Saturday, May 31

Goodbye!

Mr. Husband and I are quickly approaching our 8th wedding anniversary on June 3rd. Since we are ever-so patient and ever-so romantic, we already exchanged gifts as we passed each other in the dining room last night. I've been holding his gift for a while because a stroke of genius came over me (in the form of a forwarded link from Mr. Husband--if he doesn't like what he got, then he shouldn't have asked if he should buy it). It was the PERFECT anniversary gift--a GPS. After all, nothing says "I lurve you and always will" like a GPS system. Especially when the GPS system is super-marked down and cheaper than you've ever seen one. That's romance right there.

Today was the debut of the fancy little GPS system, specifically the TomTom. Except, Mr. Husband set TomTom to use an Austin Powers voice, so I think we should call it AusTom. Anyway, AusTom was assigned to leading us to a fish store that we had never been to before (we are in the midst of restocking the Fishtank of Horrors--the worms need company). AusTom comes complete with a few little issues:

1. AusTom seemed to be under the impression that we needed to drive over the bridge, through the woods, around the block, down the street, and then back again to get to our destination. Once I saw where the joint was located, I was all WTH? We could have gotten there 20 minutes faster if we had taken a different route. You know, the DIRECT route.

2. Probably 5 minutes of that wasted time was due to AusTom's very significant design flaw--men don't listen to directions. Whether those directions come via a wife, a neighbor, a stranger, or a GPS, men quite simply are not programmed to listen to directions. It's a fact.

3. Even though she had no idea who or what was talking, the Toddler thought everything AusTom said warranted a, "Goodbye!" Every.single.time.

So, two minutes in the car went a little like this:

AusTom: Turn left in 100 yards.
Mr. Husband immediately turns left.
Toddler: Goodbye!
AusTom: Turn around at the next opportunity.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband: What did it say?
Me: It said to turn around.
AusTom: Turn right in 500 yards.
Mr. Husband immediately turns left.
Toddler: Goodbye!
AusTom: Turn right in 200 yards.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband drives past turn.
Me (cause I'm an IDIOT): You missed your turn.
Mr. Husband: Where?
AusTom: Turn left in 50 feet.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband: I didn't miss my turn.
AusTom: Turn left in 10 feet.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Me: Yes, you did.
AusTom: Turn around at next opportunity.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Me: See, you missed your turn.
AusTom: Turn right in 300 yards.
Toddler: Goodbye!

If you follow AusTom's directions, you'll find the remnants from when my head exploded all over Pittsburgh.

Goodbye!

45 comments:

  1. Hahaha! "Goodbye!" That's awesome.

    Nothing wrong with a GPS for an anniversary gift. If I could afford one, I would be all over buying one of those for Zach for his upcoming birthday. Instead, I'll be oh-so-romantic and go the book/video game route.

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  2. Hubs said that if only those things spoke like the Victoria Secret models looked . . . then he just might listen.

    Whatever.

    Goodbye.

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  3. I love my GPS but since hubby bought the discontinued model, the map is outdated. I've always said I've got a little "man" in me since I never like to ask for directions. I'm always ignorning Sharmin (the Garmin) and she's always "recalculating". She can be annoying at times.

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  4. We used the GPS in my car to direct us to a friend's house where we'd been only once. We didn't recognize the road that it took us down, but still we obediently followed it -- all the way to where the paved road ended at a dirt road that lead into a steep canyon, with a Do Not Trespass sign at the head of the trail, of course. We looked across the canyon and into our friend's backyard, from afar.

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  5. So funny I have nothing--NOTHING to add. Brilliant.

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  6. Hee hee, I love the goodbye part

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  7. I am not at all used to laughing this hard only 10 minutes after waking up. This is hilarious. Dank you. And, of course...

    Goodbye!

    (Like Mother, Like Daughter...she obviously gets her ability to make virtual strangers laugh and love her from you!)

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  8. Yeah, I gave hubby a GPS for Christmas. It's not perfect, and we had some interesting moments trying to find our way around Orlando during our February anniversary trip, but all in all, it's pretty cool stuff.

    Sometimes I still like MapQuest better, though.

    Peace - D

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  9. HAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious! My MIL gave Jim(us) a GPS for Christmas this year, and it drives me nuts. Jim does whatever it says, even if the directions are ridiculous. I swear he would drive us off a pier if it said to. And, the damn thing keeps interrupting me! It was helpful when we were looking at houses, though, I must admit.

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  10. I am so out of the loop, I have never actually seen a GPS up close and personal. I guess I am still quite wary of them, for the exact example you gave us! I am thinking a good old fashioned map and a dose of a real live human brain, would work just as well, if not better!

    Goodbye!

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  11. Happy Anniversary...we celebrate eight as well on the 24th of June. I know my husband would LOVE a GPS. Thanks for the idea.

    I'm a little frustrated about our Pens...It all started with our local NBC station showing the Children's Miracle Network Telethon instead of the game. There are a ton of transplanted Pittsburghers in my town (several hundred if not more) and you better believe there were some MAD people!! My family resorted to finding it on the internet and watching via computer. And then there was that 5 on 3 powerplay that produced NOTHING. UGH!! Hopefully, we have some better luck next game! I'm still rooting...GO PENS!

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  12. My husband wouln't survive without his GPS he loves it ... it does have the sexy female voice, maybe that is why.

    Our 10th anniversary was just passed, It got a Vincent's pizza - whoo hoo.

    What was your present from him??

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  13. And THAT is why I have an iPhone for directions . . . I'd throw the TomTom out the window and run it over multiple times before remembering how mch it cost . . .

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  14. OMG, I LOL!! Sounds like you are the only people in the world that GPS isn't going to help!

    Happy Anniversary!

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  15. lol! you are so funny! Gps can be wacky that is for sure. My hubby needs one for work and half the time it says the addresses don't even exist. lol. When we first got it my hubby was so thrilled with it that he
    set it to find everywhere we were going(even places we had been a MILLION times before) It was ridiculous! lol.
    xo Britt

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  16. My husband uses one of those and they drive me crazy--I'm glad I am not the only one ;)

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  17. That would be funny anyway, but the "goodbyes" make it hilarious!

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  18. My husband actually drove 2 hours out of the way once cuz he wasn't listening to my directions. Why is it men don't listen us?

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  19. Haha, I got my husband one for Christmas. I thought maybe he would listen to it, because he definitely doesn't listen to me. Plus, I was sick of telling him how to get to Best Buy, even though we have been there 100 times before.

    Unfortunately, TomTom doesn't really know how to get to Best Buy either, and he thinks there is an Arby's near the house, which got the husband all excited, only to find out it isn't actually there.

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  20. since we're ALL about the romance here, i totally understand the gift of garmin (or tomtom or whatever). after all, you DO remember that i gave my husband the gift of antioxidants in the blender of looooooooove for our 5th.

    ah romance....goodbye.

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  21. In honor of Sam's birthday this week we also now are the proud owners of a GPS. My husband chose a woman and we're torn about calling her Tom. It's a bit awkward. But Tommette seems to know her way around quite well and we've driven off course just to throw her. She comes right back at us with revised instructions with nary a rolled eye or complaint. We're loving our transgender live-in. And I have you to thank. ;)

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  22. we really do celebrate everything together ;)

    Goodbye!

    I would totally get a GPS if it weren't so stinking expensive- I have the directional sense of a (what is bad at directions?)

    Goodbye!

    that was a funny story! I laughed through it all.

    Goodbye!

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  23. I love my GPS, we just a war going on with it as I won't have a male voice on it telling me where to drive. It's been an on going battle as I switch to a female and my family switches it back...

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  24. Sweetie Pie has a Garmin and couldn't live without it, since he's in sales and drives all over town constantly. We have the Garmin and the woman talks in this mildly annoyed voice all the time, which is why Sweetie Pie listens to her, because she probably sounds a lot like I do.

    Little Man imitates her perfectly, especially her bitchy "recalculating."

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  25. Do you really not like the TomTom? My husband wants a GPS and his birthday is coming up. May I inquire as to where you acquired yours at such a low price? :)

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  26. Send him out for milk and you might never see him again! LOL

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  27. My Jeep came with GPS and really? I think I've used it MAYBE five times. I don't do feet very well and whenever it told me to turn in 10 or 50 feet, I was forever slamming on the brakes. I finally gave up.

    I now call Jimmy if I'm going someplace I'm unsure of. He's my GPS.

    And...I can't resist...

    Goodbye!

    :)

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  28. You are something romantic.
    What did he get you? Let me guess ... a Dustbuster?
    Goodbye!

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  29. completely hilarious! I love my Tom Tom 'cause
    i can hardly find my way out of a parking lot I'm unfamiliar with.I did that once, 45 minutes from home in a parking lot & got all discombobulated when I left. I scared the kids into thinking we'd never get home, all while I was about to run out of gas and couldn't find a station. Talk about stress. I called him at work to walk me through the unfamiliar territory but all he said was he couldn't think of where I was. That's when Tom Tom came to live with us and life has never been the same even if it takes me the long way. Goodbye!

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  30. Wow, that sounds like quite and obnoxious little gadget. Happy Anniversary. We are coming up on 7 years in a couple of weeks.

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  31. HA! Every holiday I consider getting my husband one of those. He has no idea how to get to where he's going unless I'm with him, so it should come in handy!

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  32. I'm glad you gave it a name...my friend has one named "Claudia"...she just sounds like a Claudia for some reason. I wish they measured things in "blocks" though...I'm not so good with "yards" and "feet", but that's just me and my measurement inabilities.

    Happy Anniversary!

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  33. anglophilefootballfanatic.com11:32 PM

    Men are lousy with directions. And, I agree. I've seen those things take you to Siberia and back when it's across the street.

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  34. ROFL!!! I did the same thing when I first got my TomTom. I was so trigger happy whenever it told me to turn. A 5 mile route often ended up with 10 reroutes and arriving 45 minutes later. Now I try and watch the screen for the lit roads while simultaneously driving....
    Wanna ride in my car? ;)

    Happy Anniversary!

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  35. Oh.my.God! How did you not KILL someone!!!!!

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  36. That was great!
    Husband no longer asks me what "she" said....he tried that once and my answer was "She said pull over Moron and let your wife drive."
    That seemed to fix that little problem.

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  37. Hilarious. Thanks for the heads up. My husband just purchased it for his Fathers Day present.

    My mom claims that "the voice" in her Tomtom gets NASTY with her when she doesn't listen.

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  38. So I have marked that off the list as an option for a gift for dad's day!

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  39. OMG, my soup almost came out my nose reading that! SO funny!

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  40. Ha, thanks I needed that. (I'm a bit behind on my blog reading btw.)

    Ok, back to work. Goodbye.

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  41. I tried to comment yesterday when I read this. I was at jury duty and totally started cracking up imagining the scene.

    But the jury duty room didn't like blogger.

    Apparently, they think I might talk about the court system or how ridiculous people working there are. Who me??? (See today's post).

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  42. Goodbye! I love it!!

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  43. WHOA! Are we living weirdly-almost-parallel lives?
    We've already established you are 1yr and 1 day older than me. Weird.
    Now I find out that you have been married 1 yr and 6 days longer than me...weirder!
    And your anniversary is Gavin's b-day!...weirdest!

    Or maybe I'm a stalker.

    Happy Anniversary!...I'm still trying to figure out if Justin even bought me anything so that I can figure out if I give him the gift I got or just save it for Father's day...or return it because I'm a cheap and slightly resentful person.

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  44. Hysterical! Sounds very frustrating, but funny from where I'm sitting... not in that car!

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