Tuesday, October 20

Shouting the Obvious

It may come as a surprise, but it's not exactly fun to have a kid who enjoys yelling, "COW!" in the car early in the morning. The whole shouting and exuberant and perky thing is MUCH MUCH MUCH cuter once the clock makes its way around to at least double digits.

Yet, every morning it's the same thing. I navigate to daycare through the fog that is early morning Mom Brain and Alexis spends the entire drive hunting for animals. Every morning she acts completely shocked and excited to discover that the cows that were there the prior day and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that are still there. It's amazing, really. The cows just stay there in that fenced-off field as if they have no where better to be. Maybe they hang out there especially so Alexis can yell, "COW!" and I can jump out of my skin. Because, you know, it's not like we haven't both lived that moment before.

Anyway, this morning we were navigating the curves in the road and Alexis was keeping an eye out for her cows, just in case they had flown a few miles down the road. As I sat peaking through barely open eyes, somehow I managed to notice a gang of turkeys at the edge of the road. I'm pretty sure that if you're as ugly as a turkey you live in a constant state of suicidal consideration, so I slammed on my brakes, knowing full well no one was behind me.

"TURKEY!" Alexis screamed. Thank goodness she did since, you know, I might not have known what the big ugly birds were if she hadn't told me.

Through her excited chatter, I watched as at least a dozen turkeys leisurely crossed the road in front of us. One after another, they took a few steps into the road, stopped to stare at the car, considered the meaning of life, thought more about how they could commit suicide, smoked a cigarette, recited the Bible, and then finished crossing the road.

I started to consider just how much damage a turkey or ten would do to the car if I just plowed through them. If I had been a little more awake, I probably would have been able to figure out that since I was driving Mr. Husband's SUV, I should have just done it. He wouldn't have cared. In fact, he might have been proud of me.

And then there was Alexis' reaction to the slow motion parade in front of us. I'm thinking the apple doesn't fall far from the Daddy Tree. I swear a little light bulb suddenly came on over top of Alexis' head, her eyes popped wide open, and she proclaimed, "LET'S DRIVE OVER THE TURKEYS! IT'LL BE FUN!"

Watch out, turkeys. The kid will be eligible to get her drivers license in just over twelve years.

(Pssst . . . go (link deleted)!)


  1. Dear Lord, let's all just hope that Alexis and E never meet in their future teenage driver years!

    We have gaggles of deer parading the streets around here and I usually hear "DEER!!" more than once on the way to school. If we ever have to stop for them though . . . she tries to convince me to run them over. Same thought process. I'm blaming it all on her father's influence.

  2. Are you kidding me?! That kid is something else! She's got a warped mind like me.

    I love her!

  3. bwahahahahaha... go alexis. get us a turkey dinner!

  4. Hahahahaha!! That is too funny!! Once, when we had a bunch of deer in our backyard, The Girl asked "Mom, Can we shoot them?" with more excitement in her voice than even The Husband could muster!

    Kids are great!

  5. Unless you are looking to destroy it, I'd consider against it.
    I decided to drive through a canadian goose with the truck. Darn thing tore up the undercarriage.

  6. LMAO, That is hilarious!! My son would be very proud of her for wanting to run over the turkey. They regularly shout from the back seat "Ten points!" if I could possibly run over ANYTHING. Gah! Morbid minds. ;)

  7. And here I thought she was going to beg you to catch one and keep it as a pet! There are turkeys in Glenshaw, by the post office that do that as well! They create traffic jams daily.

  8. Do you yell at her for all the !'s?

  9. @James Bainbridge--Mostly I yell at her for speaking in all caps.

  10. Did she really? Really, really say that?? TOO funny! THere are a bunch of farms on the road we live off of. The girls used to play a game that they would yell, "I see a cow!" "I see a horse!" and one day Bee yelled, "I see a giraffe!" "..." They're lying liars already.

  11. Hilarious - she wanted to mow them down?!?

  12. So it very well could have been Mr. H's SUV with the turkey head in the grill driving around the Burgh the other year when I saw that headless turkey along the highway. 'Splains a lot, it does.