Sunday, February 24

You Need to Know

We conducted a very valuable scientific experiment last night, and I think it's prudent that I share the results with you. If you deprive your weird child of green beans for a few weeks, she will be so happy to see them at Boston Market that she will start shoveling them into her mouth before you are able to so much as sit down. She will not pause to chew because that would get in the way of the green bean shoveling. She will be able to comfortably fit 17 green beans in her Toddler mouth, but IF she attempts to go for 18, then it's all over. Her gag reflux will be triggered and you will get to show everyone just how great a job she did of chewing that Strawberry Shredded Wheat earlier in the day, and how craptacular of a job she was doing of chewing those green beans. An important aside, she will resume shoveling food just as soon as she is cleaned up, so make sure to cut the green beans into teeny tiny pieces before wiping all the vomit off yourself. Otherwise, you will be inviting an opportunity to once again verify that 17 is the maximum capacity of a Toddler mouth.

Don't you feel smarter now?

38 comments:

  1. See, while I appreciate this stellar advice, this is something I've never had to worry about. Green beans? Shoveled? Into MY children's mouths?

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  2. I am with Tootsie. BUT if miracles do happen then I can dose the appropriate amount. You are a source of knowledge. I was lurking around earlier because I remembered about the Google Analytics (which they hide very well on their site) but after reading your handy tips I am signed up and will be obsessively studying them in 22.3 hours. Oh, and I also signed up for the super secret alerts...shhhh. You are a blog supa-starrr. Thanks.

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  3. Ah, we experienced something similar after depriving BigBrother of broccoli for awhile. Very green.

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  4. Glad to know Morgan's not the only toddler with a 17 green bean capacity :)

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  5. Good to know. And are you conducting yet another experiment to see how well toddlers do in the dishwasher after a vomiting episode?

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  6. for once, I am glad to know my children will not touch a green bean. Not covered in cheese, ketchup or any other attempt at hiding the actual greenness of it all. But if for some reason they ever attempt this- I will be sure to count as they shove so I can make them stop at 17!

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  7. I'm with everybody else. I'm just proud of you for getting her to shovel them in. Not only will tyke not do that, neither will I. EWW

    Love the picture. We are into the dishwasher, too...course mine likes to use his flashlight to go under it ala a butt crack showing off mechanic.

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  8. Well, that sounds like a lovely dining experience. I wonder when we will once again be able to enjoy dining out without uttering the phrases, "Stop that, sit down, ewww, or oh my god"?

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  9. Positively Enlightened!! (smile, wink)

    p.s. We have a Dora thing going on over here, too. My toddler is in love with her. Since this morning one of his older brothers (no one is confessing) has convinced him that Dora is coming to our house for a visit. He's been going around all day saying that in fifteen minutes Dora will be here, along with Boots, and Diego, ... sigh. He even has all his favorite toys out to share with them. It's a little sad. Are there any live Dora shows making the rounds? I need to google and find out.

    God bless.

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  10. hahaha THANKS for the tip! Man, I LOVE Boston Market and I'm very jealous you have them there!!

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  11. Just found you through a comment you left on Impostor Mom and I fear my subscription list in Google Reader is about to get longer. I guess I should pay more attention to my fellow 'burgh bloggers. Or I should just crawl out from under my rock once in a while.

    If I got even one green bean in my toddler's mouth I would probably explode. The baby, on the other hand, can shovel in the smushed peas faster than I can count them.

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  12. What is with the vomit lately? Sheesh!! Hope puked last night and then started shoveling the toast in...15 minutes later...toast in the bowl. Yucky!!

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  13. I believe the raisin threshold is 26.

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  14. Very good to know. Although we ration the beans around here for a different reason. A reason of the gassy kind. Ew.

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  15. since I nearly vomit just when I smell green beans, we don't have them in the house too often.

    But while we were at Olive Garden last night, Cooper was this close to gagging up his carrots because they were still a bit cold (ok, they were almost still frozen), but he was hungry so he kept trying to eat through the cold until it he gagged. And since he has inherited his father's INCREDIBLE projectile vomiting skills and my overactive heaving skills, we dumped the rest of the salad into a plate and put the big ol' Olive Garden salad bowl under him. Thankfully the other patrons didn't have to see Coop's debut public performance as he was able to hold it down due to my champion parenting skills of trilling "WHOA! NO GAGGING!" and patting his back to startle him out of the gag. Meanwhile, Gavin just sat there coloring like it was just another day with parents throwing food and screeching at his gagging baby brother. :) Can't wait to go out to dinner again as a family.

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  16. Uh-oh! Well, on the bright side, she didn't choke, right? I'll take urping over choking any day! And, high five on lovin' her greena beans! Way to go Alexis!

    Lizzy

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  17. Wow, that's a great experiment! Thanks for letting us know!

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  18. Yeah, see, I sometimes have this problem when I've been green bean deprived too long. The Hunny gets tired of cleaning up after me, so he keeps a steady supply of green beans on hand.

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  19. Oh good. Thanks for this, I always wondered about it. :)

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  20. Is she sitting in your dishwasher? How cute! Yeah, my girls are not so happy about the green beans. Even if they have been absent for a month. But I guess that's what happens when Momma is a meat and potatoes girl herself. They do learn by example.

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  21. Oh yes. One more reason to not miss the toddler years. Toddler puke. :)

    *thanks for the comment earlier. It really meant a lot!*

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  22. Yeah, not so much with the green beans, but we've had this lovely experience too many times to count. That's what happens when your daughter has severe reflux AND an extremely sensitive gag reflex!

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  23. That is cute! Glad to hear she is eating her green beans! My kids could probably fit about 17 Hersey Kisses into their mouth!!!!

    Kimmy

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  24. Yeah...been seeing that lately with little slivers of avocado. It looks so lovely and not at all Exorcist-Like coming out.

    oh, and Tag...you're it!

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  25. This morning, my son determined he wanted to feed himself with the spoon. He promptly shoved the spoon so far down his throat that he barfed up his food.

    Then he demanded more. And wanted to use the spoon again.

    *sigh*

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  26. I couldn't say it better than sports mama!

    Thanks for stopping by--your daughter is a doll!

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  27. icko - but I did learn something! I had NO idea they made strawberry shredded wheat!

    Hallie

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  28. heehee that was too funny!

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  29. Mine can fit a whole cut up kiwi in his mouth, to the point that the little black seeds come out of his tear ducts.

    I mean, do toddlers know how to show ANY restraint?

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  30. That is great!
    J Boy has the same attitude with broccoli! We call them his "little trees". If you don't watch closely, J Girl will sneak hers over to his plate because she knows he will eat them fast enough not to get caught!

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  31. Can't say I feel smarter, but I do have a whole new outlook on green beans now. And it's not good. I keep imagining them vomited up by a 2-year old...I think I might never eat them ever, ever, ever again.

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  32. Oh, that makes me feel so much better about having to clean puke off the high chair tray earlier tonight...

    ;)

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  33. I feel so smart!

    ... and a little happier I didn't go to Boston Market.

    Mmmm...puke.

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  34. Awwww. Poor Alexis, and poor you!

    But that will teach you not to deprive the poor girl of her green beans!

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  35. um. ew.

    that's all. just ew.

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  36. Amazingly, we do the same with broccoli around here. I don't think we can shove as many of those as green beans in our mouths, though. Not for lack of trying, of course.

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  37. I can't wait to try that experiment! Did you gag a little when cleaning up? I always do. something about the smell....

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  38. It does work as I've kinda done this to Mr. Davey!! He loves to climb into the dishwasher, too. LOL

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