Friday, August 1

One Crunchy Toddler and a Side of Betchtubles, Please

We are not exactly what you would call a crunchy sort of family. We're not running around spraying aerosol hairspray at the ozone layer or anything, we just haven't quite reached the reusable toilet paper level of crazy (nor will we ever--sorry planet Earth). I'm trying very hard to stop with the 700 plastic bags when we go shopping, I have banned purchases of anything that plugs in (Shut up. That's totally watching out for the planet and has nothing to do with me being sick of the Electronics Graveyard.), and I've been making it a habit to go the Farmers Market in an attempt to get better quality locally grown produce which usually has not been dipped in pesticides, herbicides, and other grossicides.

Alexis LOVES going to the Farmers Market. I do believe it is her #2 most favorite destination, falling closely behind a shoe store. (Shoe stores to her are better than candy stores and toy stores. Figure that one out and tell me I'm not screwed in a few years.) We were running dangerously low on all things berry, so I picked up the Toddler from daycare and off we went to do a little betchtuble shopping.

As we were driving along, Alexis was happily listing all the betchtubles she was going to buy. She wanted some boobberries, chaspberries, bawberries, tomatoes, zucchini, ledduce, and corns. She was all set.

Until this.

Um, yeah. Apparently we aren't the only ones that appreciate the ability to buy a package of blueberries without auctioning off a kidney and a first-born child first. That little traffic pileup was all cars waiting to turn into the Farmers Market. There really was no good way around it, so we sat. And sat. And sat.

Alexis started to get pissed. She wanted to go buy betchtubles. Now. You know what's fun? Having a kid throw a tantrum in the car, inches from your head which is not quite as detachable as you would like. Girlfriend has got some lungs is all I'm saying. And she was pissed.


I totally felt like somebody needed to just stamp a big red FAIL on my forehead right about then. How do you explain to a 2-year old that her betchtubles will still be there and that there's nothing you can do but wait in traffic? Of course, me taking her picture totally made her feel all better. Not.

Twenty minutes and two eardrums later, we finally made it to the Farmers Market where the day was saved because HELLO, FUNNEL CAKE! Nom, nom, nom. OK, so I was all about the funnel cake and that in no way amused Alexis. But, the kettle corn did. Girlfriend was SOOOO happy to get to buy all her betchtubles and to snack on her beloved kettle corn that she forgot all about how miserable she had been just minutes before.

After downing a healthy dinner consisting of kettle corn and cereal, we headed out to take care of some errands and do our duty to make sure Target stays in business. On the way home, Alexis and I played the LOUDEST game of I Spy you have ever witnessed. I don't think Mr. Husband was quite as amused as we were as we yelled out I SPY SUMPIN GEEN! (Technically, I pronounced it "I spy something green" when it was my turn to be the spy.) We play I Spy a lot, usually with colors and shapes and numbers and letters. It's pretty darn fun.

As we were headed home, cruising along the highway after dark, we had to get a little more creative with what we spied since it's really not possible to spot colors without the assistance of the sun or Mr. Edison. I decided to spy French fries (AKA McDonalds), a flag, and some other glowy object that were visible in the dark. Then came Alexis and her turn. She yelled, "I SPY COFFEE!"

She spied the Starbucks logo on a roadside sign. If having a two-year old who recognizes the Starbucks logo isn't a sign of kick-ass parenting, I don't know what is.


  1. clearly you have done a STELLAR job of training the toddler.

    recognizing starbucks? that is a valuable skill. it's always helpful to have a scout when trying to satisfy a latte jones.

  2. oh ... and ....



    I love it, Michelle! It's so awesome that she knows how important coffee is to her mama.

    Oh yeah...and your so totally screwed with the shoe thing. ;)

  4. Oh I just love those little unforeseen traffic jams with little ones in the back seat who have no understanding whatsoever that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it. Love it. Absolutely. Definitely, one of the best parts of being a parent....


  5. You ROCK! My kids recognize liquor stores - and have for a while, so I'm uber impressed with them.

    I love the farmer's market and totally missed our trip this week. Hmmm...I should go now!

  6. The Kid knows Starbucks as the hot chocolate place. Too funny.

  7. We actually need to get to the Farmer's Market today...just not sure if it's open in all the rain we're getting this morning. I'm tired of buying a bag of apples just to have them all bruised up and not taste very good. :( And I'd like some tomatoes that haven't been compromised with poop so that I can make some fresh salsa and can some of my yummy tomato sauce (since that dang berry bush is being a stingy bush this summer).

    For the longest time, when Gavin would see the McDonald's logo, he'd say, "happy chicken, Mommy!" and at the almighty Starbucks logo he would emit a high-pitched "wook Mommy! Bigga Muffin Man!" because of the psuedo-Starbucks logo on the gigantic latte used in Shrek-2 to melt Mongo, the giant gingerbread man. As time has gone on, he has learned to say, "Mommy, you need COOOO-FEEEEEE" so that he could get one of those juice-boxes of milk w/the cow on it ("juice-milk"). I have to say, that boy loves him some milk!

  8. That kettle corn pic is just too much! I love me some betchtubles too.
    I have never seen anything so crazy as a line to get into a farmers market, seriously? Wow.

    Yeah, I second that sorry Earth... we will never do reusable toilet paper, I just can't go there.


  9. Mmmm, funnel cake makes EVERYTHING better!

  10. Totally funny post! A great read. It really cheered me up.

  11. Now that's my kind of kid! Loves me some coffee!

    Peace - D

  12. Anonymous5:20 PM

    A sign of kick ass parenting is her ability to spy a Starbucks logo AND her love of all things shoes.


  13. She looks so happy with her popcorn! Aidan can spy a McDonalds a mile away. LOL

  14. She must come in handy when you are too tired to read and need, what else, COFFEE :)
    She looks happy with the kettle corn!

  15. I love the kettle corn picture.

    Oh, and isn't that traffic crazy? It's the same here at our market.

    So, we're all helping the planet by uh, polluting it in traffic while we try and help it? Sad. Just so sad.

  16. Seriously, that is sweet that Alexis is two and can recognize Starbucks. If we only had starbucks here. =/
    I wouldn't have to go out of my way during a shopping trip to Harrisburg to get some.

    That's amazing she loves to go to the Farmer's market and shop for vegetables. Mine won't look at vegetables. She hates them. I manage somehow to get her to eat them though.

  17. Brava! Well told!

    "do our duty to make sure Target stays in business" <---I relate.

    Oh, and Kettle Corn? Pass the bag.

  18. You know, Alexis, traffic like that makes me want to throw a fit too.
    And---Kettle Corn totally counts as a Vegetable, right?

  19. Anonymous10:18 PM

    Oh my . . . I don't even know which part of that to comment on first! How fun is it that she loves her fruits and vegetables?! I am so proud of you Momma! And correctly identifying the Starbucks logo - what a smart cookie! I think it is when she starts requesting a beverage that you may have a problem.

  20. You own the absolute most photogenic child I have ever seen. Ever.

  21. Seeing I have no idea what Kettle corn is, I am curious what that stuff is laced with to illicit such a hilarious look on her face.

    I want what she's having...

  22. Kettle corn totally rocks. Tell the toddler that Flea says she has great taste in betchtubles.

  23. That is amazing that she knows the Starbucks logo.

    It's also amazing that you took that picture of her freaking out.

    I, too, love Kettle Corn. And it would probably make me *almost* as happy as it clearly made her!

  24. You guys sound like you have the Best Car Rides Ever, despite the lovely traffic on the way to the Farmers Market. Also? I love the contrast of the tantrum photo with the kettle corn photo. Could her face be any more expressive? LOL

  25. I'm loving our little Farmer's Market, but it's only open Saturday mornings and no funnel cake. My little one seems to really enjoy going. It's fun outing.

    Alexis is so freaking adorable, both while screaming her head off and while enjoying her kettle corn. What a doll.

  26. Oh yeah traffic is a lovely place to be stuck in when a toddler wants to get somewhere for something she wants.

    I love that she recognizes Starbucks.That is the best.And the shoe thing...i think you are in trouble on that one.

    At least she got her boobberries and betchtables!

  27. It took me forever to figure out what BETCHTUBLES were, till I realized I was pronouncing it wrong. Silly me. I should be getting used to incomprehensible toddlerese!

  28. You must have a stellar farmer's market if all those people line up, and you don't have to mortgage the farm for the produce. Ours here charge more for the freshness and I get mad about it.

  29. Further proof that I need to adopt your child.

  30. You rock. Teaching your child the staples of life. I bow to you, Obi Wan :)

    Kidding aside, "betchtubles".. priceless!!!!!!