Wednesday, January 14

The Tiny Terrorist Strikes Again

I've often referred to Alexis as the "Tiny Terrorist." There really is no one else on this Earth who has better mastered the art of torturing me until the point of submission, and who can strike fear in my heart with just a few words. It seems that in the past 24 hours, she has decided to demonstrate her mastery of the terroristic toddler act.

It started in the wee hours of last night, a few hours after she first wandered (as usual) into our bed. She couldn't sleep and lay awake tossing and turning, crying and whining, kicking and shoving, and generally making sure that if she wasn't going to sleep, NOBODY was going to sleep. Between blows to my gut and the fistfuls of hair she ripped out of my head, I became submissive. To someone less than 1/4 my size. Really. If she had told me that I could go to sleep just as soon as I made out with Dora, I absolutely would have done it.

Desperation, yo.

Her mind games continued a few hours later when it was time to get her ready for school. Instead of our usual 30-minute wardrobe battle, I was greeted with, "I want to wear brown bird dress, please." Which was clean. And readily accessible. And totally weather appropriate. I'm sure that seems like she was actually being cooperative for the first time in eons, but I was sure it was a trick. It's been a long time since she quickly made a decision that actually made sense, so I truly believed that the second I dug out that dress she was going to rip my head off.

The torture continued a few hours later. I received a call from daycare that the Tiny Terrorist was threatening pukage. Shortely thereafter, she delivered the goods. So I picked her up and prepared for a day at home with a kid who could potentially blow chunks all over my face at any moment.

Talk about leaving in fear.

We battled through requests for yogurt. I seriously felt like her asking to drink some yogurt smoothie crap a mere hour after blowing chunks was like a terrorist asking for a box of bullets. There was a great debate about whether or not I should allow her to fill her belly, and I was right to be scared. I got to hang out with that yogurt twice. The actual process wasn't really that bad, but the anticipation leading to the moment? SCARY.

And so it went all day long. She insisting that she felt fine and was good to eat, and me not really sure whether to believer her or not. By the time Mr. Husband walked in the door (late because of the BEAUTIOUS snow), I was balled up in a corner, gently rocking back and forth.

I have been beaten by a Tiny Terrorist.

I am not proud.



(BTW, the Haiku Master DjLunchbox was crazy enough to let me scribble a few really bad haiku over at his place, and he even used some of my photos. Check it out, if you are so inclined.)

29 comments:

  1. If you think she's messing with your mind now just wait until she's 15. You poor sap you. LOL.


    Hugz for support. Been there, done that, twice.

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  2. Hope it's not the ever so lovely, highly contagious stomach virus. Talk about terrorism!

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  3. Toddlers are exhausting - it's a tactic that works well for them!

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  4. She looks absolutely terrifying.

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  5. If there's anything worse in the world than a terrorizing two-year old, it's one with a stomach virus.

    I would have locked myself in the bathroom with a bottle of Grey Goose and called my mommy.

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  6. I feel for you! I used to call my daughter the "Hose" when she got sick. Somehow that tiny little thing could manage to projectile vomit, 5 ft in all directions. I swear it was like a scene out of the Exorcist. Thankfully she outgrew that stage. I hope your little one if feeling better today. (Hugs)Indigo

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  7. I am hoping against all hope that because we have been inflicted with ear infections, the stomach bug will spare us.

    Hope Alexis feels better. Hang in there! Maybe you'll get another pretty view of all the red taillights on the highway from your deck.

    Love the picture!

    ciao,
    rpm

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  8. Judging by the amount of puppy torture going on this morning, I have a feeling Alexis is feeling better. Not that it does me any good since daycare won't take them back until they are vomit-free for 24 hours.

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  9. I thought my day yesterday was bad, but this put it in perspective! Hope today is better.

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  10. Dude. Alexis does a lot of pukage. Scary.

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  11. Go ahead and pad yourself a room now. The teenage years will be here faster than you know it.

    But still. Believe or not, you will miss this time, but you will never miss the teenage years.

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  12. Yikes! Boy child upchucked this morning and the sitters kid did the same. Going around. Hubby and me best not get this come Sunday - i'm just say'n!

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  13. Glad to hear that she is doing better, but I bet the puppy wishes her sick again. heh! The school has a fever free for 24 hour rule, I feel your pain, but if she is torture now, just wait, the teen years are a HOOT AND A HALF!

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  14. man, puke-anticipation is HORRIBLE!
    try reaching over to feel your son's face in the middle of the night because you heard a weird noise... only to get a hand-smear of pizza puke. mmmm....

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  15. Nothing is worse than KNOWING your kid is going to puke, but not knowing when. And yogurt puke is horrible. Last week when Maggie was sick, all she wanted was yogurt and milk, and we refused. It was not a popular decision.

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  16. Well at least she did not decide to have the pukefest in the middle of the night with said pukefest landing in your hair. :)

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  17. Aivlene and Joey always meander into our bedroom at night. Jon is a lucky schmuck and wakes up enough to go into Joey's room. I then wake up at 4 am to Joey and Aivlene fighting, and then I have to yell and then I realize I never sleep a full 8 hours and then I get all bitter n'nat.

    Joey and Aivlene had the pukes and would claim they felt good and then fifteen minutes later would blow chunkage. Jaden just claimed he was dying the whole time.

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  18. It is kinda like terrorism, isn't it? Damn they're good.

    Hope she's feeling better and you are out of the fetal position.

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  19. Imagine living with TWO puking terrorists!

    I'm certifiable, in need of a padded cell.

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  20. Its amazing how fast those tiny little people become masters of our buttons, isn't it? I swear Evie was born with the ability to convince me to give her candy for lunch.

    Hope Alexis is feeling better soon and that dinner stays down!

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  21. that is an awesome picture.

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  22. Yeah, the teenage years are not going to be any fun... She is learning things that she will pull out once again after a few years of lull time. Only then? She will have perfected it and you will KNOW TERROR! ;-)

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  23. Ugh, I always hate those moments between the time you grudgingly give them some food and the time you see it again -- 'cause you just KNOW you're going to see it again. Anticipaaaaation!

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  24. Boo was dubbed tiny terrorist minutes after leaving the womb.

    You think he has been talking to Alexis via MSN?

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  25. I love that picture. And, she got double hand stamps. Maybe she needs more Dora tats for her bday. I could possibly find some and send them to the land of 3 rivers....

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  26. I call Jonathan the terrorist too. Hang in there. The kid cracks me right up! Seriously, I love that smile! :-)

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  27. You were definitely living in fear of that little terrorist!

    I hope she feels better soon and that you don't get it!

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  28. Yuck! I don't handle puke so well so lets pretend I never said outloud that my boy have only been "puking sick" a couple of times in their short 5 and 7 years of life!

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