Monday, June 2

I Would Have a Good Title, but I Had to Watch the Pens Game

Apparently there is some sort of Man Law that states that you cannot call a cheap GPS a dual anniversary and Father's Day gift. Darn the luck, that means I'm still on the hunt for a Father's Day gift for Mr. Husband. This may very well be the last year I'm responsible for picking something out, so I suppose I better make it good. He has a lifetime of ties and trinkets to look forward to, after all.

In my quest for the perfect gift idea, I realized that various companies have been emailing me some craptastic Father's Day suggestions. Babies 'R Us, I'm talking to you. This email?



RIDICULOUS. Telling me to buy my husband a diaper bag for Father's Day HAS GOT to be some sort of twisted joke. Even if he were to like such a gift (he wouldn't), that would be against all the laws of what is right and good. Men do not need special diaper bags. Period.

Just in case there are any men many reading this, allow me to make the whole "manly" diaper bag thing crystal clear. Real men suck it up and carry whatever their baby mama buys. If that means you are stuck carrying a pretty princess diaper bag for several months, just shut your trap and do it. I don't care if carrying that pretty princess diaper bag makes you nauseous. Imagine carrying a real live human being right next to your kidneys for nearly ten months, squeezing it out of a tiny little hole, and THEN we can talk about nauseous. You owe your baby mama the right to buy whatever the heck diaper bag she wants. Carry it and shut your trap.

While you're at it, men, make it a mission to see if you can change more diapers than your baby mama. I dare you.

The day after Babies 'R Us assaulted my sensibilities, Bath and Body Works joined in the Mess with Her Head Party with this offer:



Um, NO. If I were to buy Mr. Husband a bunch of froo-froo soapy things for Father's Day, I'd be getting bricks in my stocking this Christmas (yes, twits, that was an intentional nod to you). Now that I think about it, I can't think of a single Dad that I know who would be overjoyed to find that his wife and kids thought he needed smelly stuff for Father's Day. Ponder for a moment the image of the guy you think would appreciate the gift of goop. I'll just leave that one hanging.

The WORST of the email Father's Day offers that I have received is one that I deleted before it could completely enter my conscious. I swear on the biggest bag of gummy worms, I seriously received an email offering me a great deal on Allure Magazine for Father's Day. Um, yeah. Mr. Husband wouldn't just be mad, I think buying him Allure for Father's Day would be all the judge would need to hear for him to declare the trial a case of justifiable homicide.

I think I'll just buy Mr. Husband this little thing. I'm sure he'll LOVE it.



(C'mon, you HAD to know it was about time I posted another freaky doll.)

63 comments:

  1. oh crap. now i'm headed for another set of nightmares.

    thanks heaps, kiddo.

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  2. uh. wtf? holy shit.

    wtf?

    i'm sorry if this is a non-cursing blog. but, holy mother of pete.

    wtf?

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  3. your diaper bag argument - awesome!! You and those doll pictures - at least that one just makes me want to laugh and not have nightmares.

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  4. That doll looks like it had its head rolled over by a Hummer. WTF??

    D

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  5. HA! If my husband EVER beats me on the changing diapers count, I'll bow down to him. No worries, it'll never happen.

    That doll is the CREEP-TASTIC!

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  6. I made myself a diaper bag that is red with big flowers on it. It even has trim. I love it, but didn't think about hubby having to carry it. But, he carries it, without complaint, even when he is going out with the girls alone. What a guy, think I'll get him a doll. Creepy!

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  7. Again with the WTF???? What is this thing, anyway? And who would buy it? Really, where did you find this? WTF?

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  8. Well spoken about the diaper bag situation! I think carrying a child for 9+ months declares that the mama can do anything she wants baby-wise. I find it pure evil pay-backs to get un-manly things on occasion.

    In case I declared that tongue baby the worst thing I'd ever seen, I take it back. That thing looks like it swallowed a bee, but not before the bee took out it's revenge on the inside of it's mouth, swelling it up like a human balloon.

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  9. My hubby is getting a pic of Reid and me for Father's Day. Reid will make a card and the wrapping paper. I got a high-def web cam and a pic of them for Mother's Day. I guess I'll have to buy something, too.

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  10. The hell??? I was going to drop a note about yeah Pens, way to go, blah blah. But I must now go wash my eyeballs with bleach.

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  11. Book of photos, put together in Blurb.com (a billion times better than Shutterfly).

    So. Tired.

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  12. WTF? Who designs these mutant dolls?

    Thought of you this morning when I heard the results of the game. Yeah for Pittsburgh!!

    Contest at WWoW if you can pull your head out of the hockey fog I'm sure you're in!

    Hallie

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  13. Seriously, WTF? Is that a baby/gorilla doll? That would scare a small child silly! Hell, it scares me!

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  14. Seriously, is that a caveman doll? Where do you find these things!

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  15. Oh. My. God. That is some freaky shit.

    I'm getting my husband a new pocket knife sine he broke his. Men love sharp, shiny things.

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  16. What the hell is that? That doesn't even look HUMAN, much less really human!! THAT is just all kinds of wrong.

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  17. I hear he likes beer. There is a place in the Greentree area that sells all kinds of imported beer. If you are interested, I'll ask my friend who took me there about it - I can't remember the details.

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  18. Mandy9:04 AM

    It's so funny the ads around Mothers/Fathers Day. "Mom'll love a new toolchest!" "Get Dad the gift he's been dreaming of - a tutu!" Well, they're equally as ludacris, anyways.
    I love that you called them out. :-)
    And the baby? Gross.

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  19. that thing freaked me the heck out...

    Thanks a lot....

    Loved this: "You owe your baby mama the right to buy whatever the heck diaper bag she wants. Carry it and shut your trap."

    Incidently, I so often want to comment on your blog, but my home computer hates your blog for some reason and I never can. I have to wait until I get to work and steal time from my employer to do so.

    I wanted to comment on your Curious George one because Jonathan loves Curious George. He's also become obsessed with Dora, which is really bothering his dad.. it just so happens it is on after Max and Ruby and I'm too lazy to get up some nights and turn the channel. But, I am getting better at making sure his bath time is at that time instead.

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  20. Is that a picture of whatever Pens player got his nose broken for the fourth time last night?

    When you figure out the Father's Day thing let me know, I'm stuck too. You'd think after fifteen years of marriage this would get easier....

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  21. Father's Day and Mother's day SUCK. The gifts are so hard to find, and who needs more crap?

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  22. Oh. My. God. What is that thing?!? brrrr.....

    And you're right - real men carry the established diaper bag. Know why? Because even if they had their own "manly" diaper bag chances are they'd be too lazy to move all the crap from one bag to another. Hrumph.

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  23. Stop with the dolls! I am going to call you when I have a nightmare tonight.
    If I gave birth to something that looked like that I'd nicely ask my doc what the hell happened.
    And yeah the special diaper bag? i am SO with you!

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  24. You and your FREAK DOLLS! LOL

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  25. You are SO right!

    For me, on Mother's Day I didn't WANT another baby-related item! I get enough of them for all other gifting occasions, maybe...you know...make this day about ME?! SO, same goes for Father's Day!

    And that doll is awful. I'm glad I am only just now seeing it and didn't have to see it last night. What creeps me out the most, though, is that Alex wore that little onesie. It was in a set of zoo-animal onesies from Gerber, I believe.

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  26. We totally need that doll.....maybe it would be enough to scare the "I love dolls and I'm a boy" syndrome.
    At least it would make the husband feel better if it worked.

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  27. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

    I'm just saying.

    rpm

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  28. You've GOT to be stopped with the dolls. I imagine you sitting on your sofa in your living room with Dora on the TV googling "realistic baby dolls" every night.

    You gotta get out more.

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  29. I have a plea for no more freaky dolls. For Father's Day I bought the FH a new golf club that he wanted and a little pink little tykes set for baby girl. Every time he goes out on the course he asks if I think Lexi will want to go....so I put his club in her little set and wrapped it all up. I think he'll like it.

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  30. Seriously, if my new baby looks like that, I'm totally asking my doctor for a freaking refund.

    As far as hubby gifts go for Father's Day, have you thought of giving himm a swift kick in the a$$. Because I'm really tempted to give one to mine.

    With a card of course.

    Hallmark wouldn't let me continue to live if I didn't include a card.

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  31. The diaper bag thing? Freaking hysterical. You're my new hero.

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  32. Do the "artists" who make these scary abominations think they are cute? Did THEIR babies look like that so that is their sad definition of cute?

    I don't know what else we're getting, but I do know that Jon is getting an icecream cake from Baskin Robins for Father's Day. Icecream and fudge make Jon a happy boy.

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  33. Wow, I have to say that doll is truly the worst one you've shown yet. At first I thought it was a monkey...cripes!

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  34. You're getting the bill for my nightmare counseling after seeing that hideous monkey baby.

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  35. OMG. Who pays good money for those dolls. Oh, and now I have Hole's, "Doll Parts" going through my head. Kurt Cobain use to collect doll parts. He'd have probably liked these creepy dolls. How's that for useless 90s trivia?

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  36. i was starting to get the shakes from a lack of doll photos. you are so in tune with me. you just knew didn't you???

    my hubby is getting a ripstick for father's day. apparently he is, like, 12 again.

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  37. Yikes woman! Is that a doll?? Wow.. And yes, I agree, daddy gets to carry whatever kind of diaper bag baby mama buys :D

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  38. That doll is just creepy!

    Why do men think its ok to double up on our presents, but not on theirs. My husband thought it was ok to get me a "Valeversary Present". He combined our Anniversary with Valentines day, because they were a month apart. Now we did go to Jamaica, but still the point remains don't double up.

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  39. anglophilefootballfanatic.com2:23 PM

    OMG. Your intended is begging you to quit doing that. A brick just fell out of my butt...on second thought...I do want to lose some weight. And, your hubby & my hubby would get along so well.

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  40. I just want to second Katydidnot's comment.

    You are not right.....but in a good way...

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  41. We have that onesie! We do not have that freaky creapy 'I want to suck your brains out after I spit out this lemon' look on our son's face however! Yikes!

    Love the diaper bag thing! I actually always get unisex looking diaper bags because I love my husband that much! But I still really agree with you! AWESOME! LOVE IT!

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  42. I just crapped my pants.

    What is wrong with that things face?

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  43. aaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

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  44. Yet another sleepless night....sigh!

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  45. OMW how freaky! That has to be the worst one you've found yet!
    As for the nappy bags, I hear you, but in this country it would be wishful thinking to get a range that even resembles anything nice let alone a men's one!

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  46. Holy crumb! Who would BUY that doll?! Freakin' scary!

    Love your theory about baby bags! Amen, sistah!

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  47. I am standing up there on that soap box with you sister! Dad's just have to suck up whatever bag the Mama gives 'em. I would go with something for the bedroom for the anniversary & the GPS for father's day, program into favorites, some of his fav. places to go with the kids & let it take him there on father's day.

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  48. Oh, you're crazy. But in a good way. :)

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  49. What is that doll???? Just think what the creator of that doll must be like!!!

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  50. Tell me you photoshopped that thing or something because if not, someone is seriously demented. That's the worst one yet.

    I totally forgot about Father's Day. Can I pretend you didn't just remind me?

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  51. Well that's a bizarre little doll. I think I actually kinda like that one. Rather Fraggle looking.

    Father's Day - my Hunny also asked for a heart monitor/watch thingy. Maybe I'll get him chocolate instead. :)

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  52. LOL, this post was too funny. I can't believe some of those Father's Day gifts...

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  53. Oh crap, I just woke up the baby from laughing so loudly!

    And who in hell would buy something named C.O. Bigelow??

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  54. Amen on the 'man' bag thing. Psssht. I pushed a human out of my special place, he can carry a pink sparkle bag if I say so (but I don't make him- the bag is black and stylish!)

    And that doll is just a sin against humanity. Seriously.

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  55. Stop with the freaky dolls already! You're killin' me!

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  56. I would like to that you in advance for, what I'm sure will be, tonight's nightmare.

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  57. WTH?? That is the single most disturbing thing I've seen in my life.

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  58. OMG, that freaky doll nearly gave me a heart attack. I was just scrolling down, peacefully, and then BAM! aaaargh! yikes!

    You kind of mean, scaring your faithful readers like this!

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  59. Uh, that didn't really help me come up with any gifts there... The doll? Holy crap!

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  60. if the gift is pricey enough, he will get a combo gift. however, this year he is getting an apron. yep. all because I am tired of cleaning grill grease off the front of his damn shirts.

    you'd better be happy I've had some wine before seeing that freak-job, otherwise I would've totally cancelled your pending order for Blackberry jam.

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  61. I totally got that diaper bag for hubby last Father's Day! I did. AND he loves it. It's called the Diaper Dude (whatever). He wanted his own diaper bag for when he takes the Pumpkin out without me. He bought a crappy one that broke, so when I saw this, I totally got it for him. Now, when we go out together, he always wants to bring his bag.

    I absolutely encourage this behavior. He can have a "manly" diaper bag because he really does take her out without me and he does change as many diapers as I do. Anything I can do to support that will be done!

    (I'm ignore that freak doll.)

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