Thursday, January 7

I Want to Be Just Like Rory When I Grow Up.

A deer hit my car yesterday. Yes, that sentence is constructed correctly. A deer hit my car.

I should probably start from the beginning . . .

Once the Giant Vacuum of Construction Suck came to an end, I was left with several choices on how to get to and from work. My favorite is the one that takes advantage of the fact that we live at the very edge of civilization and that I work near a different edge of civilization. I can drive over a crumbling one lane bridge, through a field, past a barn, around a cow pasture, over a gravel road, and never once run into another soul. It's a fantastic way to spend a daily commute. Truly.

At least it was a fantastic way to spend a commute. Then hunting season started and it turned into a frustrating ball of anger-inducing suck. It wasn't that I was worried about getting shot by some moron chasing a deer, it was that the moron was sitting in the middle of the road, warm and toasty in his Escalade pickup as he used a spotlight and laser sight to track down deer. He. woulnd't. move. Three days in a row I ended up stopped by the ever-so-manly man who was too chicken to get out of his sparkly clean truck and three days in a row I waited over ten minutes for him to get a clue that my little car wasn't going into a ditch just so he could keep on showing nature how tough he was.

The whole fiasco came to an end after the third day only because I started taking a different route. That wasn't so much because I learned it wasn't worth going that way; it was more because I'm pretty sure if that guy in the black Escalade ever sees me again, he's going to shoot me. As I sat behind him on that third day, a huge buck wandered out of the woods. As Tough Guy swung his door open, stepped out of his truck, and prepared to pull the trigger, I kinda sorta maybe honked my horn. Several times. Until the deer ran away. I think the guy was pissed, but I'm not sure because I suddenly gained the ability to drive my little German import through the ditch and I high-tailed it out of there.

Fast forward to yesterday, the day that I decided that I would rather drive on an unplowed and traffic-free road than be subjected to the Snow Makes People Stupid Effect. I knew there wouldn't be a single car on that road because really, people may be stupid when it snows, but they sure as heck aren't brave.

Even if the road had been plowed, I would have been driving slow. It's a heavily wooded area so I fully expect things to jump out in front of me anytime I drive down that road after dark. I have, in the past, narrowly avoided murdering a possum, a mouse, several chipmunks, and two raccoons. When the deer came flying out of nowhere, I casually stopped and waited for him to move.

And waited.

And waited.

After what had to have been an eternity in deer years, he turned to face me head on. As I listened to Alexis snoring softly in the back seat, I thought about reaching down for my camera so I could try to take a photograph of the buck bathing in the light of my high beams.

He just kept staring.

I swear he was churning through his memory bank trying to figure out when he had seen me and my car before. I SWEAR IT.

Apparently he had the memory of the average human male, because then he reenacted one of my favorite scenes from Gilmore Girls.



THE DUMBASS DEER RAN STRAIGHT INTO MY CAR.

He didn't leave so much as a scratch. Alexis was too busy sleeping to catch any of it, so no trauma there. No harm done, except that IS NOT how you thank somebody for saving your life.

Ungrateful bastard.

27 comments:

  1. *snort* I'm not sure what I love more - that you totally buck blocked a citified "hunter" or that you reenacted a Gilmore Girls moment. Awesome.

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  2. Ahahahahahaha. Yes. You got hit by a dear. Rory would be SO PROUD! At least you didn't get an F because you were late for your chilton exam..

    Also if you honk at the deer they'll run.

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  3. I'm sorry, hunters are dumb. Apparently, the deer aren't too bright, either.

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  4. I personally would have written down the license plate of the hunter to call the licensing bureau on his lazy ass, THEN honked my horn :-).

    Highbeaming the deer seem to get them to move too...um, the car kind, not the "show em your boobs" kind (although that might work too, you never know).

    I had a friend that drove around 25 miles each way on i-90 to go to college, and he literally either got hit by, or hit a deer every. single. year. he was in college. he was never more happier than when he graduated (and I'm sure his insurance was too!)

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  5. *snicker* THAT.WAS.Awesome!! I love that you one upped the supposed "hunter". Served him right for not donning a bright orange vest and actually going out INTO the Wilderness and actually hunting! Dumb Ass. Ha!

    As for the deer hitting your car: Pretty much hilarious. I'm surprised that sleeping beauty didn't wake up! So glad your car didn't get hurt. :)

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  6. Several years back, my husband got hit by a deer when he was exiting Rt 28 in Blawnox. The deer jumped the jersey barrier and ran right into the side of his car. He didn't even know what hit him until he started picking deer fur off his clothes and out of his car. We later found out it was an 8 pt buck that was so badly injured the O'Hara police had to shoot it.

    His poor Saturn was never the same after that.

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  7. I love that you did that. I got hit by a deer once, too. It was running across the road and my car got in the way. Everyone claims I was the one that hit him, but really...how could I have hit a deer with my drivers side door and mirror!? I don't know but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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  8. Is it totally crazy that I not only miss that show, but the characters?

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  9. It's highly illegal to hunt from the road. And you are now my hero for honking away his trophy buck. HIGH FIVE! Morons deserve no less than what you gave him.

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  10. As a hunter's daughter (my dad used to sell hunting license) I am CERTAIN that guy was breaking a multitude of rules. But, also as a hunter's daughter, I know that without the (legal, get out of your frickin truck and hunt) hunters you would run into/BE run into by a lot more deer. Just sayin'.

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  11. Anonymous8:56 AM

    You should have called the Game Commission, douches like that give the rest of us hunters a bad name. The Tip Line for reporting idiots like this is 1-888-742-8001 or there is a form you can fill out on their website. www.pgc.state.pa.us click on the turn in a poacher link.

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  12. Belle9:27 AM

    Love the GG reference (btw my 2 year old LOVES that show when usually anything with grownups talking is boring as all get out to her. She stops still in the middle of the living room and stares til a commercial comes on...someday she'll realize we have the whole series on dvd and will want to watch that and only that for a good year). Glad you and the deer seem to be ok!

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  13. A Gilmore Girls reference is the perfect way to kick off a Friday. Thanks for that.

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  14. @Anonymous--I actually have the guy's license plate number, so I'll fill out the form. Thanks!

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  15. i have no problem with hunters who are man (or woman!) enough to get out of their vehicle. that douche would have had to listen to my horn from the moment i saw his truck until he couldn't see me anymore. every damn day. your way seems to have worked out much better, though.
    well, except for the deer running into you part.
    love that last photo...so perfect for this post!

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  16. This is hilarious! I've never ever heard of this happening.

    Also hilarious - that you honked the deer away. I LOVE that.

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  17. A real hunter wouldn't be sitting in his truck. He will shoot you though if you go back.

    I guess if I can't find a nice buck to shoot next year I may just have to call you.

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  18. Maybe he was trying to give you an enthusiastic hug?

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  19. LMFAO. OMg. That is so hilarious!! Thank you for giving me some much needed humor today!!

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  20. I'm from BIG hunting country. Deer jackers are not only looked at as pansies, they're also told what dillholes they are.

    And dude. TOTALLY laughing at the deer running into you.

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  21. when I just turned 16, my parents never worried about me drinking and getting behind the wheel - they worried about the deer. and yes, I hit my fair share.

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  22. HAHA, that is hilarious!

    What is that face Alexis is making?! It's awesome.

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  23. Snort.
    That's one of my favorite scenes. Ever.
    Think you'll run into that deer again? ;)

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  24. I am so jealous. I want to be RORY!!!

    Did you really honk your horn at that hunter? You are my hero.

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  25. That was one of my favorite scenes too!
    I LOVE that you scared away the morons deer!!

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  26. I loved that scene, too. I'm re-watching Gilmore Girls. I'll finish season 3 today. Next season: college.

    I also love the "Oy with the poodles already" scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e681kuHWds. A friend and I say it ALL THE TIME. When I re-watched THAT scene, I realized I'm using it a little out of context, but...

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  27. We live in the land of deer - they run things here, and it is up to us to stay out of their way. Which we don't, as our insurance agent can attest. I love comprehensive insurance!

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