Tuesday, May 6

Getting a Few Things Off My Chest

Confession #1: There is still a fully-decorated miniature Christmas tree in Alexis' bedroom. Every time I go upstairs, I see it and think that I should go down to the garage and grab the plastic tub for it. Every time I figure that I'll do it right after I do whatever it is that I went upstairs to do, operating on the theory that if I stop what I'm currently doing, I'll forget to do it. So I finish whatever, and then promptly forget why I wanted to go back downstairs. Putting away said tree is a two-minute job. Literally, it just needs put in the tub and escorted back to the garage full o' Christmas love. At the rate it's happening, though, I suspect I might as well just leave it up for next year.

Confession #2: Our living room usually looks like a bomb went off in it. I stopped cleaning up the toys or asking the Toddler to clean up her toys about a month ago. Strangely, nothing really looks different than it did when I still fought the battle. I think there might be a valuable lesson in there somewhere, but I can't seem to find it in my sleep-deprived state.

Confession #3: Treating a sick fish who suddenly became unsick, but that I treated anyway just to be safe, resulted in the death of $100 worth of saltwater fish. Now I'm the one who is sick. Project Saltwater Tank of Horrors is not going well.

Confession #4: I'm still trying to convince the Toddler that she likes NKOTB so that I can blame her when I buy the new album. She's not cooperating with my brainwashing attempts.

Confession #4: I told a bold-faced lie to a daycare teacher today. Since Shell left, potty training has gone to the crapper (horrible pun intended). The Toddler was going potty when she was at school, but hasn't since Shell's last day because no one is taking her. I tried asking nice. I tried friendly reminders. I tried back-handed remarks. I'm giving the "she's potty-trained at home" lie thing a try before I resort to drastic measures. If I don't start seeing some potty training going on at daycare, I'm sending her in underwear. Bwahahaha! It should only take a few puddles before they figure out to take her every once in a while. Why, yes, I am evil. I'll make sure they are Dora underwear so we can add a little pee on Dora's face to the shenanigans.

Confession #5: I have spent the past half hour trying to convince the Toddler to show me how she dances to Dancing with the Stars. Obviously, I forgot Rule #1 of parenting: Under no circumstances whatsoever will you have any control over your kids at any time. Yeah, I'll get Mount Rushmore moved to Canada before I get her to dance on command. This is the best I could do:

Confession #6: I totally laughed when she fell. There's a special place in hell waiting for me, I just know it.


  1. Anonymous9:21 PM

    The special place waiting for you in Hell?

    Right next to mine.


  2. I laugh everytime my kids falls. I know I should comfort her and soother away her hurt....but I laugh. I giggle. I chuckle away knowing that I am a bad, bad mommy. Clean the house? Who does that? Oh yeah- I think you should TOTALLY send her to day care in Dora underwear. That will get the point across and might even get her to potty train....that is how I trained Ashlyn.

  3. Confession 1: The only reason my house is clean is because it's on the market. Thus, all the cheap Chinese lead-filled plastic toy crap that usually lives in my living room has to be picked up every morning. It sucks ass and I support the "eh - whatever" method.

    Confession 2: Just empty the tank and put in fresh water and a beta fish. If that were my kid's tank, that's what I would have done and I would have totally told my kid that it was a leprechaun who replaced all the fishies with one fishy.

    Confession 3: I approve of pee on Dora's head. The Dora song is annoying as hell.

    Confession 4: Lying to childcare is badass. I approve wholeheartedly of your parenting methods!

  4. Confession : I'm commenting her and totally avoiding that freaky ass doll in your most recent post.

    Your kid though? Adorable! I love the dance. She could be my little guy's dance partner. He's been dancing since the show started and refuses to go to bed while it's on.

  5. Anonymous9:45 PM

    HA! I think her "turning around" is the key to NKOTB. Have her dance to Donnie or Dannie or whatever their names were.

    And, if that doesn't work you could always cue up some Billy Ray Cyrus. He might make a comeback tour via his daughter?

  6. My confession: NKOTB was my first concert ever. I had black puffy pants that I think were borrowed from MC Hammer paired with a shiny purple vest. Hot. I dreamt they would call ME up on stage 'cause they'd spot that tweener out there and fall instantly in love.

    Look who the big winner is now?

    Which sounds better? Jamie Knight or Jamie Marky Mark?

  7. I LOVE NKOTB I dont care if any one hears it blasting in my car (and since I have daughters I think its ok to blast Hannah Montana too) ... my friends think Im wierd but thats OK! The potty training issues well I cant help you there I have my own battles with that but I would soooo send my daughter in underware to get my point across! The whole clean living room thing is a losing battle here too and I have older kids Ive learned to only fight the battles I can win which Im learning fast that there are very few that I win.

  8. Hell won't be so bad. I loved the confessions and could probably confess to all the above except I am too lazy to have fish. I will confess that everytime potty training rolls around I am tempted to enroll my kids in daycare. I would totally send her in underwear...see I'll be there in hell to keep you company.

  9. Despite the fact that I bashed those with Christmas things still hanging around on my own blog, I have to admit that I've got 2 pieces of holiday cheer still visibly displayed here. That one lone tree isn't sounding so bad now.

  10. Well good. Now I don't feel so bad that I still have Winter Wonderland on top of my kitchen cabinets!

  11. NKOTB--How about I buy it for you :)--leave the poor innocent kid alone.

    My house--who said it? Maybe LSHM (she says stuff like this) . . . my living room looks like Toys R Us threw up in it. Hee hee . . .

    I think you should give up on the fish. Try Sea Monkeys . . . a lot cheaper.

  12. You stopped cleaning up the toys??? I can't get over this. I guess I have a sickness.

    Potty training sucks, just FYI...

  13. So that totally wasn't a fall. My husband and I crack up laughing when we have videos of our kids crashing full-on into things. I mean "America's Funniest Home videos" type of crash. It's a sickness. Say, is it getting hot in here?!

  14. all the cool kids will be in hell anyway.

    come on down, we'll have a hot time.

  15. NKOTB? Please tell me you mean the old stuff not the newly returned 40 year olds that are trying to milk the public out of a few more pennies...

    Say it isn't so!!


  16. You definately need to seek help. And, I told you to do the cheer!!

  17. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty normal right now.
    try acting like you HATE NKOTB and she'll probably decide she loves it. Sophie is opposite me in every way right now--I'm sure Alexis is just about there.

    love the dancing--she's a star!

  18. Um, I'm not going to mention the scary doll either.

    My thirteen year old daughter (13!) told me just yesturday that one of her earliest memories is me laughing at her when she fell on the tile foyer and hurt her behind when she was two!

    I'll save a place for you down below. At least we'll be warm.

  19. Cute video---it's hard not smile when she falls so I guess I'm joining you?

  20. Confession: My husbands retired aunts babysit Allie when I had class. When I was potty training her, they weren't taking her to the bathroom but instead letting her use her pull-up, when she really was going at home. So I for sure sent in her in panties..every day. I would have sent the kid butt-ass naked every day if that hadn't worked. I was so tired of the diapers.

  21. Confession 1: I bet my house is dirtier than your house

    Confession 2: I purposely failed to tell the new daycare people Sasha bites. Everyone. Alot. And hard.

    Confession 3: we haven't had drapes up for 5 months because I've been too lazy/busy to iron them and do that.

  22. You mean we aren't in hell right now? It gets worse?

  23. Confession 1 (I already feel better about things now that I'm getting them off my chest...): Our full sized Christmas tree was up until February.

    Confession 2: My house looks like a house monster ate it and then caught our puking germ. It's that bad.

    Confession 3: Right now I don't care that the house is that bad.

    Confession 4: Isaac and Gracie were both ALMOST four when they finally potty trained.

    Confession 5: I always laugh when my kids biff it. Looks like we're going to be partying in hell even if we never MIRL here!! Wahooooo!

    Confession 6: No matter how behind I get I always have to read ALL of your posts. And trust me, for most everyone else I read the most recent and move on. I think I have five of yours left to go...:)

  24. keep my chair warm... I'll be down shortly ;(

  25. I gave up the potty training, it was sucking the life out of me.

  26. Dude! where'd my comment go? You looked at that site, didn't you? ;)


    I'm actually still laughing at her fall...it was really funny because she's falling in slo-mo...you can really only fall in slo-mo when you're only 2 fee from the ground in the first place.

    And what's up with your daycare? In the potty-training classroom, they'd make an announcement every two hours "all the big boys/girls line up for potty break!" and they'd all take turns trying to go potty (obviously others could do in-between announced breaks--they were usually ready to move up). In fact, our daycare suggested that we put Gavin in underwear to help get him over the potty-training hump. I initially resisted because I was hugely pregnant and not up for the additional laundry. But they said, "bring several changes of clothes (including socks) and if he goes through all of them, we'll just put him in a pullup". Now THAT's tuition dollars at work!

    and I'm telling you...wait a little longer before going hard-core. Some kids just can't be bothered with being potty-trained yet...just always offer, always praise if she tries, congratulate if she goes...but don't be surprised if that "light bulb" doesn't click until she's a little closer to 3 years old. And if you do get desparate, you'll be able to tell if she's actually ready by the response she has to peeing her pants.

  27. Since I already know I can't reply to Colleen via email because Blogger sucks and doesn't grab emails from other blog providers, I'll reply here.

    Alexis is SO there now on the potty training. She tells us WHILE she pees, she tells us to change her diaper or pull-up (she knows the difference) AFTER she pees, and she has been known to tell me BEFORE she actually needs to go. While we still aren't dropping anything in the pool per se, we are there. So close, and yet so far because daycare is dropping the ball. It's time to rumble.

    Although, honestly, I would PREFER that she stay in diapers/pull-ups for a few more months. It's so much easier for me. See how I sacrifice for the team?

  28. You are full of confessions, aren't you? Do ten Hail Marys and five Our Fathers. I'm not even Catholic so that might not do you any good . . .

  29. Confession: I laugh when my kid falls down too.

    I also laugh when the dog steals his popsicle.

    So I don't know if you want to be like me.

  30. I love you. Just wanted you to know.

    What is wrong with the daycare that they wouldn't ask the kids if they need to go potty? Man, I had assumed that was a given. Just shows you how much I know. I will remember to ask about this as we look into daycares.

  31. you're just too funny there Ms Burgh Baby Mom. Loved the confessions...they're good for the soul.
    here's mine,
    I behave exactly like Mother Bear from the Little Bear cartoon. I never laugh at my kids when they get hurt, I always have a spotless house, yep, the entire house and I never let any of my fish die.ever. I don't have any but if I did, I know they'd all outlive me. Last but not least, whenever I smile (or *giggle giggle*) (which is a lot), there's always a little glint of sunshine twinkling off the edge of my front tooth and if you listen closely you can hear the "bling".

    *great big sigh* I feel better already!
    hee hee