Thursday, December 24

The Rules as I See Them

I like Christmas decorations. This we know. However, even I, the distant step-cousin-in-law of Clark Griswold, realize that there are rules involved with Christmas decorations. For example:

1. Multi-colored icicle lights are stooooopid. Yes, yes they are. Ice is not rainbow-colored. It's clear. Maybe white. Since I'm a generous soul, I'm willing to give you blue. I'm never willing to give you orange and green and red and purple as acceptable shades of ice.

2. Santa should not be immortalized in molded plastic. Ever. If he is, ten year-old me can't be trusted to help get him down off the roof. Ten year-old me might be forced to roll him off the edge. Ten year-old me might be forced to grin from ear-to-ear as he shatters to a million pieces. You might want to ask my dad about that one. Heh.

3. If you're going to outline something, you have to do it with straight lines. Crooked lines make babies cry.

4. Random lawn crap can be OK, just so long as it is carefully arranged into some sort of scene. You can't just toss Frosty the Snowman next to the manger and expect Baby Jesus to be OK with it.

5. Inflatables. Inflatables. Inflatables. Look, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but inflatables are bad. Evil, even. Step away from the inflatables PERIOD. If you absolutely must have a giant blow-up Santa in your yard then you must follow a few rules:

Rule #1: Never leave your inflatables lying limp and wrinkly on the ground. Nobody likes limp and wrinkly things, and a limp and wrinkly Santa is a crime against humanity.

Rule #2: Stay away from the inflatable "snow globes." The Styrofoam chunks in those things always collect static and end up clumped on one side, making it look like some sort of snowman bloodbath inside that globe.

Rule #3: The only thing worse than one inflatable is multiple inflatables. Just say no.

6. If you're going to break the rules, break them all. At once.

(Photos via Albany Tim. Can you believe Mr. Husband refuses to drive two hours so I can see all that awesomeness in person?)


  1. Anonymous4:43 PM

    Good thing for all the molded Santas that you're not ten year-old you anymore!

    Not that I have one: I have better taste than that.

  2. Anonymous5:46 PM

    Ha, ha. We were driving around last night wondering how Mary & Joseph felt about all the giant reindeer peering over their shoulders.

  3. Patti8:25 PM

    A "snowman bloodbath".....oh how I laughed!!! I'm grinning typing this.

    Merry Christmas!


  4. Anonymous10:34 PM

    What is that?!?! Wow...that's Christmas GONE Crazy :)

  5. Anonymous10:38 PM

    Now I never liked the rainbow icicles either...until I decided they were more fun and kinda make a house look like a gingerbread house with candy and not 'icicles'.
    But that's all we have, so we aren't really too crazy. LOL!
    Merry Christmas!!
    Jersey Beach Mama

    ps. that display. not fun crazy. absolutely insane. geez.
    Is there actually a house behind there?

  6. what chew got genst blow up zebras with presents in hand...

    y i otta.

  7. p.s . I linked One eyed rudy up. and not my cat... my cat is named rudy as well- i mean rudloph

    merry christmas

  8. That is someone's residence?! I thought it was a Christmas store. Yikes. Double yikers.

  9. Anonymous10:08 AM

    Yes to everything! I love this!

  10. I agree with you on all these counts, but I must confess that I've hung multi-colored icicles, we just called them colorful lights. LOL

    Hope your Christmas was decorated with loads of love!!

  11. I'm with you on all points! Add net lights to your tirade and we can go into decorating business together!

  12. Wow. Is there a house behind all that Crazy? Because I don't see it. It's been eaten.

  13. Just catching up now that I am home.

    My husband laughs at me because it makes me crazy when people don't hang their lights straight when they outline a roof or window or whatever. I'm always complaining that if they are going to do it, they should do it right. I don't do it because I'm too lazy to do it right and I accept that. Also? My sister has the biggest red neck display of inflatable you've ever seen. She lives between our great aunt and her mom so she uses all 3 yards. Our aunt takes her to WalMart to buy a new one every year. I stopped keeping track after they bought Santa on a Harley a few years ago so I'm not ever sure what is there anymore.