Saturday, August 2

Girls Gone Wild

Mr. Husband was gone ALL day today for some sort of concert thing or whatever (I seriously don't actually know exactly where he was or what he was doing and it's probably better that way), leaving us girls to our own devices. Miss Alexis and I discussed what we should do with our alone time, and eventually ended up debating whether we should spend it doing some very serious potty training or shopping. Then I came to my senses and we trekked out to the car.

Off Alexis and I went, spending most of our day running from the mall to a store to another mall then off for dinner together before heading out to some more stores. We've done the all-day shopping spree thing before, so I know Alexis is 100% game for whatever I throw her way, just as long as there is snacking and shoes involved.

As we were nearing the end of our mall escapades, my dear sweet daughter dropped a deuce to end all deuces. I'm pretty sure every mom in the play area a story below us paused to check their own kid as we rushed past on our way to take care of it because that sucker had an olfactory radius several miles wide. I long ago stopped carrying a diaper bag and instead just keep the necessary supplies in the back seat of the car. So through the lot we rushed and I opened up the car door and discovered . . . nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Apparently, he who most recently changed a diaper using the car supply neglected to mention that he thought maybe he used the last diaper. He who shall remain unnamed is just lucky that he actually changes diapers or I might be preparing a stern lecture or two.

I couldn't stomach the thought of containing that odor in the car as we drove over to pick up a package of diapers, so we ended up having the opportunity to accomplish both tasks we had earlier contemplated. Now that I've had the joy of having a not-quite-yet potty-trained kid going commando in the car, I've decided that it is the only thing that come close to equaling the stress of playing chicken with the gas gauge. Keep in mind, this is the same car which I am constantly scolded about because I *brace yourself* sometimes leave a receipt or two and a few straw wrappers in it. I'm pretty sure Mr. Husband would have blown all remaining gaskets if he had been there as we potty-trained while driving for fifteen minutes. Fortunately, we survived our commando mission.

Later we decided, OK, I decided, that ice cream needed to be part of the plan. Ice cream is at the top of my food pyramid, obviously, because watching Alexis eat it is a form of torture. She manages to suck out most of my joy as she eats it sooooo slowly that it's usually completely melted by the time she gets to the third bite. It would be so much easier if she would just let me help, but it's always, "No, I do it." So I have to maintain a safe distance as I pray she doesn't end up looking like she went swimming in a pool full of bright blue ice cream.

Today was a little different, however. Alexis ate it EVEN slower than usual. It seems that she was horribly distracted by a four or five-year old little girl who was standing outside, right by the big glass wall. Remember the old Madonna video where she's doing a peep show behind glass? That is EXACTLY what the little girl was doing. Seriously. I don't think the glass at Baskin Robbins has ever seen that kind of action. Alexis couldn't stop staring and eventually I just scooped her up thinking that it wasn't worth waiting to see if she was considering joining in on the dancing or what.

As we walked out the door, I realized that the little girl had been singing at the top of her lungs as she was grinding on the glass (I wish those weren't the right words to describe it, but they are). As we walked past, she wailed, "Do you like my booooody? Do you think I'm seeeexy"

Yeah, so that was special.

(I will never again complain about listening to Signing Time endlessly in the car. At least my kid only sings things like, "When I say jump, I wanna see you jump."

I'm thinking Alexis and I need to schedule another Girls Day Out soon. Preferably of the stripper-free variety.

24 comments:

  1. Haha, try locking yourself out of the house wuth no money and only a pair of undies which your potty-training child is wearing at the moment! :)
    But sounds like your girls day out was tons of fun though!!!

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  2. Mr. Husband cannot complain about the potty training in the car if he used the last diaper and didn't restock. Surely he knows the rules? :)

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  3. "playing chicken with the gas gauge"

    I love that line! I do it way too often for my own good. Glad you survived the ladies day out!

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  4. "we survived our commando mission"

    Priceless.

    All of it. Right down to the free concert. Priceless.

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  5. Okay I still am not over the whole dirty dancing scene you witnessed. That girl sounds like she has a good future in stripping before her.
    Her momma will be proud.

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  6. When I say dance I wanna see you dance.

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  7. Gack!! A 5 year old singing "do you think of sexy?"

    WRONG!!!

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  8. OMG she was seriously singing that!!!

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  9. when 5-year-olds sing that song, you know the apocalypse is not far behind.

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  10. Man, you are one brave woman! I don't know about the gas chicken, but the potty one? NO WAY! LOL!

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  11. Niiiiice. I seriously need to come hang out in the Burgh - life around here is never nearly as exciting as it is out there!

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  12. I've never been more impressed with your parenting. She knows coffee, funnel cakes, and how not to become a pole dancer. You are en fuego in the parenting dept.

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  13. You have an adorably well rounded little punkin' there.
    I'm so glad y'all's girls day out was 'accident' free :-)
    I've done the mad mom no diaper dash before, too.

    Where were that child's parents?

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  14. The future hooker's mom was inside ordering ice cream. That's the only reason I say the kid was 4 or 5. She looked more like 3, but I'm not willing to let my brain believe someone would leave a 3-year old alone outside next to a busy parking lot AND let her listen to "Do you think I'm sexy."

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  15. I can't wrap my head around the 4 year old singing that and dancing like that.

    Glad you two ladies had a fun day! Yeah for making it commando!

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  16. Totally hilarious. I can't imagine how another GDO would top that one! Oh, maybe unless YOU dropped a deuce in your pants and had to go commando. I guess that would top it. hee hee
    Seriously, loved to hear all about it. So funny!

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  17. Oh my...that is special...Don't wanna know why that girl knew the dance or the song.

    I think it's hilarious how your little one is into shoes already. Better buy some stock in DSW and Jimmy Choo.

    Peace - D

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  18. Leave it to the man to forget to replenish the supplies of the poopy child.I guess you letting her ride comando is a little payback haha.

    Good you two got a girls day out.I love when me and my 6 yr old get to do that.

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  19. A child doing the strip-tease is just all kinds of wrong. And that picture of Alexis is showing all the shock it should.

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  20. So to summarize, someone went without visible panty lines and there was a mini stripper.

    So apparently, you guys reenacted my bachelorette party.

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  21. I wonder if that girl's mommy chose panties of the low rise string bikini variety when she was potty training. Makes Dora and My Little Pony skivvies look gooooood.

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  22. Oh my gosh that is so funny.

    No that is awful.

    But so funny...

    but...awful....

    I'm laughing too hard to make up my mind!

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  23. Okay, so is she cleaning the car in the post above because she did some serious damage?

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  24. I'm jealous of your day of shopping. I can't recall the last time I did that...certainly not with my kids in tow, I don't think. But I'm glad you had a great time and it wasn't ruined during your commando session.

    Although, I have to say I'm a bit impressed by a 4 or 5 year old that knows some old Rod Stewart!...just as long as it isn't MY kid!

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