Tuesday, April 15

This is How You Change the Subject

OK, not really. I'm still stuck on the freaky dolls. I was too busy watching the Pens kick some butt last night to post the truly, genuinely disturbing doll photos. There is so much worse to be seen. I would be sharing the bottom of the barrel right now except:

- Mr. Husband has offered to go to Cleveland in exchange for me not making him look at another pair of freaked out glass eyeballs. I have not yet decided if this seems like a fair deal.

- I have stuffed two of Alexis' way more normal dolls in the bottom of the toy box so far today. They looked at me wrong and now I don't ever want to see them again.

- My mind's eye is pleading with me to make it stop.

So, you're off the hook. For now.

In the spirit of changing the subject, here are some random tidbits:

- We ran to the fish store earlier today to pick up a few cleaner shrimp for the saltwater tank. While in line to pay for them, some random guy started talking to Mr. Husband.

RG: Wow! Those are some big shrimp!
Mr. H: Yeah. (Mr. H still takes all that "don't talk to strangers" training he got as a kid VERY seriously)
RG: What kind of shrimp are those?
Mr. H: Peppermint Shrimp.
RG: Cool! So do they taste like peppermint?
Mr. H: No.
RG: Oh. So what do they do?
Mr. H: They clean the tank.
RG: Oh. But they don't taste like peppermint, huh?

Ahhhhh, Pittsburgh's best and brightest at work.

- Once upon a time, I wanted some Iam's coupons so I filled out a survey online. My punishment for saving a buck or two on dog food was that I ended up signed up for their newsletter. This month's version came to my email box with the subject line, "Should Meg sleep in your bed?"

I know the answer to that question. No. Never. No way. Bulldog + My Bed = Bad Idea. No discussion necessary.

- Alexis is trying very hard to master the art of finger signs, especially the alphabet. She can sing her ABC's like a champ, but seems to think in order to be a Master of the Alphabet Universe she has to be able to sign all the letters. So if you see her out and about this week, just know that she doesn't normally spend her every waking moment staring at her hands and contorting her fingers in all sorts of odd positions. Nor does she usually spend ten minutes trying to sign an "L" only to realize that she is signing "I love you," which of course warrants the need to yell "I LOVE YOU" at the top of her lungs. Frankly, it's a pretty darn cute variety of neurosis she's got going on.


  1. I had a doll nightmare last night. So. Thanks for that.

    Line talkers are creepy. I am a motor mouth by nature, and sometime I catch myself almost being a creepy line talker. MrH's reaction to Shrimpy will now serve as motivation to keep my trap shut. :)

    Love the shot of The Toddler!!

  2. Um. When I read "Pens kick some butt" I thought it said something else entirely. Which made me laugh. Really hard. And so did Random Man.

  3. I have this doll lamp that I got when I was a kid. My sister and I shared a room and she hated it. I still have it in my basement. Diva wants it in her room.

    Can Alexis come teach Peanut to yell "I love you"? I think we need that one on video!

  4. Oh yes, don't let your bulldog get a taste of sleeping in your bed. Every night I have to fight to keep my blankets and my small scrap of mattress. The two dogs get together in the middle and begin pushing us outward toward the edge, snoring the entire time!

    Thanks for not scaring me with dolls today!


  5. I understand the refusal to talk to strangers. I too don't talk to people . . . and yet somehow they STILL think it's ok to touch Sumo Baby . . . despite hte fact that I send them "eat shiz" vibes. I can't win, damnit.

  6. Meg is welcome to sleep in my bed anyday. Tell her I said so. I bet she packs her bully bags and heads to Maine ASAP!!


  7. Btw, have yet to see a MEG pic in my contest!!


  8. He's going alone to get the doll? You trust him? Surely you meant he'll just go with you. I mean, he may get all confused at the last minute and think you've been looking at those freaky ones for a reason and choose one based on that.

  9. just saw all the dolls...holy freaky

  10. If Mr.H is going to drive all the way to Cleveland to buy you a freaky doll, he is a saint! But, I seem to remember something about beer on the way there, that might explain his offer.

    Alexis learning her ABC signs - you better get on Shadyside Academy's waiting list now, because that kid is super smart!

  11. Random Guy reminded me of the time mr b and I were eating at The Grand Concourse and we were seated near the windows that look out at the river and city. At the next table was two women - one of whom was an "educator", who was telling her companion all about the Burgh (in her mind, she was a genius). And when the waiter came by to take their order, she asked him what indiginous seafood they had.

    Yummm...three headed mon catfish. Turtle "crick" soup. Filet of Allegheny carp.

  12. I have to slap duct tape across my husband's mouth everytime we go out in public.

  13. i have done my part to spread this horror to my area of the west coast. Anyone who came near my front door last night was subjected to the creepiness of your doll post photos.
    Everyone shuddered, and mentioned their fear of bed that night.
    Proudly, I then went to bed at midnight and slept peacefully!
    Poor them. suckers...

    Although, I woke up with a pretty horrid headache so perhaps it was karma.

  14. I would freak Mr. Husband out, because I talk to EVERYONE. Learned that from my dad. That's good parenting.

    Love that Alexis is learning to sign her ABCs! She will indeed be Master of the Alphabet Universe!

    And last night, my husband and I both were hugging the edges of our king bed while our 40 poind beagle sprawled herself lengthwise across the bed, pushing hubby and I further to edges. Why did we ever let her up?

  15. Yeah those dolls FREAKED me out. Please no more kay?
    And that RG sounded so funny. What a freak!
    And I am imagining Alexis signing her ABC's. CUTE!

  16. Anonymous10:47 AM

    1. Instead of lovely pregnancy-induced sex dreams last night, I had creepy baby doll dreams. I won't blame you entirely, however, as I did also induldge in a bit of chocolate before bed - that really seems to bring the psychos out in my dreamland.

    2. If your husband had told the guy that the shrimp did actually taste like peppermint, I would be willing to bet $5 that at some point in the future he goes back and buys a bag for snacks and such.

    3. Note to self: when in the 'Burgh, that toddler is not actually flipping me the bird, but instead is trying to sign "I eat the bulldog's Iams when Mom isn't looking."

  17. Please - no more dolls! I was afraid to go into my daughter's room last night. I could feel their eyes following me.

    I love to see babies signing! I was never good at teaching my own kids. So cute how serious Alexis is to get her alphabet signing down!

  18. bulldog in bed. very very bad idea.

    cute toddler signing and screaming "i love you"? EXCELLENT!

  19. Anonymous1:57 PM

    I'm with Janet. Where's the video feed of that?

  20. ImpostorMom2:23 PM

    so does that mean that Mr. H actually KNOWS what the peppermint shrimp taste like?

    ABC Signs is Boog's least favorite signing time, and strangely one of my favorites. I sign I love you to him all the time and he looks at me like I'm an idiot. Thanks kid.

  21. cute, cute, cute! _\||/

  22. you've got it- she could have worse things she gets stuck on and won't let go....thanks for making this a doll-less post!

  23. That picture at the end is so perfect! I love it, you have some serious skills!

  24. how cute! We just got Cooper to sign "more" for us while feeding him dinner...it's been a bit of a Godsend!
    But uh, what's Alexis doing in that picture...looks like a creepy place...did she just dispose of some dolls?

  25. I love this baby signing craze! I bet Alexis could teach most adults a sign or 10! She's such a lucky girl to have such a smart mommy who is making sure she grows up cute AND smart. ;o)