Tuesday, February 26

Mr. Husband, You've Been Warned

Mr. Husband,

If this:



Turns into this again tonight:



You'll be sleeping here indefinitely:



You've been warned: leave the Toddler in her room. Understand?



Love,
The Woman Who is Tired of Wearing a Toddler as a Helmet at Night

57 comments:

  1. Yours is the funniest frickin' blog I've read since my pals at Life on the Roof started theirs!! Now I have two laugh riots every day. Thank you for making me laugh SO much (quietly, while my baby sleeps)

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  2. The first two pictures - Hilarious! Good luck with that.

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  3. So, I didn't realize the first pictures were of a bed. I was trying to figure out why someone was walking a dog and another had a baby on its head.

    Then I scrolled.

    LOL!

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  4. I don't know what is funnier...you wearing your kid on your head, or firemom's comment!!!

    And that looks suspiciously like the set-up in my bed...Justin all spread out and I'm cramped on the edge with two dogs and usually a cat helmet and a preschooler sneaks in-between, takes over my pillow, and jams one of his boney limbs into my kidneys. Justin was warned about getting booted to the guest bed, but um, he laughs because he knows I can't pick him up to put him there.

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  5. Ruh-roh. But seriously? How cute is that last picture?

    Ok! Ok! I'm sorry and I'm ducking. Please don't strike me.

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  6. Right now, I'm sure Colleen is trying to leave some witty comment on how I take up space... she is sleep deprived, medicated and is unreliable for accurate measurements.

    The REAL setup!!!

    :D

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  7. he's a liar and cannot be trusted

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  8. Good luck with that :) My daughter will be 7 in July and still joins us in bed almost every night. If you find a solution that works, let me know cuz I've tried just about everything!


    Kimmy

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  9. You fricking crack me up! I have a toddler helmet too, of the boy variety. And he punches. A punchy helmet...greeeeeat.

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  10. I love the illustrations. I think that's my hubbs and I posing for you. He, the one taking up the entire bed and I, the one hanging off the edge.

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  11. At first, I was trying to figure out why the dog's nose was up your ass. And then, it hit me was the picture REALLY was.

    Of course, I then laughed. Really freakin' hard.

    The last picture? Awwww....how sweeeeet!!!!

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  12. Is that a picture from the new camera??

    And, I had NO CLUE what the pictures were originally. I was kinda like, Umm. Is that Meg on her face? Umm.

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  13. LOL! It took me a minute to figure out that was your bed...I just couldn't figure out why you were wearing Alexis on your head.

    Once I figured out it was your bed it made a heck of a lot more sense!!!

    Good luck with that! I thnk that couch looks mighty comfy, do you suppose Mr. Husband and Alexis will both fit on it tonight?

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  14. I think the first two are the pictures from your new camera. :)

    Man alive! I remember those days. It went from the toddler in bed all night, to toddler in bed for a couple of hours, to toddler in bed for about twenty minutes, to toddler in bed not at all and me walking him back to bed after a kiss and sweet whispers, to toddler walking back on his own after the kiss and sweet whispers, to not seeing toddler till morning. By this time he was about four years old.

    The progression took quite some time, I think, but only because I was winging it. But doing it gradually like that worked pretty well.

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  15. Oh myy I am cracking up, I too had a hard time figuring out what was on your head..lol I have been there believe me. now I have three that would gladly sleep with me every night..Ugghh... Is that the new camera? Got mine...loooove it !!

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  16. Aw, but they look so sweet! I'd be saying (heck, I SAY) the same thing ...usually AS I'm waking up to peel Peyton off of me.

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  17. Love it. And agree totally, we paid lots of darn good money to get them a bed! Let them stay there. Actually, when this started with my kids I went and bought the KIDS a really good bed, then when they snuggled up with Daddy I went and slept ALONE in their bed.

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  18. Love the "drawings"! And so understand you about having a toddler as a helmet... I swear I have about 10 bruises after this night... Freddy slept with me, and poor husband had to go on the couch... But I guess that's what I get for taking the damn paci away....

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  19. Maybe you should just set up a cot for HIM in HER room... ;-)

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  20. Oh my gosh! That is so funny. LOL!! I love the illustrations, especially the toddler on your head! Mr. Husband has GOT to get some backbone. But hey, this solves the problem of having another kid. You just add him/her to the family bed. (Just kidding.) Thanks for the laugh. :)

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  21. LOL!! Our moms went to bed with rollers in their hair...we wear babies in ours. *sigh* I feel your pain! Every night, as a matter of fact.

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  22. Try waking up with a 3 year old's feet in your stomach, a 4 year old's naked butt (b/c she did have the courtesy of removing her pee-laden panties)in your face, and the 6 year old sleeping at your feet because there was no room left at the top.

    I usually take the toddler bed around 2 am.

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  23. Hee hee! Don't you need a helmet with the dogs in there too?

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  24. The stick figures took me awhile--I thought it was some kind of changing table? Why would a kid jump on someone's head? Oh wait--now I get it!
    CUTE DADDY and BABY! They are adorable!!!!!!!

    You have the sweetest helmet ever!

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  25. LOL! Fortunately for me, neither of my children have ever been remotely interested in sleeping with us, but once on a trip when Bubba was about two he had to sleep with us out of necessity. I would wake up every five minutes with his butt on my head. Do you think there's a magnet inside of us that just draws them to us? I mean, it's gotta be. Right?

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  26. Loving it!!!

    When we were co-sleeping I made Nat sleep on a matress. Permanently.

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  27. We will be going on vacation soon for a week...a week in which our toddler will be sleeping between my husband and me in a king-sized bed. Which means this: my toddler will be squished against me all night long on 1/4 of the bed, while my husband gets the rest of the entire bed. Maybe I'll go sleep on the sofa!

    Cute photo, though, of your husband and daughter.

    God bless.

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  28. Colleen and Justin--You two slay me. I nearly spit out my coffee laughing at you.

    Kellie-- You get bonus points for noticing the dog face up my ass. That is where it is most nights.

    AFF, Flea, etc.--It's still not the new camera. I'm still too scared to use it when I really want a photo. I trust my crappy Sony. I don't know about that stranger the Canon just yet.

    Leanne--Exactly! Why do they have beds if we aren't going to "let" them sleep in them?

    Jenni--Your comment was a form of birth control in its own right. The image of the bare butt in your face is probably more effective than the pill.

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  29. This is so freakin' hilarious.. Sooooooooooooooooooo Freakin Hilarious!

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  30. You are a funny girl. I thought toddler helmets were all the rage out east. I was totally on your side until that last picture which is so so so sweet...too sweet to break up?

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  31. It is NOT too sweet to break up. She doesn't stay there. Ever. She ALWAYS piles on top of my head.

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  32. I have yet to experience this. Oh wait, maybe that is because I'm the one pulling the baby into bed with me! I'll have to show this to hubby and see what he thinks....hilarious illustrations.

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  33. Hilarious! Actually, the above comments are almost as funny as your post!

    We don't have dogs, and our kids stay in their beds, but we still have the same issues. I swear, we will quickly be one of those old fuddy duddy couples in twin beds and/or separate rooms. I used to laugh at those arrangements. But now? It doesn't sound so bad.

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  34. That is too funny. I love the drawing. At first I didn't look closely enough to see you were in a bed and I was wondering how the babes got on your head. HAHA!!!

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  35. Hilarious!! Love the first 2 pics!

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  36. My kid wears me on his head when he sleeps. I feel your pain.

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  37. Holy crap! how'd you get into my bedroom and how long were you standing there drawing that out?

    Oh, wait, that's not my bed. There's no smoke coming out of the big dog's ass.

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  38. Y'know, I tried to illustrate the cloud of stench that is constantly wafting out of the Bulldog's butt, but when I drew the little cloud, it ended up looking like an appendage for Mr. Husband. It wasn't pretty (or anatomically correct), so I deleted it.

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  39. Oh! Early American Stick Man Art, my favorite!

    I was confused at first and thought you were sitting with a spider on your head, until I scrolled down!

    The last picture is, dare I say, (whispering) precious. I'm sorry.

    Lizzy :-)

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  40. Bwahahahahahah!!! I love it!

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  41. That is great! And it describes my nights to a tee!

    That is why daughter goes to Mr's side of the bed...because he lets her. BUUUUTTTTT...when she hears me stir she immediately jumps up and says, "Oh, I have to go back to bed or I won't get to ride a real horse."

    Bribery...it works.

    Love the illustrations....took a little while to figure out that was a "burgh baby" on your head!

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  42. So funny!

    Also, my chocolate lab also sleeps exactly where yours does AND Mr. Lemony & Baby TV napped together all the time.

    But toddler helmet? That's all yours!

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  43. From a mom that had 2 kids that would NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES sleep with us, I think it's adorable!!

    Hallie :)

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  44. Hee Hee looks familiar...

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  45. Sounds like both of our husbands are in the doghouse. And that the dogs probably should all be sent there too.
    We'd be better able to breathe free.
    Only my pups aren't in the bed...in the waking hours I often wonder if we shouldn't have our kerry stop seeing a vet and start seeing the proctologist. After all, she's so far up mine....

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  46. Okay, first of all 45 comments? Wow. Definitively touched a nerve. I, also, couldn't figure out the lying down pose of the picture...I thought it was some strange new "position" I was unaware of.

    My life almost exactly (only 1 dog, 2 kids).

    Let us know how it turns out. :)

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  47. Awww, but toddler is so cute and cuddly:)

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  48. That's funny.

    I wish I could relate because you know my kids all sleep in their own beds. Not.

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  49. Love this, so funny!
    When my husband is gone, I end up with all sorts of animals and children in the bed. GET OUT!

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  50. Here is your nice & clean 50th comment. Cause I am good like that.

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  51. LMAO at the stick people!!!!! Funny how my hand illustrations look so similar to those ;)

    Hubby drags in the toddler too in the middle of the night. I have bruises all along my ribcage from the little toad! Brat kicked my while inside and still kicks me on the outside!

    Hope tonight is toddler helmet free :)

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  52. This is the funniest post I could imagine!

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  53. I love the diagrams! You rock! Hope you didn't have a toddler helmet last night!

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  54. This: The Woman Who is Tired of Wearing a Toddler as a Helmet at Night made me truly laugh outloud. No LOL, for real laughter. Sorry you aren't getting sleep. It seems to be a sickness around here too.

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  55. Minus the toddler, that looks like our bed! Oh, and we have a full!! I feel ya sista!

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  56. Why do children feel the need to sleep perpendicular to everyone else??

    I do not need your tiny little feet in my ribs, thank you!!!!

    Oh wait, this isn't about me - sorry!

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  57. I love the artwork!Thanks for linking back to your old posts.

    I have 2 very violent sleepers I sometimes call daughters who like to invade and destroy my sleeping habits occasionally.Like I get enough sleep to deal with that.

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