Thursday, December 27

There's a Dutch Oven in My Living Room

Since I'm not really interested in ever seeing my living room floor again, I took Alexis to the store to spend some of her Christmas cash and gift cards. There were a few things on her list that she didn't get, so we hunted up and down the aisles looking for just the right thing. We found it. AND we found it on clearance for over 50% off. While I was pretty sure that was a sign that it was meant to be, Alexis and I had a heated discussion where she tried to convince me that she "needed" (her word choice, not mine) a doll. The child received no less than four new dolls for Christmas, so I'm thinking the word "need" might have been a bit of an exaggeration. Then she tried to convince me that she "needed" the Dora tent. I have decided that we have donated enough money to Dora's college fund, so I declared myself the boss and we headed home with a little tent shaped like a house.

Assembling the house quickly turned into a sitcom. I forgot for a moment that I'm not a man and thought I would just assemble the fourteen eleventy seven pieces without reading the instructions. Once I came to my senses, it started to go together pretty easily. That is, until Alexis started wanting to stand in it. It's not very easy to slide tent-like material over a frame when there's a Toddler standing on most of the pieces. And it's even more difficult when you have to drop everything and go ask why in the heck your Toddler knows the words "pitching a tent." Daddy claims Rachel taught it to her and he was able to cite the exact episode, so I'm letting it slide. For now.

Once I finished assembling the first half, Alexis commenced moving every single thing she owns into her freshly pitched tent. (Don't tell her, but that's pretty much what I was hoping for when I let her buy it. I see the tent as one giant toy box, capable of holding furniture and dolls and Toddlers and keeping them out of my sight. I'll let you know how that works out for me.) Of course, as soon as I wasn't looking, she re-entered the Naked Toddler Zone. While her stove top will never be the same, it was a short lived trip into nudity because the poor kid is suffering from some nasty diarrhea. While it has been accompanied by many sound effects all evening, I wasn't willing to bet the living room floor on her Early Warning System.

Once the whole thing was put together, Alexis acted as if she had died and gone to heaven. She sat inside her little house, rocking in her chair, cooking her Bear some dinner, and sweeping the floor. Just as I was starting to get worried that I might have to let her sleep in it, her Early Warning System went off. I guess her bottom really doesn't smell like roses because she flew out of that house so fast you would think Dora herself was standing in our dining room. I quickly closed the door and windows. That odor is best left locked inside the little house, at least until I can send in some fumigators.

On her way out of the house, Alexis could be heard proclaiming, "Yuck! Stinky!" Amen, kid. Amen.

20 comments:

  1. And you think I'm a nut! ROFL! I have tears rolling down my eyes. The dogs are staring at me like I've gone nuts because they don't understand the wheezing sound caused by me trying to stifle my laughter and not wake up Bug and Lady N who are already in bed asleep! And Hubby actually got up from doing his homework, at the other end of the house, to come make sure I wasn't having some sort of conniption fit!

    They say laughter heals. Well, you just added at least a year to this old Damama's life! xoxoxo!

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  2. Fourteen eleventy is my favorite!!!

    You are hilarious and that kid of yours is a kick! The tent house sounds perfect for you both!!

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  3. I think I need to get me a tent. Wait did I say me? I meant Amy...

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  4. Why is is ok for YOU to talk about your cuties nasty gas and poop yet I AM the bad one for saying SHMOOPS little pee-pee had chicken pox all over it?? Well? What do you have to say for yourself???

    Hello Pot? This is the kettle...

    Hallie :-)

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  5. That was some funny stuff! Have you seen the shirts at Gymboree with an owl that say "I'm a hoot!"? Alexis "needs" one.

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  6. Ooh, I like the idea of a tent that doubles as a hiding spot for kid crap.

    We've got the Big D going on here, too. Poor Micah just walks around in it, trying to kill us off one by one until he finally walks by mommy. I'm shocked that he's not rashed yet. We go through several Christmas outfits a day. And I praise my front load washer for taking the stain out of the biggest area rug in history.

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  7. I SO want the Rose Petal Cottage. I'd have so much fun in it--wait, that's wrong. MORGAN would have so much fun it. And seriously? How genius is it when it can not only keep little people happy for stretches of time but can also be the spot where all random kid crap gets hidden at night?

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  8. oh that is HYSTERICAL! it's always a good day when a child finally realizes how bad they stink! :) Hope it's just aftershock from the candy and not whatever my hubby had on Christmas.

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  9. That was freaking hilarious! Hmmm...sometimes cooking and sweeping the floor has the same effect on me ;)

    I love that you locked the stench in the house!!! ROFL! You may need a costco supply of Febreeze for that one!

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  10. Oh, my LORD. You know your new toy security closet makes me think I need one, too.

    I'm wondering if pitch a tent evolved from Daddy saying she pitched a fit??

    And, maybe A's house needs a glade plug in? It would remove unwanted odors, I should think.

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  11. OMG!!! I'm literally laughing and crying! If the stink is so bad a toddler can't handle it, then you better get to caulking those windows shut. (Really? I just wanted to say "caulking")

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  12. With only boys, it was so cute reading about your daughter "playing house"! One thing my toddler has in common with your daugher: he loves watching Dora and Diego, too! In fact, this year he kept going around telling everyone "feliz navidad". God bless.

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  13. Too funny! And that picture of her with that look on her face? Priceless!

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  14. I never thought about one of those tents as a toybox. Hmmmmm...excuse me while I visit Target.com.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  15. The picture is so cute!!!! I want one of those tents for my son, just gotta convince hubby now. hehehe!

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  16. Hahahaha! So many people were right who said it MUST be bad if a toddler can't stand the smell. Punkin would walk around in her poop forever if I'd let her.

    BTW, by not keeping any pictures of the hideous Christmas outfit, you are depriving yourself of some seriously good bribery material when she's a teenager!

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  17. Oh...words cannot describe the laughter I enjoyed reading all this! Girl- if there were an olympic sport for laughter -you would get the gold! I find myself to be amazing in certain situations and I make my family laugh...but I am no where near your level of greatness!

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  18. I totally recommend the Rose Petal Cottage to y'all. It holds a whole lot of crap. While my living room may be filled with a girly pink cottage, I can't see the Chinese toy factory vomit anymore! Woohoo!

    Alexis has fully recovered from whatever was ailing her yesterday (as has her tent--it now smells so fresh and so clean thanks to Febreze!). I think I'm blaming all the junk food she ate over the holidays. I probably should hang a sign around her neck that says, "Don't feed me" whenever we are at the in-laws. I'm sure she conned lots of people into thinking she "needed" something that should really could have lived without.

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  19. OMG! I just got the dutch oven reference! hahaha. See what happens when I get a good night's sleep? I actually get funny jokes and references.

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  20. That is absolutely hysterical!!! I am laughing so hard!!
    What a cutie!

    Rachel

    From the land of Monkeys and Princesses.

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