Thursday, July 17

Richard Simmons is on Line 1 for You

Dear Fine Producers of Toddler-Sized Nightgowns,

Hi, there! You know that I love you. Really, I do. My kid? She is a nightgown FREAK. One of the happiest days of her short life was when she was finally old enough for me to be OK with her wearing nightgowns. She loves that they are almost like dresses. She loves that she stays cooler as she sleeps when she isn't wrapped in head-to-toe fabric. She loves the fun characters splashed all over them. She especially loves the accessories that seem to come with toddler-sized nightgowns. From the slippers to the headbands, she is in accessory heaven.

I am not. I do not like the accessories. At all. Look, if I wanted my kid parading around in 2 cent slippers, I would go buy her a pair at Wal-Mart for $5. She doesn't need slippers. The only thing that ever happens when she wears slippers is that she forgets that she can't walk fast on the wood floors and usually ends up looking like she's trying to slide into 3rd base every blasted time she tries to go into the kitchen. She's going to hurt herself.

But really my complaint lies with the headbands. What exactly is the point in little kids wearing headbands to bed? Are you trying to make me flip out? What if that headband slips over her forehead, down around her neck, gets caught in a bed rail, and then Baby Shell (the doll my kid drags with her everywhere) shoves my kid out of bed (again)? She's going to choke! I just know it. Those headbands are a disaster waiting to happen. I am SHOCKED that there isn't a story on the news every single night about another headband incident.

OK, so she's probably not going to choke.

But.

In about 20 years? When she sees photos of herself wearing the headbands? I'M going to get choked. The kid is going to KILL ME for letting her prance around with a half yard of fabric wrapped around her follically-challenged head.

Please refer to the photos below and do something to prevent my future death at the hands of a pissed off young adult. I'm sure you will see that this is not a minor problem, but rather one that should be addressed swiftly. Preferably before Richard Simmons calls and asks for his headbands back.

Thank you,

The Lady Who is Tired of Spending 20 Minutes Every Night Searching for One of Those Stupid Headbands (or Watching Her Husband Perform the Same Search and Rescue Mission)



36 comments:

  1. These pictures? While incredibly darling (and really, you've yet to show me an Alexis picture that ISN'T).... have caused one monster of a "Flashdance" flashback! :)

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  2. omg that last picture? Totally a Little Rascals pic. Remember that little kid that would say 'weemahhhkaboool' (remarkable)?

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  3. she's adorable in those headbands.

    however.

    i do not understand this headband-as-sleep-accessory thing. is this new? do nightgowns come with headbands now? gah. i'm so out of the loop.

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  4. Too cute! I guess The Girl outgrew the toddler sizes before headbands became popular accessories.

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  5. You KNOW I think she is simply gorgeous and adorable and cute!!! But those headbands? Are they supposed to be cute? I don't get it!!

    Hallie :)

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  6. She's a maniac....maaaaaaniac....!

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  7. I didn't know nightgowns came with accessories! Dumb. I would be worried about it coming down over her mouth and suffocating her! Besides, she looks like she has a head injury. If I were you, the dogs would "eat them".

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  8. Umm. WOW. I think the headband NEEDS to go! You're right! HA THERE IS THE THIRD ONE! It does look like a sweatband.

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  9. Why would a night gown come with a headband? Who could sleep with that on their head? Crazy.

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  10. We're out of toddler sizes here, too, but regardless. I won't buy pajamas of any sort, for either kid, that come with toys or accessories.

    The only exception was a toy ball that came with #1's pjs. I seized it in short time.

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  11. well, just hang on because some of those night gowns come with princess wands- wands that will float and fly all around the house and NEED to be little hands at all times. I think the wands actually have super glue or something on them so that the kids can't put it down. Good luck when that day comes.....

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  12. I hate those headbands, too. And the girl loves headbands, so getting her to take it off beforfe bead is a chore. I also have visions of strangulation vie sleep mask (because, yes, a 4 year old needs a sleep mask with her nightgown, too)

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  13. That look is just screaming for leg warmers.

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  14. She is totally rocking the Brett Michaels look!

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  15. it really is a waste... but girls nightgowns come with scrunchies too, sometimes. Those poor people in Somalia who assemble these must wonder what kind of kids we are raising...

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  16. well? yeah. I hear ya. does anyone wear things on their head when they sleep? can't we even let our hair down for that? jesus!

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  17. Those headbands are to encourage the whole beauty routine. Get your toddler to clean her face nightly and slap on some mud/stuff. I'm telling you, the nightgown people are in cahoots with the beauty industry people.

    I'm not sure who the slipper people are in bed with. Maybe the medical community.

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  18. Oh Girl...have you not learned! ha!

    Tip: NEVER take the toddler shopping with you. When buying nightgowns, before you get home, rip those stupid accessories of the nightgown and throw them away....in some one else's trashcan. Cause we all know toddlers can be snoopy.

    That way, you never have to worry about the fight that will surely ensue if she is not allowed to wear it.

    Good luck!

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  19. I'm reading this post, and all I can think of is "thank God I'm having another boy..."

    The universe has spared me the nightmare of pajama headbands. I didn't know about this horrible phenomenon. But now that I know I've been spared, I feel like I've been given a second chance at life.

    Oh, but about you... Uhm... Good luck?

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  20. I'm glad no headbands come w/boy's jammies cuz Gavin would be all about them.

    And I'm glad you didn't post a pic of Richard Simmons because I'd also be afraid that Gavin would be all about him.

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  21. I completely agree with Madame Queen thats sheis totally rocking the Brett Michaels look - very cool.

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  22. Anonymous4:23 PM

    You will enjoy this story...really...

    http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272621621.shtml

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  23. She just needs an '80's leotard and some awesome legwarmers and she'll be all set!

    One more thing us boy mom's don't have to worry about... : )

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  24. I have a nightgown lover, but I am thanking my lucky stars that she doesn't like anything on her head.

    Total Flashdance look!

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  25. I completely agree with Karen on this one!

    And your daughter is totally adorable in the headbands, so I don't know why you are worried!

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  26. OMG that is just too cute! She is so adorable!

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  27. Someone beat me to the Bret Michaels reference.

    And really? I wasn't aware of accessories coming with nightgowns. Fantastic. I'm excited for when Morgan wants to wear nightgowns.

    Excited. About as excited to have my toe nails ripped out one by one.

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  28. I don't know...I only buy p.j.'s that come with headbands. I love them. If you take Alexis' headbands away...send them to me.

    In all seriousness...could they be the etiology of the follically-challenged head??? lol

    LOVE the pics, though!!! What a cutie!

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  29. My daughter just recently started wearing nightgowns too. She calls them bedtime dresses. Her favorite has a green girl M&M on it

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  30. That's totally 80's-tacular, man. Hard core. Just get her some legwarmers to complete the look. Oh - and a crimp iron for the toddler-mullet! Hawt!

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  31. Once again I'm glad I have boys! They are happy to sleep "like daddy" with shorts and no shirt.

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  32. Oh, but she's SOOOO CUTE!

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  33. As long as she's not asking for the 1980s running shorts I think you're ahead of the game.

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  34. So now I'm starting to realize WHY I refuse to buy pj's for my kids and insist on finding hand-me-downs, even if it means begging (yes, I had to beg to get summer pj's for my daughter). Apparently I do it to avoid the night-time accessories that I didn't know existed!

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  35. I do not understand the girly nightgowns that you speak of.

    I did look at girl pajamas once and found them to be twice as much as the boy pajamas and, well, now my daughter wears her brother's handmedowns. She looks good in blue. Really.

    Now you're telling me I have to figure out the STUFF too? That's just too much.

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  36. Holy cow, if you frizzed her hair, she'd look just like Richard! JK. I agree about the headbands.

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