Sunday, December 6

A Hypothetical Warning of Sorts

If your husband decides he needs to see the Steelers choke on their season live and in person, leaving you alone with a small child, the small child will eventually turn to you and say, "You're smelly. Take a shower."

After you do the pit sniff thing and realize that the small child may have a point, you will decide to head upstairs. Before you go, you might ask the small child what she's going to do while you take a shower. If she reports, "I going to sit here and relax," BEWARE.

It's a trap.

Just as you manage to fully emerge yourself in sudsy bubbles, the shower curtain will burst open as the small child yells, "I has something important to tell you!" Your eyes will fly open, soap will immediately flood your eyeballs, your arms will flail causing bottles to go flying, shampoo will shoot out of the flying bottles and wind up on the ceiling, you'll smack your head on the shower wall as you try to rinse the soap from your eyes, and the dogs will start barking at all of the commotion.

As you stand there naked, blind, cold, and rocking a wondrous new headache, you will finally regain your composure long enough to ask the small child what she needs to tell you.

"I have brown hair just like Belle!" she will excitedly report.

Not that I would know anything about all of that.

Ahem.

15 comments:

  1. You just verified the reason so many of us are waiting until our child moves out to shower without backup. I can totally relate - but I think you tell it better!

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  2. Yeah, wouldn't know anything about all of that either...:)

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  3. On the bright side, it could have been SO much worse. Like: I have something to tell you - I flushed the cat! Or: I have something to tell you - Meg fits in ALL of your underwear!

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  4. It never fails - my kids can be playing nicely. As soon as I sneak into the shower and put shampoo in my hair (I swear they must stand outside the door and listen for the pop of the shampoo bottle cap) they start screaming.

    Sorry about the Steelers. Up here in Mass. I'm feeling your pain while watching the Patriots implode.

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  5. I think Micah was about that age when I managed to get through with a short shower and realize that he was very, very quiet. In the eerie silence I was moved to look out the bedroom window to see him run up the driveway at full steam toward the road. Nothing like traumatizing the neighbors with freshly-showered wet-bathrobe goodness. I'd rather have a tub invasion than an escapee.

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  6. LOL! No, I don't miss that age at all. Okay, so that's a lie. :)

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  7. This is why my kids are used to me being smelly.

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  8. Thank you for reminding me why I never attempt it. Gina's comment is hilarious!

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  9. LOL. Or maybe, they will bust in to tell you the phone is for you, scare you so bad that you slip and fall while whoever is on the other line is listening and laughing so loud you can hear them.

    Not that I would know ANYTHING AT ALL about that.

    (And uh, seriously WTF is wrong with the Steelers?! The Raiders, really?)

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  10. Until he learns to talk our son will just stick with pulling back the curtains to throw things in the shower with you. As long as all electrical devices are safely unplugged I can live with that.

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  11. I swear. They'll be playing JUST FINE until I try to shower. Then the "need" to tell me "important" things as well. AHHHH.

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  12. LOL!

    Wait. Unless she actually meant "Bella", in which case, why are you letting your 3yo watch Twilight? She's a little young for that. Just sayin'. OOoh, unless she got out YOUR copy of Twilight and was watching that while you were showering. And that begs the question- why do you own a copy of Twilight? Ha! You've been outed!

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  13. I'm telling you...Miss Peach and Alexis would be total BFF's;)

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  14. hee hee hee

    evil genius runs in the family.
    all i'm sayin'

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  15. At least I wasn't the one naked with soap in my eyes, but the other night after I gave the girls their bath, I finished drying Gracie off and sent her into her room to get dressed while I got her sister out of the tub. Gracie took one step into the hallway, looked right (into the living room) and screamed an absolute BLOOD-CURDLING scream. I thought for sure an ax-murderer was standing there. When I jumped up and didn't see anything, she said she forgot the Christmas tree was up. I still haven't calmed down.

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