Wednesday, April 30

When Worlds Collide

Lately I've made it a habit to take Alexis to the park after work so that she can expend some energy flying up and down a slide instead of blazing a path of destruction through my living room. If I'm short on time, I go to a really nearby park that has a pretty decent little setup going on. So decent, in fact, that many of the neighborhood teens think it's a great place to hang out. I'm pretty sure their attraction to it has less to do with the Clifford slide and more to do with the thick woods that are probably just perfect for a beer hole.

Side note: As a former North Dakotan who knew nothing of what kids do in the woods, I had no clue about this whole beer hole phenomenon until very recently. I was schooled by a co-worker who told me that Burgh teens dig holes in the woods for use as beer/cash exchange drop-off points. Do you hear that Alexis? I KNOW ABOUT THE BEER HOLES. Don't even think about trying it.

Anyway, today there was a whole cluster of angst-ridden teens hanging out under a picnic pavilion a few feet from the slides. To my right was my Pebbles ponytail wearing toddler saying things like:

"Ook, Mommy!"

"I slide fast!"

"HI, MOMMY!"

"I want hug!"

To my left, the lone girl amongst the five boys was saying things like:

"My Mom is such a bitch."

"She never catches me when I lie."

"She's so stupid."

"I hate my Mom."

Could y'all do me a favor and please shoot me before my toddler turns into that?




By the way, there is a new post up over at Burgh Mom.

54 comments:

  1. Oh no...I don't want our toddlers turning into angry "beer hole" teens! How do we stop it???

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  2. Can I get put on the please shoot me list?

    I overheard a girl (15, maybe?) in Target the other night CURSING at her MOTHER in the HOUSEWARES section (don't ask why I put 'housewares' in caps. It wouldn't have made a difference if we were in the condom section). The things she was saying to this poor woman made ME cringe. If I had EVER talked to my mother like that? Well, I don't know what would've happened.

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  3. This is something I worry about on occasion. Thinking back to the way that I thought of (and probably talked about) my mother during those angst-ridden pre-teen and teen years...man. I just hope that my son doesn't hate me and that we can have a good relationship.

    Hears wishing, right?

    (And beer holes?! What?! I WAS a Pittsburgh teen and never did anything like that! I'm such a bad Pittsburgher, though, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.)

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  4. Beer hole? What the hell? Whatever happened to just using the woods as a hook-up spot!

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  5. Seriously! I work in a school and I'm constantly dreading the next stage. Especially teenager!

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  6. I'm pretty sure she grew up in a family that never insisted on words like please and thank you. Just a hunch.

    I had no idea about beer holes. Might be fun to sneak in sometime and look for cash and steal out the beer just for kicks. I also may be cutting down our small stance of timber.

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  7. The view before us is startling.

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  8. Beer holes?

    Well, you learn something new everyday!

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  9. AHH! Beer hole digging angry mom hating teens- please tell me there is a pill that will stop this from happening....my sweet girl can't turn into that....please...give...me....hope....

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  10. Does it help to know that I never said things like that or thought bad things about my mom? She's not perfect (who is?), but I loved and respected her even when hanging out with angst-ridden teen boys in the woods drinking. Although we did not do beer holes...

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  11. Dude. I didn't get THAT memo.

    My toddlers will turn into teens? Wowzers... I am screwed!

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  12. Sadly, I can distinctly remember those very words coming out of my own mouth as a teen.

    I'm afraid. I'm very afraid....

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  13. I fully believe in what comes around goes around so I already know that Im in for a rough go of it with atleast one of my sweet little angels. I am so not looking forward to those days!

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  14. Ugh! I don't even want to think about those days ahead. *sigh*

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  15. Wait, where exactly is this beer hole? I'm a little short on beer money.

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  16. meagan@meplusthree.us1:16 AM

    OH. MY. LORD. I hate seeing kids acting that way. When I worked at a bank, there was a women in the drive through, and her kid in the back was NO joke, PUNCHING her and she didn't do a damn thing about it. I don't care who saw me, I would have backhanded that kid. There is no excuse for parents to allow their children to act that way. Now that girls mother obviously wasn't around to hear her say those things, but man. I don't know what kids are coming to these days. I hope I can raise my daughters to respect me.

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  17. That's it. I'm on my way there to raid the beer holes. Back in the day, the handoff wasn't that complicated :). And, oh, that teenage girl syndrome. Yuck. And I now realize I MUST BE getting really, really old because ALL of it--teenage behavior--seems so much more extreme now. On the radio station I listen to, I keep hearing this commercial for an on-line high school for those who can't play well with others, or whatever. It's basically really, really, really encouraging everyone to take the momentous leap of graduating from high school. Hell, I never knew it was an option NOT to graduate from high school. Everytime I hear it, I can't help but think, WTF??? Yup, I'm old.

    But those unpleasantries just won't happen with The Toddler...they just WON'T :)

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  18. I grew up in this area, but never heard of Beer Holes. Must be a new teen thing. It is has been a long time since I was in my teens.

    But yes, I am also SO terrified of my kids turning into mom-hating, beer drinking teens. It may be inevitable, but I definitely will do everything and anything I can to prevent it.

    Maybe put THEM in a hole until they are past that age?

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  19. is she mad BECAUSE her mom never catches her in a lie? Because that would be ironic...

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  20. That? Is why I'm locking my daughter in her room from 12-18.

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  21. Beer Holes -- that's definitely a new one.

    And unless something changes dramatically in 13 or so years, I'm betting that Alexis won't turn into one of those kind of girls. You guys have such a great relationship!

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  22. Yikes. . . it is inevitable that they will grow up . . . BUT, with some strategic parenting . . . maybe, just maybe she'll be talking about how amazing you are instead!

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  23. Teenagers scare the crap out of me! I drive by two high schools every morning and I cringe and get the willies! FREAKIN SCARY!
    And yea, "beer hole" is a new one to me!

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  24. Great. Soemthing to look forward too. CAN NOT WAIT.
    Oh and I'd never heard of the beer hole either? We would just get soemone to buy beer and we'd drink it out in a cornfield. Yeah I'm redneck like that.

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  25. I've lived in the Pittsburgh area my whole life, and I never knew about the beer holes. But, I was angelic growing up and never got into trouble so that explains that. The stories my husband tells me about what he did, though...SCARY! Neither of us hated our parents - we thought they were annoying and uncool, but we didn't hate them.

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  26. We never had a "beer hole"! Back in the day everyone just brought $3.00 each and a "friend" would go get the beer. Then we would just hang in the woods.

    We also have a park like that near our house. In the summer...it is ridden with teenagers....my kids are enjoying the playground while I have to "politely" ask the kids to watch their mouths. Okay, maybe not politely....but I try.

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  27. Beer holes? When I was in High School we just had an 18 yo friend take us thru the drive-thru at the Daquiri Shop (it was legal to buy at 18 there...not to drink, but to buy). That just seems like so much work.

    And yes, we're dreading teen years as well. Hubby teaches in H.S. so we are well aware of that stage.

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  28. My daughter is 14 so I'm just waiting for the day that something like that comes out of her mouth. That's the day we send her to live in a convent.

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  29. UGH...

    If it makes you feel any better, I never turned into that. Not that I didn't "hate" my parents from time to time, but I never got into all that other stuff...

    So there's hope. :)

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  30. I'm absolutely dreading the teen era!
    As for beer holes never heard of it before!

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  31. My parents ALWAYS caught me lying when I was teen. It was uncanny. I hope hubby and I have the same gift if/when my kids decide to try to test us! In the mean time, I am going to continue to cherish every "Ook, Mommy", hugs and kisses that I can get!

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  32. congrats on your official Burgh mom group. Allllmost makes me wish I was in the 'burgh. Seein' there's a lack of scurvy teens and beer holes here, we're stayin'. Ugh. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut when there are people around my kids cussing and all that jazz. It makes my blood boil. Where's the love, man?

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  33. I have those same fears.

    Adding to my fear: the fact that I was certainly not an exemplary teen. I put my parents through hell.

    yikes.

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  34. I am going to cry. Not only am I sick as a dog and wildly emotional because of it, this is a subject that gives me nightmares. I am TERRIFIED for my kids to grow up. I want them to stay little enough to still want me around darn it!!!

    I love it when you write Alexis-speak by the way...

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  35. The teens are totally there for the Clifford slide. I just know it!

    And I won't be able to shoot you before yours get to that age, because I will have already put the gun to my own head by then.... We always joked that the kids are going to boarding school the day they turn 13!

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  36. It's so scary, isn't it? I'm hoping that if we are involved enough with our children now and give them attention and love the teen years will go a little easier. That's what I'm hoping, at least. I guess I'll know soon. I only have 1 more year before we hit the teen years.

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  37. beer holes? wow. who knew?

    as for the development into a mouthy teen, i'm afraid that is inevitable.

    i'm sorry. :-(

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  38. Aha, Mrs. Burgh Baby! Remember my Word Verification post where you encouraged me to just let it go? I just fielded a comment because I turned the comment checker back on! It was something like "love you blog.you hav prety har. luv u luv me 4eva" or some such nonsense and it was from "Norbert". Sure, it's pretty benign that Norbert luvs me and my prety har, but I don't want that made public *L* Who knows what other kind of strange folks are out there?

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  39. How 'bout if Alexis starts acting like that, we'll just straighten her up.

    and I thought a Beer Hole was your mouth...
    we just drank out in the woods...no digging required.

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  40. *sigh* Burgh Mom....nevermind. NOrbert was Big Daddy! I was telling him about it at dinner when he started laughing, then I knew. I can't believe he got me!

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  41. Came here from Mama Geek's brilliant blog. I'd never heard of a beer hole before!

    Like you, I am a parent and my children are my life.

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  42. Yeah, so no woods here in the stupid desert, so I've gotta hope that means no beer holes. Right?

    And the mouthy little twit? Was showing off for the boys. Ha! Little does she realize that the really good boys, the ones every girl really wants to date, have more respect for mothers than that, and look for girls who do as well. And that is straight from my teenage son and his friends.

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  43. With all the love you give that beautiful daughter, I just can't imagine it going that way...

    ;)

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  44. ImpostorMom7:45 PM

    i refuse to believe they'll ever be teenagers. just not gonna happen. you with me?

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  45. Beer holes? I thought the cool thing was to con homeless guys into buying booze. Maybe that's just a Denver thing.

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  46. beer holes? have I been living under a rock?

    teens, is it possible to skip that phase?

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  47. My daughter will NEVER utter such horrible things about me. Not ever.

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  48. That just breaks my heart.

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  49. thanks for the info on the beer holes-i had no idea

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  50. oh and put me on the list too!

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  51. Beer hole? Good for them. Totally an anti-parent sentiment I know, but dang I thought todays teens had given up on ingenuity!

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  52. Beer hole? Good for them. Totally an anti-parent sentiment I know, but dang I thought todays teens had given up on ingenuity!

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  53. It doesn't have to happen, you know. Mine come home and tell me all about those conversations. They seem slightly appalled, but also like they're testing me, see how I respond to this new information. I'm just glad they talk to me about it instead of joining in. Because so far I think I've caught them in the majority of the lies. Ugh.

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  54. Late to the game here, apparently not only to comment on your post, but to learn what a beer hole is. I'm from Michigan and spent my teenage years in NJ. Who knew what my drunk friends and I were missing?!

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