Wednesday, July 16

Undersea Domestic Violence

And, it's back!

Just when you thought there was nothing more that could happen in the Fishtank of Horrors, a new twisty poo has occurred.

(If you're newish here, there's background here and here. Basically, it's a saltwater tank that doesn't know how to be boring. I LURVE the drama!)

This morning I sauntered into the Toddler's room to feed the fish. Belly (the 1st maroon Nemo fishy) came barreling up to the top, wiggling it's tail and oh! so! eager to see me! Darryl the Worm-eating Stud came darting out. The (nameless) Tiger Goby flitted out, too. There was only one fish missing.

The B*tch.

This was odd. Very odd. The B*tch earned her name because she is the Master of the Saltwater Tank of Horrors. She rules that roost with an iron fin and isn't above smacking the others around a bit if she doesn't like what they are doing. Someday The B*tch will be entering a treatment program for fish who commit domestic violence. She's MEAN. I glanced around in the tank for a minute thinking surely The B*tch couldn't be that good at hiding.

She was nowhere to be found.

So, I sprinkled in a little flake fishy food. Belly chomped and chomped and chomped like a fish on a mission. THAT was strange. Very strange. The B*tch usually gets pissed when Belly eats and a little altercation nearly always ensues. It's kind of like when the fat hooker gets caught by her pimp at the buffet, except that Belly is really a very healthy weight. And not a hooker. As far as I know.

Anyway, I managed to make myself 30 minutes late for work visually scanning the tank for any sign of The B*tch, only to find none. Admittedly, I assumed she was dead and figured I would find her eventually.

After work, I returned to the Fishtank of Horrors. Still no The B*tch. A piece of coral had fallen to the sand bed, so I figured I would fix that and dig around and see if I could find The B*tch under a rock or behind some coral or something.

I found her all right.

The B*tch was COWERING under a rock. By cowering I mean that fish was shaking in it's boots. I chased it out of the little cavern and then it happened.

Belly.

Belly went rushing over to The B*tch and bullied her back into hiding. So I bullied The B*tch back out. Belly bullied her back in. Again and again and around and around we went until I finally decided to just let The B*tch hide if she wants to. Whatever.

The victim has become the aggressor. The pimp has become the hooker hiding under the bed.



(BTW, the snail eggs from our last installment became a tasty Scooby snack for something or other.)

31 comments:

  1. Belly is totally a hooker. I saw him on Santa Monica Blvd. And this may shock you but he's a tranny.

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  2. So glad they others are getting their fishy revenge!

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  3. You should totally set up a hidden camera so we can watch what really happens when no one's around!

    We can call it DAYS OF THEIR FISHY LIVES...

    LOL about the Scooby Snack. Just gave those to my pups before I left for work! They really sell them!

    Hallie

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  4. I sort of feel bad for The B*tch.

    :(

    But, perhaps if she'd played a little nicer with her tankmates, she wouldn't have to be hiding.

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  5. I'm guessing Belly b*tch slapped the B*tch once too many! LOL!

    And how sad that I can follow this so well...like Hallie said, it's an underwater soap opera!

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  6. What goes around comes around!

    Last night Mr. Daddy said someone was giving away a free aquarium and some fish on Craigslist adn asked if I wanted it. I thought of you and said No. :)

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  7. Tasty Scooby Snack? Blech. Good for Belly!

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  8. Way to go, Belly! Taking control! Haha...this fish tank is really quite hilarious.

    Glad the snail eggs are gone!

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  9. Good gravy, the Fishtank of Horrors scares me...I don't know how you continue to do it! Blick!

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  10. OMG....I agree with Wonderful World of Weiners...you should totally set up a camera! Get some live feed going on 'round here!

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  11. I don't think I've ever heard fish being compared to pimps and hookers. hehehe

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  12. Now that's an unexpected turn of events.
    "The Secret Life of Bees" was a bestseller..."now you should write "The Secret Life of Fish." It's sure to be a hit!

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  13. I am loving the fishtank drama. And ew on the eggs. I do not even want to know who ate those.

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  14. The hooker finally smacked back! Julia Roberts would be so proud.

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  15. What does around comes around! Go getter Belly!

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  16. I guess Belly was tired of taking crap from her. I kinda thought you were going to tell us that Belly ate her.

    The drama continues...

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  17. Good God - I'm disappointed in the b*tch. I thought she had more chutzpah in there. She sucks and deserves her fate!

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  18. Kathy2:02 PM

    I am new to your blog and lovin' it. We have a big saltwater tank of horrors ourselves. My understanding of clownfish is that they must be a "mated pair" or they will eventually kill eachother. I have no idea how to mate them, but we made sure we bought a pair that was already mated and they are adorable to watch. They barely ever leave eachothers sides and actually snuggle all night (they sleep right up against eachother and sort of wiggle now and then).

    As far as the rest of the fish and other animals - they absolutely keep us guessing (not to mention how difficult it has been to keep the water just right). We have had fish fights, crab fights, urchen fights, and one obnoxious amenome that tries to eat everything but the clownfish. Saltwater tanks are a pain in the butt but never a dull moment!

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  19. Only you can make a fishtank into something that should be a series on A&E.

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  20. yeah, we SO need streaming video from the fishcam. put that on your list of things to do asap, would ya?

    thanks!

    oh. and as for belly? they do say the meek shall inherit the earth. belly is just getting in there a little early.

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  21. ImpostorMom4:20 PM

    Looks like the bitch will be growing a pair then.

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  22. Oh man. I had no idea the drama at your house, er, fish tank. Those fish need an intervention...of some sort...

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  23. The fact that you can liken fish-y domestic violence to a pimp and his hooker-ho makes me love you even more than I already do. Brilliant!

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  24. Oh the drama! The DRAMA!!!!!!

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  25. Go Belly! The B*tch is getting what she deserves. You know what they say, Paybacks are hell.

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  26. Go Belly! The B*tch is getting what she deserves. You know what they say, Paybacks are hell.

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  27. The belly always wins. You may have to rename The B*tch though. Maybe The Blotch would be better. Wonder what happened to trigger that? The eating of the premature escargot maybe?

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  28. I once had a calico gold fish that killed 2 other calicos and a placotomus. Who kills a placo???

    But your tank still takes the cake.

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  29. Belly rocks for not putting up with any more nonsense from the B*tch. Maybe someone went to a DV class?

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  30. This one did it! I woke hubby up when I snort-laughed too loud... "kind of like when the fat hooker gets caught by her pimp at the buffet" did me in.

    My cheeks actually hurt from trying to stifle myself! ROFL!!!!!!!

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