Friday, September 5

Legs are Obviously Overrated

Before the great Flood of Horror, there was another little incident with the Fishtank of Horrors that I didn't quite get around to mentioning. It's a gruesome tale, so consider yourself warned.

Waaaay back in April, I was having trouble with fish randomly disappearing in the tank. It had been going on for a few months and was getting on my last nerve. I couldn't figure out what I was doing to kill all those fish and spent HOURS testing the water, cleaning the tank, and fretting over what the problem could be. Then, one day, I saw my answer. I saw the brittle starfish hunting down and killing a pink fish.

The brittle starfish, with a body about the size of a quarter and long, almost worm-like skinny tentacles, was a murderer.

A day or two later, that same starfish was obviously poised outside a cave, just waiting for the fish inside to emerge so the starfish could have a nice little Scooby Snack. Mr. Husband reached into the tank and with his bare hands, yanked the starfish out and shoved it into the tiny little 5-gallon tank that was sitting on the dresser right next to the bigger tank.


It's punishment was solitary confinement.

I had intended to bag up the starfish and haul him down to the local fish store. It was to be a case of "leaving the baby on the doorstep" except that in this instance, the baby was a nasty killer starfish. But days went by and then turned into months, and the starfish remained in the isolation tank.

I stopped caring.

Occasionally I would drop some food in, but mostly I just left the starfish to do whatever it is that starfish do. Then one day I caught a Mother Truckin' Worm in the good tank and didn't really feel like walking four feet to properly dispose of it in the throne, so I decided to give the starfish company. I plopped the worm into the isolation tank. Over time, I plopped in about five more worms.

At least the starfish had company, right?

Well, maybe not. Early last week I lifted the lid to the tiny isolation tank and noticed that the starfish looked . . . off. It's color wasn't quite right. It was sort of twitchy looking, what with it's rolled up legs and paler than usual coloring. If starfish molted, that's what I would have thought it was doing. It looked very weird and was moving in odd circular yet tangly motions.

However, it was not weird enough to keep my attention for long. After staring at it for about ten minutes, I headed out so we could continue to enjoy our staycation. I didn't give the starfish another thought until that night when we returned. I opened the tank lid to drop in some food and realized that the starfish, who previously had five very long and gangly legs, suddenly only had one leg.

The starfish ripped all of its own legs off. Except one. Because once you're down to one leg, you don't have another leg to rip it off with.


I grabbed the net and started sloshing around to scoop out the one-legged starfish. Except, it wasn't dead. No siree, the thing survived ripping off its own legs. So, I let it be.

A few days passed and the one-legged starfish somehow persevered. I have to think it was holding onto life for one reason and one reason only.

It wanted to rip off that last leg.

It succeeded in that mission a few days ago and has since passed on to the giant ocean in the sky. In it's wake, it has left one severely twitchy woman who doesn't even want to think about how you rip off an appendage when it's the only one you've got.


Because I like you, here's a photo that may help wipe tha image of a one-legged starfish working on being a no-legged starfish from your brain.


  1. That was one bad-A Mo-Fo of a starfish! May it rest in peace.

  2. ErinPatricia2:16 AM

    Thats like the Chuck Norris of Starfish.

    And that picture is adorable too.

  3. that tank of yours is quite the tank of horrors!

  4. 1) Uckypoo.
    2) I need those sunglasses.

  5. Sounds like Mr. Starfish got what was coming to him. And is Alexis doing her Elton John impression? Way cool.

  6. Is there a Fish Services, because I'm calling them on you! You cruel, fish punisher. Those worms drove him to suicide!

  7. Well...I guess the worst punishments are the ones we inflict on ourselves. It was either ripping off his own appendages OR the chair...which would really suck if you LIVED in water.

    RIP murderous starfish.

    Love the glam shot!

  8. Wow, that is really gross, and kind of creepy.

  9. Anonymous12:39 PM


    Strange, but awesome.

    I think I need a Tank of Horrors just to give me some good blogging material.

    LOVE the picture :)

  10. Anonymous12:47 PM

    depressed and suicidal.

    maybe a little prozac would have cheered him up.

  11. Did he kill the worms?
    Oh my gosh. What a psycho star fish... And here I thought Star fish were sweet and gentle.

  12. And that just goes to prove that solitary confinement is, indeed, cruel and unusual punishment.

    I'll save that for the worst of the teenage offenses.

  13. It's like a really creepy soap opera in a fish tank ;)

  14. I am unnaturally drawn to stories of the Fishtank of Horrors. I need help!

  15. So solitary drove Killer Starfish to a very bad place and well... suicide.

    Those glasses are priceless! HA HA HA!

  16. Yuckkkyyy!!!

    Rocking glasses on the little one!!!

  17. Well that story was not what I expected from the title. LOL. I thought maybe it was a story about the blogger woman's own legs or something, a weight loss journey or something.

    That is the craziest fish tank story I've ever heard!!

    I have a murderer fish here, so far she has killed three. One was done by biting the guts out of another fish. The fish store owner said these were good 'starter fish' then he sold me the most aggressive type of African Cichlids that exist! This killer mama here is 3.5 years old and going strong.

    My younger son wants me to flush her down the toilet so she stops killing other fish. Odd thing is, I can't do it.

    LOVE that photo!

    And yes, thanks for the cute distraction at the end. Although I think I still might have nightmares about legless starfish tonight.

  19. Anonymous10:15 PM

    That story scared me almost as much as the creepy dolls do. Almost.

    Maybe the worms drove it insane.

  20. Yes, thank you. The picture was very much appreciated! I used to love the tank of horror stories, but now I'm scared. Very scared! **shudder!**

  21. EWW!I used to have a murdering fish and hen wen I cought him doing it I flushed him.

    That pic is great deefinately took my mind off the starfish.Dangit now I am thinking about it again though so I will go look at those rockin glasses one more time LOL.

  22. You are making me miss my saltwater tank. Are you sure the starfish ripped it's own legs off? Maybe the worms ganged up on him?

    Alexis is a DIT (Diva In Training!)

  23. i'm with the purple pinkie. i'm thinkin' it was the worms.

    either that or the starfish was incredibly limber.

    and now i must go look at the toddler's picture again to get that image out of my brain.

    thanks. creepy dolls, suicidal killer starfish.

    i love coming here.

  24. Holy hell. You have the scariest fish tank I have ever heard of. It's like a horrow movie.

  25. Okay, you did warn me. So why did I read this anyway? I'm now completely grossed out!

  26. Thank you, but being the kind that just can't look away from a train wreck, I wish I could see pictures of the fish tank of horror. That starfish was truly weird.

  27. I think it was frighted by the step-father-in-law and felt that its only escape was to gnaw off its own legs.

  28. God I love that fishtank of horrors. You have no idea how happy this tale of self-mutilation has made me. Yes, I am depraved.

  29. ahhh! I can't stop laughing! And that pic was per-fec-tion.