Tuesday, December 30

Reason #412 Audrey is Not My Favorite Car Ever

Oh, Audrey. Dear, sweet Audrey. The car that hates me. A lot. Not only does she think she can drive better in cold weather than I can, she has now added another little notch in her Most Annoying Car Ever Belt.

Audrey, of course, has an alarm. It's been something like three cars since I last drove something superbly craptacular enough not to have one. Mitsi, the Alero, Nissi, they each had alarms. Their alarms never annoyed me. Ever. The alarms existed, I never acknowledged their existence, it was all good.

Audrey, however, appears to be of the opinion that she is far too cool to have a dog on her precious leather seats. I happen to agree with her, for the most part. Meg (the Bulldog) will never drip a single drop of slobber in that car's interior. She sheds too much, she slobbers endlessly, and she is generally fifty pounds of destruction. Cody (the Havanese) is a whole other issue. He doesn't shed. He doesn't slobber. He eats electrical cords, but those are easily hidden from him. So, I don't really care if he gets in Audrey from time-to-time.

She cares.

If Cody so much as twitches while locked in the car, her alarm goes off. And off. And off. She won't shut up.

We tried disabling the alarm.

We tried locking the doors manually.

We tried reading the owner's manual.

Audrey just plain refuses to lock all four doors unless the alarm is activated.

So, that Audi you saw parked in many Columbus store lots piled to the roof in clearance Christmas scores? Was totally unlocked.

Bet you had known that so you could steal Mr. Canon.

Because he's worth his weight in gold.


  1. Hey now, watch it with the craptacular car comments. Our Chevy is still running, thankyouverymuch.

  2. Wow, I think I'm beginning to hate Audrey for you!!

    That picture is adorable!

  3. Are you in love with Audrey, cause I think I would be taking her back or trading her in.

  4. What an annoying pain in the butt!

    Mr. Canon's focus is worth her weight in gold.

  5. But I just tried to convince the husband we needed the Audi wagon. Don't make me cry!

  6. Wow, that's annoying! just found out our van was on consumer reports "Van least likely to hold it's value" list. That feels pretty craptastic too. Hope yours isn't on it and that alarm thing works out for ya.

  7. NO! Someone didn't steal your camera, did they?!? I'd cry...

    I just got my Nikon and already I'm trying to name her. Any suggestions?

  8. We love our Honda Odyssey... Hopefully some day we can get a new one so we can OD on new car smell.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all.

    P.S. Mr. Canon is safe, right?

  9. Seriously woman, that car is trying to kill you.

    Are you sure that her name isn't Christine??


  10. Mr. Canon is totally safe. Nobody would DARE touch him cause I'd stab their eyes out with a spork.

  11. That car is crazy annoying! Great picture of Alexis.

    Happy New Year!

  12. My husband had to go resuce his nephew's girlfriend over last weekend. They couldn't get the key out of the ignition (not a problem in rural PA, but it would have been a problem when they got back to the 'Burgh or back to BALTIMORE where her parents live). It took him all of TWO seconds to get the key out of the ignition. The problem? The shifter was 1/2 a click above park. Guess what kind of car it was? :-).

    So if you ever have that problem, make sure it's in park, and not above it.

  13. @Amber--Mr. Husband's key gets stuck all the time in his ol' beat-up SUV. You better believe I'm trying that trick on it next time!

  14. oh how I have missed your blog! figured I'd better start catching up now to start my new year off on the right foot. :)

    that's a truly precious photo- and i swear to God my husband's car used to be an Audrey. We've pretty much manipulated her into submission now- and her alarm seldom goes off...

  15. Yet another reason, I never want to part with my Lil' Crapper! Even though her transmission has decided to act like an idiot and work sometimes and sometimes not. Glad to hear Mr. Canon was safe though.

  16. Ugh. I had a car that the alarm started going off for no reason...then the doors would start unlocking and relocking for no reason whatsoever. It was posessed..

    Okay, it probably had an electrical problem, but I digress.

    We pulled out the appropriate fuses and sold it to CarMax *giggle* Their "inspection" didn't catch our deception and we were glad to be rid of it!!

  17. tell audrey to shape up or you'll ship her out. leaving mr. canon unprotected like that? horrifying.

    now i'm thinking my camera needs a name for 2009. niki?

    already named the gps unit i got for hanukkah! (now i'll never get lost again!)

  18. Anonymous7:53 PM

    Mr. Canon is in my sights (thanks to your advice!!) for early 2009. Hopefully I'm not too much of a moron and can figure out what I'm doing with it.

    As for car alarms? The one on my Jeep is a sensitive little *itch. You so much as breathe wrong on that thing and the alarm goes off. Lovely.

  19. I never ever lock mine. Ever. I am okay with my brother forking over more money to buy me a new car (minus the 250).

  20. I MUST do my post on my husband's "new" bug. This post has inspired me.

    Just thought I'd share.