Tuesday, February 12

A Letter for Alexis

Dear Alexis,

Today has not been one of your best days. It seems that Two invaded your little body sometime during the night, and wrecked havoc on your emotions all. day. long. I knew this morning when you came toddling into my room, all sorts of crabby, that it was going to be a rough one for you.

First, we fought over the television. Apparently, those moments during Sesame Street when Zoe and Elmo are not on the screen do not count as Sesame Street moments. TiVo is our good friend and managed to find Zoe and Elmo for you, but not before you had yourself worked into a tizzy. Then Zoe said something cute and clever, and you melted into a giggly pile of bright yellow Dumbo pajamas and poofy red blankets. Too soon it came time to change you into your school clothes, but you were having none of that; a category 3 meltdown ensued. I forced you into submission, and was rewarded with a gleeful, "Dora!" when you realized I had dressed you in your favorite Dora sweatshirt. To say I was dazed and confused at that point would be an understatement.

It was with a slight sense of relief that I dropped you off at daycare. I would have felt bad about abandoning you with your favorite daycare teacher while you were having a Two Day, but I knew you would adjust and manage to pretend that you weren't quite as miserable as you felt. You seem to have the ability to temper your emotions while in school, so really, it was a good place for you to spend your day.

And then came time to pick you up. All that Two that you had been battling into submission throughout the day came tumbling out of you, faster than you or I could keep up with it. It was a rough time you and I had while we ran into Wal-Mart for a few things. I tried to cheer you with a Starbucks hot chocolate, and it worked! You gleefully giggled as you sucked in a mouthful, then practiced for your future career as a fountain. I still am unable to find the funny in the mess you made all over your newly washed coat and so-new-I-hadn't-even-paid-for-them gloves. I guess I should just be glad you were able to find the funny in anything as Two munched on your soul.



Between hot chocolate eruptions, you entertained your fans with kind words like, "Go away," "Be quiet," and "Stop it." Most people thought it was cute and funny, but I'm pretty sure the woman working at the fabric counter walked away a little hurt inside. She may have even had a tear in her eye. My dear Alexis, I heard a rumor that Wal-Mart will be discontinuing their fabric department. I do believe that woman had already heard your harsh words from others. You cruelly rubbed your salty words into her already open wounds.

To frustrate me further, you became quiet and your words turned to pleasantries when we encountered the woman I wanted to slap. For future reference, if anyone ever again asks you how you got the booboo on your head then proceeds to follow us around, lecturing me on the importance of protecting a child's head, you have my full permission to eat that person alive. While you're at it, feel free to scream, "It's a f@$^ing birthmark, you nosey b(*^h" as you gnaw on her wrinkley skin. That is the only context in which you will ever be allowed to swear. You should take advantage of it.

Once we returned home, the Twoness continued. You suckered Daddy into allowing you to watch an episode of Dora. Those peaceful thirty minutes were the proverbial calm before the storm. It seems that you intended to watch Dora ALL night long. When I didn't see things quite the same way, you went straight to a Category 5 meltdown. Through the tears and shrieks, you threw yourself to the floor, flung toys around, and even slapped me. That, my dear, did not bring out the best in me. You were very fortunate that I was in a shockingly patient mood, for otherwise, I can guarantee you that we would not have played that fun game of "Shake out the Grumpies." I don't know what I would have done, but I'm pretty sure you would still be sobbing. Instead, you are in my lap as I type this letter to you, kissing me all over my face.

Let's start anew tomorrow, Alexis. Can we please pick up right where we left off? I'm pretty sure my nose will want another kiss bright and early in the morning.

Love ya' (even when you're Two),

Mom

40 comments:

  1. Oh, dear. You KNOW not to visit Wally Hell. EVER! That old hag is probably related to the two hags in Logan (Boston) airport who tried to call security on poor Puppy for "shooting heroin" right before boarding the plane to go get married. It seems Bostonians have never heard of insulin.

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  2. Oh - two. Two sucks. Two stinks. And then sometimes two is great when filled with kisses on the nose. Here's hoping tomorrow is kisses on the nose and hugs all around.

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  3. Oh, I know Wally Hell is a bad move, but it's really close to our house. Like five minutes. Target is 20. When all I need is a pair of scissors, Wally Hell it is. I always regret it, trust me.

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  4. It sounds scarily like a teenager. Kids have gotta hate these years as much as their parents dread them.

    And I'd heard that fabric rumor about Wal-Mart over a year ago. Ours just keeps stocking more and more yardage. Who knows what's going on.

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  5. I asked Mr. Google, knower of all things important, and he said that there are press releases both confirming AND denying the fabric department closure rumors that were slated to begin January '07.

    I wouldn't be surprised if that particular Wal-Mart did get rid of fabric. They've already eliminated two aisles of it, and it's a really small store. They could use more space for some more profitable items, I'm sure. Besides, there's a Joann's a few miles away, so I doubt it does much business. That's actually the first time I've bought anything there.

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  6. Oh good Lord you have the patience of a saint.

    Take you arm and flip it back over your shoulder and give yourself a pat on the back, you totally deserve it!!

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  7. oh the joy of TWO, which also kind of melts into 3 and, from what I've been told, a little bit into 4. I can't wait.

    As for the nagging hag, even if it was a scrape on her head, HELLO! she's TWO! I couldn't tell you how many times Gavin bounced his head off of tables, chairs, floors, garbage cans, toys, etc., in his quest to connect his head with all solid and sharp objects in our house. And he isn't even one of those kids that bangs their heads on the floor when they throw a tantrum! There might've been 1 week from age 18 months until 3 years where he didn't have some sort of scrape, scratch, and/or bruise decorating his skull.

    confession: I never knew Alexis had a hemangioma (sp?) until I saw her performance review--in the older pictures her hair was shorter and it appears it was a little brighter. But I knew what it was right away because my cousin had one and my girlfriend's little girl had one on the tip-top of her head...which makes me ask, are they more prevelent in girls than boys? Either way, it's what we'd call a "Kiss Spot" in our house--Gavin's got 2 good-sized cafe au lait birthmarks and those are his kiss spots. Cooper, however, lacks any obvious kissing targets for me, so I just eat his cheeks.

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  8. Call me next time some ol nosey hag says such a thing to that beautiful baby,Im close enough Ill come wack her for ya.You cant do it because youll end up in jail for the night.I on the other hand would gladly spend a free night away from kids, animals etc.. just one... oh wait do they let you sleep alot there? Okay maybe Ill take that back , I dont know I guess I should ask a convict first..LOL Anyway... unfortunetly I had a 36 day..I was mean and ugly and old and fat just like a 36 year old so I feel Alexis pain...

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  9. Sometimes there will be days like that. I just try to reflect on what I could have done differently to prevent it. A lot of times with a two year old, nothing:)

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  10. Yikes! I really hope tomorrow is much better. I think the kids are sick of this freakin weather as much as we are. Spring can't come soon enough.
    Instead of a greeter, Walmarts need a slapper at the door, to slap some sense into fools like that. Oooh! Oooh! I volunteer.

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  11. Wally Hell, HA, I love it! I've never heard that one before. I can't stand the place either, but sometimes, you just have to go. I've heard the same about the fabric dept. but ours still is carrying some but they have certainly downsized.

    I can't believe that woman. I've never experienced that. People are simply amazing and tackless. I bet she doesn't have any kids of her own.

    I hope Alexis has a better day tomorrow.

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  12. Isn't 2 fun????????? I'm SO looking forward to it with Keeghan. *sigh*

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  13. wow... your letter wore me out... bless your heart...

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  14. ummm, does it EVER stop??? in my experience the "twoness" starts as soon as they decide they are independant and never ends... well, maybe when they are married!
    here's hoping for a better day tomorrow!

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  15. What a great letter--love the part about the woman who followed you around--What the hey, crazy lady who DOES need to be eaten! I also love the part about starting anew. It is an adventure, isn't it!!! Mine is just beginning . . . ugh!

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  16. Two munches on my soul sometimes too. It comes out when I least expect it, even 31 years later.

    Every year does that at some point. Gracie and I are having a Letter To Gracie week and she's six. Then she does her AMAZING Gracie things and I remember why I get up in the morning.

    By the way, people may be good, but sometimes they are just plain DUMB. Sorry you found one of those at the store. I'm sure it would have taken everything in me not to give her a head injury of her own.

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  17. Okay, I have a plan. How about we send all the Two to the politicians? Then we can laugh as they spit chocolate milk and refuse to wear clothes.

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  18. First of all, that cat DOES NOT look happy to have his/her space invaded!

    I tell ya, that Two Monster has taken over an awful lot around here, though lately Punkin's been much better behaved. Come on three!!

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  19. Of course she behaves better for her teachers. What a waste of energy to misbehave for them.

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  20. Oh two is tough...I have one there, and one on the way! Great cat btw!

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  21. "if anyone ever again asks you how you got the booboo on your head then proceeds to follow us around, lecturing me on the importance of protecting a child's head"

    KILL. KILL. KILL.

    People are so stupid.

    Oh, and two was occasionally trying, but I'm finding three to be the age where I'd happily shove an icepick into my eye at the end of the day. It's like two on steriods.

    *sigh*

    Poor you.

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  22. Sweet little 2 year old rollercoasters. I just had a heated conversation with mine why running with scissors (my big, sharp dangerous ones) was just not a good plan.

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  23. Oh my. I hate those days. We were all TWO over here yesterday. I'm so glad we are starting over today.

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  24. is it possible that my 15 month old is already having "two days" I think it is. I really, really do. Wow. I'm headed home from work for lunch to face one of these days right now. *sigh* At least I'm not alone!

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  25. I can sadly say that two Wal-Mart's here in Ohio do not carry fabric anymore. Thank goodness the one that's near the house hasn't received the memo yet.

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  26. Apparently 'TWO' is going around . . . hope tomorrow is a better day - for everyone!

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  27. One of Little Man's daycare teachers asked me if his was a bite mark.

    Which I said of course, I'm French and that's how we show love, we bite our children's backs.

    I have to say though, picturing Alexis telling people to Go Away at Wallhell made me laugh really, really hard.

    All I can offer you is Super Nanny.

    Everytime the two's come out, we use the time alone tips and wouldn't you know it, they now rarely rear their head anymore because damn it, there are no toys or Backyardigan episodes in time alone.

    I wish you mucho luck as the battle between good and evil in Alexis rages.

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  28. You should have channeled Alexis's twoness and tore that lady up.

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  29. this too shall pass.

    unfortunately it passes into something way worse: preteens and teens.

    sorry, hon. ;-)

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  30. Whew girl! You had some kinda day! I ALMOST went to Walmart yesterday, but I think EVERYONE there had a case of the Two's. I didn't even park the car.

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  31. aww, hang in there mom! you're doing a great job--and the memories you are keeping--priceless.

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  32. I can't believe that the Starbucks hot chocolate didn't do the trick...that works for me every time!

    God bless.

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  33. Awww. Tough day! I hope today was better. Isn't it amazing when you find that well of patience you didn't know you had?

    BTW, this sounds just like my two-year-old niece. Not fun.

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  34. Living with a two year old is something akin to living with a person with multiple personalities. You just brought it all back to me! Shall we call her Sybil from now on? : )

    It does take an incredible amount of patience to deal with a two year old and not lose it, for that I think you deserve a huge pat on the back! The letter is really great, and I think Alexis will appreciate it so much one day when she is older!

    Lizzy

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  35. I'd forgotten how glad I was we were out of The Twos. Thanks for reminding me.

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  36. Wait... Wal-Mart carries fabrics?? And I didn't know?

    Oh yeah.... that's cuz I don't (ok, fine..... its really that I simply CAN'T) do clothing that isn't already assembled for me.

    And FYI... those sort of places are no more enjoyable with a teenager. The difference is that rather than getting the well-meaning ones telling me how to "protect" my baby, they are telling me how to DISCIPLINE my obnoxious brat. *sigh*

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  37. Sports Mama--I think that comment goes down in the books as one of the funniest I've ever had. I don't assemble clothes either, by the way. I think there are children in China that do that for me. I like to make house junk. Cuz you know, you can never have too many sets of curtains for the same window.

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  38. ohhhhhhhh it isn't just your child. The happy 2-year-old-tantrum-no-matter-how-old-you-are Fairy has visited all children around. Seriously, the kids were all cracked up at school and the staff was going grayer by the second. Me included. Bah!

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  39. you may love her....but I am really not sure the cat does! LOL

    fun post. HOpe today was better!

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  40. I LOVE this post. What a great way to help yourself look back at a truly crappy mommy-of-a-two-year-old kind of day. I think I'm going to have to start writing some letters to my almost four-year-old girl some days.

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