Tuesday, July 15

Neurotic to the Marshmallow

I think it's safe to say that toddlers are the most neurotic creatures on the face of the Earth. One minute they're giggling with glee, the next they are pounding their heads on the floor in a fit of despair because the crayon you handed them is not yellow enough. One day they want nothing more than to wear that pretty flower dress all.the.time (even boys), the next they refuse to wear any clothes. But the biggest source of toddler neurosis? Food.

Alexis is no exception. Sure, she's a good eater. She lurves herself some fruits and vegetables and generally will try anything. But, she has a rule. No mixing. Period. See, while she loves strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries, if I go and get all domestic on her behind and mix them together into a Wondrous! Magical! Fruit Salad! she won't eat it. She can WATCH ME pick the berries apart and place them into separate piles and will then eat them, though. She doesn't care if her food touches (a generally accepted variety of neurosis), she just doesn't like things that have multiple ingredients. She won't user her own little princess hands to pick them apart either. That's apparently my job.

Think about that for a moment. Does it seem like it might be a pain in the tooshie? IT IS.

As a perfect example of her food neurosis, I present Exhibits A through whatever the heck letter we end up at. Yesterday I thought I would be SuperMommy and make s'mores. I am a s'mores master. It is the one useful skill I acquired after attending Girl Scout camp every summer for about ten years. I know how to burn sugar just right so it is gooey and warm and yet slightly crispy and beautimous. My s'mores would make Emeril cry with glee as he shouted, "THEY DON'T NEED ANY BAM!" from the rooftops. They.are.yummers.

So, I handed the kid a perfectly concocted s'more, carefully adjusted to more readily fit in a toddler-sized mouth. She stared at it.



She did NOT put it in her mouth. No way, no how. As she was staring at the three-headed s'more, she realized she had gotten some marshmallow on her hand.



Score! A single ingredient!



"More shmalloo, please!"

I caved. I handed her a virgin marshmallow. One that had not experienced maximum Zen with my little cooking utensils.



She was happy.



Then she noticed the chocolate bar sitting on the table. "Shocklit, please!"

Polite children in this house are generally rewarded. I handed her a piece of chocolate.



It was goooooood.



She decided to chase the chocolate with another marshmallow. It was all fine and dandy until she pulled that marshmallow out of her mouth.

And noticed chocolate on it.



Alert! Alert! We have multiple ingredients! "MOMMY, CLEAN IT!" I wish I were kidding.



There was a lecture at this point. I felt it was my duty as a professional connoissuer of chocolate-covered marshmallows to inform her that one should celebrate when those two great tastes come together. CELEBRATE! Throw a party. Invite the mayor. Shoot off fireworks. It is a grand occasion when chocolate and marshmallow can be enjoyed simultaneously.

She wasn't buying it.



I gave her a new CLEAN marshmallow. When we did a lather, rinse, repeat of the chocolate on the marshmallow debacle, I quit. I handed her some glow-in-the-dark ridiculously disgusting looking applesauce (which probably contains multiple ingredients, but apparently they fly under the Toddler radar). She shoveled it into her mouth.



And all was right in her world.



From this day forth, I will use this series of photos as my reminder as to why I do not share my s'mores making skills with the world.

And to think, all I really wanted was to get a "one year later" version of this photo which was (obviously) taken before the neurosis fully set in:

54 comments:

  1. LM won't do combo bites either. SOOO frustrating.

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  2. a.w.e.s.o.m.e. photostory!!!!!

    and more s'more for you! score!!!

    love the "clean it off" bit. You don't want to hear what obscenities might come from my mouth if I heard that.

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  3. That is one smile inducing post!
    ;-D
    Alexis knows what she wants, what can I say?
    Toooooo cute, though. This one's a keeper for her teenage years for sure!

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  4. a picture is worth a thousand words huh ??

    tonight for dinner (healhty) hot dog, i got yelled at for cutting her dog up....she refused to eat it b/c it won't taste the same ???

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  5. Best pictures ever. :) I especially love the one with the melted marshmallow stringing from the table to her elbow. :)

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  6. Incredibl excellent post. Incredibly. Excellent.

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  7. Loving it.

    And as an aside I have absolutely NO idea what a s'more is. I gather it has marshmallow and chocolate though.

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  8. ha. i'll be happy to eat any s'more that alexis doesn't want.

    although i do draw the line at the marshmallow she pulled out of her mouth.

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  9. At least she didn't decorate the house with the marshmallows.

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  10. Too bad she wasn't interested...that looked like an especially good s'more.

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  11. As I read this, Boo has 3 bowls. One with chicken. One with carrot and one with peas.

    Dammit, extra washing up.

    But you know I have never had a smore? No idea what they are (well now I do a little) care to make some and send them to Oz?

    Cause I will love you forever and stuff. Well I will anyway, but MORE!

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  12. My younger sister is like that. To this very day she doesn't want her food to touch. She is 25. She what you have to look forward to.
    Thankfully my own kids are vacuum cleaners. I have never seen either one of them turn down anything, ever.
    Great story. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. My younger sister is like that. To this very day she doesn't want her food to touch. She is 25. She what you have to look forward to.
    Thankfully my own kids are vacuum cleaners. I have never seen either one of them turn down anything, ever.
    Great story. Thanks for sharing.

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  14. Oliver also screams, "Clean it!" if anything sullies a favored food product. He is a lot fussier than I would like and Eleanor gets fussier as she gets older. But if any of mine turned down a s'more that looked like that? Disowned! Cut out of the will! NOT children of mine!

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  15. I was guilty of being like that as a child. My food couldn't blend together or touch on my plate. I used bread crusts to make little walls between foods. The only exception was gravy and mashed potatoes, and only sometimes. I'm sure Mom thought I was nuts.

    My perfect Christmas gift would have been a food tray like they had in the school cafeterias. Nothing would have to touch.

    Never got one.

    Peace - D

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  16. I'll be more than happy to come eat the s'mores :)

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  17. Yummmm, S'mores!

    That is too funny. Just think one day she'll be shoveling those down without a second thought of food touching -- just like the rest of us! :)

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  18. ... and I thought #2 was a fussy eater. Wow.

    Hey, drop me an e-mail, will ya?

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  19. anglophilefootballfanatic.com9:18 AM

    Oh, my goodness. That's too much Alexis gooey yumminess. I LOVE that 3rd picture. So needing to be framed.

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  20. Dude, I love your kid!

    She reminds me of all I have to look forward to, again... :)

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  21. Ah yes, the no food mixing rule. I just got my four year old to eat meat and pasta mixed together. Of course he'd pull them out and eat them separately, but I didn't have to do it for him. Finally.

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  22. The kid is nutso - just like mine. But hey, that leaves more smores for the rest of us!

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  23. Haha! Alexis is definitely a wee bit crazy. How hilarious.

    The photos are cute, even if they don't exactly fit the "one year later" goal...but MY how she's grown!!!

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  24. Is it unofficially smores day? I see pics of it everywhere (but of course not with your adorable child in them, that's what makes yours special.) But it's really making me hungry for smores & it's only 10 am. What's a girl to do?

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  25. That is hysterical. I am waiting to bump up against the food-touching issue with Monkey. So far, we're in the clear. Although she likes her marshmallows "raw" as she calls it, she will eat a s'mores constructed for her.

    My favorite part is "clean off the marshmallow". I would have just collapsed in laughter at that point, which goes to show you what an awesome mommy I am.

    And I call it toddler OCD. Everything must be a certain way.

    ciao!

    rpm

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  26. Anonymous10:42 AM

    Ack! Don't know what smores are? Really? Warm gooey marshmellow and warm gooey chocolate wrapped up on graham cracker goodness. Otherwise known and instant sugar high yummyness.

    Mia

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  27. LMAO! I lurve me some smores. Kids are weird. We have the same highchair and matching booster seat that um my kid is way too big for now.
    Because he is of abnormal proportions for his age. Sigh.

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  28. Yeah, Ben is pretty much the same way and therefore will NOT eat anything resembling a sandwhich because it has several things togtether. I think he might be able to stomach one of your s'mores though...

    Love all the pics!

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  29. Imagine if she ever comes to the realization that pasta with tomato sauce is multiple ingredients. Or that McDonald's fries? Are potatoes with OIL! Gasp!

    That first picture's look of horror made me giggle. It is a look I know very well too. At our house it's usually followed by the words "I don't like this..." And then that's followed by me screaming, running down the street as I tear my clothes off and keep running until I'm never heard from again.

    But he totally didn't inherit his flair for drama from me. Nope. No sir-ee. Must be somebody else in the gene pool.

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  30. Little Miss refuses to eat a hot dog that is not cut up, she claims it doesn't taste the same whole. I saw in an earlier comment someone else says the same thing....hum, I don't see it but two think it. Cute little one! She will be a heart breaker!!

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  31. Unbelievable, how could she not like s'mores, the most delicious food group on this planet. I am in shock. I love that picture from a year ago, absolutely adorable :)

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  32. well, we all have are little ticks... Apparently it just took time for her to grow into hers. Um, the bright side= more smores for you??? And, she'll never steal your ice cream sundae! SCORE!

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  33. Mmmm, smores...the kid doesn't know what she's missing!

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  34. I will gladly accept one of your s'mores. I won't make you clean any part of it.

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  35. That is too funny! That girl doesn't know what she's missing! S'mores are the bomb! We made some over the grill a couple of weeks ago, not quite the same as a campfire but still tasty!

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  36. I've gotten go where I dread meal times... too much drama!

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  37. Thank God for the pictures, I am a cliff notes type of girl!

    Love me some 'smores!

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  38. Isn't yours the same child that pulled apart a Do-Si-Do, licked out the peanut butter, and then handed you the cookie part?

    I think I would contact the hospital to see if there wasn't some sort of mix-up.

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  39. I love the step by step pictures!!!

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  40. Oh what a doll! She won't stay this way about the food! Promise!
    It will get worse! BAHAHAHA!
    No. It will straighten itself out!

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  41. That's one of the best things I've seen all week. Truly. I LOVED it!

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  42. Oh my gosh, too cute. I am totally in trouble when mine gets to that age.

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  43. You see, I get her. I am the same way. My food can't touch. I like to be in control. All the time.

    I like Alexis. She is my kind of girl.

    Your pictures? Amazing.

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  44. I think the secret is it can BE multiple ingredients as long as it doesn't LOOK like multiple ingredients. If you'd put the Smore in a blender and told her it was a milkshake she might have been ok with it.

    What's new in the fishtank of horrors?

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  45. You're SO in charge of making s'mores. I licked my screen and then had a hard time seeing the photos.

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  46. Sister -- what I wouldn't give for a kid who eats three kinds of berries. (OK, I have ONE such child, but the other makes yours look like an easy kid to feed.)

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  47. Oh do I know this tale...Miss Peach is the pickiest! I love coming here and reading your toddler tales. Makes me feel like I'm not alone:)

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  48. "Mommy, clean it" - Yep that's food neurosis for sure. If an adult said that they'd be in therapy. A toddler? Well they get a clean marshmellow.
    Too funny.

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  49. I LOVE the pictures.

    And by the way, that's how I eat s'mores too. Its not wrong, it's deconstructed.

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  50. ImpostorMom4:17 PM

    nothing drives me more crazy that the food neurosis. Boog will eat spaghetti at school but not at home. drives me batty.

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  51. Kids are hilarious. I LOVE the s'more shot!!! "How can I have s'more; I haven't had anything yet???" (sorry...can't help the quote there!)

    AND...I think she's growing hair quite nicely! My kid is super jealous!

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  52. that is the cutest picture story I have ever seen! She is awesome! Clean it--I'm sure.
    GREAT story. now I want some smores.

    oh, and apparently I am still a toddler-as neurotic as the next-thanks for the reminder!

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  53. "MOMMY CLEAN IT!" I love the look on her face, like "no, I'm serious, lady...get the effing shocklit off my shmellow!"

    I need to make us some smores on the grill...yum!

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  54. Yes, that is the best line ever: "MOMMY CLEAN IT!" Your lil girl is adorable to the upteenth degree!

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