Sunday, October 11

Puppet Master

Alexis sat in the middle of a sea of tiny people and furniture, happily playing with her dollhouse. The good news is that she's had that dollhouse over a year and still loves it. The bad news is that she's had that dollhouse over a year and the damn thing still makes noise.

"Ding dong," the thing shouted as Alexis pushed the doorbell button.

"WROOF WROOOOOOOF," Meg loudly responded.

"Mommy, Meg's barking," Alexis reported. I'm glad she did, too, because I totally didn't hear the deep Bulldog barks that were so loud the windows shook.

"Ding dong," the dollhouse said again.


"She's still doing it," Alexis said.

"Ding dong." AGAIN.


"Mommy! Meg is still barking!" Alexis reported.

Sensing that this little pattern could very well go on for hours (or until I flipped out from a severe case of The Crazies), I walked over towards Alexis.

"Ding dong." The kid had lost the ability to keep her finger off the doorbell.

"WROOOOOF WROOOOOF WROOOOOOOF," Meg responded. She apparently had lost the ability to think. She was standing right next to the dollhouse, but still didn't have the sense to realize that the doorbell sound wasn't an indication that a living being was going to walk through the front door. . . . Unless the living being was the size of a flea and marching in our carpet . . . Maybe she imagined that there was a whole army of tiny little people dancing the Macarena and high-stepping their way through the dollhouse door.

"Mommy, Meg won't stop barking," Alexis tattled.

"Ding dong."


"Ding dong."


"Mommy, Meg is barking."

Finally I interrupted and told everyone that I'd heard enough noise. As I managed a glimpse into Alexis' eyes, I could see pure devious joy. It was the look of a kid who had just found the strings to a puppet and was now enjoying making the puppet dance.

A glance at Meg reinforced that Alexis was right. As I looked into Meg's eyes, I realized there really isn't anything going on inside that thick skull.

"Mommy, watch. I can make Meg bark if I push this button," Alexis said.

Heaven help us all if that kid ever decides to use her powers for evil.


  1. Apparently that button has many functions. I think she's also quite aware that it pulls Mommy's strings effectively.

  2. And thus begins the long line of string pulling mechanisms . . . only to end, well, probably never. I mean, I'm still pulling my own mother's strings.

  3. oh babe, run. Run far away.

    Like to Australia. I have wine.

  4. Anonymous8:19 AM

    What did you expect? She is a girl. Her awesome powers of creative manipualation came tied to her second X chromosome. Just keep her on your side and it's all good. ;)

  5. It's moments like those that remind me how much smarter kids are than us grown-ups. They've got it all figured out.

  6. Oh my. I remember those days. (Did I just type that sentence? It makes me feel so OLD) The kids think they're playing a trick on us, getting us to answer the doorbell, then realize their power over the dog. It's insane. INSANE.

  7. Anonymous1:32 PM

    I can almost see a devious "corner-of-the-eyes" look on her face and her thinking, {...sooooo, I put these things together and...} - add the big internal grin and, "Mommy, watch. I can make Meg bark..." Heh!

    Kids sure can put things together sometimes, even when it seems like they just aren't getting it. Such as the above story. Reading along, it seems like she thinks you have power over Meg's reaction or that it's not her dollhouse doorbell at all...but upon reflection, she's just directing the action in the scene she already put together in her head. She just needed you to play your part! :-)

  8. *sigh* I have a dog that will bark at doorbell noises too - and our old house (where he lived for nearly 5 years) didn't even HAVE a doorbell! It's uber fun to be watching a tv show and have the doorbell on tv go off and have the dog bark, especially after I *just* got the baby to bed!

  9. @Amber--SAME THING! We did not have a doorbell at our old house within the span of Meg's life. We have one now, but it's only been rung on one day. Apparently, they just KNOW.

  10. You don't call what she was doing evil?? I do. :-)
    Once again, "neener neener.. you're in SO much trouble when she gets older"

    (blithely ignoring that I'm just as screwed wiht my own kid)

  11. Anonymous4:19 PM

    Which was she more tickled over . . . making the dog bark or making your eye twitch?

  12. Oh, she is gonna have so much fun finding out all the little things that make you crazy!

  13. My 7 year old also thinks it's funny to stand outside and ring the doorbell just to watch our dog get a case of the crazies. But, our dog is very large and one of these days he's going to go flying through the glass door that he's JUMPING ON.

    But just try to tell the kid to stop it as he's laughing his butt off at the dog.

  14. @Summy--That. THAT is why I shouldn't buy a glass screen door. Thank you for reminding me that there was a reason we don't need one!

  15. Go 'head and ask Meg if you should use the word "if" in that last sentence. ;)