Wednesday, May 23

You've Been Warned

If you ever think to yourself, "maybe we should go to Motown Pizza" stop. right. there. Don't do it. Just turn your self around and go anywhere else. Really--anywhere would be better than the torture that you will go through if you sit down and order something there. Let me list some reasons:

1. The server with the long blond hair is a miserable human being. She will try to contaminate you with her misery. She'll only be at your table for maybe 60 seconds, but trust me, that's enough time.

2. All of the servers are really good at playing hide and seek. But they cheat. They will hide where the customers (aka "seekers") aren't allowed to go.

3. IF, and that's a BIG IF, you manage to get your check, they will then hold your method of payment ransom.

4. Health. Code. Violations. It is not cool when a server touches my food with her grubby little finger when delivering it to my table. I don't know where those grubby little fingers have been so keep them off of my food. In the immortal words of MC Hammer Can't Touch This. "This" is my food.

5. A little note for our server: That puddle you slipped in? THAT, my miserable human being, was the result of the glass of water that the little girl at that table over there spilled. You would have known about said spill had you spent even a nanosecond paying attention to the people in the restaurant. About 40 people heard it fall. Just not you Hiders. Oh, and when you slipped in the puddle, did it occur to you that maybe you should, you know, try to clean it up a little bit? You know, so that no one else would fall? Really, you didn't? Huh. FYI, the little girls Dad had already used every napkin they had at their table to try to clean it up. But you probably missed that part while you were playing hide and seek.

6. The Pepto Bismol pink walls are enough to make you want to puke. I'd like to see the miserable human being slip and fall in THAT.

7. The "clean" plates. NOT clean. Unless, of course, you like crusty dried tomato sauce with your pizza.

8. Whoever the rocket scientist was that decided to use MASKING TAPE to fix the high chair together when a screw fell out has clearly never met my one-year old and my lawyer. Combined, the two of them could come up with a nice little fall lawsuit.

9. The verdict on the food--eh. It's OK. Not bad, not good. Just eh.

Thank goodness Alexis is patient little one.

Speaking of the little one, she loves playing catch with Meg. It's unfortunate that Meg can't go ten minutes without popping the ball.

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