Sunday, July 13

The Follically Challenged Apple Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

OK, I admit it. I am frustrated that the Toddler is seemingly NEVER going to have hair. The kid is just shy of 2 1/2, and yet I still haven't given her a haircut. I have trimmed a few wild strands of hair that apparently got the GROW! BABY! GROW! message because they were so much longer than the others. I think in all I have cut eight strands of that little mullet. EIGHT STRANDS.

This is a travesty, you know. I am a skilled French-braider. I can do Dutch braids. I know how to twist hair up all foofy and cool. There really isn't much that I can't do. Except, there isn't a dang thing that can be done with hair that seemingly doesn't grow and is determined to stay a mullet. There are kids in Alexis' daycare class that have to get haircuts every four weeks, including girls. One three-year old has already grown her hair long enough and cut enough of it off at once to do Locks of Love. Not my kid, though. She might finally have enough hair to be able to Locks of Love when she's, oh 30 or so. I might cry real tears over this whole thing.

Except.

Except that this morning, Alexis asked for ponytails (she nearly always asks for something to be done with her hair and I try very hard not to laugh in her face and tell her to go shave the Lhasa Apso and make a wig because she doesn't have enough hair for jack). I figured I would see just how long she would sit still. I challenged my little hands to what I previously thought was impossible.

French braids.



They lasted approximately fourteen minutes and then The Toddler ripped them out. Because she ROCKS like that. Dangnabit.

Do they make Rogaine for Toddlers? Anybody?

BTW, the first person that points out that she obviously has my hair, thereby forcing me to acknowledge that it will be two more years before she will get hair is getting a poopy diaper in the mail. Don't think that I won't track your IP address and do it, BECAUSE I WILL.

(Except, I am far too technically stupid and lazy to actually do it, so I'll just mentally mail you a poopy diaper. But, it will stink to high heaven, even if just in my mind.)

48 comments:

  1. Last year my mom told me if I gave Aivlene a haircut...http://www.flickr.com/photos/jadensmommy24/1248987207/ her hair would grow back faster and thicker.

    uh, no. It hasn't. She has just as much hair as Alexis and it is killing me. I actually bought curlers today because I figured if I couldn't style her hair I could curl it. She didn't like it. Errrr.

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  2. Well it looked super cute for the 14 minutes it was still a 'do.

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  3. I swear it must be a girl thing cause both of my girls took thier sweet time growing hair. My oldest was 3 before I could do anything useful with her hair and my youngest just turned 4 and I have been able to put her hair in pigtails for a while but she takes them out and if by some chance of fate she doesnt hair is so thin they fall right out. Its so sad.

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  4. If it helps my boys would have made very bald shiny headed girls so thank God they were boys! They didn't need their first haircut till they were close to 2 and that's bad for a boy!!

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  5. First of all, those braids are ADORABLE.

    My girls have my hair too. One nice gust of wind and our thin, whispy hair is in a knot the size of Texas. Sigh.

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  6. She looks ADORABLE with the braids - even if they didn't last! The Girl took AGES to grow hair as well. The Boy had tons and I had to finally get it cut at 13-mo because everyone kept telling me how cute SHE was! The Girl, on the other hand, was almost two before I could put ANY sort of piggy tail in her hair!

    And now she wants to donate to Locks of Love. We tried once before but her hair stops growing at 7"...or is that when I completely lose my patience with it. I really can't remember!

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  7. I had the baldest baby girl forever.. At age 11... Ummm she outdoes her entire grade in the hair department. Don't worry. It will happen!

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  8. Reid had her first pigtails at 6 months and has sat still for French braids precisely once in the 3.5 years since then. I think it's better that you at least have a girl who will sit for French braids since I imagine that it is easier to grow hair than patience ;+)

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  9. Oh, lookit! Those tiny little things are so cute. :)

    I won't tell you that my children's special talent is growing hair. Becky? Just had 2/3 of hers thinned. And I'm not kidding.

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  10. Sorry - I think it's cute when kiddos this age DON'T have enough hair to look like they are sportin a grown up head.

    Of course, if she still has this amount in her 20's, I'll be the first to purchase her some Rogaine!

    Hallie :)

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  11. My daughter had that thin whispy no-hair at that age, and I too fell for the trick of "cutting it off makes it grow". Yeah, no it doesn't. However, she is currently 14 and clogs the drain on a regular basis. She loses enough hair to make wigs with what comes out (and gets left on the floor of the bathroom). So there is hope!

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  12. So cute! Even though they only lasted 14 minutes. What the hell are Dutch braids? (I know I could Google it but I'm feeling lazy)

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  13. Awww...the braids are so cute. Too bad they didn't last! She'll grow some hair eventually. I don't think I had much hair until I was about 3.

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  14. French braids on a toddler is the most adorable look ever. Unless that toddler is a boy. But cute on Alexis. :) Her hair will grow. Really. Even if she does have your hair. *wince*

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  15. How CUTE is that? I totally need to refresh my French braiding skillz. Not that Punkin would let them stay in either. I swear we get the ponytail holder company in business we've lost so many of those things!

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  16. So cute! You would love the girls I watch. Big Sis is almost sitting on her hair. I don't think she has ever gotten a haircut. I am horrible at doing girls hair! What the heck are Dutch braids, anyway?

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  17. That second picture deserves a *gasp*, she is sooooo cute! I love the braids and so sorry your skills are going to waste. I have to bribe soph to keep in the pigtails with extra skittles or something at the end of the day. oh, and when she finally does have hair--here's a little tip I discovered--plop her in the sink in front of the bathroom mirror and let her draw on the mirror with bathtub crayons while you do her hair. It gives me hours to play with Sophie's hair, and the crayons wipe right off with a windex wipe!

    Of course, by the time she's in high school with hair long enough to play with she should be able to sit still. heehee. I'm only laughing because my own hair only grows about a 1/64th of an inch per year.
    and i'm not kidding. no matter how healthy I keep it--it doesn't grow.

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  18. anglophilefootballfanatic.com9:39 AM

    French braids? She's too cute in them. I always heard the more you cut it, the thicker it got. It's done wonders on my kiddo. He had little to know hair. Now, he's got a head full.

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  19. Dutch braids are inside-out French braids. They end up looking like a thick braid sitting on top. Of course, that's what they were called in NoDak. They could be something totally different everywhere else.

    I can say from personal experience that the MYTH of cutting your hair to make it grow is a MYTH. If I were to cut my hair 1/2" every month I'd be bald in a year. It evens it out and makes it look a little thicker, but it doesn't make it grow. And you can't even out what isn't there . . .

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  20. You should TOTALLY invent rogaine for toddlers. My beef was always the patch they wore off in the back before they could sit up.

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  21. OK, those French braids are the cutest things I've ever seen. See, I was always terrified to have a girl with a ton of hair, because I? Can do absolutely nothing with hair, I am completely useless. Ask me to write a press release in 15 minutes though, and I'm the mom for the job. But apparently toddlers don't have a big need for press releases.

    I guess that's why I've been given two boys now. So that no girl would have to suffer the hair indignities of having me for a mother.

    And I won't tell you that I had to give Little Man his first haircut on day three of his life when he came home from the hospital, because the hair on the back of his head was long enough to put in a ponytail. You're my friend, so I will take that secret to my grave.

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  22. Ai,
    I feel your pain. Sasha has almost no hair.
    He actually got his first haircut this weekend because he had these bizarre little tufts that were REALLY LONG and didn't match the rest of his practically bald head. So I clipped them. That's it though.
    And he doesn't have my hair. Or his dads. When I was one? A THICK little mop of red hair with big fat curls. Hubby? Stick straight, jet black, but THICK little boy hairdo (he'd gotten it cut).
    I dunno why hes got nothing. Maybe it's irradiation from my computer screen while I was pregnant?

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  23. Awww. I'm sorry. BEan has a head full of THICK hair. Me? Not so much. I have hair but it is thin. SUCKS.
    I will send Alexis some grow hair vibes.

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  24. Awww. I'm sorry. BEan has a head full of THICK hair. Me? Not so much. I have hair but it is thin. SUCKS.
    I will send Alexis some grow hair vibes.

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  25. LOL! She's adorable! No poopy diapers being sent this way! ;)

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  26. I completely and totally understand.

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  27. She looks really cute with braids.

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  28. TJ was quite the baldy for awhile. But I think that was a sign of me being incapable of taking care of long hair. When my nieces (and all their hair) leave my house they look homeless.

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  29. Love the braids...they looked super cute!

    The grass is not always greener though....I have a kids who has A LOT of hair....and it is such a pain in the butt to maintain. I'd cut it except the child won't let me!

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  30. Honey, I sympathize with you. I've got two follicly challenged girls myself. I can never express how sad this makes me because all I've dreamt about since I learned I was preggers is fixing my baby's hair...and three years after my first girl is born all I can do still is a ponytail on the 3 year olds (her hair is SUPER fine and slippery...braids? Yeah, RIGHT). Angel's is just not growing at all...but it's curly as heck so I satisfy myself with that...

    Ugh...is there a hair club for toddlers? We'll join with you!

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  31. First, those braids are adorable!

    Second, I've always thought that Alexis's hair was so completely adorable! It's such a perfect length and perfectly straight! I had to come to terms with the fact that the Pumpkin's hair is curly and not going to look exactly like Alexis's lovely locks.

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  32. Oh honey, my child was as bald as Mr. Clean It until about 3. Not even a whisper of hair to put in a pony tail. Now we just spend our mornings screaming & crying about the tangles that have to come out. Some days I just want her to go all "Britney" and get rid of it!

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  33. My daughter had think hair since she was little and it got so tangly because it was so thick I had to cut the tangles out 3 times when she was little. Thick hair is over rated and I think she looks adorable just the way she is. :o)

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  34. Okay over-achiever. What do I see in the background there my dear? READING flash-cards? Gotcha'! Maybe the kid doesn't have flowing locks, but damned if you won't have her reading by age two and three quarters. Sheez.

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  35. Who cares if she doesn't have a ton of hair? She's still cute as a button (and I mean a really cute button!)

    Besides, at least you save $$ on haircuts...

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  36. Not to make you jealous or anything...but my daughter has needed "ponies" since she was 6 months old.

    the problem? That is all we know how to do.

    So my little girl has been sporting a single pony for the last 2 years.

    Pathetic waste of her gorgeous hair.

    Please track my ip address, then come out here and do my little girl's hair up all pretty!

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  37. It will come. She is so stinking cute just the way she is. I puffy heart those little braids.

    You know she is going to have a thick mane of hair that grows in like next week. LOL.

    The magic of blogging. Don't you know?

    I bitched about not traveling last week. And tonight I booked a flight to Paris for 5 people. We will be in Europe in less than one month. Eeekkkk.....

    My point. Bitch away. Magic happens. GROW HAIR GROW.

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  38. What a little darling. You could shave her head and she'd still be darling. The hair will come! Patience! Patience! Patience!

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  39. hair was the one thing that frightened me about having a girl (ahem) 14 years ago. i had 13 years' experience with boy hair, and doing braids and other fancy'ish things scared me to death.

    boy was i stupid.

    bwahahahahaha.

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  40. Oh, the agony of the hair. And what mad braiding skilz you have! It looks almost as tedious as cross-stitching! Bless her heart. But seriously, she has nothing to worry about...she's cute as a bug!

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  41. Mullets are hawt, man. You're clearly underestimating their aesthetic appeal. They're especially hawt when the part on top is bald and the part in the back is both long and permed.

    Hawt!

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  42. Ugh...I have completely given up on doing Miss Peach's hair. The second I finish...she rips it out! Good luck on the toddler Rogain;)

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  43. I know how you feel.My Lil C just turned 2 and I can just now get her hair into one little pony tail with hair falling out all around her head.

    She is so cute with those little french braids though.Mine could never sit still for that long.Not to mention I am not very good at doing hair.

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  44. awww! those were so cute!

    You keep seeing Cooper with all that hair...and it's been cut once already (and needs to be cut again). Gavin didn't have that much hair until he was 20 months old...of course I have no idea how long it would've been since he's a boy and I refused to let his red wavy locks get too long (although I didn't want them too short, either). But now Gavin's got TONS of hair...just tons. Takes after me. I have to have mine thinned out if I'm going to sport any cut shorter than my shoulders.

    Fun fact...if Alexis was blonde, she'd have more hairs on her head...but since she's a brunette, she's got the least amount of hair.

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  45. Teach me how to do French braids! I can't even get Monkey's hair in two even ponytails. Monkey has lots of hair. Bun's is very fine and curly right now, and I haven't had to give her a haircut yet (at 18 months).

    Anyway, she does look adorable, no matter how her hair is done!

    ciao,
    rpm

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  46. Well for the 15 minutes it was in the braids it was super cute!

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  47. I am so impressed that you can french braid. Me, four daughters, lots of hair, no braids, EVER! Because I am very hair challenged!

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  48. She will get hair, but I can't promise she'll let you touch it when it comes in.

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