneapolis/St. Paul. Am I a sucker?

    And yeah, I totally agree on the cheating thing - although it's weird that I've found that cookies aren't blocking me the last few days, causing me to question my own ethics and willpower to not vote for myself. Good post. Off to vote for you.

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  11. A word about the Burghbaby's mama: Mess. You are a mess! LOL! A cute, funny, talented, big ol' loveable pile-o-mess! LOL!! and that's only part of what we love about ya! gonna go vote again now, but the joke's on them cuz I won't buy anything off of their ads. so HA!

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  12. You know I'll always vote.

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  13. That picture is priceless.

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  14. But... how are you winning if you don't have a button on your site? Oh, wait. ;)
    Love the picture. And btw, I've been harassing coworkers to vote, too. I'm sure they lvoe me for it. :)

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  15. Just keep reminding me and I will keep voting! Love the pic!

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  16. Of course I'll vote for you! I'd do the same shameless plugging if it were me :D

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  17. Dude, and I went and payed all that money to go to BlogHer so my husband can fantasize about finally getting to quit work and go back to being a ski bum while his wifey toils away on her computer when I could have just gotten all the skillz I need here?!

    I would have appreciated a heads up there, sister.

    But yes, I'll vote.

    Or I'll say that I'll vote and then I'll forget tomorrow.

    Either way, THUMBS UP! ;)

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  18. OHmommy just forwarded me your post - tee hee. We've been enjoying our own friendly competition here in Cleveland (since we were both nominated). I thought it was pretty obnoxious that they don't even allow people to easily move from their site to ours - the nerve!

    If we do really drive so much traffic and mean so much to these folks, seems like we could find a way to play our own game. I guess that is the competitive side of me talking. =)

    Oh, yes, and, uh, vote for me, okay? Oh, okay, vote for OHmommy if you must. Sigh. Let's just be sheep and feed the machine, right??

    Let's compete against our friends and have a catfight - meow - that will REALLLLY drive their traffic - and make us ALL the big losers, even when we win.

    Sincerely,

    An overcompetitive Mommyblogger =)

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  19. you know i vote early and often...

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  20. DOOOOOODE! How did you not tell me you were all important?

    Nielsen? I'm freaking impressed, no matter how much you don't want me to be.

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  21. Ahem! Yes you ARE better than the other mommybloggers out there. We say so.

    And I love how you let Alexis show off your mood. :)

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  22. I wish I knew what you were talking about...oh wait...I figured it out. I don't think I'll go vote for you after all. :-)

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  23. Ooops...I meant because of what they are doing, not because of you....I love you and think you are tops...I meant because of the "group" who is "sponsoring" it all.

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  24. You're not really one of the cool kids unless you have a skinny head and fat body.

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