Sunday, July 27

Go Ahead, Tell Daddy

Fact: Men are born equipped with a filter that allows them to tune out 90% of what the female species says. I'm not exactly sure when the filter activates, but by the time men are in their 20's, the only words that get their attention are beer, (insert favorite sports team name here) news, sex, anything automotive, fire (oooooh, fire!), and probably fart. I have to add fart because I'm pretty sure that if you stand in the middle of a crowded street and yell, "FART!" all the men will turn and look. If anybody wants to test that theory, go ahead and let me know how it works out for you.

Mr. Husband is a man (trust me, I know these things) and came equipped with said filter. I wasn't aware of it's existence until after we were married, which is funny considering we dated for over six years before we decided people should give us gifts for carrying on the same as always. Of course, now that I'm thinking about it, weddings might activate that filter. Might.

Anyway, I am slowly coming to realize that the Toddler Version 2.5 (Dude. She turned 2 1/2 today. Oh.my.hells.bells time flies.) is smarter than me. She already knows about the man filter. Recently she has taken to making Mr. Husband feel like a jerk for not hearing what she says. A typical conversation around our house:

Toddler V2.5: Daddy, I want fruit snacks please.
*crickets*
Toddler V2.5: Daddy, I want fruit snacks!
*crickets*
Toddler V2.5: DADDY! I WANT FRUIT SNACKS!
Me: Alexis, here are some fruit snacks.
Toddler V2.5: NO! I tell Daddy!
Me: Here, hand these to your daughter.
*Mr. Husband stares at me blankly while handing fruit snacks to Toddler*
Toddler V2.5: Dank you, Daddy.

The same sort of thing happens in the car. For example, today we were kind enough to allow the child to eat popcorn in my car (a tale unto its own, let me tell ya'). When she decided she was done, this happened:

Toddler V2.5: Daddy, here.
*crickets*
Toddler V2.5: Daddy, here.
*crickets*
Me: I'll take the bag, Alexis.
Toddler V2.5: NO! I tell Daddy. Here, Daddy.
Me: Would you please take the bag of popcorn from her?

Miraculously (or because I bashed him over the head with my 30-pound purse), he listened and finally took the bag of popcorn from the persistent little creature in the back seat.

This little phenomenom of where she tells me, "NO! I tell Daddy," has been going on for several weeks. Mr. Husband has yet to figure out that it would be easier if he would just pay more attention to what she's saying. (In his defense, the girl doesn't EVER stop talking and generally doesn't care if anyone is paying attention. It's pretty easy to just tune her out and spare yourself the headache of trying to figure out how Dora and Boots have anything to do with the lellow car, blue house, and spinning.)

I might have to teach the kid to start every sentence with one of the magic words. I can hear it now, she'll be saying, "Daddy, *whispers* sex *regular voice* I need the car."

Somehow, I don't think it's going to work as well for her as it does me.

40 comments:

  1. Oh, I guarantee the first time he even THINKS he hears the word *sex* cross her lips, he'll pay attention to every word she says until after she's had her third child. At least.

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  2. Trust me... Daddy will WAKE UP if he hears the word *sex* fall from her mouth. Of course, he'll probably wake up SCREAMING YOUR NAME, calling for HELP = THAT subject + daughter.

    You will be needing to help him with the polishing and cleaning of all of the guns of course! ;-)

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  3. You had me laughing outloud with the whole yelling FART in the middle of the street thing. Only because it's totally true. And, once again I am showing my 12-year-old-boy-at-heart colors.

    Jon has that filter. Oh BOY does he have it. Either that or he is totally deaf most of the time. Conveniently.

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  4. Um. I'm actually the one with the filter in our house. The Hunny hears and sees everything. And the children, very young, realized this. Very sad.

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  5. Oh my Bob! Hehehehe!

    For boys I might include any reference to food, including, but not limited to the sound of a bag of chips being opened. I can call them a hundred times to come move their shoes, but if I grab a bag of chips I get an instant response.


    I was thinking you you and your lovely toddler on Saturday night...American Family Videos was doing this contest of the sports fan in your family and all I could see in my head was your girl yelling at the game on t.v. with your translation running beneath it...if they are still running that contest you should send it in. Totally worth 10,000 dollars in my opinion!

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  6. Monkey does not have this problem. Daddy hears her very well.

    Me, not so much. Either that, or his man filter extends to his eyes. He is, for example, utterly unable to see baskets of laundry that need to be put away or dirty laundry that has to go to the basement. It amazes me.

    I'll be interested to see what happens when Bun really starts talking. DearDR's head will probably explode.

    ciao,
    rpm

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  7. oh how i love this post. LOVE i tell ya.

    this is what goes on all day and i wonder WHY the hell don't you answer them, talk to them, listen, hear !! it drives me crazy !!!

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  8. The fart test for a crowded street is cracking me up!! Mostly because I know it's true and partly because, well...that's something I'd try to do just to see what happens :)

    Jimmy has The Filter, too. Drives me fricken INSANE!!

    :)

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  9. I am so glad to hear we are not the only household with this problem! Both kids have gotten to a point where there are things they want Daddy to do for them and things they want Mommy to do for them . . . and God help me if I try to do something that has been requested of Daddy!

    I am with RPM - the problem also seems to extend to his eyes. You may be on to something brilliant with the throwing in of 'magic' words . . . as long as he doesn't actually expect me to follow through, we'll be good!

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  10. I think our children share a brain.

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  11. THAT is an adorable picture!! Cute post.

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  12. I think I've found a project for Luke. He will gladly volunteer himself to yell "FART!" on a crowded street corner. Or in the middle of Wal-Mart. Or in church for that matter. I think he's done it several times already but I was too busy trying to hide to notice the reaction of the man around.

    And you'd better teach her to whisper another word than *sex* because really? You don't want Mr. Daddy to have a heart attack and die right on the spot.

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  13. Oh my gosh this cracks me up because this is so my husband.

    You forgot "boobs" Yell that and their attention is caught.

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  14. Growing up in a household of (4) boys, yes, the word fart is included as some of the key words like sex and fire and beer, and I should probably tell you that "cookie" works just as well for men as for children and dogs. Or at least baked goods always seem to get the attention of the men around me.
    Gavin does that, too, "NO Mommy, I talkin' to DADDY!" and I'm stuck kicking Justin to pay attention and/or respond.

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  15. My husband suffers from this affliction as well, so much so--that now my daughter,5, doesn't ask him for anything even if he IS paying attention.

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  16. I would be offended, except for the fact that everything you wrote is true, oh so true. :)

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  17. Oh yes. I know ALL about the filter. It frustrates the HELL out of me. Of course my kid only wants ME to do everything. Just me. Only me. I wipe the butt, get him out of the seat, make his drink.
    It sucks. But I think having to ask the hubby after hearing it multiple times would suck worse.

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  18. Happy 2.5 b-day to Alexis!

    I agree with Karen... maybe have Alexis start with beer or fire. No daddy wants to hear his little girl (no matter the age) talk about sex!!

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  19. i HATE this. Genny STILL talks to her daddy and i STILL, (after all of this time) have to say "She's talking to you..."

    AGH!

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  20. We never had that problem with Will since everyone lavished attention on him. Poor Pascal does a version where he picks up a toy and stares at M. trying to get hubby to throw it for him. It's very sad especially when M. isn't even in the room and he's staring at an empty sofa!

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  21. I can assure you that the filter applies to male children too. I'm constantly screaming at Sweetie Pie "the child is SPEAKING to you for crying out loud!"

    Except instead of for crying out loud, I really, really want to say something with an f-bomb in it.

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  22. I dunno if Hubby has that filter. But his hearing in general is terrible. So often what he hears involved what was said only while he was looking at you.

    As for "fart" yelled in a crowded room. Been there, done it. Can tell you it does now fly well with Nuns.

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  23. Hey, I tried that, I yelled "FART!" and I wanted to tell you that you were wrong. No men turned, they all kept waling, but all women went "Ewwww!" - which just goes to proove that we are drama queens. But you know what as well as I do, because I have the S Sisters and you have the Burgh Baby/Toddler.

    Seriously though, is there anything that will jam the filter?

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  24. My oldest can be in the backseat of the car and saying the same thing over and over and over and over to my hus and he still doesn't hear him.

    I finally have to stop him in the middle of what he's talking about (my hus talks a lot)and tell him that his child is trying to get his attention. What is up with this anyway??

    Oh, the filter... thanks for helping us understand!

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  25. I'm sorry -- did you say something?

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  26. This scene plays out daily in our house! Are we raising the same child? Oh wait, mine has/had hair;)

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  27. Holy moley! I have to do the same thing with my hubby!!!

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  28. That's hysterical. It's usually that way around here unless he's home and I'm reading, then it's me whose out in the stratosphere :-)

    And thus begins the era of Daddy's Girl ;-)
    M, you're in trouble.

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  29. And here I can't get my girls to talk to Daddy at all. In fact they walk right by him all the time to find me! Maybe he secretly trained them to do that...

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  30. I'm telling you, she's a genius!

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  31. LMAO My husband has a hearing loss in one ear and blames me for that because on the drive from New York to Alaska a million years ago I was on that side of him. I think he just likes to "not hear" me or the boys but can conveniently hear when his phone rings and it's work calling! grrr!

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  32. Oh, the Daddy's little girl phenom! We have that going on in our house right about now. If I say something I'm wrong in the eyes of a certain little girl. But if DADDY says the SAME thing...he is God!

    Ugh....can't wait for this phase to pass. Big Daddy's head is growing leaps and bounds!

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  33. haha, yeah, her saying 'sex' will wake his arse riiiiight up. Selective hearing will be a thing of the past once that happens.

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  34. LOL... Maybe if she just smacks him in the head a couple times or something!

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  35. Yep, the filters in this house too! ROFL!!! Oh, and the fart thing? I'll let you know; can't wait to try it! I'll do anything for a little attention.

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  36. Filter? You only have a filter? Lucky you--I get 6 weeks of full-blown infection called "Vicitis" (duly named after FIL) wherein not only does he not comprehend a single.word.I.say. but he also refuses to allow me to anything more involved than run the vacuum or scrub pots and pans. I also spend time battling the "MY daughter" idiocy. It goes into remission, but there is no cure.

    MIL thinks it's hilarious when I call her every spring and tell her the infection is back.

    Although, at our house, HE does notice more, listen more (he doesn't seem to have a filter where the Howler is concerned) to her...but she also calls me Daddy when he's not home.

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  37. Oh, just as I was beginning my comment, an email came from you :-) How fun for me-- it was almost like an instant chat (which I don't get over here). Anyhoo-- this was hilarious!! Just stinkin' funny.
    I actually communicate with my Hubby through my blog, which is funny because I don't mention sex, fire, beer-- I have mentioned fart, maybe that's why he reads...

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