Tuesday, March 25

A Letter for Two

Dear Two,

Hi, there. How have you been? I have been fantastic. Frankly, it's because you haven't been around for a while. I'm sorry, but you really aren't my favorite body snatcher. If we're being honest, and I think we should be, I could have done without ever seeing your face again. The Toddler is just SO FUN when you aren't controlling her little body.

The funny thing is I almost didn't recognize you, what with that new two-faced mask you've taken to wearing. That's pretty clever how you look and act differently depending on which parent is in the room. I admit it's been slightly humorous for me to see Hissy only come out for Mr. Husband. He, however, is not amused. It seems he's not a fan of when you make the Toddler throw temper tantrums. You might want to be careful with that one, Two. He can be a bit irritable.

Saving Nora for me? That was genius. Really, I have to give you full credit. The first few dozen times I saw Nora, I had no idea how to respond. My generally agreeable kid suddenly saying "No" to my every request certainly threw me for a loop. But you know what, Two? I'm not going to take it anymore. Just to be clear, if I say, "Alexis, put your toys away, please," your options are:

a) Allow the child to say, "OK" then start cleaning up the toys,
b) Allow the child to say, "Yes, ma'am" then start cleaning up the toys,
c) Remain silent, but start cleaning up the toys.

There is no option d. There is no "None of the above." And responding with a "No?" Absolutely not acceptable. Period.

Go away, Two, and take Hissy and Nora with you. Thanks.

Sincerely,
The Lady Who Will Not be Told No by a Two-Year Old

43 comments:

  1. Now that is a picture that shows her personality! Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Good luck with that one!

    I've got a nearly-four year old that is still possessed enough to shout "no" to me or throw a royal fit over things.
    And um, you've got a girl...don't forget we tend to be even more opinionated than those simpleton boys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Funny how we're dealing with that same wretched word. And, how I have the same reaction to it. Sigh. I am told it gets better, but you know what SBB? This is great birth control.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Clever girl. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm still unsure if Two was better than Teenager. Because quite frankly, at times I'm convinced that Teenager is kicking my butt!

    ReplyDelete
  6. aw, i'm here to tell ya that teenager sucks rocks.

    but 2 is not so fun either.

    wait. why did i have kids again???

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeh, good luck with that one. Although it sounds like you guys seem to be doing a good job with it.

    Shown up by first time parents. *sigh* I should just throw in the towel now.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just to warn you... Two is often replaced by a worse Three.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We're def not looking fwd to hearing our first no - but he does shake his head at us a lot in defiance. I have to keep reminding myself that all of this is part of their development - it's normal - they're not just being gremlins!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Two hasn't shown its ugly head here TOO much. I have noticed Two comes by for a visit more often when both Jimmy and I are home as opposed to just one of us being here.

    And really? Hissy and Nora? LOVING it!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Enjoy two.

    Three is worse.

    ReplyDelete
  12. No from a 2 year old is a heck of a lot easier to hear then no from a 16 year old.

    Trust me...

    Hallie

    ReplyDelete
  13. Deep breath, mommy of soon-to-be-two-year old...deep breath....

    Oh, sorry, talking to myself. Reading such things and then seeing it in action (the other day at the sitters with a girl I swear looks like Alexis, though not exactly) makes me have little panic attacks and freak out that soon this will be me.

    He's not even 2 and already he throws 2-year old tantrums! Yikes!

    -- jonny's mommy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh the tantrums! My guy isn't even quite 1.5 yet and he's throwing tantrums like no tomorrow! He throws himself on the ground and kicks those feet! Ugh! He's just starting "no". All my mother does is remind me that it's payback because I was such a horrible toddler!

    That picture.......seriously, she is a cutie!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah. What Hallie said. At least when she's 2, there are still times when you can get an occasional hug when it fits into her busy schedule of turning the house upside down. At 16, you not only hear "NO" but all of a sudden you're the stupidest person in the world and they act like hugging you will give them cooties. But then, on very rare occasions a glimmer of hope will peek through. Ya just gotta be quick so you don't miss it :).

    Even with peer pressure from Hissy and Nora, she's got a smile that can melt hearts!

    ReplyDelete
  16. BBM: I'm a little worried about your mental health. I understand that Two can not only screw with the kids, but can have profound affects (effects?) on parents. I am concerned for you primarily for two reasons:

    1. You've started naming your daughter's personalities. While this is very funny, I worry that it is a on the crazy side.
    2. You think you can actually reason with Two. This makes me worry that you are a bit delusional.

    ;-) Good luck with more of this fun stage! I hope you can keep your sanity!

    ReplyDelete
  17. ugh..the tantrums.
    Mine isn't even ONE yet and we've been having tantrums for 6 months. And I mean TANTRUMS! Full on throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming because something isn't going his way. No pain. No fear. No hunger....

    I'm definitely not looking forward to meeting TWO or THREE.

    I think I'm meeting up with the Mother's Curse. I was a tantrum thrower for years and years....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Amen!!! And can you please write a letter to NINE for me? Because we are about to meet him (tomorrow) and he better be wayyy better than EIGHT!

    ReplyDelete
  19. My boys had this same affliction. Thankfully the powers that be decided I'd suffered enough and didn't give it to my daughter, my last. Although, I'm suspicious of the teen years.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just wait until Alexis says it with attitude and rolls her eyes! Oh yeah, it gets better....

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, I think two has been living at our house recently. My helpful, easy going, agreeable Diva has been a brat lately. She whines when she has to clean. She grumps about everything when she doesn't get her way. She's getting on Daddy and my last nerves. I hope two leaves very, very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I guess you can't give her the finger, right? *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm going to go crazy now. I JUST read a post last night, a woman with a two year old who is going through the vehement No stage. I can't find the blog now!
    She paused after the toddler said no, and said toddler then did what mom asked. She says it doesn't work every time, but she's found that her blood pressure has gone down, and the kid really just likes saying no. Give The Pause a try. Can't hurt. Let her say no. Just look at her, or even look away. See what happens. Kinda like the Starbucks cup of no.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hey Lady, I need some help here with my 4 year old. Show me how to grow a backbone. LOL.

    She is so sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Heh. Just wait until you meet Three :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Lol. I remember. I won't tell you it gets worse, but let me just say that you should enjoy these years cause it's gonna get more uh, interesting.

    Love the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  27. We're getting a lot of tantrums too...at 18 months. I'm guessing that some of it comes from not being able to clearly communicate...they are more physical tantrums than verbal and he just throws himself to the ground or flails his body backwards...I get nervous in the tiled bathrooms and on our main floor's hardwood. Tell me how this "putting toys away" thing works...how do you teach them that?! Oh, Two, I fear you also...

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm not going to give you a sarcastic good luck because it would come back to haunt me. I swear to you that Evie has already started rolling her eyes when I tell her no...sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Copy...
    Paste...
    And sending to my 2-year olds body snatchers too. Thanks! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Good luck. At least the packaging is cute.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Alexis is soo angelic yet she does have a slightly devilish look in her eye, doesn't she? ;-)

    Ah, the bright, spirited toddler. So delightful, so challenging. Good luck keeping up with her!

    ReplyDelete
  32. As quoted by Kate of "Jon and Kate Plus 8:"

    "Haven't you heard? Three is the new two."

    Wait for Three. It's not just "NO," It's more like, "No. And I DON'T love you ANYmore!"

    What's Thirteen?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well put. :)
    Interesting how one day a perfectly peaceable child can wake up and say such a powerful word with such clarity and determination.

    ReplyDelete
  34. If that letter works let me know, I'll start composing mine!!

    ~found you from Cecily~

    ReplyDelete
  35. AMEN Sistah, and give 'em hell! Tell me if it works!

    LOL....loved this post!

    Can't wait to see the letters for three, four, five, six.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Now that is a letter I should have written at two, three, or even now at four. Maybe then I would not be met with as much resistance. Mental note to self.....send this letter to one so Riley has no other options as he learns language....no is not a word.....

    ReplyDelete
  37. Sounds like my letter to 18 months...hmmm...when does it end??

    ReplyDelete
  38. ImpostorMom4:00 PM

    Um should I be worried that I'm hearing no and seeing tantrums already at 15 months? Sticking head in sand now and pretending boy will not grow any older.

    ReplyDelete
  39. You know, I have enough kids to do some real research and my conclusion is either 2 or 3. If age 2 is rough, 3 will be a breeze. But if 2 is perfect, watch out for 3.

    Sounds like you're going to have a great year next year!

    (If I have the choice, I'd take a rough 2 over a rough 3 anytime!)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh, you go, momma!!!

    These posts scare me . . . it is like a look into my future. He is already headstrong at 7 months. No chance at having a laid back, mellow, agreeable two-year old is there?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Great picture! Thanks for the laugh! You are a talented one!
    Oh, and there is a way to banish the terrible two from your beautiful child....it takes some blind faith and a little reading. Just suggesting, not giving advice in anyway--email me if you are interested!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I hate to tell you this, but the person who coined the phrase "the terrible twos" was misquoted! What was really said was "the terrible two DECADES." from 2 to 20. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings - but it will get a lot worse before it gets better. :-\

    But like HRH said - At least the packaging is cute. Cute enough to keep you from killing her before she's able to provide you grandchildren. ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  43. I know this is an older post but I was just wondering how that worked out for you cause if its as simple as telling two, three, fourteen to go away then you have just made every mom in America and quite possibly the world the happiest people in the world!

    ReplyDelete