Saturday, October 13

Continuing to Disappoint Since 1976

Alexis would like you to know that I have failed her two days in a row. Yesterday morning, I had the gall to offer her cereal for breakfast. I was promptly corrected with a booming, "I DON'T WANT CEREAL!" Really, I'm so glad she can put together a few words to form sentences. But I would like it even more if that sentence had been followed by some sort of hint, clue, maybe a sign, anything that might indicate what she did want. But no, it was followed by screams and cries and general temper tantrums for I am a fool that just doesn't understand how hard it is to be one. My biggest offense--I didn't think to ask her if she wanted a waffle for at least 20 minutes. Once I did, she ROLLED HER EYES as she said, "Yes, I want waffle." You cannot possibly imagine the joy I felt as she rolled her eyes. There's nothing like starting that feat at the age of one to make your mother proud. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll grow out of it before she's a teenager. And maybe she won't ever throw another fit.

So we resolved the Waffle Issue yesterday. As Alexis sat at the table blissfully stuffing her face with cinnamon-topped goodness, I threw away the then empty package. Later in the day, I mentioned to Daddy that we were currently in the midst of a waffle shortage. We were in a few stores that sold them last night, but since Alexis has been a little under the weather the past few days, we were in a rush and forgot to buy them. Neither one of us really thought much of it. After all, she usually eats cereal on the weekend.

But not this morning. Oh no. Immediately after her eyes popped open, she declared, "I'm awake! Waffles, please!" That's really the last words I understood because after that she went into full blown toddler meltdown. And while I didn't understand the actual words she spewed, I know what the message was intended to be:

"Oh. My. Gawd. How could there not be any waffles? What is wrong with you people? How could you fail me this way? If I am to survive living in this house, there must be waffles. GO GET ME SOME WAFFLES NOW! Don't walk. Run. Waffles. Now. You morons, get me my @#$%!# waffles!"

So Daddy threw on some clothing deemed acceptable for public consumption and ran to the grocery store. Since Alexis was so very concerned about the state of her waffles, he took her with him. As he rushed up and down the aisles, seeking out the priceless waffles, Alexis wailed and sobbed and blubbered, her sad outbursts intermixed with pitiful cries for waffles. At last they made their way to the frozen breakfast foods aisle where it's been reported that she clutched that box of frozen goodness tighter than her favorite baby doll. Once she returned home, she sat gleefully stuffing her face full of two entire waffles, never once losing her focus on the bowl full of love that she held so close to her heart.

Alexis, Costco is on the agenda tomorrow. We will buy the biggest box of waffles money can buy. There will never, ever again be a waffle shortage in our house. I promise. (P.S. Could you do me one little favor? Could you please not change the "must-have" breakfast food to something else in a few days? Because that would really suck if you suddenly decided it was Shredded Wheat that made your world go round and we were stuck with a pallet of waffles that neither Daddy nor I are willing to eat. Thanks, kid.)


  1. Your one year old rolls her eyes at you?!?

    I'm in awe of the developmental milestones. How cute, how precocious, how . . .

    Oh, God! That's what is probably in my future!

    Off to give mine a stern preemptive talking-to.

    I hope the waffle love keeps on for a while :-)

  2. First off, hi from another Burgh mom! (I did a search for Pennsylvania Mom Blogs). Secondly, when you say she is one, do you mean she is 18months or so, or that she just turned one? Because if she just turned one, and she can say that many words, I am depressed! My son, (almost 11 months) is still stuck at babbling!

  3. That's it. You know. Micah is stuck at the one year old level and we've been going through this exact same cycle for 3 years now. It's like Groundhog Day. It just never ends. How does one wake up?

    Do the dogs eat waffles? They may need to in the near future. haha

  4. Jayne--I have myself to blame. There is no doubt whatsoever that she learned the eye-rolling from me.

    Jen--Yay! Another Burgh mom! She's 20 months. And weird. I've got a whole post coming that, hopefully, will make you feel better. Your son is absolutely normal.

    Karen--I'm so very sorry. I don't think I could handle three more years of this. Further proof that you are a saint! Also, you have a point with the dogs. Meg could certainly live off waffles for a while if the need arises.